? Tonight, on the way to the dance class, it was dark and quiet, with occasional light. I, in short, just can't tell you what this long-lost sense of relaxation is. Often praised by others for his high emotional intelligence, approachable and good at dealing with people. However, there has always been a small voice in my heart asking: Is this really the case?
Relatives, close friends, people I used to like, teachers, classmates ... can't say they hurt me, but they all made me confused for a time. I understand that my relatives are not worms in my stomach, and they can't fully understand my feelings. They also have their own troubles, but when I am in pain, their incomprehension is often the most deadly knife. I understand that bosom friends do not belong to me alone. They have their own lives and friends. However, when the person with them is not me, nothing else in their hearts that will be lost can fit. I understand that there is no reason for an ignorant person to pay attention to the eyes of a secret admirer for someone he once liked. However, when Ta is rude to me, there will be no shortage of heart plugs. I understand that I am not the only "child" of teachers, and it is what they should do to pay attention to the situation of all students. However, when I am not among the good children they praise, there is only one thought in their minds: what's wrong with me? I understand that my classmates may really be just a passer-by in my life, but when I am not in the eyes of those who accompanied me in my best years, I will truly understand what suffering is.
Dao Dao (my high school Chinese teacher) said: High school is a rite of passage. Every second, I will agree with this truth more.
? More than half of my high school life has passed. Except when I was a baby, I cried to express my thoughts. High school really accepted my tears "Wang Yang" for half my life. The heart knot is opened again and again, and it is entangled again and again. Every storm will only be more violent than the previous one. Sometimes, when you are depressed, you will suddenly laugh at yourself. This kind of life is really like a TV series. Life is a stage, that's what it means. Fortunately, God gave me a special function, which is my greatest advantage.
A person is not afraid of how many mistakes he made, how many detours he took, how many opportunities he lost, and how many times he lost himself. As long as Ta understands that "mistakes can be corrected", time will give the best answer.
And that's who I am. I can feel my sinking, find my outlet, and find the advantages of others to change, which is enough. Although I can't predict the time I will wander in my own small world, I will turn it out one day.
This Friday night, I locked myself in my room again and cried with the quilt in my arms. This is a process of venting emotions, so I won't force myself to stop. I wish I was tired of crying. The explosion point of this emotion is because my mother's iron is difficult to be turned into steel, and the fundamental reason is that I once again fell into other people's lives.
After working in high school, I met my second best friend X. Making small noises, laughing and laughing are our daily life, and happy laughter is the theme song in our life. When the second year of senior high school started, a talented girl J came into my life, and the three of us began to sing this theme song together. Why did I mention them? Because they are two important people who helped me out of trouble. In the second year of senior high school, on an unremarkable morning, we went to the playground to do morning exercises as usual. But just as I got up, the two people in front had turned their backs and walked out of the classroom. I was extremely sensitive, and I was at a loss when I saw those two figures drifting away. That is, from that day on, I wandered in my own world and drifted away from them. This situation will only get worse. At that time, my intuition told me that three people were really embarrassed, so I started my usual style-escape. Although I don't know why, they still treat me with the greatest kindness and wait for me. Moreover, the facts tell me that some things are inevitable after all. Next week's trip to Guangzhou will not only bring me great joy of temporarily escaping from the pressure of study, but also the distress of two people moving to separate houses. I poured out my troubles to my mother and got her "reprimand". The negative energy bomb accumulated for several weeks exploded. The story goes back to the little black house last Friday. When my venting was coming to an end, my mother sneaked into my room, talked to me like a child, and gave me a nice nickname: Little Glass, because I have blx. I said a lot that night, and what impressed me the most was what my mother said: Baby, be a man, be free and easy. At the end of the day, my mind is full of this sentence. Why can't I be free and easy? Life is your own, why is it always tied to others?
? On Saturday night, our project team held its first meeting. The whole process is hearty, and the collision of thoughts flashes the bright spot of each member. There is only one question, and I am lonely: Who is the team leader? At first, I understood that B (my first best friend) suggested that I be the team leader. Although it was embarrassing, I accepted it gladly. However, in the process of further advancing the meeting, my goddess B guided everyone's thinking and summarized everyone's thoughts. My nominal "group leader" didn't play its due role, so after some thinking, I decided to become a learner and wanted to give the name of the group leader to my B, who has both strength and beauty. When I put forward this idea at the end of the meeting, the second critical point that hit me appeared. The three members agreed not to agree or reject my idea. In other words, their focus has never been related to this "name". B finally, when we were about to part, we said: there is no such thing as a rhythmic person here. This is a project for four people. Just want to have an idea. We enjoy the process. Anyway, this project was done by the four of us. Only then did I know that I was the only one struggling with this title.
? I saw it, and I clearly realized that I was once pure and kind, and I didn't know when I got lost. Why do three people feel embarrassed together? Because of jealousy. Jealous that J separated X from my world. I am not the center of their world. Why do you care about that so-called name? Because of utility. This name can give people an illusion-I led everyone to successfully complete this topic. Writing here, I have to say that I am really hard on myself and my words are not sharp, but if I can honestly write here, I will have enough capital to "laugh" at the naive me a few hours ago.
? I want to apologize to J. Please forgive me for speculating your kindness with the greatest malice. I want to apologize to X. Please forgive me for being unreasonable to you for no reason. I want to apologize to the members of our project team. Please forgive me for violating your most sincere enthusiasm for exploration with utilitarian eyes. I also want to apologize to myself. Please forgive me for losing your purest heart.
? ? I said, be a free and easy "selfish ghost". Just for myself.
? ? "All our lives, we want to get rid of other people's expectations and become ourselves."
? I want to let myself slowly stop obsessing over the appreciation and criticism of others, let myself slowly find my own way of life, let myself slowly calm down without distractions, and let myself slowly find the purest heart. I want to make my life more full and wonderful. If I decide to do something, I will do it well with 200% efforts, such as dancing, such as guzheng, such as traveling, such as topics, such as college entrance examination. If you decide to associate with a person, treat Ta with 200% kindness, such as family members, such as classmates, such as X, J and B.
I just want to live for myself. Free and easy, selfish. Just to not regret it.
Thanks to X, you have brought me endless joy. Thanks to J, you really taught me a lot. Thanks to B, you have always been another solid backing for me. Thanks to Ken, every trip you gave me was a psychological baptism. Thanks to my family, I don't think it's necessary to say more. Thank all the people around you.
? I once wrote a sentence: All the way is the best arrangement. No matter what, who and what changes, I can be who I am today. There will still be confusion in the future. Just ask me to read this article written in the early morning of March 25, 20 18, because it was originally written for you (me).
? A bear?
? Position sz
Signed at 03: 00 am on March 25th, 20 18.