I remember reading a sentence in a book: "The greatest sorrow in life is to be alive and become the last thing I want to see."

After all, there are always many sudden changes and disappointments in life, whether it is work, marriage or family, we are likely to change. Especially in feelings, women pay more. In marriage, countless women compromise because of love and family.

There is a question in Zhihu: Why don't you get married?

The central idea of a highly praised answer is:

Obviously, I can live well alone. Why do I have to marry someone else's house to wash clothes, cook and take care of the children, and I have to endure the criticism of my husband's family when I am a cabbage in a rotten street? If you don't work, you say you live for free. If you work, you say you don't care about your family. A lot of work still needs to be done. A muddled husband. Think about it and collapse!

Why are men more satisfied with marriage than women in modern society? Because women have sacrificed too much for family, marriage, husband and children after marriage. Too many women lose themselves in marriage, are frugal with themselves and gradually become bored middle-aged women.

Xu Wei is like this.

Xu Wei is 38 years old. She has been married for ten years and has been a housewife for eight years. Now she is the mother of two children. Her husband is a director of a listed company with a high salary, but Wei Xu said, "My life is much better now than before, but I don't feel very happy. On the contrary, chicken feathers in married life make me hate myself now. "

Speaking of Xu Wei, I blame myself for not insisting on working at the beginning, because after having children, she couldn't bear the two-way pressure of work and family and had to choose to be a housewife at home. At that time, she thought that as long as she took care of everything at home, she could reassure her husband and their feelings would be maintained well, but now it turns out that she was wrong.

Even if a woman assumes all the responsibilities of the family, bears children, manages the family, and is a frugal and simple housewife, she may not be able to gain men's understanding. Although in many marriages, it is common for men to earn money to support their families and women to take charge of the daily necessities, vinegar and tea at home, the lives of these middle-aged women are very humble. Xú Zhēng also thinks that the biggest sorrow of middle-aged women is the following three lifestyles.

Especially during the Chinese New Year, she felt this feeling more obviously.

02

First, only consider the husband and children. Any housewife's married life is similar to that of Xu Wei. She got up before dawn in the morning, cooked breakfast for her husband who was going to work, then woke up the children and sent them to school before she had a bite. Then, I will spend the whole day at home, except cleaning, washing clothes and doing housework. Then in the afternoon, I will go to the vegetable market to buy food, go to the kindergarten to pick up the children, and go home to wash my hands and prepare dinner.

In the evening, after the husband came home, he did nothing. He had to wash the clothes her husband changed today and help the children with their homework. This stereotyped life, like ten years, is the normal state of Xu Wei's life.

In this kind of marriage, Xu Wei can't feel happiness, and can't find the satisfaction of self-worth. Especially when her husband didn't understand, even because she said that she lost her family because she reached out for money, she felt speechless: "I didn't know that rice, oil and salt are expensive, and I didn't know how angry you would be if you didn't help your children with their homework."

Husband always thinks that Xu Wei's life is very easy, but she also has her own troubles. She really wants to find a suitable job, but she doesn't know what she can do. The key is to pick up the children. What job can give her flexible time to pick up the children?

Xu Wei still has a big problem, that is, she is immersed in family life blindly, but neglects self-improvement, which is also the reason why she is increasingly unhappy.

Second, I no longer care about my appearance. Many women will face the trouble of being out of shape after giving birth, and they will be more tired of dressing themselves up. That's what Xu Wei thought. Now that she has a baby, there is no need to use so many skin care products or buy so many beautiful clothes. So now even if he takes his sister to the annual meeting of his husband's company, he doesn't want Xu Wei to appear, although his husband says, "I like you no matter what you look like."

But Xu Wei can still feel her husband's lukewarm attitude, and she is not as patient with her as before. I believe many thrifty women will think so. Instead of buying yourself so many skin care products and wearing beautiful clothes, it is better to buy more nutrients for your children, enroll in a cram school, or buy some clothes that fit your busy husband.

Since Xu Wei became a stay-at-home wife, she has devoted all her energy to her husband and children. She feels that she is married and has children, and her married life is stable. There is no need to dress herself up. In addition, the husband is the only one in the family who makes money. Xu Wei naturally has to scrimp and save, be careful, try his best to make the children live comfortably, and let her husband live comfortably and diligently.

