We scold people thousands of times, but we don't allow others to scold a word.

3. Why does grandma like her granddaughter-in-law but not her daughter-in-law, because the enemy of my enemy is my friend?

4. Fat is attitude, meat is spirit, and fat is also figure.

5. I am not a post station or a place to rest when I am tired.

6. You can't reply to my message invisibly. Your spirit is really worth learning.

7. I'm not Song Wu, but I can't compete with you, a tigress.

8. Don't worry about those who have hurt me in the past, and I will pay you back slowly.

No matter how bad your grades are, you can still smile. This is the dignity of a school scum.

10, people's looks are divided into two categories: one is natural beauty and the other is natural inspiration.

1 1, just because people look at you one more time, I'm blind.

12, eat delicious food to celebrate when you are happy; Eat delicious food to comfort you when you are sad.

There are plenty of fish in the sea. Is love rat still looking for it?

14, if you don't go out for a walk, you will feel that this is the world.

15, if time never passes, I will still love you.

16, take out the same fighting power as men and fight this derailed world to the end.

17, good-looking. Why is it so difficult to cheat? The invigilator can't help but look at me.

18, I didn't know until I entered the examination room. What do you mean, I can't cry and shit.

19, one person wants freedom, and two people want warmth.

20. In this age of amnesia, I linger, leaving doubts everywhere.

2 1, even if I am stupid and ridiculous, you don't care.

Looking forward to our future, but the reality has played a huge joke on me.

Seriously, I can live without you, just a little less happy.

24. I only know how ugly it is to follow others' ass by wishful thinking.

Poppies are beautiful, but I have lost the courage to get close to them.

26. Sexy women are not coquettish, and playboy men are the meanest.

27, waiting for a discovery, waiting for a touch, let love boil again.

28. Cats and mice fall in love, which is just a kind of deception.

29. Why do men embarrass women? You will never understand her pain.

30. Men and women are just having fun. Is it necessary to take it seriously?

3 1, I lost myself before I knew it. When will the people who love me come back?

32. Everything has a shelf life. Can there be love after the shelf life?

33. Lonely, I stand on the confused street, but my vague past is gradually becoming clear.

You didn't know how to cherish when I loved you, and now I'm gone.

35. When I grew up, I learned to be heartless.

36. The end of time is just a whim.

37. Bloom is only waiting for your return. Although the flowering period is short, my heart has not changed.

38, are sad people, why hurt others so badly.

39, he is my dream, how can everyone understand?

I admit that I am timid and don't want anyone to know that I like you.

4 1, don't be so self-righteous, not everyone will pay for you unconditionally.

42. Copy the most advanced answers, and it will take a long time.

43. I don't have any shortcomings, but I look a little awkward.

44, know how to play dumb, continue to be friends, as long as you know.

45. There must be a lot of static electricity when the hair reaches the waist. Shall I open a power plant for you?

46. My aunt lent me your daughter, and I will return you two beautiful girls next year.

47. I heard that quilts are a branch of paradise on earth. No wonder you have nothing to sleep about.

48. Girls are better than men, and there will be many good buddies like brothers.

I like night, because no one can see the tears in my eyes at night.

Don't count the stars with IQ, just count the moon.

Appreciation of 30 funny phrases that burst into laughter in an instant

Guide: When checking in, the conductor said to Xiao Wang, "Your ticket is from Shandong and this train is from Heilongjiang Province." "My God!" Xiao Wang exclaimed, "Does the train driver know that he is driving in the wrong direction?"

1, Mr. Li 1 1 traveled to Qingdao, thinking of drinking Tsingtao beer in Qingdao and ordering a plate of fried sesame seeds. After that, he paid the bill and got up while counting the bottles. "Boss, how much are these * * *?" The boss replied, "We Qingdao people are hospitable and beer is free. Let's count sesame seeds. "

2. The traffic police found that a car bumps up and down every time it runs 10 meter. So he stopped the car: "What happened to your car?" The driver was startled: "No, it's okay, Mr. Traffic Police, I, I always burp."

