In our backstage, the most frequently asked question and message is "How to chat with girls". I don't know what to say when chatting with others. How to find a topic to chat with someone you just met? How to avoid answering questions with women? What topics do girls like to talk about? What can I say to make girls like it? Wait, wait, wait. . . Many buddies think that they can't chat because they never pay attention to the skills of chatting. This idea is too taken for granted. The fact is, it is very likely that even if you learn the chatting skills, you don't know how to chat. Only those who have really worked hard know how important skills are. In other words, when you have the goods in your stomach, you will know how important the chat skills are. The reason why most men can't chat is that there are too few topics, too few experiences, too little knowledge, no special skills, and they can't spell chat skills with others at all. See what books specifically teach people to chat?

Let's look at foreign countries first.

1 the power of conversation-[America] Allen? Ghana

2 "Key Dialogue"-[America] Cory Patterson

3 The Weakness of Human Nature-[America] Dale Carnegie

4 "difficult conversation"-[America] Douglas Si Tong

5 "Learn to ask questions"-[America] Brown

6 The Art of Communication-[America] Ronald Adler

7 "negotiating power"-[America] Roger Fisher

8 "influence"-[America] Robert B. Cialdini

9 "Harvard Classic Negotiation"-[America] deepak Mahalamax Bazman

10 the art of speaking-[America] Rosalie Maggio

The Power of Dialogue-Daniel Jankowitz

Let's look at the "way of speaking" in China-Cai Kangyong.

Don't lose by not being able to speak-Deng Han Xi

The way of speaking that makes you popular-Zhang

Super persuasive-Li Zhuang

Learn humor and eloquence every day-Xiangxing

Persuasion-Le Jia

People like you as soon as you open your mouth-Wang Li

The Charm of Speech —— Han Yuanyuan

"You're right, it's done"-Zhang

See, everyone wants to learn to chat, so the market for teaching others to chat is so hot. I can keep making this list, but after reading so many skills, most people still can't chat. I'm not saying that all the skills in the above books are useless. I also like several books and have conducted in-depth research. What I want to say is a core problem that has been ignored by everyone. You won't chat with others because you have no inside information.

It's like you are proficient in English grammar, but the number of words is only 200. Can you communicate with foreigners in English? Of course not!

As the saying goes, some buddies have a wide range of knowledge and rich experience because of environmental reasons. Even if such people haven't learned chatting skills, chatting with others will have a steady stream of topics. At the same time, his topic can also be very attractive, giving others a feeling of being knowledgeable or seeing the problem deeply. Many buddies can't do it, no matter how many chat skills you watch, you will get twice the result with half the effort. How do you enrich your background? Thousands of books, Wan Li Road, of course. Join more social circles and learn from people who are better than you. But in that case, I don't need to write this article.

I want to teach you one of the fastest skills to learn, memorizing "material library".

For example, if you want to make a girl happy, we will give you such material.

When I was studying, there was a beautiful senior. She has many spare tires, and every spare tire thinks she is a boyfriend. Really, I am a great senior. Later, the seniors didn't hide well, and these boys all knew each other's existence. They set up a qq group named "Our Girlfriend", and everyone crusaded against Senior Sister and shared their love story with this Senior Sister. Later, they became good brothers and formed a football team with two substitutes. Girls usually laugh their heads off when they hear this. Don't laugh, I'm telling you this senior because you really look like her and have better eyes. I thought of her as soon as I saw you. You see, your name stored in my mobile phone is "our girlfriend" (show her your mobile phone and wait for her to punch. )

You want to flirt with a girl, we will give you such materials.

Tell your sister to play a game and ask her five questions. You must use lies. It was agreed in advance that losing is a kiss. First question: Is it day or night? Lie: at night. The second question: Are you a man or a woman? Lies: Men. The third question: Are you wearing underwear? Lies:No.-Sexual Hint No.0 1 Fourth question: Do you want to kiss me? Lie: think. -Sexual Hint 02.-This problem has expanded. If she says no, then the real answer is yes, then you can choose to kiss her at this time. If she answers a lie, that is, thinks, then you can make fun of her once. Fifth question: Did you answer the last question true or false? This is a trap problem. Whether her answer is true or false, she will lose the game.

You want to stimulate girls' emotions, we will give you such material.

