Grandpa: I wonder what your aunt sees in me. I remember that Valentine's Day, when I was selling fruit, I passed a gold jewelry store and went in to watch the fun. Your aunt is in sales. I casually asked, "How much is this thing a catty ..."
Later, we got married. As a result, when we got married and quarreled, she called me a liar.
3. Someone posted in a forum: Why do cockroaches appear more frequently after killing a cockroach with cockroach medicine?
Someone replied, "Your home is gone, aren't you in a hurry?"
Here comes the funny joke:
1. I went to the night market and bought a belt. I walked to a booth and found that the belt here looked beautiful and strong. I picked a favorite and asked, "Boss, how much is it?" The boss looked up and said, "Fifteen! How old is your dog? " ?
I went to a friend's house in the country. On the way, I saw a lot of wild vegetables drying outside a doorway. I don't see anyone. I got out of the car with my bag, ready to steal some. The host suddenly appeared and shouted, "What are you doing?" I quickly apologized and said, "Buy some wild vegetables. How much is a catty? " Master: "Take whatever you want! Feed the pigs, there are things in the field anyway. " ?
Run in the square at night and sit on the bench when you are tired. Next to me, a young woman is playing with her mobile phone intently. Suddenly, the young woman reached out and touched my leg ... We looked at each other in surprise for five seconds, and then the young woman stood up and shouted, "Ah! Where is my dog? I was just lying here! ……" ?
In the morning, my wife wore stockings. I said, "Your legs are very suitable for advertising stockings." The wife smiled happily: "Bah, really?" Me: "really, your legs fully prove that stockings are elastic ... hi!" ..... don't throw your shoes at me. " ?
5, ordinary working class, how much money men earn every month, the level of treatment at home is changing. For example, I earned 8000 yuan this month, and my wife propped up my silk quilt. Earned 5000 yuan, the wife took out the duvet; I earn 3000 yuan, and my wife carries a quilt; Earn 1000, I sleep in vegetation ...?
My son lost his tooth for the first time last night. His wife said to him, "If you put a dropped tooth under your pillow, a tooth fairy will come in the middle of the night and change it into five dollars." So after my son fell asleep that night, I sneaked into his bedroom and carefully took my teeth out from under his pillow. . . . . . . . Put it under your pillow.
My father has a low education. One day, my father suddenly asked me to teach the English word "sorry, thank you". I said to him: sorry, English is sorry, thank you, and English is thank you. Dad explained it to me. One day, when dad was squeezing the bus, there was a beautiful woman in front of him. The driver braked suddenly and his father touched the beauty's chest. Father suddenly had a flash of light and said thank you. The whole car said. . . . . . Man of God!
Haha, unfortunately, only nine pictures can be sent.
Save a lot
1, I never want to see you again.
Husband: Where to?
Wife: I am so angry. I never want to see you again.
Husband: You can ignore me now, but you must finish quarreling before going to bed at night.
Wife: Why?
Husband: I want to sleep with you because the night is too long.
You can not only have a look, but also look around.
Husband: Wife, today is May Day. Where are we going to play?
Wife: Where do you want to go?
Husband: I want to go to Huangshan or Guilin to see the mountains and rivers. The Great Wall is also good.
Wife: Haven't you met anyone? Please, I bought you a globe.
Husband: Why?
Wife: The world is so big that you can not only look around, but also look around.
I will continue to work hard.
Wife: Honey, we have been together for seven years. Do you have anything to say?
Husband: Being with you is the most satisfying thing in my life. Since we were together, we have been cooking, washing dishes and washing clothes every day. Scold me if you don't do it. It's really hard for you.
Wife: Oh dear! You're welcome, my family I will continue to work hard.
1. On the bus, a man stood unsteadily and fell down. A woman saw it and said, three feet are unstable. The man stood up and answered, Who can speak better than you?
2.a asks B: Hello; I heard you were fired.
B: No!
What did the boss tell you?
B: He said that if he couldn't do this little thing well, he wouldn't have to come to work tomorrow.
A: Isn't that fired?
No, he told me not to come to work tomorrow. I will come the day after tomorrow!
3. How much is this dress? 400 yuan. Do you want 200 yuan? Okay, then. I won't buy it. I'm just here to practice bargaining, okay?
How much do you want to cut when you stutter to the stall to buy pork? Pointing and saying: chop, chop, chop, chop. The vendor was dumbfounded after cutting.
The man's blind date failed several times, because his family was poor, so he thought of a way, bought spray paint, and wrote a word "demolition" on the wall, and the blind date was successfully completed. A few years later, the woman walked at the door with one in her stomach and said, when will this house be folded?
Wan Yu looked at the audience behind the scenes. He is neither angry nor anxious. He thought about it, and when it was a big deal, he broke the hole and said that he went it alone. I still don't believe it. I can't make a bad cake without your rotten eggs.
Just thinking, the phone rang. Sure enough, his wife broke the laundry list again.
"Sorry, Brother Wan, I can't leave today."
"What's the matter now?" Fish than a little impatient, didn't good the spirit ground say.
