Then, a word called "if" appeared.

If only I had studied hard and been admitted to a better university;

If you can find a job that earns more money, it would be nice to change to a bigger house;

If I had children earlier, I wouldn't have to fight shit every day now. ...

But there is no if, there are many things that you will not be perfect and will be picky.

For example, after upgrading to a mother, do you choose to continue working or take care of your children at home full time?

This is actually a puzzle that a reader confided to me. I sorted it out as follows:

I am 32 years old and my children are over 2 years old. Before that, I always took care of my children alone.

My mother-in-law said that she was too old to keep up with the times and couldn't take care of the children, but she would buy something to eat and play for her children every month, and we got along very well.

My husband was transferred and his salary was reduced by the company. Later, my mother-in-law said more than once that I chose to take care of my children because I didn't want to go to work. Now put all the pressure on your son, and his son will make mistakes and be demoted if he is too tired.

When my husband was just demoted, he was really decadent for a while, and now his state is gradually recovering, and he is also considering changing jobs.

I don't want him to work so hard, and I don't want the standard of living at home to drop. I sent my two-year-old daughter to the kindergarten to take charge and went out to look for a job.

At first, my mother-in-law was very supportive, but I worked overtime for several nights or weekends, and she was dissatisfied because she needed her help to look after the children.

Now I have just worked for a month, and I am very happy to get paid at the end of the month. I invited my family to a restaurant for dinner. As a result, my mother-in-law said at the dinner table that I earned less and went out to work just to hide from leisure and not care about my children.

I really feel bad after listening to it. Where is my leisure time? For three years, I neglected my work experience and couldn't keep up with the pace of career renewal, so I had to start from scratch.

She asked me with the previous salary standard, and now I have changed from a former department head to a handyman in the department. She doesn't know how hard it is for me to compete with fresh graduates.

Because I went to work, my husband began to do housework occasionally, which made me tired.

I don't know whether to continue to work hard in the workplace or go home to take care of the children and fully support my husband's career.

In the workplace, I have to work ten times and one hundred times harder than before to have a chance of promotion; Being a stay-at-home mom has foreseeable risks.

I once read a passage that summed up women in the new era:

Get the hall, get the kitchen, write the code, find the abnormality, kill the Trojan horse, climb over the fence, drive a good car, afford a new house, fight a mistress, and fight hooligans. ...

There is also a more classic one that describes the living conditions of mothers in the new era:

Can make cakes and tell stories; Understand piano, chess, calligraphy and painting; Teaching olympiad mathematics and grammar; I changed my composition and made a tabloid; Search for raiders and find scenic spots; Earned tuition and paid for consumption. ...

Although they are all limerick in nature, they do tell the sufferings of women.

A friend also told me about her experience: when she was taking care of her children, her former colleagues repeatedly said: Look at you, it's easy, you don't have to go to work, it's so happy to take only the baby;

After going to work, another colleague envied her and said, you don't have to bring a baby, just go to work. It's so chic. No wonder you have a good performance.

She said that others can only see your easy achievements, but never your efforts.

Don't worry about this kind of words. Life is like drinking water.

In fact, it is understandable to be a full-time mother or choose to continue working. Different choices can bring happiness:

Lu Yi confirmed that Bao Lei retired from the entertainment circle after giving birth.

At the press conference, Lu Yi said that his wife Bao Lei will give birth in June 5438+00, and her staff will take a month off to accompany her all the time. At the same time, he confirmed that Bao Lei will quit the entertainment circle as a full-time wife after giving birth.

Several years have passed, and now Bao Lei is with her two daughters full-time. Lu Yi concentrates on performance, without any scandal, and will accompany his wife and daughter after work. It can be said that he is a good man who cares about his family.

Rebecca retired from the entertainment circle after marriage.

Qinggege Rebecca's husband is a wealthy businessman. After getting married, he basically didn't take TV dramas. When his son was two years old, he officially announced his retirement from the entertainment circle.

On/0/5th day after delivery, Ming Xi returned to work.

Once the news that Ming Xi gave birth to a son was screened on the whole network, and her husband He Youjun excitedly published a 1,000-word long article, saying that the 98-year-old gambling king had his first male grandson. Ming Xi thinks that work is a very important part of her life. Less than 15 days after giving birth, she began to take the latest celebrity endorsement photos.

No one can comment on who is right or wrong in the above choices. As long as you are close to your dreams, it is the happiest choice.

Give some advice to the readers who confided in the last article:

No matter what my mother-in-law says, we should make corresponding plans according to what we want to do and our future life.

To be a stay-at-home mother, we should master the family's economic power, and at the same time promote the husband's concept to be consistent with himself; Don't forget to continue studying. Older children can consider developing their hobbies and doing some part-time jobs.

When you return to the workplace, stick to your beliefs. I believe that not all your previous work experience is useless. The rules of the workplace are always the same, and no one can take away the ability to work. What you have to do now is to strengthen the gap in the workplace for three years.

In fact, choosing to be a full-time mother and a working mother has its own advantages and disadvantages. It is best to choose the one that suits you according to your own characteristics and family situation.

Advantages of stay-at-home mom:

You know, companionship is really not just a material contribution. Freud once pointed out that when mothers take care of their children wholeheartedly, children can gain a trust and optimistic attitude, which will accompany them all their lives.

First, you can establish a close parent-child relationship with your child. Returning to your mother's arms is the most instinctive, relaxing and trusting gesture.

Second, mothers who take care of their children personally have more opportunities to carefully understand the changes in their children's inner world.

Third, mothers with large children have a higher sense of security and activity.

Fourth, it is easier for mothers to train their husbands to participate in the growth and education of their children.

Fifth, in the process of taking care of children, don't pay too much attention to them, leave some room for study, cultivate some hobbies, and don't be out of touch with society.

Advantages of working mothers:

A classic line in the Korean drama "Unborn": "Working mothers have always been sinners. In the company, it is the sinner of the boss, and at home it is the sinner of the child. " Yes, but stay-at-home mothers are more self-sufficient and confident.

First, I will have a more active life and cherish the parent-child time with my children.

Second, not being out of touch with society and maintaining competitiveness and viability can avoid the feeling of being isolated.

Third, reduce the financial pressure of spouses and provide a better and more comfortable living environment for children and families.

Fourth, have the right to speak and self-control in marriage.

Fifth, it is easier to realize self-worth in the workplace, improve social skills and set an example for children.

There is only one kind of heroism in this world, which is to love life after seeing the truth of life.

I wish every woman who becomes a mother can control her own destiny.