3. The wedding of Huang Xiaoming, the school leader, is really enviable. As their fans, I silently envy and hate for a long time. I just clicked on the mobile phone video and couldn't help watching the wedding of their super lineup again. My mother doesn't know when it has drifted behind me, God added. Don't look, Xiaoming has a baby, and Xiaoming who rolled out is not married yet.

I got a new hairstyle and went shopping the other day! Sit in a chair in the mall and rest! At this moment, a middle school student came up behind me and said to me, Sister, please help me! I hurried back, only to see the poor child immediately say, Sister! Don't! Auntie! My heart hurts in an instant! Still suffering from internal injuries. . .

5. Which part of me do you think is the most beautiful? Man: Your hair is the most beautiful. W: Why? In fact, many people have praised it like this. Because it covers most of your face.

6. The traffic police severely warned the drunk driver: "Please remember, once you drink, don't touch the steering wheel with your hands!" The drunk driver shouted in surprise, "What? Should I drive after drinking? "

7. One of my kindergarten teachers, Xiong Haizi, is a great kindergarten teacher. He made a big mistake today. I told him to take the bag home. Who knows, this cargo grabbed my leg and began to cry: "Teacher, I love you, I really love you, don't kick me out ~ ~" Suddenly I smiled. This is the first naked confession in more than 20 years!

8. In the physical examination room of the conscription station, a young man dared not join the army, so he lied to the doctor that he was in poor health and did not eat, drink or sleep. Doctor: "Great. At present, our troops are in short supply and we need soldiers like you. "

9. An old man's dog died. The old man packed and checked the dead dog for burial in his hometown. But the people at the airport didn't know it was dead when they checked in, and only when they got off the plane did they find it dead, which frightened them. I thought I killed the dog. So I sent someone to the nearby dog market and bought an identical one. Later, the old man opened his luggage and found that the dog was still alive. So the old man was scared to death!

10, go to buy breakfast this morning. Take out five dollars and the wind blows away. I also agree to take out five dollars to see where the wind blows. As a result, I lost 10 yuan.

1 1. On a rainy day, I saw a beautiful girl throw an umbrella into the trash can of the library and shyly walked up to the goddess and said, I don't have an umbrella. Can you take me with you? How can you stand such a thing? I immediately picked up my umbrella and handed it to my sister: Sister, it is not easy for your family to make money. How can you throw away your umbrella?

12, remember the military training under the tree that year? The instructor said to the students: Count off in the first row. You looked at the instructor in surprise, and the instructor said loudly, Count off! So you reluctantly turned and hugged the tree.

13, Xiao Ming was unhappy after the parent-teacher conference. When the student asked him why, Xiao Ming said, "The teacher violated my right to privacy, and my father violated my right to exist." The classmate was very surprised and asked, "How did this happen?" Xiao Ming said, "My father gave me a beating because the teacher told me my exam results."

14, "The smell of work?" "expert! Come, re-do a test paper. " "This topic, difficult to lose teeth ..." "It's that your IQ is not enough, uncle. Here, top student's answer. " "I know, I will change two after copying."

15, the third day of grandpa's funeral. Xiaojun from the canteen came to me and said, I dare not accept your son's money to buy things. I can't change it. I'll pay you back. I looked at it: alas! 10 million, the bank of hades. Come here, son. Don't you dare steal Mr. Zhong's money. …………

16, just, just. My dad said he was going out for a walk. I coquetry took my dad's hand and asked him to bring me back the duck neck. My mother came over and patted my hand off, hugged my father and said to me, go away! Find one yourself. This is my husband. . .

17, my good friend gave me a box of snacks, and I didn't even read it ~ I decided to please my goddess … before going to work this morning, I said to my little sister, "I'll get the courier later, you can send this email to him!" " The address is on the table ... the little sister furtively asked, "Brother, what's in the box?" ""Shit, fertilize the flowers ... "I replied grumpily. After work, my little sister touched her round belly and lay in bed … burped and said, "Brother, your friend … burped … lied to you!" "Hiccup ... that's not fertilizer at all ... if your goddess uses these to fertilize flowers ... Hiccup ... the consequences are unimaginable ..." She touched her stomach and gasped, and then said, "For you, I picked up shit on the lawn of the community all morning, and I finally got a box! I sent it in the afternoon ... "

18, at night, sitting on the sofa watching TV, the golden hair at home dozed off next to me. In the meantime, I was thirsty, went barefoot to get water to drink, and accidentally kicked it on the coffee table. The electric tingling suddenly spread from my toes to my brain, making me grin. It was when I was embarrassed and angry that I saw the golden retriever grinning behind my back in the mirror facing the sofa. I suddenly looked back, only to see it instantly closed its mouth, drooping its head and lying pretending to sleep.

