① A: "Alas! Didn't sleep well last night! " B: "What's the matter?" A: "I killed a mosquito." B: "Then you should sleep better!" A: "I thought so at first, but who knew that a large group of mosquitoes came later and held a memorial service for it." Even after the meeting, they even ate their meals! "

(2) Two Scottish immigrants who arrived in new york spent the night in a hotel. They were annoyed by mosquitoes all night. One of them said, "Sandy, cover your head with a quilt. Mosquitoes won't bite us." After a while, he put his head out to breathe fresh air. Then he saw a firefly he had never seen before and cried, "God, it's no use covering your head.". Mosquitoes are looking for us with lanterns. "

3. whose skin is thick

Miss Tan said to Mr. Lin, "Do you know what is the most complicated thing in the world?" I don't know. Mr. Lin said. "That's your beard! Your skin is so thick, but they will still explode. " Do you know what is the thickest thing in the world? Mr. Lin asked. I don't know. Miss Tan replied. "That's your face." Mr. Lin said, "The beard is so sharp that it can't grow under your skin."

4. Shortcomings

Teacher: "Do you realize the shortcomings of sleeping in class?" Student: "I know." Teacher: "What are the shortcomings?" Student: "The disadvantage is that it is not comfortable to sleep in bed."

solve problems

Teacher (pointing to the Pacific region on the globe with his index finger): "What is this?" No one answered. Teacher: "Ted, you are good at solving difficult problems. You answer them. " Ted: "It's the index finger, one of ten fingers."

6. One more question is missing.

In chemistry class, the teacher assigned homework. "Exercise 4, 5, 7, 9, 1 1, 16, 19, that's all." Suddenly I heard several boys shouting, "Teacher, there is still one question left." The teacher was overjoyed and thought that he was finally looking forward to the day when students took the initiative to study. So he smiled and said, "well, add questions 22 and 27." As soon as the bell rang, all the boys ran to the lottery betting station and said, "Our teacher is really good. We have all the special numbers here. "

interview

Jack went to the bar to apply for security. The manager of the bar asked him, "Do you have any experience?" "Of course!" Jack looked around and saw a drunk. He immediately went over to catch him and kicked him out. Then he proudly asked the manager, "Can I see the general manager now?" "Then I'm afraid you'll have to wait for him because you just kicked him out."

8. Make mistakes again and again

A gentleman was late for dinner. After sitting down in a hurry, I saw the roast suckling pig in front of me and said happily, "Not bad. I sit next to the suckling pig. "

As soon as the words came out, I found a fat lady glaring at each other. He quickly said with a smiling face, "I'm sorry, I mean that's baked."

9. Wrong direction

On the Orient Express, the conductor looked at an old lady's ticket and said, "This is a ticket from Berlin to Paris, but our train goes to Istanbul."

The old lady looked at the conductor too seriously and asked, "What should I do? Even the driver didn't find himself driving in the wrong direction? "

10. Fishing; catch fish

Patrol: "Fishing is forbidden here, and 20 yuan is fined." Fisherman: "I'm not fishing, I'm teaching earthworms to swim." Policeman: "Really? Let me see. " Fisherman: "Look." Patrol: "Swimming naked, fine 50 yuan."

1 1. Learn about birds

In the animal science examination of a university, the examiner announced the test question: "There are ten birds in front of the classroom, and each bird is covered with a cloth bag, only showing its legs." Please observe the legs of each bird carefully, and then say their common names, habits and so on. A college student observed the legs of every bird, but the birds seemed no different to him. The more he looks at them, the angrier he gets. He got up and said to the professor, "This kind of exam is so boring. "The professor was surprised by his words and deeds, and quickly asked," Which class are you in? What's your name? The enraged student went to the podium, rolled up his trouser legs, patted his thigh and shouted at the professor, "Aren't you great?" Then look at my legs and see which class I'm in. "

12. ditto

There was an argument between husband and wife. My wife is a bitch and swears a lot. "Fuck you, go to hell ..." The husband is a professor, but he can't bear to call names. He shouted, "ditto!"

aesthetics

Q: "What is the difference between the aesthetic concepts of the Qing Dynasty and the Tang Dynasty?" A: "The beauties of the Qing Dynasty, such as Lin Daiyu-'I don't know beauty when I get on the horse'; Beauty in the Tang Dynasty, such as Yang Guifei-'beauty is not enough'. "

14. Monks

A man and a beautiful woman have dinner together. It's hot, and the miniskirt beauty secretly splits her legs. The man shouted, "Close it!" "Beauty, close your legs. At this time, a monk sat at the next table.

