On August 3rd1day, the first issue of Weekly Talk was held as scheduled. Topic of the lecture: self-discipline. Participating in reading friends: Chen so fun, founder of advertising company; DJ, food technology developer; Simple, college student.
When it comes to self-discipline, everyone is familiar with it, but few people can really do it. The book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People says:
People who are not self-disciplined are slaves to lust, desire and feelings.
In troubled times, we will face great temptation. Without determination, foresight and self-discipline, the direction of life will easily get out of control, so that we will lose ourselves and become slaves under external constraints. Since self-discipline is so important, how do the three readers have their own unique opinions and feelings on this issue?
one
Why are self-disciplined people free?
Intensive reading: How much role can self-discipline play in one's study, life and work?
Chen is so ridiculous: Generally speaking, there are two points: First, self-discipline is an important condition for success, but it is not necessarily a necessary condition. To some extent, self-control is the foundation of success. Self-discipline may not be successful, but without self-discipline, there is no success at all. Second, for individuals, strengthening self-discipline is helpful to sharpen their minds and form good personal conduct.
DJ: First of all, we have to define what is self-discipline, which is interpreted as "self-discipline based on obeying the law" in the dictionary. In real life, what we call self-discipline is more a kind of self-discipline and choice made by individuals in order to achieve a certain goal or state. In this way, people with a high degree of self-discipline are obviously more likely to succeed in study, life and work, and achieve their own expectations, because their execution is stronger.
Qingshallow: As a student, I think that students who are self-disciplined have better academic performance and less study pressure. One of my classmates is a self-disciplined person, and the whole person is more confident. She never evaded the problem, but took her time to solve it. She is an activist with a sense of mission. People who don't know her well will feel that any problem can be solved in front of her. This is probably what impressed me most about the self-disciplinarians.
Intensive reading: What is the relationship between self-discipline and freedom?
Chen is so ridiculous: there seems to be some contradiction between the two. Man is an emotional animal, not a machine. Pure freedom or self-discipline does not exist. This is a bit philosophical. Freedom is based on self-discipline. Without self-discipline, freedom is impossible. Kant has a saying that freedom is not arbitrary, but self-dominated. This domination is self-discipline. The freedom brought by self-discipline is actually the ability to control yourself and your life.
DJ: The relationship between self-discipline and freedom is like a kite and a thread. It seems that the string is binding the kite, but in fact, because of this string, the kite can fly, and the kite that leaves the string can only fall. Freedom is also based on self-discipline.
Simple: Freedom means not being bound, but being happy and practical. The freedom of self-discipline reminds me of my own experience-high school has winter and summer vacations, and I want to have a good rest every time I go home, so I stay at home every day and don't want to go out. As a result, I went back to school after the holiday and didn't do my homework. Say what you want to do, but a meaningful holiday has not come true, and you are annoyed every time. I don't want to go to school at the same time This is probably freedom from self-discipline.
Intensive reading of your notes: speaking of personal experience of freedom of self-discipline, I think that joining intensive reading clubs, keeping diaries and learning to drive are all self-discipline; DJ believes that watching other children play as children is also a kind of freedom of self-discipline, but you have to endure to finish your homework before playing, so the gains from it will bring spiritual pleasure and a sense of accomplishment.
two
Why do we easily succumb to temptation?
Intensive Reading Jun: What makes a person unable to exercise self-discipline? What is the main reason?
Chen is so ridiculous: this problem is completely summarized in the book Self-control. There are two reasons why self-discipline cannot be exercised. 1. Before self-discipline: 1) The self-discipline goal is unclear, too big or too low; 2) Being in a bad mood, depressed or stressed; 3) Affected by the surrounding environment and others. Second, self-discipline: 1) excessive self-discipline; 2) Improper reward.
According to my own feelings, I added a reason: imposed tasks. If you are forced to do something, the goal is clear, but you don't like it at all and don't want to do it, but you have to do it. You will be reluctant or unable to control yourself at all, which is a serious loss of self.
I think many students in China have such helplessness. For example, I like liberal arts, but I study science. Therefore, when I used to do pulse circuit homework, I was always listless, reading novels while doing it. Later, I joined some clubs and often handed in some manuscripts, so I had a particularly happy time and never felt burdened. Therefore, if you are not self-disciplined, you really don't need self-discipline. Maybe the key is the wrong lock!