19, I: "I watched TV and said that weasels don't eat chickens. Scientists have done an experiment, once locked a chicken and a weasel together. Guess what happened the next day? " Colleague: "The weasel was detained for seven days and fined five thousand!" "I; You can remember your husband's stupid thing for life!

20. When I was studying, I always liked to go to the canteen alone, because I could eat one in the canteen and then make another one in the name of packing for my classmates. When I get back to the dormitory, tell me I'm ready to come back for dinner! ! ! So I can eat two, and no one knows I ate too much. I just want to know, are there any girls like me?

2 1, beggar: as soon as I lie down, "Good people, send it away" ... hundreds! Beauty: when I lie down, it's like "hahahai" ... thousands! ! Grandpa: as soon as I lie down, "he hits me" ... tens of thousands! ! ! LZ: As soon as you lie down, say "Go to bed early and move bricks tomorrow"! ! ! !

22, it is said that the goddess is difficult to chase, in fact, it is because you have not worked hard. In high school, Banhua was a heartthrob. One night after self-study, I met her in the corner and got up the courage to hug her. Ban Hua is also very cooperative, soft and motionless, and her breathing is very rapid. The landlord kissed her on the mouth and left. She still sat on the ground and didn't want to go ... If her father, the principal, didn't find her and took her to the hospital, I'm afraid I didn't even know that she had two broken ribs. ...

23. Xiaoxiang, a long-lost friend, came to visit home, and his mouth leaked ... "Oh, my roots are so deep that I can't fall off after months of pain ..." Looking at the "empty" part of his lips, I asked, "How did these teeth fall off later?" Xiaoxiang's face turned red. "Go out to pack to force, but also let people take off bricks ..."

24. Youth: "Master, why don't I say a few words every time on a blind date, and the woman just leaves?" Master, don't look away, just hide your face and don't talk. The young man suddenly realized: "Does it mean that I want to be a quiet handsome man?" Master: "You stay away from me!" "

I bought a fake toy pistol online, which is made of iron. It arrived today. Opening the package in front of the courier brother, the courier brother saw it, and his face changed and said, I didn't see anything, I didn't see anything, and I ran away on a battery car.

26. On the second day of school, when my mother helped my brother in the fourth grade of primary school to wash clothes, she found that he had more than 100 pieces in his pocket. My mother suspected that my brother had stolen money, so she asked her brother, who said that she got it by selling waste products. My parents don't believe it. After the mixed doubles, my brother cried and said that the money was used to sell homework and test papers last semester. My parents stopped angrily. . .

27. Guo Laosan accidentally drove illegally. The traffic police came at once and motioned for him to roll down the window. The third child was anxious and threw out a bunch of Russian. The traffic police listened for a while and said, "Comrade, your grammar is wrong. Don't pretend. " Guo Laosan was anxious: "I am a Russian translator at a station. I will make a grammatical mistake. " Why are you a small policeman? "The traffic policeman smiled:" You speak not only Russian but also Mandarin very well, but please pull over and show your identification. ""the Olympics! "

When I saw my Chinese homework, I felt like a foreigner. When I saw my English homework, I felt that I was from China again. I didn't know I was an alien until I saw my math homework.

29. She has a stomachache when she menstruates. He sat next to her and gave her a look. Then I silently took out my Xiaomi mobile phone and started playing games. She saw it in her eyes and her heart was half cold. Two minutes later, she really couldn't sit still and was about to leave. I saw that he silently handed the phone and said, "Well, take it and cover it!"

