2. I am an ambulance doctor. Today, a patient told me that he had only six months to live. I wanted to say something encouraging, and finally he said, "Six months passed quickly. Be strong! "
I have been in contact with a boy for two months, and I am usually reserved because I don't want him to think that I care too much about him. Just now he called to invite me to dinner tonight because he missed me. I said something wrong, and my heart was full of joy.
I sent a short message to my mother later: Mom, I won't go back for dinner today. He finally asked me out. Ha ha ha ha! But I didn't know it was sent to a boy until I sent it out. Now I, turn off my cell phone, so depressed. ...
4. When I was an intern at the provincial radio station, I locked myself in the editing room and cut the film until midnight. I thought I should go to the bathroom to change WSJ, but I was afraid of the empty dark corridor, so I changed it in the editing room.
After a long time, a new person came. The host and I took her to get familiar with the environment. When passing by the editing room, the host said to the newcomer: So-and-so, don't do private work in the editing room and studio, let alone eat. There are security guards watching the surveillance 24 hours a day. Really, my heart is dead.
5. Once, I watched my dad change the fuel tank. After he changed it, he skillfully took out his lighter and lit it at the interface, shaking it a few times. I shouted, "Dad, what are you doing?" Without looking up, he said, "See if there is any air leakage!" ……
6. At the beginning of the new term, a freshman in the Institute of Information Technology was surrounded by gangsters on the road, trying to hack his money. The buddy was scared silly, and it took a long time to say calmly, "Sorry, I, I, I don't have any change." (The air froze for ten seconds), and then the buddy was badly beaten.
7. I remember that I liked a MM in high school, and suddenly I had to take a few medicine bottles to ask for an injection. In order to please MM, she skipped class and accompanied her to have an injection to make MM happy ... In an ambiguous atmosphere, she casually asked you what happened. Do you want a blood transfusion? MM said: I just had an abortion and had an anti-inflammatory injection;
8. On the company bus this morning, a beautiful colleague sitting next to me fell asleep and even snored, which attracted the attention of the whole bus. I was ashamed of this, so I pushed her with my hand, only to see her mumbling: I don't want my husband, tomorrow. ...
9. I dreamed of having an affair with a high school boy last night. I sent him a message early this morning, saying, hey, I dreamed of you last night. The boy replied: Give me a few more days! I'll pay you back after New Year's Day. Shit, he borrowed 500 yuan from me last year and hasn't paid it back yet. I almost forgot ~
/kloc-0 0 Today is my wedding day. At the wedding reception, I told my wife about our first meeting. I fell in love with her at first sight and decided that she was my lifelong companion. Just then, I found my wife suddenly lost her temper, and then I realized that I was talking about the story of my ex-girlfriend, who was on the visiting team.
1 1. One night, the husband wanted to make out with his wife!
The wife pointed to the sleeping child beside her and said, "The child is awake."
The husband said, "I must have fallen asleep after all this time." If you don't believe me, try. "
He took a nickel and put it in the child's half-open hand to see if the child responded.
I only heard the child say unhappily, "Do you need fifty cents for such a big thing?"
12, the cat was forced by life to sit in the hair salon opened by the fox!
One day, the mouse came to the hair salon and named the cat night. The cat vowed to die!
The mouse was furious and said, "I was chased to death at the beginning, but now it's prude to send it to my door!" " "
13, a driver drove through a village in his daughter country.
Seeing a woman's dignified appearance and graceful posture, I got off the bus and wanted to flirt with her.
When the woman saw this, she quickly shouted, "Somebody, somebody."
Hearing this, the driver jumped on the bus and drove away!
Seeing that the driver was scared away, the woman shouted angrily, "coward, I just want to invite more sisters to play with you, I'm afraid it will happen!" " "
14, two sparrows sitting in a tree bragging!
The big sparrow said to the little sparrow, "I'm amazing!" " I know everything, such as diving and hovering. What are some difficult moves I can't do? "
Little sparrow refuses to accept. It happened that a female butcher was cutting meat under a tree, and the little sparrow said to the big sparrow, "Aren't you great?" Take a piece of meat from the butcher! "
Without saying a word, the big sparrow pounced on the table, grabbed a piece of meat and was about to fly to the tree, but the butcher caught it red-handed!
The butcher was very angry and pulled out the hair of the big sparrow one by one. The sparrow shouted for help! The sparrow couldn't stand it anymore, so it flew to the butcher's hand and took a bite. When the butcher's hand was hurt, she let the big sparrow go.
The big sparrow flew desperately to the tree. The little sparrow said, "Don't brag now, if I hadn't saved you, you would have died!" " "
The big sparrow said, "Who asked you to save me? I was just about to take off my clothes and fuck him! "
15, Xiao Qiang gave a speech at the rally, and the following people were all ears!
Xiao Qiang said, "I hate two kinds of people the most! One is racist, one is black and the third is illiterate! "
The people below were sweating like a pig. . .
16, a special pasture for cows. In order to maintain the number of cows in the pasture, a male cow was released among the cows!
But after a long time, the bull got old and began to feel a little too much, so the owner of the ranch bought a new bull!
That old cow, because there was no credit or hard work in recent years, the owner continued to let it gallop freely among the cattle.
