The Secret of Perfect Mother-daughter Relationship is a practical book written by famous Japanese female psychologists Yasunari Hakata and Jiang Ying, which helps you to treat mother-daughter relationship calmly, objectively and appropriately. I only read it once, and I really benefited a lot. I would like to share some insights with you.
Those points that you must absolutely believe and remember.
1, your mother is just a woman, an extremely ordinary woman, an imperfect woman.
Your mother's heavy bondage to you stems from her deep love for you.
Your mother's unintentional curse on you actually took advantage of your guilt and fear. It has no scientific basis and no ability to influence your future.
4. Self-affirmation is the foundation of a happy life.
If you don't really feel happy, even if everyone "thinks" you are happy, it doesn't have any practical significance.
6. Being with your mother doesn't mean filial piety.
No matter what your mother says, your happiness is your mother's happiness. The happier you are, the happier your mother will be.
8. The so-called person who knows you completely is just your fantasy.
9. Mother-daughter relationship has different styles in different families. Don't easily believe the "best coexistence model of mother and daughter" that appears in the media.
10, don't compare with others, because this comparison will never have a result. Life is just a cycle of "winning him but losing to him".
An analysis of the causes of mother-daughter relationship problems
1, the conflict of values between mother and daughter.
From the moment the umbilical cord is cut, even from the moment the embryo is formed, the fate between you and your mother begins. For children, the influence of mothers is amazing. When you were young, most of your values were influenced by your mother, but when you grow up, you gradually come into contact with new friends, new things and a new world, and then you will form new values, which will conflict with the original values to some extent. For example, your mother will think that "going to college is the only way out in life", but when you see the aura of a singer on the screen, you will think that "in fact, music can also be a lifelong pursuit"; Your mother thinks that "you should get married and have children at the age of twenty-five", but when you see that your boss is still in his prime at the age of thirty-five, you will think that "it is normal to be single in your thirties".
As a daughter, you are not confident enough.
You are not confident enough, so you will depend on your mother relatively, both in life and spirit. If you are not confident enough, you will be complacent when praised, unhappy when belittled, and your mood will fluctuate with casual comments from people around you. So when your mother tells you "you should do this", you will do it even if you don't want to, because you are not sure whether following your heart will make your mother sad or have bad results, and you can't pay for your actions. And when you follow your mother's instructions but don't succeed in the end, you will certainly resent your mother and think that she created you now, and those regrets are always hard to let go.
One more thing, when you are not confident enough, you will be afraid of your mother's curse. Mothers want their daughters to be happy, but sometimes when they are in a bad mood or impulsive, they will inevitably say something radical, such as "You can't go to college if you go on like this!" "You won't be happy with him!" "You will regret it when you do this!" Wait a minute. In fact, these words mean nothing, but you are not confident.
3. Lack of communication between mother and daughter.
You may think that your relationship with your mother should be close, and your mother should know that you fully understand you. If you think so, you will definitely ignore the communication with your mother. In this way, when you see something you don't like at the dinner table after school, you will lose your temper. You think mom should know what your favorite dish is. Your mother will find it difficult to understand your inexplicable anger, but it's a pity that you are too lazy to explain and get up and slam the door and pretend to do your homework. When you were at work, your mother gave you a condolence call, but at this time you were angered by a difficult customer, and your mother's phone became your outlet. At this time, every concern of your mother was a burden to you, so you began to quarrel. Your mother feels wronged to care about her daughter but be treated like this, and you think your mother should feel unhappy when she connects the phone, so you feel wronged. Finally, the two sides broke up and hung up the phone.
Skills of improving mother-daughter relationship
1. re-examine your mother and yourself.
Look at mother first. When we were young, we felt that our mother was our own god and our own goddess. She could give us everything we wanted. But when you grow up, you will find that your mother is actually just an ordinary woman with many shortcomings. And the older you get, the less your mother can give you. But in fact, the mother is still the original mother. At this time, you need to re-examine your views on your mother. For example, what kind of person is the mother? What kind of personality is she? What is her outlook on life? What are the future prospects?
Second, look at yourself. What kind of person am I? What do I want to be in the future? Are my values too influenced by my mother? How can I not copy my mother's growth path?
2. Be an independent and confident daughter. Insecurity is easily influenced by others, including mom, and is likely to be confused by men's rhetoric. Independent enough to think calmly about mom's advice and make the right choice; If you are confident enough, you can put down your excessive fear of your mother, completely ignore her curse and firmly believe that your life is in your own hands. Moreover, independent and confident women tend to exude great charm and attract the attention of men with high self-identity.
3. Be friends with mom and be colleagues. Just like mothers and friends, we can talk to each other and tell many little secrets. Our friendship is growing day by day. Get along with colleagues, accept the sundries entrusted by the other party with indifference, respect each other and get along well. Even when I am angry, I don't say anything. For example, you think many things, such as where to meet friends, where to date your boyfriend and so on. You don't need to make it clear and the question is annoying, then you can muddle through without feeling guilty.
4. Communicate more and understand more. Don't expect your mother to fully understand you, try to express your feelings and needs. At the same time, try to understand your mother's thoughts and thoughts.
5, know how to be grateful. As long as you feel it with your heart, you will find out how much your mother loves you. It is true that some forms of love are unacceptable and irresistible to you, but you can't deny the significance of its existence. So thank your mother for her pure maternal love and say "thank you" to her. Then, quietly return the "magic" that can't help you grasp happiness to your mother. You just need to remember the fact that "Mom loves me".
Written in the back: Mother is destined to be the love of our life, but she can't accompany us through the whole life journey, so please cherish the time with her and properly handle this beautiful mother-daughter relationship …