30. Teacher: "How do you describe yourself as having read Four Great Classical Novels in one sentence?" Xiao Ming: "Baoyu, why did you come to Liangshan, Shui Bo with the monkey's golden hoop?" Xiaohong: "Your Majesty, Zhuge Liang is eating Tang monk meat with 100 bachelors in Daguan Garden and Liangshan!" " "

Editor's note: When the company was cooking, a tall and beautiful woman jumped in front of me with a big smile on her face. I couldn't help staring and tapping her waist with chopsticks: "Hey! ... hey! Line up! " As soon as the beauty turned around and didn't find anyone, she looked down at me and stared at her with her neck upturned. Suddenly she laughed: "Uncle, you are so funny! People in their thirties and forties still learn from others! " I silently bowed my head in humiliation. Girl, is it really good for you to hurt a short man like this? ...

Laugh till you get down. Tell jokes.

1. I went to my sister's house for dinner and steamed crabs. My brother-in-law gave me one. Four-year-old niece: Dad, you eat. Dad doesn't eat, leave it to aunt and baby. Little niece: Dad, you can't do this. You should be kind to yourself. You won't eat like a cow every day. You are exhausted. Other uncles will spend your money, live in your house, sleep with your wife and beat your baby! Eat! Eat quickly! !

2. In the morning, my husband stayed in bed and wrapped himself in a quilt for several layers. I tied him in the quilt with a belt and went to work. When I came back in the afternoon, I saw my husband keep the shape of the morning and looked at me with bitterness in his eyes. He said: it is not the key to be hungry for a day, to die of heat without air conditioning, or to explain how to go to work tomorrow without answering the phone. The key is not to hold back the urine.

3. My mother invigilates the second grade English. If there is a problem with listening, she will draw a smiling face or cry. In the second row, there is a little girl who just transferred to another school. Her English is not good. The little boy on her right turns to smile or cry at her every time she asks questions. Later, my mother told me with a smile that it was obvious cheating, and I didn't care because it felt too clean.

4. After an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl, his friend said: It's really wronged the girl. You can be her grandfather. The old man is very dissatisfied: I am more wronged. Her grandfather is two years younger than me, and I have to pretend to be a grandson!

There was once a girl who was willing to give her life for me. She said firmly, if you pester me again, I will die.

There was a kissing scene on TV, and the father asked his son to pour a glass of water. Soon, there was a kissing scene on TV. Dad asked his son to pour another glass of water. The son asked, Dad, are you thirsty at the sight of someone kissing?

7. The old couple went to take pictures. The photographer asked: Do you want to measure light, backlight or full light? Grandpa said shyly, I don't care. Can you leave a pair of underwear for your aunt?

8. Chatting between British students. A patriotic youth said indignantly, let's take advantage of the riots to take back all the China cultural relics in the British Museum and return them to the Forbidden City! So many porcelain and bronzes! People in the group responded and made suggestions. A man said faintly: What should I do if I get it back and it is damaged by the Forbidden City? Suddenly, the crowd quieted down.

9. After the wedding, the groom said to the bride: I will go out to play cards and drink with my friends at any time, whether you agree or not! ! Hearing this, the bride replied tepidly: I have sex at nine o'clock every night on time, whether you are at home or not.

10, the boy just arrived at his girlfriend's house and couldn't wait to kiss his girlfriend! Girlfriend said: no, my period is coming! ! Boys feel very strange: what is the relationship between kissing and menstruation? So the boy kissed his girlfriend, and suddenly a woman rushed out of the kitchen! The woman pointed at the boy and scolded: Why did you bully my niece? !

1 1. A bride asked the master of ceremonies: How much does it cost to hold a wedding? Moderator: It depends. Well, generally speaking, the more handsome the groom is, the higher the charge. Upon hearing this, the woman shyly took out 5 yuan's money and handed it to her. The MC looked back at the groom, and then calmly looked for 4 yuan and 5 yuan.

12, the real romantic proposal should be like this: a handsome guy invited 10' s colleagues to dinner, including his favorite mm. In the middle of the meal, he suddenly stood up and walked beside MM, and then moved the chair where MM was sitting to his side at a 90-degree angle. At this moment, mm's mouth is full of all kinds of food. At this moment, he suddenly came out of his pocket.

Four stacks of money said: this is a deposit of 40 thousand yuan. Will you marry me? Mm was shocked at once, and tears filled her eyes. She sobbed and took out the money detector. After a while, she said, all this is true. I do.

