Fifteen percent of a person's success depends on his professional ability, and the other eighty-five percent depends on his personality and leadership.

Limited by our own habits, human beings have never exerted many innate talents.

The biggest purpose of education is not to impart knowledge, but to learn to act.

Second, nine suggestions for reading this book

1. It's best to take time out to review every month, put this book on your desk and turn it over from time to time to remind yourself that you need to constantly improve yourself in the future.

Only by continuous review and application can we turn theory into habit.

2. Bernard Shaw said: "People will never be taught, and learning is an active behavior. If you are determined to master the principles mentioned in this book, please put them into action. When you can apply these principles, don't be lazy. If you don't do it, you will soon forget it. Only really used knowledge can stay in your mind.

You are not absorbing knowledge, but cultivating new habits and trying new lifestyles. It takes time, and you need to stick to it and practice it in your daily life.

4. Self-reflection once a week, ask yourself what you did well, what you didn't do well, and how to improve.

Third, the basic skills of dealing with people

1. If you want to pick honey, don't beat the hive.

The resentment caused by blame can not only help us change, but also better influence the enthusiasm of family, friends and employees.

Accusations, like boomerangs, always come back to hurt ourselves. The accused person may defend himself and fight back with the same fierce accusation, or President Taft Jr. may say with innocent tears, "I don't think I did anything wrong."

If you don't talk about others, he won't talk about himself.

Sharp criticism and heartless accusation can't achieve any effect.

We should remember that the people we get along with are not absolutely rational creatures, but a group of people full of emotions, prejudice, conceit and vanity.

Only people who are not smart enough will criticize, accuse and complain about others.

Parents unconsciously use the standards of adults to ask their children.

Principle 1: No criticism, no blame, no complaint.

2. Secret skills of interpersonal communication

Freud said: Everything people do stems from sex and the desire for success. American philosopher John. Dewey has a different view. He believes that the deepest impulse in human nature is "the desire to be valued". It is human nature to be eager to be valued. This desire is so strong that it lurks in everyone's heart.

Hope to "feel important" is also an important difference between people and animals.

In order to gain sympathy and attention, some people will deliberately pretend to be sick.

Schwab, the American steel magnate, said: Nothing can destroy a person's ambition more than the boss's criticism. I never criticize others. I believe that positive rewards are more conducive to the perfection of work. So I like praise and hate criticism. "Is to appreciate and encourage, to stimulate the enthusiasm and potential of others.

No matter how great and lofty a person is, he can work harder and be more efficient when he is praised. Criticism is the opposite.

The main reason why wives run away from home is "nobody cares". We are always used to accepting our partner's efforts, but we always forget to express our gratitude and praise each other.

People crave praise as much as food. We care about the health of children, families and employees, but we often forget that their self-esteem also needs to be concerned. We provide them with beef and potatoes to supplement their physical strength, but we never provide spiritual food. We never realize that praise, like the morning star, will shine in their memory.

We spend 95% of our time thinking about ourselves. But in fact, as long as you take a little time to think about the advantages of others, you don't have to say some hypocritical flattery.

Praise sincerely and generously, and people will cherish your words.

Principle 2: Praise others sincerely.

3. How can we make ends meet?

Others don't care about your needs. They only care about what they want, just like you. Therefore, the only way to influence others in the world is to find what they want and tell them how to get it.

In order to save face, it is difficult for him to admit his mistake, let alone willingly reduce the price.

Stand in the other person's position and keep the interests of you and the other person in balance. The reason is simple, but 90% people forget it 90% of the time.

Send me such a formatted mass letter, pull a bunch of annoying nonsense, and ask me to reply in time. Are you sick?

If people feel that they bought it on their own initiative, rather than being promoted, you will be more likely to succeed. It's a pity that many people have worked hard all their lives and never know how to think from the standpoint of customers.

Put yourself in others' shoes and offer sincere help. Understand the needs of others, so as to stimulate their interest.

Principle 3: Stimulate others' desires.

Four or six ways to win the love of others

1. How is it widely loved?

What people really care about is always themselves. In daily life, I use words the most frequently. When you get a photo of yourself and others, who will you see first?

