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Recently, the big S suddenly "word of mouth collapsed".
The reason is that two actresses from Taiwan Province, Mavis Fan and Aya, participated in an online variety show "We Are Real Friends". This program is mainly about these four sisters, who are usually very good friends. Because they are busy with work and family, it is difficult to get together, so organize them to participate in this variety show and also show their interactive daily life.
It doesn't matter if you don't show it This drama shows the "self-righteousness" of Da S, and the most prominent thing is her getting along with Aya:
For example, Big S showed her idolization experience in the program, especially because of Kimura Takuya's video greeting, and she was moved to tears. However, the same thing happened to Aya. When talking about her love for Andy Lau, Aya bluntly said that Aya didn't deserve to like Andy Lau, and hoped that she would "shut up" and stop talking about her idol, so that Aya had to run over and talk to the staff about Andy Lau.
For another example, Big S expressed his beauty in the program. Some people praised her for using high-grade cosmetics, and then said that Aya was the "not high-grade" one of the four. Once in a blue moon, I praised Aya's pants and turned to say, "These pants are suitable for people with short legs like you."
Also, Aya has been looking at her mobile phone, and Big S looks pale. She felt that she should be taught a lesson, thinking that she "ignored us".
These have made many netizens feel uncomfortable. They think she is used to being a "queen", but in fact, she really doesn't take others seriously. She always looks self-righteous.
Fortunately, Aya stood up for Big S at this time, saying that they had been good friends for many years. This is the way they always get along. Big s is just a knife mouth and a tofu heart, calming down the anger.
In fact, different people get along in different ways, as long as they feel comfortable, and as a variety show, sometimes they "amplify" some "conflicts" and cannot fully represent daily life.
However, the unanimous feeling of netizens shows from one side that netizens dislike such "self-righteous" people in daily life.
I read some netizens' messages, and they also expressed their emotions. Their girlfriends are so "self-righteous" and always think they are right, regardless of other people's feelings. Instead of swearing at the big S, it is essentially swearing at those "self-righteous" people around you.
In fact, this "self-righteous" partner is also more prominent in sexual relations.
Recently, just after the second season of My Boy, Jim and Chen Xiaoyun have been on hot searches frequently. However, many netizens hope that Chen Xiaoyun will break up with Jim, so that Jim can unload Weibo and dare not watch it again.
The reason is that in the process of getting along, Jim's temper is too violent and overbearing. For example, once in the car, his girlfriend Chen Xiaoyun was playing a song on her mobile phone, and the prelude of this song caught Jim's attention. He insisted on seeing his girlfriend's mobile phone, but she didn't agree with him and stopped the car directly. Jim got angry again when his girlfriend compromised to show her the song list. "Why don't you just let me see it?"
Anyway, no matter what, he is right and can always find the other half's mistakes.
As a psychological counselor, the most common state I have seen in couples' treatment is that one of them thinks he is always right.
Topics involved are varied, such as sex, money, and even how to name a newborn. As for the specific decisions made, some may be small decisions, such as the appropriate time to walk the dog, and some may be important decisions, such as where to settle down. Some people may choose controlled situations in which they must be completely correct, while others will exercise general control. They will not allow their words to be denied by others, and it is difficult to lose an argument on any issue.
These "self-righteous" people often play the role of parents or teachers, while letting the other party play the role of children or students, asking them to obey orders and punishing their resistance.
There are many ways to punish: emotional or sexual apathy, verbal violence, and even breaking up.
Generally speaking, we can avoid the "self-righteousness" of those who have little to do with our daily life. However, if the people around you, such as friends, lovers or partners, such as parents, are all such "self-righteous" people, then some of you are uncomfortable. How to get along with them?
How to understand "self-righteous" people
From a psychological point of view, these more "self-righteous" people are generally called "unhealthy narcissism". In daily life, it is often manifested as:
1) reacts strongly to criticism, or is annoyed, ashamed or inferior.
2) harm others and benefit themselves.
3) Overestimate your importance, exaggerate your achievements and talents, and expect to be regarded as a special person.
4) The interpersonal relationship is unstable, too idealistic and too demeaning.
5) Always indulge in fantasy, imagining that you have extraordinary ability, beauty and strength, and you can achieve brilliant achievements and ideal love.
6) I hope others will always pay attention to and envy me, so I deliberately seek praise from others.
7) He never forgets his rights and expects special treatment without fulfilling his corresponding obligations. He is often surprised and angry because people give him hope.
8) I think my problem is very special and only special people can understand it.
9) Although you understand other people's feelings, you are indifferent.
10) jealous of others.
Although they sometimes give people the impression of being particularly confident, this is different from people with healthy self-confidence and self-esteem, because the latter does not think they are superior, while narcissists think they are superior.
And unhealthy narcissists usually appear conceited and like to dominate the discourse power. They want the best things, but when they don't get them in their own way, they will become angry or angry, become "unhappy" and start to lose their temper.
How to understand these people?
From the perspective of self-esteem, they all belong to people with low self-esteem.