13, I just went to the train station to buy a ticket and returned empty-handed. On the road, I saw a propaganda slogan: Chengdu is a place that I don't want to leave when I come. Now I finally understand the meaning of this sentence! Chengdu, please take me to the train tonight!

14. Award-winning notice: Under the leadership of the principal, with the support of the Academic Affairs Office, with the cooperation of the Logistics Office and under the guidance of the instructor, three students of our school won the first prize in the trophy composition competition held by universities in Tianjin. Due to limited space, the winners' names will be announced separately!

15. After the conductor pushed the last passenger on the bus desperately, the passenger kindly turned around and advised: Elder sister, don't squeeze. If you really can't get on, let's wait for the next bus.

16. At the school job fair, Michelin (who makes tires) asked a question: Why don't birds get an electric shock when standing on high-voltage lines? A classmate in my dormitory replied: Because it is wearing Michelin rubber shoes! As a result, he was the only undergraduate who was hired in the whole school.

17, I met an instructor during military training in college, and the whole class was badly repaired by him. After the military training, in order to celebrate liberation, everyone enthusiastically threw their beloved instructors into the air. When he fell down happily, he found that the people below had already. ....

18. Today, I took a bus. A buddy's cell phone rang, and the bell rang quickly: Answer the phone, son. I'm your father. The goods then shouted: Dad, what's the matter? I'm taking a bus. Call later. The bell is: Dad, Dad, pick up the phone. I am your son. The goods picked up and shouted: boss, what's the matter? We all laughed and peed, man. You and your boss must have a lot of hatred.

19 On the day she broke up with her girlfriend, she said: Actually, I really want to cry, but reality tells me I can't cry. I was so hot that I smiled and said, you are afraid of losing your makeup!

20. A bachelor proposed to his girlfriend and was rejected! The bachelor said with inferiority: forget it, I will never get married in my life! His girlfriend pities him: Why don't men have wives? I refuse you, not necessarily others will refuse you. The bachelor sighed: even people like you don't want me. Who else wants me?

2 1. Early in the morning, I was washing my face when my son suddenly shouted invincible iron fist and then rushed at me with his head down. As soon as my brain is pumping, I pick up a stainless steel washbasin to block myself. Then, with a bang, there came the cry of my son and the roar of my wife.

22. I just went downstairs to have a midnight snack and put a loud and smelly fart in the elevator. To hide my embarrassment, I glared at the man next to me. I kept staring at him, and the guy finally got impatient and said, what the fuck is B? It's just us here!

23. I have liked a girl for a long time. Today, I confessed to her. I said: I like you. Although I have nothing to give you, I will make you happy. Be my girlfriend! Seeing her indecision, I firmly said: I still have two kidneys!

24. My son is a senior one. After the monthly exam, the school held a parent-teacher meeting, and my father attended. Dad scolded his son when he came home: You are the only one in the class who failed in English. The son said loudly, it's all your fault. Dad paused and asked, why do you blame me? The son said, it's all your fault for not buying me a mobile phone.

In the classroom, Xiao Ming leans his head against the chair and doesn't listen to the class. The teacher asked with concern: Are you sick again? Xiao Ming said without looking up, yes, I have a headache. The teacher said: Do you have a doctor's certificate? Take it out and go home to rest! Xiao Ming said: It is because the doctor doesn't issue a certificate that I have a headache. Teacher: Get out.

26. Xifeng has been unhappy because of her appearance, but she is helpless. She always feels that she has nothing to be proud of. One day, a boy saw Xifeng's slender fingers, as soft as bones, and could not help but exclaim loudly: which hand is this? Finally, someone discovered her strengths, which made Feng overjoyed. She was overjoyed when she heard the boy say, "This is a chicken claw"! Xifeng choked at that time.

27. When getting up in the morning, boys call girls. Boy: I dreamed of you last night, and my underwear was wet! The girl said shyly, I hate it. What did you dream? Boy: I dreamed that you took off your makeup and scared me to pee my pants! Girl: Get out!

Tell me something interesting about the exam, something that makes you laugh, and something interesting about graduation.

