Ancient China, which has always advocated "family and everything prospers", is experiencing the impact of marital turmoil. According to the national civil affairs statistics released a few days ago, in the first quarter of this year, 465,000 divorces were registered in China, an increase of 17. 1% over the same period of last year. On average, more than 5,000 families broke up every day. The divorce rate in China has been rising for seven consecutive years. "Chinese divorce" has become a world-famous phenomenon. Ancient China, which has always advocated "family and everything prospers", is experiencing the impact of marital turmoil. According to the national civil affairs statistics released a few days ago, in the first quarter of this year, 465,000 divorces were registered in China, an increase of 17. 1% over the same period of last year. On average, more than 5,000 families broke up every day. The divorce rate in China has been rising for seven consecutive years. "Chinese divorce" has become a world-famous phenomenon. Foreign media even created a new word "my generation" to analyze the reasons for the high divorce rate in this country, which once claimed to be the most stable marriage in the world. Social transformation has triggered the impact of marriage. Donna, 29, got married two years ago and broke up a year later. "After marriage, I got the wrong person. Before marriage, he dared to take responsibility, but after marriage, he became arbitrary; Before marriage, he was good at making friends with the opposite sex, thinking that he had a' woman's fate', but he cheated half a year after marriage! " "Love at first sight, married. In a rage, I left. " A staff member of the Marriage Registry in Chaoyang District, Beijing said that more than half of the divorced couples registered there in recent years were under the age of 35. Among them, "post-80 s" are the majority, and the phenomenon of "flash away" is increasingly prominent. "Some people are still quarreling when they go through the formalities. After they got the divorce certificate, they hugged and cried. " Not only has the post-80s marriage changed a lot, but the marriage of their parents' generation has also turned red. "Now children can stand on their own feet after graduating from college, and their family responsibilities have been completed, so they no longer make do with each other." Mr. Xiang, who is over 50 years old, sighed: "After nearly 20 years of marriage, you will know yourself by drinking water!" "With the challenge of social transformation and changes in social environment to marriage and family, the' new divorce era' is coming soon." Chen Yijun, a researcher at China Academy of Social Sciences and deputy director of the expert committee of China Marriage and Family Research Association, said that since the founding of New China 60 years ago, the marriage in China has entered a turbulent period in the last 30 years, especially in recent years. Statistics show that the divorce rate in China has been rising continuously since the end of 1970s, and the growth rate in recent five years has obviously reached 7.65%. Last year, more than1.2000 couples tied the knot, while more than1.9600 couples parted ways. At present, the divorce rate in Beijing and Shanghai has exceeded 1/3. From the age structure, the people aged 22-35 are the main force of divorce, the marriage between 36-50 years old is relatively stable, and the divorce rate over 50 years old is rising rapidly; In terms of education, education is inversely proportional to the divorce rate. The lower the education, the higher the divorce rate, and the higher the education, the lower the divorce rate. Chen Yijun said that the rising divorce rate reflects that social development and the progress of the times have brought more choices and free space to personal life, but it has also brought interpersonal contradictions and emotional risks. "Is monogamy still suitable for the rich to pursue diversified life and enjoyment in an era of longer and longer life?" At that time, the western countries led by the United States questioned. As a result, a social and cultural wave of so-called "sexual freedom" and "family revolution" has been set off in the West. At the end of 1970s, this trend of thought spread eastward to China, which is known as the most stable marriage in the world, and brought great changes to our country. Traditional marriage has been severely tested. "More than 30 years ago, the traditional marriage mode was' economic cooperative' and' same birth * * *'. Coupled with the concept of' good people don't divorce, divorce has no good people' and the supervision of the masses, external ties have played a huge role in the stability of marriage. " Chen Yijun said, "At that time, getting married was a once-in-a-lifetime event. I haven't thought about it, but I can't' jump ship, change, and optimize the combination'. " "Now, men have slush funds, women have private money, and no one can do without them. The average family has only one child, and the blood ties that maintain marriage are also very fragile. " Chen Yijun thinks, "More importantly, the concept of love has changed. What are the popular movies and songs today? I love you like a mouse loves rice' and' This is love, I can't say clearly'. I didn't make it clear in the past, so I have to investigate it for you organizationally. Nowadays, the values of commodity economy have penetrated into marriage and family, and the old will not go and the new will not come, and they will no longer pursue eternity. If a person has an extramarital affair, as long as he doesn't take bribes, no one will pursue it and it will become a privacy issue. "Where is the cohesion of modern marriage when the important external factors such as blood ties, economic ties, traditional concepts and environmental ties on which traditional marriage depends are released?" The outside world is wonderful, but the home world is helpless. "Xiao Zhang, a company employee, is troubled by the difficulty in communicating with his wife." We are depressed together and quarrel if we don't talk. I would rather stay in the office and chat with my colleagues than go home and face her. ""My wife is ok in other aspects, except that the version is not enough and the memory is too low. "Li, a civil servant, regrets the cultural differences between husband and wife." Modern marriage relies more on internal ties such as emotion, culture and sex to unite husband and wife. This marriage relationship is called' psychological-cultural * * *'. "Chen Yijun believes that compared with the traditional model, it is much more civilized, much more progressive and much more fragile. The three tests of fragile marriage: wealth tests people. " Economic development is really testing the improvement of people's quality. When people have not established self-discipline ability, heteronomy is relaxed. "For example, Chen Yijun said that the wife of a company boss in Shenzhen consulted