But this must be the greatest wish of young Ji Cheng and the last wish of old Ji Xianlin.
On the morning of July 19, 2009, the revolutionary cemetery auditorium surrounded by pine and cypress was solemn and solemn, and all the people present were sad.
Ji Xianlin old man lay there peacefully, with flowers and green grass as the bed and party flag, a bright red producer in China, as the quilt.
This outstanding party member, a senior professor in Peking University, an internationally renowned orientalist, an Indian scholar, a Sanskrit linguist, a literary translator and an educator wanted to go to another world quietly, but it still caused spontaneous condolences from all walks of life.
All the mourners respected his contribution to China's cultural cause, but no one really knew the Buddhist.
There is no doubt about his achievements. His works can reveal his character and life, but what kind of person is Ji Xianlin?
Might as well read Ji Cheng's "My Father and I Ji Xianlin" after his father died.
"I never knew your so-called master of Chinese studies, Ji Xianlin. I only know that my father's heart is cold and lonely in the fiery academic pursuit. "
The cover of the book, this line of cold words, completely broke the image of literary people in the public mind.
Less than a year after Mr. Ji Xianlin's death, Ji Cheng, as the son of man, showed his father's unknown side.
The image of Ji Xianlin in his works also caused an uproar among readers, who accused Ji Cheng of being unfilial.
But if Ji Cheng is really a unfilial person, he may not burst into tears when he sees his seriously ill father in the hospital.
Ji Cheng, who is over 500 years old, made the decision to reconcile with his father, but this does not mean that young Ji Cheng can forgive the lack of fatherly love in childhood.
Unfortunate people use their whole lives to cure their childhood, while lucky people use their childhood to cure their whole lives.
In Ji Chengqian 12' s life, he had no idea what his father was.
Ji Xianlin is neither a qualified husband nor a competent father.
Even though his reputation has long been covered up, the harm and regret he brought to his family are real.
Although he only married one wife in Peng Dehua, it is an ironclad fact that he failed Peng Dehua.
1929, Ji Xianlin and Peng Dehua got married at the request of their parents.
This is a suitable marriage. At that time, everyone who saw it had to say a few words of praise.
Before Peng Dehua got married, she also had yearning and longing for love, but after marriage, she only had responsibility.
After marriage, when Peng Dehua found out that her husband's Mr Right was her sister, her emotional burden became heavier and heavier.
Maybe Ji Xianlin didn't have any infidelity in the marriage, but from the beginning, he stabbed Peng Dehua in the heart, and the knife never healed.
She is a very kind person. She has never complained about Ji Xianlin, arranged marriage, or unfair heaven.
I'm just worried that I'm delaying Ji Xianlin. After all, she only has primary school culture, and Ji Xianlin is very talented in literature, which is not a good match for her.
She should work harder to take care of her family and do a good job in Ji Xianlin's logistics force, so as not to let him have any worries on the battlefield and realize his dream.
1935, in the first year of Ji Cheng's birth, Ji Xianlin had flown to Germany for further study.
Ji Xianlin didn't wait until his son was one year old, so he left the whole family and embarked on a long journey alone, leaving Peng Dehua to take care of two children and his parents-in-law.
"Where did your father go?" "Do you know what your father looks like?" Such problems are constantly being thrown at Ji Cheng.
He couldn't answer, so he asked his sister for help. What can she remember? Ji was only two years old when Ji Xianlin left. She only remembers her father's name "Ji Xianlin".
When studying in Ji Xianlin, Peng Dehua was the backbone of Jijia, and everything in the family depended on her.
Ji Xianlin and Peng Dehua themselves don't have much affection. They treat her well, but they don't always treat each other like close friends.
It is said that parting is better than getting married. Peng Dehua always has some fantasies in his mind. When her husband comes back, everything at home will be in good order, and he may like her more.
She has been guarding this family for ten years, and spent a busy and lonely day alone with her two children.
The situation is delicate and the society is in turmoil. Ji Xianlin 12 was trapped in Germany and lost contact with his family.
Ji Cheng's impression of his father is just a picture on the wall, dressed in a suit and tie, looking very handsome.
Mother plays an important role in his growth and has a great influence on the formation of his character.
Father is dispensable, but no one can make up for mother's pain.
During the war, a woman in Peng Dehua tried to support a large family. No one can share the anxiety, the pain of missing and the pain of being tortured by illness.
Everything is seen by young Ji Cheng, and this gap is formed bit by bit, so little that no one realizes that in the little boy's heart, his father is not a father, but a person who failed his mother.
From today's perspective, most women in that era were Peng Like Dehua, and she was only a typical representative of this social group.