Look at this place, especially like a girl downstairs who I had a crush on in high school. I always sit downstairs, hehe. At that time, we were in the same class and took different routes home. Her home is 25 minutes away from mine by bike. But every day after school, I will keep a distance of 50 meters behind her, take her home all the way, and then ride home. On weekends, I must take an afternoon off and ride my bike to the garden downstairs. Looking at her balcony, talking to myself, sitting all afternoon, as if chatting with her. Ha ha. This situation has been going on for more than two years. She died of a heart attack and failed to take the college entrance examination. From then until now, every year on her birthday and death, I would ride my bike to the garden downstairs and talk to myself, just like in high school. (Speaking of which, it is better to have rosy eyes. )

You want to shock your sister with your point of view, we will give you such material.

For example, talking to your sister about environmental protection, you can say: Many people think that human beings have caused serious damage to nature since the industrial revolution. Burning fuel, pollution emissions, species extinction and so on. But in fact, industry has been protecting the environment. Without advanced industrial technology, the natural environment will get worse. The source of environmental damage is population expansion. In order to feed 7 billion people, 40% of the earth's land is used for agricultural production. If there were no pesticides, fertilizers and antibiotics, forests, grasslands and wetlands would be cultivated now, and 7 billion people could not support themselves. At that time, the environment was the real end of the world. Modern industry feeds more people with less resources.

For example, chicken soup for the soul, you can say: In fact, our antipathy to chicken soup for the soul is largely due to its unprincipled transmission of positive energy and no feasible solution. But not to mention all kinds of problems in real life, this problem is intertwined with that one. Giving a universal solution, from the point of view, is a sign of laziness and lack of effort. Chicken soup is not responsible for solving. It provides the confidence and strength to find a solution. It's not the fault of chicken soup, it's a meal. Sometimes we should be more vigilant against "anti-chicken soup", such as "efforts may not be successful, but it is easy without efforts", laughing at everything, making fun of everything, persuading people to give up their efforts and enjoy a "useless" life, which is really toxic.

What I teach is not high-end skills, but the most basic and basic things.

You may not be able to talk well with others by carrying these things on your back. If you don't recite it, it's over. If you are so short of topic library, you must be finished. Even if girls take the initiative to chat with you and offer you new topics, they will not be unable to communicate because you don't understand. So everyone should understand that they can't chat, whether because they don't know skills or because their background is too poor.

If you clearly have a poor background and want to improve quickly, you have to rely on the "material library". This technique is like memorizing English words. At first, you will definitely find these materials useless. When you have accumulated enough and reached a critical point, you will suddenly find that you have mastered it. Suddenly you can chat with others in Kan Kan, and suddenly you can attract others' attention by chatting.

Every material you recite is a pearl. There are pearls first, and then these pearls are connected in series to form a necklace. Just like eating, the last bite is full, but it can't be said that all the food in front is useless. So this is also a variety of "topic material library" prepared for students in this course. The content of these material libraries is the "ammunition" library for you to communicate with others, helping you to surpass others and yourself in the early stage.

If you want to be a master, you must start with imitation.

Copying first and then surpassing is the fastest way to grow.

First, pay attention to the chat itself, not the topic of the chat.

Topic chat mode:

When we are chatting, we always want to focus on the topics we have thought about in advance, but we don't pay attention to the chat itself, so the following situations often occur:

For example:

Me: Have you eaten? (raise a topic)

Yes

Me: What are you doing? (bring up another topic)

Surf the Internet

Me: Is the weather good there? (bring up another topic)

MM: not bad

Me: Are you busy recently? (bring up another topic)

take one's time

Me: ... (There is no topic to talk about, because there is always a time to end the topic)

Me: Oh, well, I just want to call and ask what you are doing, so keep busy. Goodbye.

MM: goodbye

Because all you can think of at this moment is, what should I say? What topic should I talk to MM? This often leads to a dead end. When you finish the questions prepared in advance, you will find that you are dumb!

The correct way to chat is to pay attention to the chat itself, not the topic of chat, not the question of what to talk about, but the question of how to talk.

Keyword chat:

For example:

Me: Have you eaten? (Bring up the topic) (Keywords: dinner)

MM: I ate it.

Me: What did you eat? (triggered by keyword eating)

MM: Beef noodles.

Me: Did you make it yourself? (triggered by the keyword rice)

I can't cook. I bought it.

Me: You can't even cook. A girl can't even cook. See how you got married.

MM: I don't want to do it. My mother used to do this.