DJ: Failure to exercise self-discipline means losing self-control and becoming a slave to desire. The book Self-control is more about success. I divide the reasons into two categories: first, lack of goals and directions, low self-demand, and easy to yield to temptation. The other is to encounter greater difficulties and pressures. And escape and indulgence beyond their tolerance.
Simplicity: One is that we can't be self-disciplined, because we don't cultivate the habit of self-discipline at ordinary times. What self-discipline says-we are constantly looking forward to making different choices tomorrow, and believe that the future can not only make up for what we didn't do today, but also do more. In fact, this expectation is wrong. In addition, excessive self-discipline is more likely to lead to failure and guilt, and it will be more indulgent after entering the cycle of indulgence. Everything has gone too far.
Intensive reading of your notes: Regarding the problem that excessive self-discipline leads to the inability to exercise self-discipline, Chen so fun gave an example-a friend wanted to lose weight, found a coach, and went on a diet to keep fit, which was very strict. Later, I really couldn't stand it, so I overeated and stopped exercising.
Intensive Reading Jun: When do you most easily give in to temptation? How disciplined are you in the face of temptation?
Chen quipped that when people suffer major setbacks, they tend to be depressed and give up on themselves, giving themselves great denial, thinking that they are useless and that they are the biggest loser and stupid in the world. At this point, you will forget all your thoughts, so all the constraints on yourself become meaningless. In this case, people can easily indulge themselves.
Secondly, when you blame yourself for giving in to temptation again, it will often lead to greater denial of yourself, feeling that you really don't have the ability of self-discipline, and it will be more painful psychologically, forming a vicious circle of self-abandonment. This is the case with the fitness friends mentioned just now.
DJ: I also think that when you are depressed, upset and faced with great difficulties, it is easy to get out of control. For self-discipline, sometimes external forces are needed. For example, I like playing a game very much. What if I can't control it? I just deleted the game. If you want to play again next time, you need to download and install again, which is more troublesome and you can only give up.
Qingshallow: This reminds me of last year, before the Chinese New Year, the final exam was coming, and a game was popular in our dormitory-having fun. It's not fun to think about it now, but at that time, maybe everyone was under great test pressure and several subjects were admitted one after another, so several roommates played crazy every day. They didn't work hard and didn't sleep. The first thing they wake up in the morning is to play games. This is probably because when roommates face pressure, all the temptations in front of them are more attractive. Therefore, pressure will make people succumb to temptation.
three
What if a habit that has been determined to get rid of suddenly rebounds?
Intensive reading jun: how to solve the problem of self-discipline in a targeted manner? What are the most practical methods?
Chen quipped: Generally speaking, improving self-discipline means establishing good habits. For example, I don't like brushing my teeth, which is very troublesome, but I brush my teeth honestly before going to bed and after getting up every day.
My self-discipline ability is weak, and my coping style is to rely on external forces; 1) Join different WeChat groups and urge yourself by punching in; 2) Promise a certain goal to people around you and ask them to supervise; 3) Form some behaviors into habits to reduce the internal friction of one's psychological struggle.
DJ: To solve the problem of self-discipline, we must first find out what makes you self-discipline. For example, obesity, is it because of stress and overeating? Or because you can't resist the temptation of food? Or too little exercise? Find out the reasons and then make targeted solutions.
The more effective scheme for me is: 1) give yourself a clear goal; 2) Exercise (such as meditation, but I personally like running); 3) Let others supervise themselves with the help of external forces.
Simple: every change and improvement is to realize your own problems first, then think about the life you want, what kind of person you want to be, and then consciously change.
For change, I will experience it by reading books in that field, because good books are good teachers and friends, which let me better understand my current situation and change in a more correct way. The same is true of self-discipline. The book I read is the self-control recommended by intensive reading. Just like someone showed me a way, I know the method and how to do it, so that I can achieve my goal and have confidence in myself.
Intensive Reading Jun: What if a bad habit that has been determined to get rid of suddenly rebounds?
Chen Sufen: 1) Psychologically, don't be nervous or deny yourself, but look down on this matter. It's like working for five days and taking two days off. Bad habits return just to relax. 2) Psychologically, change the mentality and deal with things that need to be invested; 3) Tactically, give yourself a chance to start again, record your record of getting rid of bad habits, and strengthen supervision.
DJ: First of all, we should understand that self-discipline is not to suppress desires, but to make choices for broader goals. There is a point in the book "The Power of Habit" that habits cannot be quit. It has been lurking in your subconscious, ready to jump out at any time. Knowing this, you don't have to blame yourself too much when you rebound.