But in Ji Cheng's mind, her mother is unique, and she should not suffer these hardships.
From ancient times to the present, it seems that a great man has to go through all kinds of hardships and express them in a subtle way. Truth and martyrs are equal. Is it really "suffering its mind first, then its bones and muscles"?
Such a "prejudice" seems to be particularly obvious in women, and people like to regard them as models of women who are peaceful and suffering.
For example, even though the sculptor Camille Claudel's works are excellent, he still goes out as Rodin's lover and the victim of family indifference.
Therefore, Peng Dehua is undoubtedly a great woman.
Because even though there is no hope of waiting, she is still quietly waiting for her husband's return, but her husband Ji Xianlin met a warm-hearted person in Germany.
Ji Xianlin, who is studying in Germany, has problems typing when writing a paper. Introduced by a friend, she met Miss irmgard and went to irmgard's house to ask her to help with typing.
Due to various factors, Ji Xianlin did not return to China immediately after graduation and lived in Germany for four or five years.
During this period, Ji Xianlin repeatedly asked Miss irmgard to help him finish several long papers, and gradually developed feelings.
A talented and beautiful young girl studying abroad, if she doesn't know that Ji Xianlin is married, it must be another literary story.
Ji Xianlin can't abandon his wife and children, but he can't give up his true love. At that time, he was deeply entangled.
Ji Xianlin finally stuck to the moral bottom line and made love to Miss Umgard, so it went away.
After returning to China, I never contacted Miss irmgard again, although I missed her again.
When Ji Xianlin returned to China, Ji Cheng was ten years old, and his children were very sensitive, so he could see many things that adults didn't want him to know.
Mother's waiting all day didn't get her father's love back. They are like the closest strangers. For this family, Ji Xianlin always has only responsibility and no feelings.
And Peng Dehua's obligation to Mr. and Mrs. Ji Xianlin is probably higher than the spontaneous feelings between men and women.
Such a marriage arranged by parents leads to a lifelong love affair, which is not only the shackles of Peng Dehua, but also the shackles of Ji Xianlin, and it is the greatest harm to Ji Cheng's childhood.
Ji Xianlin wrote in his diary: "My family is always useless to me, and I hate it when I see it."
For Ji Xianlin, Jinan is probably not his real home, but his uncle's home.
This figurative home has his wife and biological children, but his abstract home is literature, career, maybe Germany.
So he is not affectionate to his family, which probably hurt his childhood.
In order to get a better education in Ji Xianlin, my parents were sent to my uncle's house at the age of two.
During my study abroad, I was stranded in Germany because of World War II. When he returned to China, his mother had died.
Ji Xianlin's greatest pain in life is that he can't live with his mother.
Childhood regret for relatives was extended to his family by Ji Xianlin.
He once met true love, and he is likely to get angry because of his family and responsibilities.
Nine times out of ten, life is unsatisfactory, which also leads to his indifference to his family to some extent.
Until Ji Cheng grew up to work, he also hinted that his father would bring his mother to Beijing.
But Ji Xianlin just replied coldly: "I have no feelings with your mother."
Ji Xianlin has been addicted to academic research at home, while Peng Dehua, who only has a primary school education, has no topic, let alone feelings.
It is difficult to bridge the cultural gap, and Ji Xianlin never thought of taking a step back and trying to cultivate feelings.
If you don't perish in silence, you will erupt in silence.
There is no longer a gap between father and son, but a deep gap.
The father-son relationship between Ji Cheng and Ji Xianlin has always been a taut string, and no traces of plucking are allowed.
Just like the pipa, it takes the tendon as the handle and the tendon as the string, and it hurts when it moves.
Ji Xianlin is a man with a strong moral heart. He is a philanthropist all his life and always shares his kindness with others.
He has always treated aunts, nurses, cleaners and students equally without any prejudice.
Ji Xianlin also donated his precious cultural relics and books to the country, funded the construction of primary schools, and donated the manuscript fees to party organizations.
What the public knows is such a selfless and dedicated literary master Ji Xianlin.
Ji Xianlin is thrifty by nature, so he doesn't let Ji wash clothes at home, and only takes out the food when it goes bad.
Granddaughter borrowed a copy of Andersen's fairy tales from him, but he refused directly without saying anything.
Ji Cheng has just moved a pot of flowers, which makes Ji Xianlin very angry.
Such Ji Xianlin made readers feel strange, and they began to accuse Ji Cheng.
It is said that "a son is a father's secret", but Ji Cheng directly exposed Ji Xianlin's most intimate side to the public.
It is difficult to judge the quality of the book "My Father and I Ji Xianlin", which has a stinging sense of reality.
Every great man has two sides, not only Ji Xianlin, but also an ordinary man.