15. Wukong

A man teased his niece at night: "I'm the Monkey King." The next morning, the man woke up in pain, and his niece said, "Uncle Wukong, I put an embroidery needle in your ear. Please help me conjure up a golden hoop. "

16. On the plane

During the journey, one of the propellers of the plane stopped working, and everyone was praying except a woman who was sleeping for the first time. After the plane landed, people praised her for her bravery. However, when she learned the truth, she turned pale with fear and exclaimed, "God, I thought it stopped running to save fuel."

17. Go to the duck's ass

After the heavy rain ... an old man was driving a duck ... A man driving a BMW asked him, "Is the water deep?" Old man: "Don't worry, the car will definitely pass." Come on ... the car is soaked in water. The man cursed: "Isn't it ok ..."

Old man: "yes, just now the water only reached the duck's ass!" " "

18. False clean

I have a friend who washes his hands every time he goes to the toilet. I admire his cleanliness. However, one day he came out without washing his hands after going to the toilet. I was surprised to ask him why, and he said, "I happened to bring toilet paper today."

19. Banhua

During the self-study class, the academic director came in and said to the monitor, "Help me find two people, I want to spend the class!" " "The monitor immediately organized the whole class to vote for the class flower. After a class, they finally unified their opinions and chose the two most beautiful girls in the class. Two girls went to the director shyly, and the director said, "Come with me to the academic affairs office, I want to move flowers ..."

20. I took a fancy to it at a glance

The woman said to the matchmaker, "You are lying. He is blind in one eye and you didn't tell me. " "Why didn't I tell you?" The matchmaker said: "After you first met, I said: He took a fancy to you at first sight."

2 1. Urine test

A Dai had a physical examination, and the nurse told him to have a urine test and a stool test. As a result, after a long time, the nurse wondered, "Do you want to test it or not?" A Dai: "I have swallowed my urine, but it is a little difficult to defecate."

22. Pick up girls

Husband bathed his 3-year-old daughter. Just after putting her in the basin, her daughter shouted, "Mom, look, dad is picking up girls."

23. arbitrary

A woman is so arbitrary that her husband has to take her to see a psychiatrist. The husband waited outside for almost an hour, and the wife finally came out. The husband asked, "Are you better now?" "Nothing has changed much," said the lady. "It took me 50 minutes to convince him that it was much better to put the hospital bed on the side against the wall than in the middle ..."

24. Flip the CD.

A psychopath was lying in bed singing, turning over and singing. The doctor asked him, "Why did you turn over?" The psycho said, "Are you stupid? Of course, after singing side A, I will sing side B! "

25. grind your teeth

The husband was in a hurry to write a paper, but the wife kept nagging. The husband was helpless and said with a sigh, "People study with tea to add fragrance, while I study with tea to add chaos;" People write articles about beauty grinding ink, and I write articles about beauty grinding teeth. "

26. retaliation

A butcher who just became a father said angrily, "It's crazy. The consultation fee, hospitalization fee and nursing fee of obstetricians add up to 800 yuan for giving birth to this child, 1 kg! "

27. Stop the car

One day, my classmates and I went home by bus. There is an old woman in the seat of the first fraternity. Every time the bus arrives at the station, she will stand up. Stood dozens of times along the way. The classmate couldn't stand it, so he asked his grandmother, "Grandma, why do you have to stand up every time the car stops?" Grandma: "Every time the car stops, the display board above the driver will show' Stop', so I have to stop every time the car stops!" Classmate: "please, grandma, that's' stop at the next stop', not' stop'."

contribution

One day, a couple got married, and after the wedding, ...

Best man: "Why do you have a bitter gourd face?"

Groom: "well ... just now I asked the priest how much he should pay?" He originally said that there was no charge, and that someone donated according to the beauty and ugliness of the bride: the more beautiful the bride, the more she donated. "

Best man: "How much did you give?"

Groom: "1 yuan."

Best man: "then you earned it!" " Why are you still upset? "

Groom: "But … But, he gave me fifty cents!" " "

29. Be responsible for ...

A five-year-old boy kissed a four-year-old girl.

The girl said, "Did you kiss me?"

"yes." The boy said.

"Then you must be responsible." The girl said.

The boy said seriously, "I will, because we are not three years old."