her and regretted taking her husband from Mianyang ravine in Sichuan to Shenzhen as a boss." He made a fortune, but his heart was not at home. Now I wish I could pull him back to that poor ravine,' You fetch water and I'll water the garden'. "Many women want their husbands to get rich, but you have to weigh his qualities. Responsibility tests people. " Nowadays, many people emphasize more freedom, but ignore or even stay away from responsibility. Sun Yunxiao, director of China Youth Research Center, said that they attach great importance to their own interests and seldom pay attention to the feelings of others. Economic calculation and utilitarianism are the deeper reasons for their high divorce rate. Environment tests people. Chen Yijun said that social mobility, including geographical mobility and occupational mobility, has increased work pressure, frequent business trips and shortened the time for couples to get along, while the expansion of social contacts and the opening of entertainment venues have increased the opportunities for the opposite sex to meet and communicate, making extramarital affairs the biggest "killer" of marriage. Children are the most injured. "The biggest victim of divorce is the child." Chen Yijun said that many couples who get rid of unhappy marriages ignore the most important point: it is the children who will never get rid of them. Their inner wounds are often difficult to heal all their lives, and their anxiety, insecurity and fear may never be cured. Beijing once conducted psychological tests on more than 5,000 junior two students in 70 middle schools. The results show that at least 20% students have different degrees of psychological barriers. After a follow-up visit to the families of these children, it was found that 65% of the children came from "problem families", and their parents did not agree, broke up or "fought" in the process of breaking up, which left psychological trauma to the children. Relevant research at home and abroad shows that children who grow up in an unhealthy and unhappy marriage and family are more likely to have psychological problems such as crime, anxiety, depression, hostility and revenge. To some extent, under the same media influence, social environment and academic pressure, which child is more prone to mental illness and crime depends on what kind of family they come from. "Adolescent problems emerge one after another, the root of which is family problems." Sun Yunxiao said that the growth of children needs the care of both parents. Without this environment, they will have problems. If love is really a matter for two people, but having children, this marriage is really for children to a large extent. The victim of divorce is the woman next door. Beijing conducted a five-year follow-up survey of more than 65,438+000 divorced couples over the age of 35. These families have 1 or 2 children. At the time of breaking up, 85% of the children were awarded to the woman. Five years later, most men remarried, while less than 15% of women remarried. "It is difficult for middle-aged women who drag bottles to remarry." Zhu Mingmei, president of the China Association for the Promotion of Population and Culture, said that they are both fathers and mothers, suffering from psychological overdraft, emotional overdraft, time overdraft and health overdraft, and some people are still in financial difficulties. Because although the man gave a certain amount of maintenance during the divorce, this fee did not take into account the factors of rising prices and the increasing cost of children's life and study year by year. Therefore, many women find that divorce falls from one trap to another. Now there is a new vulnerable group in the city: poor single mothers. So, for the man, is divorce the best way to solve the marriage problem? A survey of 5000 divorcees showed that after five years, two-thirds of men expressed regret. A happy marriage is one that is good at solving problems. In recent years, when China people have encountered a marriage storm, the West claimed that the exploration of "sexual freedom" and "family revolution" that lasted for more than 30 years was unsuccessful. A few days ago, the latest American bestseller "Fixed for Life" defined marriage as "not only a personal love story, but also the strictest social and economic contract." "How to manage feelings, how to maintain feelings and how to save love, modern marriage and family relations have become a science." Chen Yijun said, "A happy marriage is not a marriage without problems, but a marriage that is good at solving problems." "At present, all walks of life in our country pay attention to post access certificates, and they should be trained as nannies and hourly workers. Regrettably, there are only two most important professional exceptions-being a husband and wife and being a parent, whether it is adult education or academic education. " Chen Yijun pointed out that most couples have no pre-job and on-the-job training, lack the guidance of modern marriage and family concepts and skills, and can't do their respective roles well. "Keep your eyes open before marriage and turn a blind eye after marriage", and Chen Yijun taught the "secret" of family harmony. What to see before marriage? The first is "the new door is correct." Not family status and money, but cultural level, including similar family cultural background and considerable education level, which is the basis of married communication; Second, the recognition of values. Colleagues may have different values, but husband and wife must be consistent; Third, the identity of husband and wife's role concept. As long as both parties agree with this role distribution, the marital happiness index will be high; Finally, there are complementary personalities. "Open your eyes" to see these and the family behind him (her). After marriage, you should know that wearing a wedding ring is to put an end to "exploration". After "meeting and hating each other late", there will be "meeting and hating each other late". Romantic passion does not mean a happy family. Marriage is mutual support, mutual assistance, and mutual help, which requires understanding and tolerance. The relationship between husband and wife from love to grace is the strongest. "Going through the marriage to the end also requires an emotional clinic." Fan, secretary-general of the China Marriage and Family Research Association of the All-China Women's Federation, said that in the long life of husband and wife, there is no marriage that is not sick, but it is a pity that there is no emotional hospital. It is imperative to establish marriage and family counseling and social assistance and treatment mechanisms. In this regard, many foreign countries are already taking active actions. The United States recently launched a "healthy marriage" program to encourage people to participate in marriage counseling and training before divorce, and finally decide whether to break up.