Indeed, all of us in China are complaining bitterly when we take care of our children. We all work hard and the whole family, old and young, go into battle together. Are we stupid? It seems that people in China have all kinds of shortcomings, but no one dares to say that people in China are stupid. Are we lazy? Overseas Chinese are famous for their hard work. However, it happens that I also have relatives and friends who gave birth abroad, so I use the method I know to take care of children abroad to study why Chinese mothers are so tired.
My husband's cousin gave birth in Germany. After giving birth to the baby, the nurses in the hospital gave some training to the novice parents, including how to take care of the baby, how to take a bath and what to pay attention to (there is no confinement abroad, and some precautions will be talked about). But in China? The maternity hospital is crowded with people. On the night when Miao Miao was born, because I didn't have milk, the nurse asked me to feed her milk powder with a paper cup and a small straw. I couldn't get in after several times, and said impatiently, do it yourself. Then I left without experience.
As you can imagine, when my German cousin was discharged from hospital after training, I learned nothing in the hospital, but had enough. But did I ask the old man for help? No, because I spent more than 4000 yuan a month, I invited an experienced month. My new moon is very good. If I give her the child, I will be relieved, but I really can't afford the annual salary of 50 thousand. So the aunts I invited later were cheaper than each other, but their abilities were lower than each other.
The mothers I met abroad were all full-time when their children were young, and none of them went to work. The welfare and social security abroad are reassuring, and there is nothing to be afraid of being a full-time mother. Even some government agencies, enterprises and institutions will subsidize full-time wives of employees. But in China, when you quit your job and go home, you are an unorganized, unprofessional, unskilled and unemployed husband. What's more, many mothers used to have stable jobs. Once they quit, they will never have such a good job again.
If you're not a stay-at-home mom, keep working. As the netizen said, nannies, custodians and family kindergartens can be invited to help working mothers. Let's start with the nanny. Inviting an aunt in Beijing is really a terrible nightmare, and almost every mother has a feeling that she can't turn back. High price, big temper, poor ability, it is easy to find the right one. A few days later, I left without saying goodbye and went to a better one. In addition to the new moon, my family used about a dozen aunts before and after, including leaving in a day or two. Among these aunts, only one can clean and cook, two can cook, one can clean and cook, two can barely cook, and the other half, I will never exaggerate and do nothing. Any housework should be trained.
Only two of these aunts are really experienced in raising children, but one of them is eccentric and not suitable for raising children. And I hired half of them from professional parenting companies. They all claim to have taken care of their children, but several of them have never even seen diapers. So in the end, my aunt is used in my family all year round. She helps to cook while cleaning, and plays with my children at work for a while. Aunt's salary 1500 yuan. I will give a red envelope of encouragement on holidays. My aunt left my house after Miao Miao went to kindergarten, and I spent several hours cleaning. Only then did I know that more than half of the hourly workers can't even clean. I have to waste my breath because of procrastination and other problems. A part-time worker in the community charges a lot and does a good job, but he often calls to say that everyone has sent it out. Now our family doesn't even need hourly workers. My husband just cleans.
I don't know the level of foreign nannies, but I don't think it will come to this.
All my friends around me are lucky to have a suitable aunt, and almost no one can "finish the work well". Those aunts basically go home halfway because of something at home, so it is difficult to find the same suitable one if they look for it again. This also reflects a social problem. Those rural aunts can only go home when the elderly are sick, busy with farming or any minor accidents. So it's not that they don't want to be stable, but that conditions don't allow them to be stable.
Speaking of the source of nannies, I often sigh when looking for nannies, if only there were a reliable person like a laid-off aunt or retired grandmother in Beijing. It is said that this can be available, but in fact, this is really not available. Even the aunts in family kindergartens are mostly from other places. Actually, I was thinking, why not? Is this the case only in Beijing? Is it the same in other cities?
And quite a few foreign nannies are in cities. They come from a clear source and are a group with a similar lifestyle to yours. They stay at home, so they can escape from monks, but not from temples. Even if they have their own car, they will drive. So you can send the nanny home early at work to help her send her to kindergarten, or you can ask the nanny to pick up the children after work at night.
This is the case with nannies. What about time-based care and home kindergarten that foreign mothers can choose when they need it? Is there one in Beijing? There are also. There is a more formal trusteeship center near us, one hour in 200 yuan. Card processing, discount and so on add up to one hour 100. The luxury indoor recreation near my home also has temporary hosting business, but I don't even want to ask the hosting price of this place for an annual card starting from 7000 yuan. At least a few hundred dollars per hour. Besides, they will take care of you whether they pick up your children or not. When they opened the door, you basically turned on the office computer. When they get off work, nine times out of ten, you are not off work. They serve rich stay-at-home mothers, leave their children here, have tea with their girlfriends and go to the hair salon to get their hair done. We envy this state, but most mothers can't.
From this perspective, from the end of maternity leave to kindergarten at the age of two and a half, family kindergarten is actually the best choice for working mothers. There used to be one in our community. I visited it. Although it looks unreliable and the sanitary conditions are suspicious, I am still a little tempted. After all, it is in the community. And the monthly price of 1700 yuan is acceptable to most families in Beijing. But in a few days, the kindergarten moved away. I didn't even say hello when I left. It is evident that parents of interest classes go to see people walking around the building.
Moreover, family kindergartens are still a gray area in China, with no industry standards, no implementation norms, no licenses and no supervision. Everything depends on luck and enlightenment. Even so, there are more and more family kindergartens. I think this is the right way after all and the most promising way in the future.
In fact, foreigners may not be absolutely dependent on the elderly. Without exception, the guide book of the foreign parenting book I bought mentioned that it would be best if you could ask your parents for help in the first few months. Moreover, social trusteeship is still a hot topic for feminist organizations to fight for women's rights. Even in foreign countries where business is so mature and developed, the contradiction between parenting and parents' work has not been completely solved.
So as a friend who talks about foreign countries, I believe that in the near future, with the maturity and scale of this commercial activity, China's mother can also do without the elderly. Of course, we can do it now, but the sacrifices and risks we have made are much greater than those of foreign mothers.