30. Quiet method

The class is having a class meeting, and the students are noisy, very noisy. At this time, the class teacher said, "Dear students, now let's do a facial movement. Please put your mouth in an Zhang Kaicheng O shape." Everyone cooperated with each other, and the whole classroom was suddenly silent. The teacher went on to say, "According to my many years' experience, it is the most effective way to make students change from noisy to quiet at once, and it is always unbeaten." "

3 1. Beautiful language

One day in physics class, when the teacher was talking in class, a classmate raised his hand.

The teacher said, "Is this classmate always?"

The student said, "I want to shit ..."

The teacher said, "at this age, won't you be polite?"

The student immediately raised his hand and said, "Teacher, I want to vomit in my anus ..."

32. Play better than you.

Mom: "Isn't it shy to fight with your best friend?"

Son: "But he stoned me first, so I stoned him."

Mom: "When he threw stones at you first, you should come back and tell me at once."

Son: "What's the use of that? I play better than you. "

33. Experience the script

Wife: "honey, stop drinking, or you will get drunk!" " "

Husband: "It's good to be drunk. The director asked me to play an alcoholic this time. I just want to experience ... "

Wife: "Well, I'm leaving!" "

Husband: "Hey, why did you leave?"

Wife: "I read the script, and drunkards beat their wives when they are drunk ..."

34. Reasons for divorce

The husband went to court to ask for a divorce from his wife. The judge asked him, "Why did you divorce her?"

"Well, our unit gave me a tourist card and two people went to Bulgaria for a holiday. I'll call my wife and ask her if she would like to go with me ... "

"She's not going?"

"No, she cried happily,' I do, I do!' Thanks again and again. "

"That ..."

"But she finally asked,' Who are you?' . "

35. find someone

A girl came to a matchmaking agency with a computer and entered her marriage request into the computer: she wanted to find someone who was not too tall, liked to wear dresses on weekdays and liked sports on the ice. The computer rang for a while, and I immediately gave her an answer: penguin.

36. Bullfighting

A matador was so drunk that he couldn't control himself, and then he took a shortcut to the stadium, where a bull was already lying. The matador immediately grabbed the horns and fought fiercely with them. Finally, the bull escaped. Later, the matador said to his friends, "I really drank a little too much just now, otherwise I had to drag the boy off the bike."

37. One shot at a time.

Fans: "Your players shoot high or low in the game. How did you improve the accuracy of shooting? " Coach: "I punished those players who played anti-aircraft guns in the game and kept practicing shooting at one point." What's the effect of "fans"? Coach: "The improvement of accuracy is far beyond my imagination. In the next game, they all shot the ball accurately on the other goalkeeper. "

38. Genetics and environment

My son is thinking about "heredity and environment". Mother interjected: "This question is very simple. Everyone knows that if a child is like a father, it is hereditary. " Like neighbors, that's the environment. "

39.examples

In grammar class, the tense of verbs is being taught. He asked Irene, "Tell me, what is the future tense of love?" Irene answered without hesitation: "Get married!"

40. Answer

Teacher: "the stairs of the building are divided into four sections, each section has 20 steps." If you want to climb the top floor, how many steps does a * * * have to cross? " Student: "All the steps!"

4 1. An alcoholic knows his family

The policeman sent a drunk to the door and said to him, "Is this really your home?"

"Open the door for me, and I'll prove it to you right away!" The police opened the door and took him in.

"Did you see that piano? That's mine. Have you seen that TV set? That is mine, too. " They went up to the second floor again. "This is my 0 bedroom. Do you see that bed? The woman sleeping in that bed is my wife. Did you see the person who slept with her? "

The policeman said doubtfully, "How come?"

"That's me."

42. The way home

The policeman saw a drunk touching the edge of a big barrel in circles and said, "What's the matter with you?"

"It's okay! I go home, and the end of this wooden fence is my home. "

43. scold me quickly

Husky came home drunk, pushed open the bedroom door and said to his wife, "I'm back, so you should scold me quickly." Otherwise, you can't find the bed by touching the dark. "

First, mobile phone text messages

1. Remember when you were in kindergarten? The teacher told the children that whoever urinates in bed will be fined three yuan for the first time, five yuan for the second time and ten yuan for the third time. At this time, I saw you stand up and say loudly: How much is the teacher a month?

In the middle of the night, there is no light in the toilet. You go to relieve yourself, fall into the toilet, fight with maggots, compete with shit, and no one saves you. You die heroically, live great, and die silently. In memory of you, there are lights in the toilet.

three

1 1, I think that's enough. My eyes turned blue in the middle of the night, I forgot to give money when I bought something, and pork vermicelli was not greedy. 1+ 1=3 found it difficult. Zhao Benshan wanted to hurt herself when she was Sun Nan. .