Psychologist Fred. Adler wrote in his book Inferiority and Transcendence, "A person who doesn't care about others will inevitably suffer great setbacks in life, and at the same time, he will also bring harm to others. All kinds of human mistakes are often caused by these people. "

Caring for others is the basic characteristic of salesmen.

Only by truly caring for others can we win their attention, help and cooperation. Even the busiest and most important people are no exception.

If we want to make friends with others, we must first do something for others: something that needs time and energy, emotion and professionalism.

Remember your friend's birthday silently, horoscope. Birthday wishes.

If you want to win the love of others, try to warm the people around you from now on. When you answer the phone, try to use a cheerful tone.

Caring for others can not only gain friendship, but also win customers for the company.

Principle 1: Start caring about others sincerely.

2. How to make a good first impression

Everyone hates hypocrisy, and a fake smile can't infect anyone. Only a sincere smile from the heart can make people feel warm and bring people the feeling of positive sunshine.

In the teaching process, reward is more effective than punishment.

Feeling and behavior are simultaneous. As long as we change our behavior, we can indirectly change our mood.

As long as you have a firm mind, you won't lose your way. Please hold your head high and tighten your chin, and you will become your own God.

Rule 2: Don't forget to smile.

Remember people's names.

Compared with all other names in the world, people care more about their own names.

Respect everyone and remember the names of friends and business partners. It's Andrew. One of the reasons why Carnegie became an outstanding leader. The bigger the company, the colder the relationship between people. One way to keep employees enthusiastic is to remember their names.

Everyone attaches great importance to his name and expects it to last forever, and is willing to pay any price for it.

Only by respecting others can we win their respect. Remembering the other person's name is a sign of respect and can make others feel important. Forgetting means being forgotten. Napoleon paid special attention to remembering other people's names. For important people, as long as he has time, he will write their names on paper and recite them repeatedly.

Good habits are based on daily chores.

Everyone's name belongs to a special individual independently and completely, but not to anyone else. In the process of interpersonal communication, once you say the other person's name, you can convey a special feeling.

Rule 3: Remember the names of all the people you have come into contact with.

4. Beautiful and moving speech

Attention is the most implicit flattery. Few people can refuse this single-mindedness. Look directly at each other and make them feel that they are listening. Everyone is willing to speak freely in front of him.

In front of a gentle and considerate listener, no matter how many complaints and dissatisfaction people have, they will gradually become kind.

People prefer people who are good at listening to others to those who are eloquent.

People who only talk about themselves only care about themselves.

If you want to talk freely, please learn to listen first.

Principle 4: Be a good listener and encourage others to talk about themselves.

5. How to arouse others' interest

Principle 5: Talk about things that others are interested in.

6. Make everyone like you

All human behaviors follow a core principle-making others feel important. The deepest desire of human nature is the desire for attention. Deep down, people are eager to be appreciated by others.

Jesus: Don't do to others what you don't want them to do to you.

Luo Saidi thinks he is very talented. Everyone thinks he is very talented. Everyone thinks they must be better than you in some way. If you want to walk into their hearts, naturally let them know that you really think they are important.

Sincerely praise other people's preferences and achievements. Celebrities are also eager for praise from others.

Ignoring the efforts of others, taking his contribution for granted, and demanding more from him than the average person. But he also needs praise and recognition.

Principle 6: Talk to others about yourself, and you won't get tired of talking for hours.

Summarize six ways to win others' love.

Principle 1: Start caring for others sincerely. Rule 2: Don't forget to smile. Rule 3: Remember the names of all the people you have come into contact with. Principle 4: Be a good listener and encourage others to talk more about themselves. Principle 5: Talk about things that others are interested in. Principle 6: Sincerely make others feel important.

5. How to get others to support you

1. You can't win this argument.

In order to show my erudition, I point out other people's mistakes without thinking. But, Dale, we are guests, not strangers. Why should we distinguish right from wrong? Will it make him feel good? Why not save him some face? Did he take the initiative to ask your advice? He doesn't need your advice. Why argue with him? Don't cause unnecessary conflicts.