One day, the owner went to inspect the pasture and saw the old cow lying on the grass panting.
The rancher approached and said, "You are old, you should restrain yourself and don't do so much."
Husband Niu Yi said innocently, "Can't you tell the new comer that I'm not a cow?" ! ! "
17, a very cold winter, two beggars, an old man and a young man, went begging in the morning. They walked to the door of a restaurant and waited for the boss to throw leftovers.
Many things grind, and soon the boss came out with a bucket of leftovers. The little beggar hurried up to eat, while the old beggar stood still.
Because the weather is very cold and the meal is very cold, the little beggar wants to vomit after eating a few bites, so he vomits!
Then the old beggar rushed up and said, "I'm waiting for your spicy mouth."
18, Lao Xu was really fed up with his wife's cat, so he grabbed the cat and went to the Woods while her wife was not looking, and threw it away!
But when he got home, he found that the cat came back before him and was snoring at the door!
Lao Xu was so angry that he stuffed the cat into a sack and went out! He walked 10 km, turned left and walked 15 km, then turned northeast and walked 12 km, and then threw away the sack!
An hour later, Lao Xu called his wife: "Has the cat come home?"
The wife replied, "Yes, I came back five minutes ago, dear. Why do you ask? "
Lao Xu was furious: "You put this beast on the phone, I can't find my way home!"
19, there is a couple, and her husband is very stingy!
One morning, the husband woke up to find his wife dead in bed.
He jumped up quickly, looked pale and stumbled down the stairs, shouting, "maid!" " Maid! "
The maid replied, "Sir! What is it? "
The husband shouted, "boiling an egg for breakfast is enough!" "
20. One day, a school is having a tense exam!
The exam topic is "Similarities between Bad-hearted Radish and Pregnant Women"!
Only three students passed!
The answer of these three students is: "It's all caused by bugs."
Only one student got full marks! The answer is: "It's too late!"
2 1, a leader said on the wine table: "Now I have three glasses of wine, the first one, whoever doesn't drink, I am the father!"
Everyone is in a commotion, cheer up!
The leader also said, "whoever doesn't drink the second cup is my dad"!
Let's cheer!
The leader went on to say, "The third cup, whoever doesn't want to drink it, is called the person who has already drunk it"!
Everyone drinks with tears in their eyes!
22. Xiao Zhang dallies with beautiful women on QQ!
Xiao Zhang sent a message: "Beauty, you are so beautiful and sexy. Are you free tonight? "
After receiving the message, the beauty replied, "What do you want?"
Xiao Zhang immediately replied: "Yes!"
23. There are three mice bragging!
The mouse said that he would not get drunk if he jumped into the jar.
Grey mouse said, what is this? Disco clips are everywhere, and I can take pictures of disco.
The black mouse looked at his watch and said, Sorry! Excuse me, I should pick up the cat!
24. In the evening, a couple had a contradiction and had a fierce quarrel!
The next day, the neighbor asked, "I heard that you and your wife had a terrible argument last night." What is the result? "
Answer: "She finally landed on all fours and crawled towards me on her knees."
The neighbor asked again, "Really? What did he say to you? "
Answer: "She said: Get out from under the bed, you useless man!" " "
25. Mother Butterfly said to her daughter, "Let's marry a mosquito. Blackie doesn't matter. At least someone is a leader! "
Butterfly daughter asked inexplicably, "What kind of leader is it?"
Mother butterfly said seriously, "of course it is a leader." When it opens its mouth, people clap their hands and applaud, not a leader! " "
26. Once upon a time, there was a lazy couple. Men never wash their faces, and women never wash the pots.
One day, a thief came to the house to steal something. The house was in a mess, and he couldn't find anything of value. When I was depressed, I was found by the man, and I stole the pot and ran away in a panic!
So the host hurried to chase!
After a while, the master came back and said to his wife, "When the thief saw me catching up, he turned around and stabbed me in the face. But fortunately, I never wash my face, and my face is covered with dirt. He didn't penetrate a knife, hahaha! "
The wife said earnestly, "Nothing is good. You see, it's a good thing I never wash the pot. All he stole was the mud shell above! "
27. My wife spent a lot of money on plastic surgery and turned into a beautiful woman to go home in a few days!
When he came in, he said to his puzzled husband, "What's the matter? Don't know me? "
The husband paused, then said in surprise, "Come in quickly, my wife is not at home."
28. When I got up in the morning, my brother saw a bottle on the table, which contained "cereal" and ate it for breakfast!
At this time, my brother came back from morning exercise. After washing and grooming, he sat at the table and got a pedicure. Suddenly he asked his brother, "Have you seen the bottle on the table? Have my feet! "
29. A car driver pulled over and wanted to have a good rest.
When he was lying in the chair, someone asked the time. He looked at his watch and said, "It's almost 8 o'clock."
No sooner had he fallen asleep than the sound of knocking on the window rang again: "Do you know the time, sir?"
He had to look at his watch again and tell him, "It's half past eight."
There were so many people knocking at the window that he couldn't sleep well at all, so he wrote a small note on the window: "I don't know what time it is!" " "
I was so sleepy that the driver lay down again.
But a few minutes later, a passer-by knocked on the window again: "hello, sir, it's a quarter to nine!" " "