12, the man offered his seat to the beautiful woman, and the beautiful woman wiped her seat with paper before sitting down. I didn't expect her to fart as soon as she sat down. The man smiled: Miss is so sanitary, if it is not clean, it will be blown. .

Second, continuous classic short jokes.

1, the soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: "What can I do? Stepped on the price compensation. "

2. I'm very upset that I haven't heard from you for a long time.

I thought of death. I cut my pulse with potato chips, hit my head with tofu, and parachuted upstairs.

Hanging with noodles, but none of them died.

Invited me to dinner and died.

If you feel cold, please call me! Please press 1 to talk about feelings, 2 to talk about work, 3 to talk about life, 5 to introduce me, please tell me directly when you invite me to dinner, and please hang up when you borrow money from me.

The giraffe married the monkey, and a year later, the giraffe filed for divorce: I will never live such a life of jumping up and down again! Monkey is furious: leave! Who has seen kissing and climbing trees!

The fish said, "I kept my eyes open to leave you." The water said, "I have been flowing tirelessly all day, surrounding you and holding you tightly." The pot said, "It's almost fucking ripe and there's still so much nonsense."

6. Have you eaten? Please receive the short message. The elephant put shit in the middle of the road, and an ant just passed by. Looking up at the misty mountain peak, it couldn't help singing: Alasao, this is the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau! ~~~~

7, you have grown up, there are some things you should know: the sky is used for wind and rain; The land is used to grow flowers and grass; I used it to prove how great human beings are; You are used to stew vermicelli.

8. Don't worry if you don't bring paper when you are by the railway. The train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! Don't worry, when you go to the toilet by the river and there is no paper, the frog will tell you: scratch, scratch, scratch!

10, God, it's so blue! Sea water, too salty! Life is too hard! Work, too annoying! And you, decree by destiny! Miss you, insomnia! It's too far to see you! What can I do? I miss you so much that I can't eat chopsticks or swallow bowls!

1 1, send you 12 Zodiac. I wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a sheep, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog and looks like a pig!

12. The chimpanzee accidentally stepped on the stool pulled by the gibbon. After the gibbon cleaned it gently and carefully, they fell in love. Others asked how they got together. Chimpanzees said with emotion: ape dung! It's all ape shit!

13, the lion and the bear shit by the tree respectively. A month later, the lion found that the tree next to his stool was thicker than the bear's, so he said a philosophy full of vicissitudes-lion shit is better than bear shit!

14, you think of a number, add 52.8 to it, multiply it by 5, then subtract 3.9343, divide it by 0.5, and finally subtract ten times the number you think of. The answer is romantic!

15, you always fart in the office, and your colleagues can't help asking if you can keep quiet. Then I saw you sitting there shivering and asked what you were doing, and you replied that I was shaking!

17, it is said that you are cruel. You have occupied four seats opposite the theater. When someone calls you up, you only hum twice. The security guard came over and said that friends are cruel enough. Where are you? You gnashed your teeth and said, I fell down the aisle upstairs!

18, miss you, miss you, find a painter to draw you, stick you in a cup, drink water all day and watch you-are you happy? Pour a cup of boiling water and burn you to death!

19, dear users, at this time, we have deducted 20 yuan from your phone bill and dedicated it to the Palestinian national liberation cause. Therefore, the Palestinian self-government has decided to give you a lofty title in the name of the whole Arab world: Ben Shalebaki!

20. The beauty of learning lies in confusing people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying.

2 1, I only care about you. What I care about is whether I care about you or not. Do I care about you as much as I care about you? I'm dizzy!

22. Have you ever heard of it? Looking back 500 times in previous lives, I brushed it in this life. Close friends like you and me, it seems that they didn't do anything in their last life, so they fucking turned back!

23. Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with a face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.

24, your life portrayal: learn to take a bath by yourself at the age of ten-pigs are self-cleaning; Twenty years old is radiant-when the pig is young; Looking for a job at the age of 30-starting a pig-raising career; At the age of forty, I hired a servant-a pig's servant; Learn to play basketball at the age of fifty-throw pigs!

25. A three-year-old boy took the hand of a three-year-old girl and said, "I love you." The little girl said, "Can you be responsible for my future?" The little boy said, "Of course, we are not one or two years old!" " "

26. I just chatted with my friends, and some of them talked about you. Do you know? I quarreled with them and almost got into a fight, because some of them said you looked like a monkey and some said you looked like an orangutan. It was really too much! I didn't treat you like a pig at all!