In most cases, the debate will not make the two sides of the dispute reach a settlement, but will make them more convinced of their views.

If you argue, argue and refute, you may win a temporary victory, but you will never win the respect of the other side through this superficial victory.

Maybe you are always right, maybe you can always refute others, but what's the point? Everyone is eager for respect. He retorted sternly, defended his authority and proved his value. Quarrel can not eliminate differences, only a proper lifestyle, gentle wrist and empathy can resolve disputes.

Lincoln said: ambitious people will not waste their time on meaningless quarrels. It's no use arguing without compromise. No matter how big your business is, it is limited. You should know how to make concessions. When the dog is in the way, you'd better give way to him, and don't be bitten by the dog because of the fight. If you are bitten, even if you kill it, it won't heal your wound.

How to avoid differences from turning into quarrels: learn to accept differences; No, conniving at instinctive reactions; By controlling your emotions and observing whether the other person is easily angry, you can know whether he is a gentleman or a villain; After listening to it; Seek common ground while reserving differences; Sincere, give in if you can, and admit your mistake if you admit it; Promise each other that you will seriously consider his ideas; Sincerely thank each other for their attention; Give both sides enough time to find the key to the problem.

Both of them were shouting, it was noise, not communication.

Rule 1: The only way to win an argument is not to argue.

2. How to avoid making enemies

If you can be sure that you are right 55% of the time in a day, you should enter Wall Street as soon as possible, make millions every day, marry Bai and reach the peak of your life. If you are not sure about this probability, who are you to blame others?

Don't think you can say you don't blame others just because you don't talk. Your expression, voice and gestures are enough to explain your heart, which is as effective as language. And when you accuse the other person, will he really agree with you and appreciate you? Of course not. Because your accusations hit his intelligence and judgment and hurt his self-esteem and self-esteem. Don't say: I'll show you the evidence. Even if your attitude is gentle and the other person is calm, it is difficult to change others' views.

Smarter than anyone, but don't tell others that you are smarter than him. Even if you are right, you can say: Maybe I am wrong. I often make mistakes. Let's discuss it together. Admitting that you may make mistakes may not get you into trouble, but it may help you avoid disputes. Your generosity may affect the other party, so that the other party may treat it fairly.

We don't care how our values are formed, but once someone questions them, we will suddenly form feelings for them. In fact, what is precious is not those values, but our self-esteem. We always stubbornly stick to our original cognition. Once questioned, we can't help but refute it and find various excuses to protect the facts we have identified. As a result, we always preach that we are rational, but in fact we are defending our values.

Principle 2: Respect other people's opinions and never say "You are wrong".

3。 If you are wrong, admit it frankly.

Admitting mistakes can not only reduce your guilt and weaken your opponent's attack, but also make up for the consequences caused by mistakes.

Fighting can't satisfy people, but giving in can benefit people a lot.

Rule 3: If you are wrong, admit it frankly.

A drop of honey attracts flies more than a gallon of bile.

The sun makes people take off their coats faster than the wind, and a friendly attitude is more powerful than anger and violence.

Principle 4: Start communication in a friendly way.

5. Socrates' secret

When talking to people, you might as well talk about what you all agree with first, instead of talking about your different views at the beginning. Once the words are spoken, people will subconsciously stick to them. So, at first, it is better to guide the other party to agree with your point of view.

People seem to be more accustomed to opposing others to find a sense of existence.

There is no point in arguing. Looking at the problem from the other side's point of view and trying to make the other side say yes have benefited me a lot.

Principle 5: Let the other person nod and say yes.

6. Safe methods for handling complaints

Listening to different opinions, I can't help interrupting each other. Please don't do this, it will only bring harm. When the other person wants to talk, he won't care about your opinion. So please listen to him patiently and encourage them to say what they want to say.

Children hate being interrupted by endless nagging.

Every successful person likes to reminisce about his own struggle history, and so does the president. Story: Cubellis spent a lot of time learning about his employer and showed great interest in his experience during the interview. He encouraged the other party to be the protagonist of the conversation and leave a good impression on the other party. No matter how close friends are, they will be more willing to talk about themselves than listen to our boasting.