Me: It was before, and now it is now. Now you have grown up. Girls should learn to cook. Don't you cook as a wife? (Previously, this keyword triggered a new keyword "adult wife")

I haven't decided to get married. (Keywords Marriage)

Me: Your mother loves you very much.

MM: My mother loves me very much. I am the youngest. Of course it will hurt me. (Keywords: lowest)

Me: Are you the youngest? Do you have any brothers or sisters? (A new keyword brother is triggered by the smallest keyword)

My sister BLABLABLAL. (Many) I found that the key words used here are all similar. I'll go back to the keyword marriage in the previous conversation right away. I can chat with the keywords that appear in the conversation between the superior and the subordinate!

Me: haven't you decided what kind of person you want to marry? (triggered by the keyword marriage)

I haven't decided yet, BLABLABLAL. (Many) (Key words: I don't know)

Me: What's your standard? (triggered by bad thinking of keywords)

MM: My standard is. BLABLABLAL L. At this time, I found that there are no keywords in what she said, or the keywords here are not conducive to your starting the topic. Go back to the keywords in the previous conversation and start chatting immediately! For example, the keyword buy in line 6.

Me: Do you like shopping? Do you like shopping? (New keyword purchases are triggered by earlier keyword purchases)

MM: I like it. I like it very much.

Me: What else do you like? (triggered by keyword likes)

MM: I like singing, swimming and traveling (new keywords appear: singing, swimming and traveling).

Me: Oh, you like singing. Whose song do you like to sing?

Hmm: ...

Me: Oh, you like swimming. Can you swim? How is your swimming skill? Where do you usually swim?

Hmm: ...

Me: Oh, you like traveling. Where have you traveled? How do you feel?

Hmm: ...

Don't dwell on a keyword all the time. Grab a keyword and start talking. When you talk to a certain extent, stop! Go back to the last keyword and start chatting. When you talk to a certain extent, stop! Go back to the last keyword in the middle of the chat and end the chat. Stop. Go back to the last keyword and start chatting. When you talk to a certain extent, stop! Return to the previous keyword chat ...

You will find that during the whole chat, you have not prepared any topics, but the chat itself will bring you countless topics! I don't need to be prepared, I can start chatting anytime and anywhere, without pressure or racking my brains to think about what I should talk about. Because you will have so many topics that you don't know what to choose to talk about. The important thing is that you have something to say and get into a good chat atmosphere. It doesn't matter what you talk to MM, what matters is fun, fun and humor in this atmosphere.

Of course, this series of verbiage seems to have no focus and no nutrition, but what I want to say is that this is just an example, so that little whites who talk to girls only a few words can have something to say, and I won't keep asking questions like this. This process should be interactive. I can only say that this is just the skeleton of chatting. To make chatting interesting, we must join the framework, push and pull, and silence.

Second, maintain the framework.

In the process of chatting, girls will consciously give you a test, but how do you face the test of girls?

The correct way is to give her a trap, let her jump in first, then you jump in, if she doesn't jump, then you don't jump either. The simplest example:

How old are you? (MM tests you)

Me: 28 years old (I jumped into her trap, her strong skeleton absorbed my weak skeleton and I became bored)

How old are you? (MM tests you)

Me: Guess? (I gave her a trap)

I guess you are 26 years old (MM jumps into the trap)

Me: Actually, I'm 30 (she jumped first, so I jumped again).

How old are you? (MM tests you)

Me: Guess? (I gave her a trap)

MM: I don't guess, you tell me (MM doesn't jump)

Me: You'll never guess (don't jump into the trap of MM).

Me: How old are you? (I tested MM and set a trap for her)

MM: Guess? (MM tested me and she gave me a trap)

Me: Do you want me to guess lower or higher? (Don't jump into the trap to continue the trap)

MM: guess high (MM can't help jumping in)

Me: I guess you're 24 (MM jumps before me)

MM: I'm 26 years old.

Extended example:

MM: I want to eat hot pot, please treat me (MM test you)

Me: Well, if you go shopping with me to buy clothes tomorrow, I'll invite you (I'll set a trap for her if you don't jump into her trap).

MM: I can't. I am busy tomorrow. I am very stingy. Is it so hard to invite me to dinner? Please get off. (If you continue to trap you, it will be a weak frame. )

Me: Are you busy tomorrow? Ok, you can accompany me to the night market to buy clothes after eating hot pot (I'll give her another trap if I don't jump into her trap)

I'm going back tonight. It's too late to finish eating. (continue to set you up. Well, it depends on how long you can hold on. )

Me: No, please come again next time. I'll find someone else to accompany me to buy clothes (insist! Don't jump into her trap)

MM: It's hard to treat me to hot pot. Then when I have time, can I go shopping with you? (continue to set you up. MM wants to use such vague words against you. )

Me: When do you practice? Are you free the day after tomorrow? Accompany me the day after tomorrow (insist! Don't jump into her trap.