27. One day, I told you that you were a pig, and you said: I am a pig. So I started calling you a pig. Finally, one day you can't help but announce loudly in front of everyone: I'm not a pig!

28. The three most popular words during the Iraq war: peace and war. Found it. found it. Connect these three English words and read them aloud for three times, and you will uncover a major historical mystery. (I farted) ...

29, people will fall in love, not special; Cattle can eat grass, which is not special;

Pigs can press the phone, which is quite special; Press it again! What a pig!

Wow! And laugh! What a cool pig!

30. There are two words I've always wanted to say to you. Today, I finally got up the courage: the first sentence, I love you and I like you very much; The second sentence, never take the first sentence seriously.

3 1, psychological test:

If you think you have a high IQ, just press it.

I think it's quite humorous. Press it.

I find it quite attractive. Press it.

Press if you feel handsome.

Test results:

Quite shameless

32. I see vicissitudes in your brow, confidence in your eyes, years on your forehead and leeks between your lips and teeth. Go brush your teeth!

33. Eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit, eat shit.

34. Two cows are grazing. One of them said; "Recently mad cow disease epidemic. We will not be infected, will we? " The other end of the phone said; "No, we are kangaroos." Already crazy!

35. I have been an unknown knight in the Jianghu until one day I met the most mysterious you in the legend and even called out your name. Since then, I have also had a famous name in the Jianghu: knowing that pigs are narrow!

Doctor: Why can't I find my pen? ? I want to write you a prescription. "The patient whispered," doctor, didn't you put it under my arm? "

42. A student asked, "Where did you take my shirt?" Roommate "sent it to the laundry room." "God, I wrote down the main points of history class on my cuff."

43. A psycho is lying in bed singing, singing and singing. He turned over and went on singing. The doctor asked him: just sing, why do you want to turn? Psycho said: fool, of course, after singing side A, sing side B!

44、nHZ！ His mother knows you can't guess or understand,

Take a closer look! Still can't see it? Do you know Pinyin?

There is a limit to your stupidity, right? Turn the phone upside down!

45. Father: "Why are you so stupid? You are such a little pig! Ahem! Do you know what a pig is? " Son: "Yes, it's the son of a pig."

46. Girl: I always feel that your personality is exactly the same as when I was a child. Lover: Really? We are really made for each other. Girl: I used to lie when I was a child. Lover: …

47. A drunk accidentally fell from the third floor, attracting passers-by. A policeman came over: What's the matter? Drunk: I don't know. I just arrived.

48. A man wanted to jump off a building, and his wife shouted: Husband, don't be impulsive, we still have a long way to go! Hearing this, the man swooped down. The policeman said, you really shouldn't threaten him like this!

49. The prisoner was shot. The first shot didn't go off because of the poor quality of the bullet, and then the second shot was fired. . . The third shot. . . At this time, the prisoner cried and hugged the bailiff's thigh and said, Brother, strangle me! It's fucking horrible. .....

1, buy popsicles. 1.5 yuan. To the boss 10 yuan. Boss, change, 8.5 yuan. Then throw 8.5 yuan into the trash can. Wrong idea, throw the popsicle into the trash can. I left a sorbet paper in my hand. . . Cold. . . . Finally, I rummaged through the trash can there myself. .

2. Some time ago, I went shopping in Lotus in Yichu, and two foreign friends checked out in front of the cashier. At that time, the clerk asked, "Can you speak Chinese?" Two foreign friends replied in Chinese: "Speak slowly, we can understand!" " The clerk went on to say, "OK ... You ... talk ... China people?"

Because I have the habit of washing my hands after every meal, do you pay attention to hygiene? Unfortunately, one day, while I was eating, a classmate asked me loudly in class, "Why do you wash your hands after every meal?" I answered him inexplicably: "Wash your hands before and after meals. . . "Suddenly, the whole class was silent. . .

It was in the first grade of primary school. Now it's really ... that afternoon in the self-study class, the teacher assigned us to do our homework and said, whoever finishes the homework of the day first can go home first! The teacher corrects his homework on the podium himself! ! ! ! My buddy was a good student. It's only 15 minutes after the end of the 40-minute self-study class, and I'm almost finished. Because I was so absorbed in writing, I forgot that I was at home in class, thinking that I was almost finished, I looked up and shouted: Mom, I want to eat steamed sausage and fried eggs at night (this is my favorite)! I didn't pay attention at that time, and the teacher didn't pay attention and agreed: OK! The teacher's family is also a son. At the same time, my teacher and I thought the sound was wrong, only to find out that it was at school. We were both sweating, ......................, and then the whole class burst into laughter. As a result, the self-study class ended early, and I was laughed at by my classmates for a semester.

