Almost everyone of us has heard of the word "destiny takes a hand", and we also firmly believe in the fate between people. It is beautiful to have such a belief, but it can only be a beautiful vision in our hearts. In fact, fate can be created artificially.
When we can't understand something and can only answer it with "fate", please think carefully whether these events can be understood as "seemingly accidental, but actually doomed"
For example, in fact, you will meet A, B and C at work every day, but why do you only feel that you are destined to be A? Because A is the closest to your fantasy of the other half, while B is the same sex that is not attractive to you, and C is a very ordinary person, even if you meet every day, you won't have any impression. So, in your mind, you only think that you and A are destined to meet A every day on the way to work, but for B and C, you won't have this idea at all.
Therefore, fate and absence are both our subjective judgments on the current state and are influenced by our personal preferences. In the words of the book: "Fate usually serves to convince people to make a decision or find a reason."
Now that we understand the true meaning of "fate", it is not difficult to understand why some people call "fate" every day. Either you are basically satisfied with the status quo, or you are unwilling to make efforts to change, or you are not sure whether the situation will get better or worse after making changes, and simply do everything.
Then, we have to understand that "fate is predestined, but it can't be met" is actually a false proposition, and "impossible" is actually a choice, which means giving up efforts.
Just like why fat girls are chased by many boys after losing weight successfully, why do many women take the initiative to show good after men reach a certain economic strength? This is not fate, but the result of fat girls trying to lose weight, the result of men trying to improve their wealth and the result of trying to change.
See here, it should be clear at a glance. If you understand the concept of "fate", you will know that both "fate" and "destiny" are in your own hands, and it is destined to achieve better results through hard work.
If you ask the older single young people around you what kind of partner they are looking for, TA's answer must be "Look at the feeling". How does it feel? Only when you have a good impression can you feel it, so how do you get a good impression? It may be the appearance that attracts t a, a certain trait in personality that attracts TA, or the social status or wealth of the other person that attracts TA, which TA attributes to "feeling" and "good feeling".
Then, more directly, this "feeling" is based on a certain interest, which can make people get a certain interest. For example, people with high face value and good figure can satisfy the impulse brought by hormones; People with good personality can tolerate those smelly problems that they don't want to get rid of; People with high social status can bring certain contacts or wealth, and so on.
Therefore, it must be because of this beneficial thing that a person wants to contact with another person actively or voluntarily.
"Why did two people who had attracted each other and loved each other gradually lose their feelings when they got along?" It's easy to understand, because the benefits have disappeared. The "attempt" to the other party is gradually reduced, and the feeling of love is bound to gradually weaken.
The most common thing is that women attract men with beauty, and men touch women with consideration. Then, with the passage of time, the beauty of women shows a decreasing trend, and so does B's attempt to be beautiful, which directly leads to B's lack of initial feelings for women, so his consideration for women will also decrease, and the most frequently asked question by women at this time is "Why didn't you love me before?"
In this regard, we can also draw that if two people want to keep trying each other, then they need to control the speed of "trying" and let the other party have a new "try" for themselves.
People always estimate the "PE" value of their own value higher and higher, and the requirements for the object are naturally higher and higher.
First, what is "PE"? PE, also known as P/E ratio, generally speaking, the higher the PE value of a stock, it means that the market generally believes that it will have higher growth in the future.
People also have the value of PE. Before, people generally thought that they were worth 1 yuan this year and 1 yuan next year, so the PE value was relatively low. In today's society, although everyone thinks that they are worth 1 yuan, they all believe that they will be worth 10 yuan next year. Therefore, they all calculate their social status according to the value of 10 yuan, so the requirements for the other half are naturally not equal to 1 yuan.
Of course, with the rapid development of modern society, people's values are indeed improving simultaneously. However, if each of us tends to choose partners who are more valuable than ourselves, naturally we cannot become lovers.
Of course, more and more singles also have some social environment factors, for example, they are more tolerant of older singles. If marriage makes single people feel stressed and unhappy, then why choose to get married? At the same time, this society does not need to cooperate with itself to solve economic problems.
Each of us has many expectations for our other half, but many people often don't know how to set these expectations, which are either divorced from reality or contradictory.
For many people, when dating, they will ask each other if they have a house and how much they earn every year. Then, we might as well think about it. I don't have an independent property yet, but I have a million savings, which is enough to buy a house, okay? My annual income is less than 1W, but there are several houses to be demolished at home. I can earn tens of thousands of dollars a month after collecting rent, ok?
So here, if we understand that our core demand is money, then we can broaden the scope as much as possible and let this core demand radiate to the greatest extent.
You know, we all saw the whole thing. If a person can't enter your choice range if he doesn't meet some of your conditions, then you may miss his "super-class" advantage.
Of course, some people want to catch sesame seeds and mung beans together, and all conditions must be set, which will inevitably lead to no matching people.
This book gives us the easiest way to find the core requirements:
Mark the price of each trait you expect from your partner, including three, two, 1. However, you only have 10 yuan. So, how would you allocate this 10 yuan? You have to give up something you don't care about so much and find something you care about most. You should always remember the fact that you only have 10 yuan.
Analyzing love with rational thinking, I think this is the biggest gain that this book has brought me. As the author said, 1 0,000% people who think that love has no reason to talk about can't manage love well. Only rationality can have a stable and long-lasting perfect love.