MM: ok (MM jumped first, MM couldn't hold on first)

Me: I may be late for dinner after work. Please call me when you are ready to order.

MM: All right then (the MM frame is completely absorbed by you).

The maintenance of the framework makes MM feel that she can't catch you. Your strong frame will eventually absorb MM's low frame. In the chat, MM feels dependent and attractive.

Third, push and pull

I think the so-called pull: that is, you like MM, praise MM, and deliberately close the relationship with MM.

The so-called push: dislike, suppress, ignore mm.

Flexible use, let MM's feelings rise and fall, let MM have so-called feelings for you.

For example:

Me: You were so beautiful in your class before high school, and there were many people chasing you (La).

MM: Hehe, of course. Why don't you chase me?

Me: I like you, too (La)

MM: Hehe, really, you haven't always had a crush on me, have you?

Me: That was before, not now (push away)

Oh, how have you been recently? We have time to come out and talk.

Me: Hehe, I'm very busy recently, so I may not have time.

Well, we'll talk about it sometime. After push and pull, compliance test is used to check whether it is effective.

Me: You invite me to eat delicious food, and I may go (subject to the test).

Fourth, skills, telling the story of DHV (demonstrating high value and showing high value)

1, tell other people's stories

When telling other people's stories, I think the key is to tell a sense of humor and pay attention to the ways and means of telling them.

Step 2 tell your own story

Storytelling undoubtedly plays an important role in chatting with MM. Everyone has many stories in his own experience, but if you just tell stories and tell your own experiences without adding any DHV elements, then storytelling can only bring you into the friendship zone. And people who tell good stories, you can't hear the ingredients of deliberate "bragging" in it. Tell your DHV point of view skillfully in the story.

V. Agreement on Thought and Speech

The source of ideas and opinions can be understood by others or by yourself to form your own views on some things. This depends on my usual thinking and form my own opinion. In fact, in the process of interacting with people, I can absorb good opinions for my use. Read more newspaper and online comments. After thinking and absorbing by myself, I will discuss with others, absorb others' good ideas for my use, and gradually improve my own.

Example: Song Yuehai seaweed is on its way to Dingshan Lake.

Seaweed: "Secretary Song, can I ask you a question? Why did you take this bus? I think I need a slave to stand on tiptoe when I take the bus. "

Song Siming: "I said seaweed, this is a British royal car. It's called Land Rover. You think it is ugly. I think it is the most beautiful one in the car. " -express your views

Song Siming: "The man driving is covered in blood. He wants to own a Land Rover. He has been in this city for a long time. He hopes that he can grow up on the grassland with manes like a group of wild horses. Land Rover is a human leg and the wind blowing in the air. " -express your views

Song Siming: "You can't see this car in the city ..."

Song Siming: "This man should have a good car, a confidante and a …"-Get to the point.

Example 2: After seaweed told Song Siming about her sister's difficulties in buying a house.

Song Siming: "Algae, years of experience tell me that any problem that money can solve is not a big problem. In this life, there are many problems that can't be solved, such as birth and death, betrayal, intrigue and no longer falling in love. All this is much more difficult than house and money. I think you did the right thing. Because in this life, you can bear money debts, but you can't bear emotional debts. There is hope that you can pay your debts with money, but you may feel guilty about paying your debts with emotion. In fact, from another angle, seaweed, you are a good girl with feelings, and Beckham should be happy! You have a grateful heart, and you will remember all the people who have given you kindness, which is good for Beckham. Today, you will lend a helping hand when your sister is in trouble. If Beckham is in trouble in the future, you will definitely not leave. From this point of view, Beckham and I have different views. If a person doesn't even care about his relatives, can you expect him to care about something else? " -express your views

Seaweed said, "It's a pity that Beckham doesn't think so."