5. I once invited a friend to dinner. I ordered more than n dishes and suddenly found that I didn't bring my wallet at all! ! I'm dizzy, but I'm not saying that the food after that is like chewing wax to me. I just want to get through this. Then I suddenly remembered, picked up my cell phone and pretended to dial a phone. I yelled at the phone for a long time and said some nonsense, saying nothing about why I took my wallet. At this time, my friend said shyly, I paid, I paid, you didn't know your husband took the wallet. It doesn't matter. ) Just when I was happy that this white lie was about to succeed, suddenly the phone rang loudly in my ear. ...

6. Freshmen begin military training and stand in a military posture in summer. A boy in the class fainted. His classmates surrounded him, and some knowledgeable students shouted in the outer circle: pinch people, pinch people.

A female classmate who is closest to the boy thought for a long time, made great determination and accurately pinched the man's penis.

Last Sunday, I went back to my hometown in the country to visit my grandparents. It happened that my little uncle was there. We just chat and watch TV. Seeing that half of my little uncle suddenly had a stomachache, I went to the toilet to defecate ... A few minutes later ... I suddenly heard a sentence from the toilet: Ah ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ Shit! ! ! My grandmother went to the toilet and cursed my uncle, saying, what a big man! And curse! Uncle: Sorry. Oh, my God. I just wiped P shares ... halfway through ... suddenly my nose runs. So I naturally picked up the toilet paper in my hand and wiped my nose ...

..........

That's the worst laugh grandma has ever seen ..!

8. My girlfriend asked me to go to the hospital the other day. I asked what was going on. She said her legs are a little bent, which is also commonly known as O-legs. She felt that it affected her beauty, so she decided to go to the hospital to see if there was any solution. Because my girlfriend has always been gentle, I feel a little embarrassed. It was her first time to come to the hospital for beauty treatment, so when the doctor asked her what was going on, she said, doctor, I have everything between my legs. The doctor was surprised and immediately said: nonsense, it was the gentlemen who didn't meet. .........

9. On the Mid-Autumn Festival in the second year of high school, my pager suddenly screamed during class, and the teacher confiscated it. In the afternoon, the teacher called me to the office and severely criticized me, asking me to write a 2000-word examination. Finally, after the training, the teacher touched the desk with his finger: "Take it back." I was dizzy in training at that time. I looked up at a box of beautifully packaged moon cakes on the table (in fact, it was a welfare given to the teacher by the school). I was so grateful that I completely forgot my own BP machine and ran away ... The teacher came out slowly and said, "Ah-" ...

10. In class that day, I drew a pig and stuck it on the back of the classmate in front. He found it soon, tore it off and stared at me. I was puzzled and asked him, "How do you know there is a pig behind you?"

1 1. I pinched a cock's neck, but I didn't dare to cut it. I hesitated for a long time, but I strangled the chicken.

12, I was chatting while eating in the canteen, and suddenly I found myself dropping a grain of rice outside, secretly regretting the waste of food, so I picked it up and ate it. But then I found out that this meal didn't seem to be mine. ...

13, once I took a bus, there was a beautiful mm next to me, and a pervert harassed mm. When I saw MM, I turned around and shouted, "You squeeze a JB!" The whole car was silent, only to hear that pervert timidly say "a JB." The whole car burst into laughter, and then the pervert got off at the next stop

14, another toilet. My classmate's university is a key university. I haven't been there, but I heard that the facilities are in place, such as electronic reading room and campus card. What's even more ridiculous is that the toilet is still voice-activated flushing.

On one occasion, she was texting while defecating, and when she was about to get up, she accidentally dropped her cell phone and the urinal was very shallow. Actually, it's okay if she picks it up right away. But-when the mobile phone dropped, she was shocked and unconsciously cried, "Ah!" The phone was washed away. ...

15, A: Is my avatar Niu B?

B: Yes.

16, one day, the unit canteen opened water. Accidentally, the water splashed on my hand, and a MM behind me took my hand and asked with concern, "Did you burn your hand?" Although it hurts, in order to show my manhood, I just bite my teeth and say, "Nothing, nothing." Pretend nothing happened. MM suddenly turned to the people waiting in line behind her and said, "Go home, the water didn't boil today."