The book describes the memory of a son who was estranged from his father for a long time and finally broke up with his father.
Ji Xianlin didn't give Peng Dehua the love he and Ji deserved, so he was bitter.
However, only by giving up can you get what you want. Ji Xianlin devoted his life to study, leaving modesty, tolerance and good temper to the country and society.
In the end, there are not many exploitation layers left to the family. Throughout history, there is no unknown side to those people.
In Ji Cheng's eyes, his father is too fond of cats and ignores their feelings.
So for an old man who can't communicate with his family, where else can he find a way to fill his inner emptiness besides cats to comfort him?
He didn't want to lend Andersen's fairy tales to his granddaughter, not because he didn't like his little granddaughter. Book lovers usually don't lend books to others easily, which is also an advantage in the eyes of book lovers.
He actually cares about the feelings of his family, otherwise he wouldn't buy a new book for his granddaughter.
Ji Cheng wanted to borrow his camera, but Ji Xianlin refused. In his view, it is his father's alienation and meanness.
But after a while, Ji Xianlin offered to buy a new camera for Ji Cheng.
Ji Cheng was confined to the station, starting with the eyes of a child who lacked fatherly love.
In his view, Ji Xianlin is just a lonely and stingy scholar.
But to outsiders, Ji Xianlin is just a person who is not good at expressing his feelings.
Ji Xianlin in this life, almost no parents love, since the childhood.
You can't get a girl you like, but you marry a girl you don't like.
This is a mistake. I think it is difficult for Ji Xianlin to understand love, let alone love others.
Ji Xianlin's growing experience taught him great love rather than small love, but Ji Cheng grew up in the love of two great women, and what he gained was that small love did not understand his father's great love of selfless service to the country.
This is also a real person. Ji Cheng does not deny his narrow selfishness, or that he is more self-centered than Ji Xianlin.
Ji Xianlin may owe something to his family, but he did everything he could to the country and society. He used his life to light up the road of cultural progress and was willing to be a guide.
Ji Cheng left home because of a pot of flowers. At that time, Ji Xianlin didn't stop him, so he let Ji Cheng go.
From then on, the father and son began to live without seeing each other all the year round. Both father and son's news about each other comes from news or friends.
After the death of his mother Peng Dehua, Ji Cheng's resentment towards his father reached its climax.
Ji Xianlin asked Peng Dehua for 40,000 funeral expenses, and Ji Cheng had to bear half. Ji Cheng also directly refused.
He thinks this is what his father must pay, because he owes his mother more than this 40 thousand yuan.
But in Ji Xianlin's eyes, as a son, this is also Ji Cheng's due filial piety.
Two people are heartless people in each other's eyes, and heartless conflicts will only hurt both sides.
The relationship between father and son is completely broken, and no one wants to bow their heads. Everyone thinks it's each other's fault.
Every Chinese New Year holiday, Ji Cheng will send a lot of Shandong cuisine to Ji Xianlin's assistant's home. The assistant will keep some and give the rest to Ji Xianlin.
We know each other very well, but they are all just silent.
Father and son are actually very similar in character, and both of them just want to get the upper hand.
The relationship gradually broke the ice, but was blocked by people, and the two have been unable to meet.
Until Ji Cheng saw "Who stole Ji Xianlin's collection" from the Internet.
There is a picture in the article, in which a bony old man spreads his hands and seems to be saying something.
He couldn't sit still any longer and contacted everywhere, hoping to see his father and confirm his physical condition.
Finally, on June 7th, 2008, 165438+, 73-year-old Ji Cheng met his father Ji Xianlin. Thirteen years later, Ji Cheng figured out a lot of things. Ji Xianlin is not a stingy person, and he can gradually understand each other's position.
The first thing to do when entering the ward, Ji Cheng knelt by the bed and said to his father, "Why are you scolding me?"
Ji Xianlin didn't express too much, just saying that the past has passed and the relationship between them has returned to normal.
After all, blood is thicker than water, and no matter how indifferent people are, they cannot ignore the blood relationship in their bones.
Ji Xianlin, whose time is coming, finally feels the happiness of her children and grandchildren around her knees.
Keep the children, don't go near them. Ji Xianlin had a heart attack and died. Ji Cheng lost his father again, but this time he can't get it back.
Ji Cheng never entered Ji Xianlin's heart. Maybe he knows this, but he already knows how to respect his father's contribution.
But Ji Xianlin closed his true self from an early age and never seemed to open his heart. Maybe he understood, so he reconciled with his son before he died.
The glitz has faded, and the master of Chinese studies is just an ordinary person. He has secular desires and some shortcomings, but imperfection is often the best perfection.