1, "Graduation season: youth that we never lost on this day"

On this day, I graduated from,,,,,,,

I am sad to see graduation photo's stupidity on us, but I still can't help crying.

He said that when we graduated, he said that he was not qualified to give me happiness now. He said he wanted me to like him all the time. He said he wanted me to trust him.

After graduation, no one will call those nicknames that they are familiar with or hate.

6. I bet my best friend that I will confess to him when I graduate.

7. Are you happy after graduation?

8. Break up after graduation

9. A good woman is a school for men. A good woman hopes that this good student will never graduate.

10, we always fall in love with school when we graduate.

1 1. After graduation, everyone is divided and my heart is absent, and I am alone.

12, on the day of graduation ceremony, say goodbye and don't cry.

13, when we graduated, what we thought of was not the school, not the class, but the group of people in the class-

14, I'm finally graduating, and I finally want to meet you. I'm not as happy as I thought, but I still can't let you go. I know you are proud, and I know I can't do it. Bow.

Graduation photo is our first photo, and it may be our last photo.

16, I really graduated this time.

17, run wildly on graduation day, don't let me see the tears shed.

18, I think you only know swearing and dog baskets before you graduate from primary school.

19, we all fell in love with school when we were about to graduate.

20. Can we go crazy together after graduation and placement?

2 1, graduated, dear, he is going to lose it again. Should he continue to love?

22. The only regret after graduation is that I haven't been to the men's room.

23. You are not mine after graduation, and I no longer belong to you.

24. After graduation, our youth will not graduate.

25. This graduation season, dear, are you okay? Do you still remember me/

26. After graduation, we will go our separate ways in a blink of an eye.

27. after graduation No more contact. I hope you don't mind. It's strange that we weren't together at the beginning.

28. After graduation, amateurs are still at school.

29, scattered, don't cry after graduation, smile and mix.

30. I'm graduating. Crazy paper, there is no time if you are not crazy.

3 1, hello to those couples who didn't break up after graduation.

32. I will graduate in half a month.

On graduation day, the teacher said the above words, and we all cried our faces red.

34, summer, sad. Graduation, sad ~

I'm afraid of losing you as soon as I graduate.

36. After graduating from high school, English has deteriorated a lot, but at least the vocabulary has remained at the level of tens of thousands: one, two, three and Shanghai.

37. I am about to graduate. Why are those people who secretly love me so calm?

Two years ago, you said that we would be together after graduation. You said the same thing last year. This year, nothing. Time is short, but we have changed.

39. After graduation, that's it, that's it, that's it!

40. Graduation means that we are grown up, that we are mature, and that we are separated!

4 1. There was always a madman around you, smiling. Now you still have to leave, which is what every graduating student will experience.

42. We all fell in love with school when we were about to graduate. We all want to have a good start at the end.

43, graduation season break-up season.

44. I don't want to take the exam, graduate or leave. I will graduate soon.

45. How long have we been fighting? I didn't know until I graduated, not long after, three years.

I got drunk at the graduation party today. I cried and said that you must invite me when you get married in ten years. You smiled and said that the bride is not you.

47. After graduation, the surface is dull, but the heart is very reluctant.

48. I found that many people said they liked you after graduation.

49. On graduation day, we all leave with smiles. Whoever cries and sleeps is a puppy.

Because of this graduation, you left silently by my side.

5 1, I'm graduating. I wish I could still be by your side.

Marty, I haven't had such an easy life since I graduated from junior high school. I fell, and there were people around me. .

53. Are you afraid of graduation and separation? I tell you, true friendship will never end.

54. mm-hmm June is graduation season every year. Hey, I wish I had said I love you.

After the graduation ceremony, the class teacher said: The children put the tables and stools in order, as if we were coming to class next week.

56. Wish me success in my graduation exam.

57. It has been more than ten years, and I will graduate soon. Why is it so hateful at school? You must take care of me. . .

58. I graduated with nothing, but I don't know when to be brave and when to fight.

59. Fuck you. . . After graduation, there are no more such carefree curses by a group of smelly babies.

When we set foot in this school, we knew that we would graduate one day, but when graduation came, we were so afraid to face it.