French philosopher Rochefoucauld said: If you want to get enemies, you must behave better than your friends; If you want to make friends, let others walk in front of you.

When friends are better than us, they will feel important.

Principle 6: Let the other person be the protagonist of the conversation.

7. How to cooperate with others

Are you more willing to believe your findings than others indoctrinate you? It is wise to guide slowly step by step and let the other party draw their own conclusions.

No one likes to buy and sell hard, and no one likes to be forced to complete the task. We all like the feeling of making our own decisions.

Principle 7: Guide slowly and let the other person find the answer by himself.

8. Effective ways to create miracles

When the other person doesn't want to admit his mistake, he won't admit it even if you accuse him. Smart people will try to understand each other instead of blaming each other. That is, empathy.

If you want to communicate more smoothly, please pay attention to each other's feelings, just as you pay attention to your own. Please think clearly what you want to say before you speak, and consider whether you would like to hear these words if it were you.

Before meeting someone, I will think clearly about what I want to say, what the other person's interests are, and how he will answer my questions. I won't rush into each other's office unprepared.

Learn to "look at the problem from the other side's point of view."

Principle 8: Take care of others without prejudice.

9. What everyone really needs

There is a saying that can calm the dispute: "I won't be angry at all if you think so." If I were you, I would feel the same way. "

About three-quarters of the people I meet in my life need to be understood. If you can understand, they will like you.

Compassion is a good medicine to eliminate resentment.

Human beings are generally eager for sympathy. Narcissism has always existed in human behavior.

Principle 9: Understand other people's thoughts and greed.

10. No one will refuse this request.

People around us feel good about themselves and think they are generous, kind and virtuous.

There are two reasons behind everyone's behavior-a pleasant excuse and a real purpose.

People know their real purpose, you don't need to point it out. Everyone will beautify themselves in their hearts, so they need a reason that sounds more grandiose. If you want to change a person, please help him come up with that more aboveboard reason.

In any case, what we become is our own choice.

Principle 10: Make the other party's action reason more noble.

1 1. The power of drama

Telling the truth is not enough, you need to be more lively and interesting.

But I wasted all my time on meaningless things, but I didn't mention the key content of the report at all.

Principle 1 1: Make your thoughts more dramatic.

12。 If all else fails, try this.

Beyond others' desires, coupled with appropriate incentives, as long as a person with a sense of victory or defeat, he will act.

The most inspiring thing is the work itself. If the work is interesting and exciting, then employees will naturally be full of expectations and eager to do it well.

Every successful person likes competition. At this time, they show themselves, prove themselves and surpass others.

Inspire people's desire for victory and feel their importance from it.

Principle 12: the method of challenge is very useful.

Summary: Principle 1: The only way to win an argument is not to argue. Principle 2: Respect other people's opinions and never say "You are wrong". Rule 3: If you are wrong, admit it frankly. Principle 4: Start communication in a friendly way. Principle 5: Let the other person nod and say yes. Principle 6: Let the other person be the protagonist of the conversation. Principle 7: Guide slowly and let the other person find the answer by himself. Principle 8: Take care of others without prejudice. Principle 9: Understand other people's thoughts and greed. Principle 10: Make the other party's action reason more noble. Principle 1 1: Make your thoughts more dramatic. Principle 12: the method of challenge is very useful.

How to make others agree with you?

1. If you must criticize, please use this method.

Principle 1: praise first, then criticize.

2. How to criticize without making people angry?

Praise is not a but, but a "and".

Feel the praise of parents, and there is no criticism after praise.

Principle 2: Indirectly point out the faults of others.

3. Admit your mistakes first

Principle 3: Before criticizing each other, talk about your mistakes.

Nobody likes being ordered.

Words like "you might as well think about it" can protect people's self-esteem and make them feel respected, so they will cooperate rather than resist.

Even with good intentions, condescending orders can make others feel uncomfortable.

Changing an order into a question not only sounds much better, but also stimulates creativity. If the other party participates in the decision-making, he will finish the follow-up work more actively.

Principle 4: You can direct, not direct.

5. Let the other person have face

You can't make people feel that women are emotional and can't hold management positions.