In the movie "Dogs Look at People's Hearts" by Yan Ni and Huang Lei, there is such a scene:

Middle-aged Yan Ni is still in good shape, while Huang Lei is already a greasy uncle, and their marriage life is not harmonious. Huang Lei let Yan Ni go to bed, and Yan Ni looked at it with disgust, revealing the true side of marriage. Who doesn't like pleasing things these days?

Actually, women should think about it. If she is slack and haggard at this time, and has no management and requirements for her figure, and the woman facing her busy husband is a young girl who is keen on dressing herself, will she really accept you in her heart?

Of course not. No matter when, a woman can't "break the jar" on her appearance and figure, although a woman doesn't necessarily maintain herself for her husband, but to dress herself up because she wants to look pleasing to the eye.

No one can refuse beautiful things, even men. A woman's maintenance of her appearance and figure can show her serious attitude towards married life. A beautiful face and a hot figure can not only make her stand out, but also keep her marriage.

Third, during the Chinese New Year, because of lack of money, parents can't be filial at this time of the year, and Xu Wei feels guilty. Because her husband doesn't want to accompany her back to her parents' home for the New Year, she can only send something home for the New Year, but what she wants to buy for her family has to be considered for a long time because of lack of money.

Her husband can't "level a bowl of water" for her family. Every time they go back to her husband's house with big bags and small bags, she will feel very uncomfortable, but there is nothing she can do without making money. A long time ago, she wanted to buy a massager for her father with poor lumbar spine, but because the price was too high, her husband was unwilling to take money, and she was helpless.

"Have you ever thought about changing this life?"

When asked about Xu Wei, she bowed her head again: "Of course I thought about it, but at my age, it's not easy to find a job. I have no work experience and I am not as beautiful as a little girl now. I looked for several jobs and failed in the end. I am even more afraid to go out to work. "

Before the age of 40, Xu Wei was bloated, with spots on his face, flabby skin and rustic clothes. In fact, this is the sorrow of many middle-aged women. In their married life, they gradually lost themselves and finally became like this.

In addition to bargaining with vendors in the vegetable market, in addition to washing clothes and cooking, it is to send children to school. As a housewife, there are few people in contact with her every day, and gradually her thoughts have become backward, and the gap with her husband is getting bigger and bigger.

If you meet a husband who knows yourself, maybe your marriage will get more understanding, consideration and care from your husband because of your efforts.

But if you meet an unreasonable husband, he will only tell you: "You are at home every day, just doing some housework, you don't have to get up early, you don't have to go back and forth, you don't have to bear any pressure, I work hard outside every day, you are at home, and there is no psychological imbalance."

03

Many women are devoted to their families, but their husbands don't understand them. On the contrary, it will make my husband feel that he has nothing to do all day, because he spends too much time on his husband and children and is rejected, but he ignores the most important person-himself.

It is very important for women to find a balance between work and life. This choice is not to give up your family, your husband and your children, but to bear it with your husband and learn to re-plan your marriage life.

A woman who can balance work and life is not so powerful, but because she knows how to control the system in marriage and will not blindly lose herself. She knows that in order to balance the relationship in marriage, she will not focus all on her family, nor will she take all the housework on herself. The housework is not her own, and neither is the child. Whether it's washing clothes, cooking, cleaning or looking after children, these tasks can be done by two people on average, and a woman should not take all of them.

Learn to weigh the problems of married life with your husband, learn to love yourself and make your marriage full of vitality, and don't make unnecessary sacrifices.

In fact, any housewife is great, because they focus all their lives on marriage, which is their responsibility to the family. It also reminds married men that no middle-aged woman has grown up from a girl.

When my mother was young, she was also full of longing and expectation for her married life. She also wants to have a career of her own, just because of us and my father, she gave up everything and became a housewife.

Therefore, men should be more responsible. Don't let women do all the housework at home alone, and they can't accept the "nanny" service they take for granted.

Either stick to your promise, cherish her for a lifetime and don't abandon her.

Or take the initiative to assume some family responsibilities and solve the problem that children are left unattended and housework is done by one person. Only when two people put themselves in each other's shoes can a marriage run by * * * be happy for a long time.

The Spring Festival is coming soon. I hope all husbands can sympathize with their wives' hard work. Don't let her do housework alone. If she wants to go back to her parents, go back with her. Every New Year, many housewives will doubt themselves and feel that life is very sad, which requires men to cherish and treat her well, and women to change themselves and love themselves well.

I still have plans for my future life. Marriage is not the only way for you to settle down. Your self-worth is not only reflected in your marriage, but also in your own career.