Recently, a friend and a colleague had a disagreement over something at work. This friend thinks that she is always self-righteous, and she has to do something when it is obviously unnecessary. Finally, she proved that her friend was right, but she still had countless reasons to explain why she did it, which made people angry.

Friends' stories are put in the workplace or life, and examples abound. In the process of communication, most people pay attention to themselves. It's like two people, A and B, sitting under the light, all the light hits one of them. A can only hear his own voice and turn off his attention to B. Do you think that when chatting with others, you will always think from your own point of view and say something unacceptable to the other person in your own way?

For how to communicate effectively, there is a very practical tool in the coach-3F Listening.

3F refers to: fact, feeling and intention. It corresponds to three human brains: crawling brain, emotional brain and intelligent brain.

Xiao Wang was 20 minutes late for the meeting this morning. After the meeting, Xiao Wang went to the supervisor to explain the reason. Because his daughter was ill this morning, he was in a hurry to take her to the hospital and missed the meeting time. The supervisor scolded Xiao Wang and said that he had been late three times this month. If he is always so late, he won't have to consider the salary increase next month. Xiao Wang felt very wronged and argued. As a result, the two broke up in discord.

Who is right or wrong about this matter? From the perspective of Wang and the supervisor, there seems to be no problem. The problem lies in the way of communication between the two people. Let's use the 3F listening tool to analyze it.

Xiao Wang's fact: I was 20 minutes late for the meeting this morning.

Xiao Wang's feelings: worry, anxiety.

Xiao Wang's intention: deal with her daughter's affairs before going to the company for a meeting.

Fact: Xiao Wang was late for school three times.

The supervisor's feelings: anger and disappointment.

Director's intention: I hope Xiao Wang will not be late again.

The facts, feelings and intentions of the supervisor and Xiao Wang are different, and their concerns are different, so communication problems will naturally occur. What should I say?

Xiao Wang explained to the supervisor and listened with 3F. The supervisor can ask: Xiao Wang, because your daughter is ill, you will be 20 minutes late for this meeting. I know you are anxious and worried, but this is the third time you are late this month, which will affect your salary increase next month. If it happens again, I hope you can report to me in advance, so that I can be better.

I believe that if the supervisor communicates with Xiao Wang in this way, will Xiao Wang understand the supervisor better? Will the number of lateness decrease?

Using 3F, let's become real listeners.