Don't hurt each other's face in front of everyone.

Principle 5: Don't hurt each other's face.

6. How to encourage others to succeed

When we want to change a person, why not try to replace punishment with reward and blame with praise? Even if the other party has made a little progress, we should praise him.

Minimize the overwhelming criticism and emphasize praise, people's good deeds will be strengthened, and bad behaviors will be weakened because they are not taken seriously.

Stop nagging children about their mistakes.

Praise is justified, not insincere, especially pointing out the details of the other party's work.

Everyone likes compliments, but only specific compliments can make people believe.

Although everyone is eager to be praised, no one needs false praise.

Confined to his own habits, human beings have never exerted many innate talents.

On a roll. Blame will make it wither, praise will make it bloom. If you want to lead others more effectively, please: sincerely praise each progress of others.

Principle 6: Sincerely praise everyone's progress.

7. Let fame inspire others

If you want the other person to improve his or her ability in a certain aspect, just pretend that he or she already has the quality in this aspect and convey this idea to the other person, and he or she will try his best to maintain his or her glorious image in your mind.

Giving a dog a bad reputation is like leaving it cornered.

Principle 7: Encourage the other person with good word of mouth, and he will not live up to your expectations.

8. Make the other person feel that change is easy.

If you want to help others make progress, encourage them and make them feel that change is actually very simple.

Principle 8: Encourage others to change and make things sound simple.

9. Make people willing to help you.

If you want someone to do something, it is: make people want to help you.

Principle 9: Make people willing to help you.

Seven, miracle letter

Plumbers gain a sense of existence by scolding salesmen.

My request gave him a sense of accomplishment and changed his attitude.

False praise that satisfies the vanity of the other party is doomed to failure.

Everyone wants to be appreciated, but no one likes hypocrisy and flattery.

Eight or seven ways to make family life happier

1。 Don't let marriage become a grave.

Blame and nagging changed Lincoln's attitude towards her, making him regret getting married and try not to be satisfied.

Rule number one: don't nag.

2. Don't kidnap each other with love.

Learn to respect each other's lifestyles.

Rule 2: Don't try to change each other.

3. Don't blame each other

Don't bring a bad mood home.

Rule 3: Don't blame.

Learn to appreciate

When most men are looking for a partner, they are not looking for a capable wife, but looking for a good-looking girl who will feel powerful.

Men should learn to praise women for spending time and energy on makeup and dressing up. It's a pity that they always forget how much ladies value clothes. When women go to the streets, they pay little attention to men, but they habitually pay attention to the clothes of other women in the street.

Men may not remember what they wore five years ago, but for women, these things are very important.

For French men, praising a lady's hat and skirt in one day may be the most basic etiquette.

Principle 4: Appreciate each other from the heart.

5. The most important thing in a woman's eyes

Women attach great importance to birthdays and anniversaries. Men can't forget four festivals: National Independence Day, Founding Party Day, Wedding Anniversary and Wife's Birthday. Especially the latter two.

Copy the following sentence and paste it on the mirror, and read it silently once a day:

Once in a lifetime, there is no chance to start again. I will not hesitate to express all the goodwill in my heart, and I will not give up every good deed within my power. I won't delay or be indifferent, because I can't do it again in my life.

Principle 5: Pay attention to details.

6. If you want to be happy, don't forget these.

Rudeness is the sword that destroys love. Everyone knows this, but we are always much more polite to strangers than to our relatives.

Men who work hard in the retail field have a 70% chance of failure, but for married men and women, there is a 70% chance of success.

For women, gentle love words are more suitable for communication than rude orders.

Principle 6: Be polite.

7. Don't be blind in marriage.

There are four reasons that may lead to the failure of marriage: first, sexual disharmony; Second, the way of entertainment is completely different; 3. Economic suffering; Physical and mental state, or abnormal mood and emotional state.

Principle 7: read a good book that analyzes sexual life.

postscript

Only those who are eloquent and can speak can become leaders.

Excellent communication skills are the shortcut to his success.

The way to cultivate self-confidence is to do what you are afraid of.

Ordinary people only play their 10% potential. We should tap our potential.