Habits can't be broken, but they can be changed. The book says that a person's habit cycle has three processes: suggestion → habitual behavior → reward. When an inducement appears, the brain will receive hints and get satisfaction by doing so. The key to changing habits is to find out what the hints, habitual behaviors and rewards of this habit are, and then replace this habitual behavior with positive and beneficial behaviors. I quite agree with this view. Simple: Bad habits are really hard to get rid of. My practice is to ignore it as much as possible, because the more you care, the more it will rebound. It's better to face up to your own thoughts and not put them into action, and let the forgotten power of the brain destroy it. For example, I used to lie down and eat snacks at night, and I want to get rid of this habit. I simply don't buy snacks, think about something else and do something else. Now I have got rid of this habit.
Intensive reading notes: the habit cycle mentioned by DJ reminds intensive reading of the point mentioned in the book The Power of Habits-habits will not disappear, but they can be replaced. Interested readers can also click on the habit micro-course of intensive reading. Why is it so difficult to get rid of bad habits?
four
Self-discipline, are you one of them?
Intensive reading jun: do you have any cases of self-discipline to share with yourself or around you?
Chen quipped: There is a big brother named Wei in my circle, who is very prestigious among the company and friends. One thing that impressed him deeply was that no matter how late he was socializing and how much he drank, he would appear in the office before 8: 30 the next morning. I once talked to him about this topic, and he said that attendance was a trivial matter. Although he can have many reasons to be late for the company, he must take care of many employees in the company. If he can't lead by example, the effect of the manager will be greatly reduced.
DJ: When I was in college, I was a study committee member. When I was running for the class cadre in my freshman year, I said I would run for the study committee member, because I have strong self-discipline in learning and can lead everyone to study together. Later, she really didn't break her word and was the first in grade for three years in a row.
Niuren is the classmate I talked about in the first question. She is very powerful, but what I admire most is the sureness she gives me. It's not honesty, but the feeling that everything can be done effortlessly. I think this has a lot to do with self-discipline.
Intensive reading: What is the connection between self-discipline and concentration? Does exercising concentration help to cultivate self-discipline?
Chen teased: self-discipline is self-control, not by temporary interest or impulse; Concentration is only a temporary state. Exercising concentration helps to cultivate self-discipline, but to achieve self-discipline, we need more training in mind, perseverance and ability to resist pressure.
Concentration is often an actor's interest. People don't just do interest all their lives, and as adults, they can't do things just by interest. For example: I am interested in sleeping late, or I concentrate on eating all kinds of delicious food, so I don't like fitness, but the scientific lifestyle doesn't allow it, so I have to change my interest and lifestyle. Whether a person is an adult or not depends on whether he has done something he doesn't want to do but must do because of responsibility and other reasons.
DJ: Concentration is the embodiment of the ability to concentrate and not be disturbed by the outside world. People with strong self-discipline will have higher concentration, and there is a certain synergy between them. Not only self-discipline and concentration, but also many excellent qualities and habits (note: playing games and watching TV, in my opinion, are not concentration, but addiction) complement each other and promote each other.
Simplicity: concentration, if placed in the right place, can promote self-discipline. If you concentrate on one thing, the success rate will be greatly improved. Success is also a kind of self-reward, which will motivate yourself and move towards a virtuous circle.
Read your notes carefully: focus on the right place. If we focus on bad habits, it is not conducive to self-discipline. On the other hand, if you can't concentrate on one thing, in the final analysis, you can't discipline yourself. It's like, you can't help looking at your mobile phone at work, which is a sign that you can't concentrate, but it is also a lack of self-discipline. Intensive reading: Is there excessive self-discipline? If so, are there any side effects?
Chen quipped that self-control requires a lot of energy. Excessive self-control puts pressure on body and mind, weakens the function of immune system, increases the probability of illness, and is harmful to the body. Especially when people's instinct is suppressed, it will have an ironic rebound effect. For example, as I said just now, ironically, friends who lose weight try their best to lose weight and finally bounce back even more.
DJ: OCD? For example, "I" must run every day, rain or shine ... anyway, I am not self-disciplined
Qingyan: I have nothing to add. @ All, all, all, all, all 2000 10
The above is the whole content of this issue of Weekly Talk. In the course of the lecture, every reader expressed his views without reservation, which made each other have a deeper understanding of "self-discipline": only those who know self-discipline can form the confidence to walk freely in the world and achieve the life they want.
I hope everyone can have a self-disciplined attitude towards life and step into a better life.
Your problem? The answer is here? Wechat official account intensive reading Jun.