When attacked, such people will react violently to criticism or failure and brag about themselves by overemphasizing their successes and advantages. They are always worried about threats, challenges and injustice, such as their merits or contributions not being recognized. If a person who thinks highly of himself often has negative or hostile emotions (tension, anxiety, resentment, jealousy, anger and pain), it shows that his self-esteem level is unstable.
It can be guessed that these people with high self-esteem and instability actually have low self-esteem. They try to change themselves, change and control the people around them, and resist their fragile self-image that they don't want to admit. The truly high-self-esteem people, their self-esteem is little influenced by the external environment and ordinary life events, and such people will not spend too much time and energy to maintain or advocate their own image. If someone opposes her, she will also listen carefully to the other person's speech and try to convince him instead of attacking him.
Unfortunately, due to the way they maintain their self-esteem, their interpersonal relationships are often turbulent. Even after a period of time, there will be no one to accompany, and all personal, work and family relationships will have problems.
How to understand you who will compromise with "self-righteous" people?
Since "self-righteous" people are so annoying, why should we compromise and get along with them? There may be the following reasons:
1, many "self-righteous" people have many excellent qualities.
Many "self-righteous" people have excellent qualities, such as strength, intelligence, high value, sense of humor, charm, liveliness, fun and prestige. Therefore, it is often a pleasure to make friends with these people and even fall in love.
2. Unconsciously repeating the trauma
If people are raised by "self-righteous" people, they usually repeat this familiar pattern when choosing friends or partners, without realizing that it is repeating their childhood pattern.
This usually includes trying to gain the approval, love, attention and care of the "self-righteous" person, although the relationship is full of painful emotional ups and downs. They unconsciously repeat this familiar cycle because they unconsciously try to get positive feelings that they didn't fully get in childhood. Of course, they sometimes get the desired results.
3. They may be intoxicating.
Not everyone who is "self-righteous" is charming, but some are really intoxicating. When a narcissist in the best state "chooses you", many people will feel that they are particularly valued, such as being chosen as "the only thrill", which is very intoxicating. At this stage, they regard you as a perfect person, but ordinary people may not know how quickly their feelings will change and what this relationship may become once they feel that you are no longer shining. Because of this, many people love and struggle in this relationship, so that it is extremely painful and difficult to give up.
How to get along with "self-righteous" people
If you don't want to continue to compromise with him, but want to continue to get along with him, here are eight ways to get along with these people:
1, express * * *
You know, these "self-righteous" people are control freaks. Most controlling people feel anxious when they lose control. They may or may not know this. Therefore, when they must be "self-righteous", please understand that their anxiety is only rising again. Instead of resisting their control, it is better to agree with their anxiety and put forward the appeal of communication. If you resist, that is, attack them with words, or insist on disagreeing with what they say, it will only increase their demand for control rather than decrease it.
Step 2 provide evidence
If you think you are right, you can provide the other party with evidence to support your position. For example, if the communication is about financial issues, please provide appropriate data to prove your point. Providing evidence, generally speaking, for those who are "self-righteous", can reduce the anxiety related to trying to understand your point of view, because they are more likely to accept certain facts.
3. Use your past "credit"
If you have proved that you are right on similar or related controversial topics in the past, you can inform the other party of such an event. This is actually similar to the second one, that is, using past facts as evidence to help those "self-righteous" people see the facts clearly.
Step 4 control your emotions
When we encounter the censure of "self-righteous" people, many times, we will fall into emotions, which is human nature. However, if you are more dissatisfied or emotional, the other party will think you are irrational. If you are irrational in his eyes, then he has every reason to think that everything he says is right. Therefore, the more this time, the more please control your emotions and state your views calmly and rationally.
Step 5 Fight selectively
People who are "self-righteous" often attack in an all-round way, but you don't have to fight all of them. Please don't be trapped in the parent-child mode, fight back selectively, fight back those parts that you think are important and care about your core interests, instead of fighting for the fight back. In fact, there are many things that "self-righteous" people care about, and you will feel that there is no need to care at all.
Step 6 look at it objectively
Admit that your partner is more capable than you in some ways. These places, in many cases, are also places where we appreciate them and are willing to continue to get along with them. It is understandable that they enjoy more control in these fields.
7. Pay attention to the positive side.
Not all control is bad, especially when it helps you avoid chaos. Aya actually mentioned that Da S gave her support in many places, such as when her own family changed. Generally speaking, many people may not be able to stand up and support you at this time, but people with this personality have an impulse to help you control the situation. So, if the other party's control avoids chaos, please pay attention to this positive aspect.
8. Enhance insight
When agreeing with each other's anxiety, you may be able to provide some explanations for their behavior. For example, the controller may have suffered serious losses in childhood or be forced to face incompetent parents. Please discuss these past experiences with them gently and relate them to the current control demand, which may weaken this demand.
Special reminder
It is not easy to negotiate with these controlling "self-righteous" people.
If you think all the methods you try are not feasible, you have other options, although they may not be pleasant.
First of all, you can choose to continue the your relationship and yield to the other side's control. Some people just don't want their feelings to be in danger. After all, the pain of separation is not worth it for these people.
Secondly, you can choose to quit this relationship. You have the right to decide the direction of this relationship.
Of course, you can invite him for professional help. Of course, it should be pointed out that controlling people don't like to give up control in front of anyone, including therapists.
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