"This is really troublesome. The laundry list was taken to the police station by the police! "
"ah? ! What's going on here? What did he do? "
"The police said he was a hooligan."
"ah ...? Male ... He's a gangster? This can't do! " This is beyond Wan Yu's expectation. He thought, this is a big event, and no matter what, you can't ignore it. Say hello to which police station, get on the bus and leave.
When I arrived at the police station, I saw a broken laundry list hanging my head and standing in the corner awkwardly, with crooked pants and wet front. The fish said, no, this is to let people catch the current situation!
"He can't be a rogue, really, comrade policeman, I won't lie to you!" The broken daughter-in-law anxiously explained to the police.
"How do you know he can't be a rogue?" The policeman thought that although you hate him as a rogue, he is still his wife. Now let's take him home first. Do I get it?
"I am his wife, I don't know who knows?" A fish said, "Don't believe me, ask him!" " "
Wan Yu said quickly, "Yes, it seems so ... I've heard of it."
"What do you want, that is!"
"Yes, yes, yes, yes!" Xiaoyu quickly changed his mouth and then said, "Don't you have videos? Don't you just watch the video? "
The police remember to watch the video.
Look at the hotel first.
He drank five or six bottles of beer by himself and then walked out of the restaurant.
Then, put the video on the street.
Just like the laundry list said, when you go out for dozens of meters, you shake your head left and right, as if looking for something. I looked up and saw a street sign that said: public toilet, turn left for 200 meters. Then go along the direction and see the street sign: public toilet, turn right for 300 meters. At this time, I have seen the broken laundry list swinging from side to side, but I still move on. 300 meters away, it is still a sign: public toilets, 250 meters in front of traffic lights. At this time, the body shaking of the broken basket is even greater, and the five senses have been deformed. When I hit the traffic lights, I finally couldn't help it and untied my belt. ...
What happened is the same as what the broken basket said. He let the urine hold, not intentionally playing hooligans in public.
When things are clear, the broken laundry list will be fine. Before leaving, the police uncle patted the broken basket on the shoulder and said, "Remember these words when you drink in the future ..."
"You said, you said ..." Broke the laundry list.
The policeman said, "Listen to your wife, follow the party, eat more vegetables and drink less."
"Be sure, be sure, be sure to listen to your wife! The broken basket shook the policeman's hand vigorously.
A laundry list of wives is happy. Fish Wan also provoked his thumb: "Fart essence! Fart essence! "
The policeman said, "What?"
"Ah ... no, no," Wan Yu immediately changed his mouth: "Fine fart, fine fart, fine fart!"
Everyone was very happy, waved and said goodbye to each other.
In the evening, go downstairs to chat after dinner. Some people say that there are too few public toilets and it is too difficult to find them. I was inspired to write a paper satirizing the embarrassing image that there are more banks than toilets in cities now. Fortunately, there are broken baskets. With this prop, bad things can be put in.
"If you give your wife, follow the party, eat more food and drink less." I heard these words on the wine table many years ago, and I dare not be greedy. Hereby explain.
1 I saw my roommate's smelly socks lying on the sofa last night and said something. As a result, he jumped up immediately. Are you the dragon in charge of the ocean?
The second generation version is a generation of gods, and heaven rewards diligence.
Roommate is usually a very serious person. If he hadn't come home from work early one day, he wouldn't have dreamed that he would turn into a little devil in front of the bathroom mirror with a mop. After a pause, he fell down. I was busy comforting him. Good people will do the same when they are alone. I also practice very hard when I am alone.
People are looking for her. Who is she? Who told the matchmaker not to be a matchmaker?
There are many funny stories and jokes in daily life and work. As long as we observe carefully, life is full of happy events, and we will be very happy every day. Learn more happy jokes, and the communication with people will become very relaxed and happy. Let's share some funny jokes
1 Stop calling yourself single dog. Dogs sometimes have three wives and four concubines.
Don't lose weight, you are ugly, not because you are fat.
Money can solve 99% of things, so 1% needs more money.
The main reason for divorce is marriage.
How to explain how unlucky a beautiful woman has been since ancient times, because no one cares how long an ugly person can live.
6 efforts may not be successful, but it is easy without efforts.
Don't say that you are more tired than a dog all day. Dogs are not so tired.
Failure is not terrible, what is terrible is that there are always people who believe this sentence.
Some people don't win at the starting line, but are born directly at the finish line.
10 as the old saying goes, everything is difficult at the beginning, and you will find it harder later.
1 1 People who love to laugh are not too unlucky, because they are too unlucky. Who can laugh?
12 I am an invisible rich man, so I haven't found my money yet.
13 If there were no free air, I wouldn't be alive now.
14 I don't want to go to grade three because I don't have enough money.
15 I often cry silly alone, but I can't bear to beat myself.
16 Don't ask me for money, because I can't solve any problems that can be solved with money.
17 has been studied for many years. In retrospect, kindergarten was better.
18 I want to sleep all the time except my bedtime.
19 Guagua is not sweet, but it quenches your thirst.
Finally found a word that suits me, fat but not greasy.