Song Siming: "Beckham doesn't think so, so you have to understand. Because he can't afford to lose. Man is generous because he has more than he squanders. We take generosity as a compliment because most people can't do it. Especially for unrelated outsiders. From the sidelines, neither you nor Beckham is wrong. The mistake is that experience and life experience are not enough to see through all this. I understand what you mean by sisterhood. At that time, only one child could study at home, so my brother gave me a chance. So, now the two of us live in two different situations. It is not that I am smarter than him, I am more successful than him, but that he gave me hope in the face of opportunities. Therefore, no matter how high and far I go, I will feel that my brother gave me everything today. If he were me, maybe he would be better than me. Man's greatness lies not in how much you have contributed to society and achieved, but in how you know how to sacrifice in the face of temptation ... "-Tell your opinion.

When you express these views, MM can only look up to you.

Sixth, arouse MM's curiosity.

I think in the early days of knowing MM, the first feeling I should give her was curiosity, which made her curious. What's this man's story?

Example 1: Song Siming and seaweed meet for the first time.

Song: "Have you got a family?"

Hai: "Not yet."

Song: "The future is boundless."

This is the point. What does Song Siming want to show in his first meeting with seaweed? Humor? No, the first time I meet a girl, I think you should give her a sense of mystery and make her curious. You can say some wonderful things and be curious about you, wondering why he said such things. Very strange ...

Example 2: Everyone has secrets (Korean film)

The first sentence of the hero when he saw Third Sister was: "Hello, I've heard a lot about you."

Say hello and everyone will say, but what about the last sentence? The curiosity aroused makes every woman feel that when I first met this man, he said that he had heard a lot about me. What is that?

Two ways to teach you interesting opening remarks when chatting with girls.

Thank you for your opening remarks

When I first returned to China, I attended a celebration dinner. There was a very hot girl at that time, and many men ran around her. That's probably why. Girls look at men with cold eyes. I was busy making new friends that day, and when I passed by her, I was just blown on my head by the air conditioner, and suddenly I suddenly realized, so I had this prologue:

M: Thank you.

Woman: What?

M: Thank you.

Woman: Why thank me?

Man: I think it's hot here, but your eyes are cold, and it's cold to stand next to you, so thank you.

Woman: Ha ha!

"Thank you" is an interesting opening remark, which is suitable for hitting on women in social occasions, especially in nightclubs. Because this is different from the general opening remarks, she can instantly make girls curious about you. In particular, Leng Yan beauty has been accosted countless times in daily life, not to mention that every man present wants to buy her a drink. She may be tired of this conversation, so it will surprise her to start from a new angle.

Direct preface

Many times you will meet an interested woman, who may be on her way to the boarding gate, airport lobby or meeting friends. Maybe you are the one who is in a hurry. Many times, there is not enough time for you to start a topic. After missing it, I may never meet it again in my life. It is better to seize the opportunity and go directly to see if we can exchange a contact information, so that there is still the possibility of interaction afterwards.

At this time, you need the "director's opening remarks". You just need to tell her that you think she is your type, so you want to know her. A typical direct prologue should have three parts:

The first part:

Man: "Hello, please wait a moment."

Woman: (I will stop when I see you. )

Man: "I want to come and meet you, because I think you are cute and you are my type."

Part b:

Man: "This is Beijing. Pretty girls are actually quite common. But I don't know if your friend has told you that you are quite friendly and a bit rare. "

Woman: (Give you a response ...)

Man: "that's a bit corny, but you're really nice." We may have met, but I can't remember. "

Woman: (Give you a response ...)

Part c:

Man: "Well, nice to meet you. Because we are all in a hurry, but I really hope to get to know each other again in the future. (takes out his mobile phone) What's your number/WeChat? "

Woman: (Give you a response ...)

Man: "OK, nice to meet you."

Because time is tight, this is a simplified version of "three-stage chat-up" Part a is the preface, which directly indicates the purpose. Part B is a simple situation exchange. The key is to tell the other person why you want to know her, indicating that you have no malice and have not sold her anything. Part C: Go with the flow and exchange a contact information so as to continue interaction in the future.

If there are some physical obstacles between you and her that will attract her attention when you overcome them, then the prophet will let you know, which will make your visit more friendly. For example, in a coffee shop, if you are separated by a seat, you can use the opening remarks like this:

Man: "excuse me, is this chair taken?" (gesturing to the chair in front of the girl. )"

Woman: "No one, you can take it."

Man: "(Just sit down and smile, and she will look at you in surprise." I think you are cute, so I want to meet you. My name is XXX. What should I call you? "

……

It is worth noting that if you want to get a better response in the future interaction, the best way is to exchange contact information and continue chatting. The more communication you have, the less she will regret giving you contact information.