"You are right, but why should I listen to you?"

Emotional scholar

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I heard such annoyance from some readers: "I found that everything I get along with people in my life and work is very troublesome." If I want to do well, I have to convince others or be persuaded by others. "

Indeed, our life is made up of persuasion. Even when facing ourselves, we are constantly persuading ourselves to take every step forward. However, in my opinion, persuasion is not only an art, but also a technology. How to persuade others skillfully, I have several stories here:

1,

A couple is planning a wedding.

The girl said to the boy, "I want a simple wedding, but it must be special." 」

The boy smiled, and the girl went on to say, "The wedding will be held on the outdoor lawn, the white dining table will be surrounded by flowers, and the dessert table will be made of nostalgic wooden stakes ... Oh, yes, there will be a glass room made of gauze curtains with a dark green plant wall as the background, and most importantly, all my girlfriends will be my bridesmaids ... hmm! About six so that my friends can witness my happiness. And ... "

The boy couldn't help interrupting her: "How much is it? 」

The girl glared at him mercilessly: "You get married once in your life, and be careful. Forget it, don't do it! 」

Knowing that he had said something wrong, the boy quickly explained, "That's not what I meant. I want the wedding to be as simple as possible. Let's spend the money where it should be spent. Living with two people, we can't have long-running water. 」

The girl couldn't hold her breath: "What do you mean by flowers? You mean not important! 」

The boy continued to play the circus: "of course it's important ... I mean, we can travel and get married without tossing a lot of money." You see who was tired to death at the beginning, why bother? " 」

At this time, the girl was furious, stood up and turned into the room, and never came out.

Facing the wedding, most boys who have experienced it for the first time will be confused. Obviously, what girls say is very simple, why should they turn their faces and go back on their words? We think everything we say is reasonable, so how can it be wrong in her eyes?

In fact, women are emotional, especially romantic, which is absolutely impossible for all women to refuse. At this time, the first thing you need is not to convince yourself from an objective standpoint, but to listen attentively to her potential lines. Weddings are very important to women, not only because of the sense of ceremony, but also because they need an open commitment and her husband's responsibility for the future.

So the persuasion of straight men can't solve the problem. But at this time, you can use a technology called "risk transfer" in economics. In other words, it is to transfer the risks needed by the other party to yourself or others. Because people are hard to be persuaded, largely because they are afraid to bear the risk cost caused by wrong decisions, and "no, or imperfect wedding" is actually a challenge to high expectations and established order.

For example, if a boy wants to have a simple wedding (simple here is not simple, but also requires heart), what you want to say to his fiancee should not be:

"I think this noisy wedding is too vulgar now. Why don't we have a simple, quiet and meaningful wedding? "

But:

"Noisy wedding is too vulgar, we should be special. Haven't you always wanted to go to Tahiti? Let's enjoy the two of us, the white beach, the green ocean, the tropical plants and the quaint village. You can lie in the water and talk to the fish. Visa, fee, island villa ... I have arranged it properly. "

Women are emotional. What they want is not a wedding, but attention and security. In this way, your suggestion is a good choice for girls, and it is also a compromise alternative, which minimizes the risk of the "imperfect" wedding that the other party is worried about.

2,

Xiaobai asked the old driver "how to pick up girls"

Xiao Bai asked, "Like a diaosi like me, what skills can I have to catch up with girls?" 」

Old driver: "let her know you first, and then get her contact information naturally." Don't show your love. 」

Xiaobai is a little confused: "If she doesn't know my intention, how can I pursue it?" ? 」

The old driver's mouth turned up and said, "In short, you should keep a certain distance, don't let her get bored with you, get along with her in a friendly way, and create opportunities to treat her every request positively. 」

Xiaobai continued to listen carefully: "For example, invite her to a delicious restaurant, invite her to watch a favorite movie, ask her what special hobbies she has, remember her birthdays, holidays, etc ... from time to time to create opportunities for a group of people to get together and integrate into her circle of friends. 」

Looking at Xiaobai's big eyes, the old driver continued: "If catching up with her is the ultimate goal, then you need to break it down into several small goals, and then gradually integrate it into her life, forming a mark for her to develop the habit of relying on you, so that she will think of you in everything. 」

Ok, I think everyone has guessed the following routine.

Luo Ji thought once had a program called Goddess You Don't Understand, which borrowed some ideas from the book The Devil's Chat and systematically taught diors man how to deal with his own goddess.

First of all, I agree with the method mentioned in the program, but I think there is something wrong with the part about "objectifying" women. Regardless of whether the viewpoint conveyed by this "love success theory" is politically correct or not, there are some similarities between chasing girls and marketing, and their essence is persuasion or achievement fulfillment.

Lao Luo mentioned a "layered upgrade theory" in the program, which is also called "layered plus code" in the sales field. In fact, it is the second persuasion skill I want to talk about, which is aimed at what we usually call "sunk cost" in economics.

The popular explanation is still taking the matter of picking up girls as an example. When boys and girls develop a relationship, the more time and frequency of contact, the higher the sinking cost of girls. We often hear some girls in love say, "I want to break up with my boyfriend, but I can't bear it." In fact, it is because of the sinking cost in my heart.

So we often see that some business practices are constantly taking advantage of this weakness of human nature. For example, if you go to a health club, you can get a card at first, and the card is discounted. Season card 500, year card 1500, so you have a season card with a try attitude. A few days later, I held a celebration. I told you, you can upgrade your adult card by adding 500 yuan. After you think it over, you can do it properly. A few days later, another activity was held in the store, saying that VIP provided personal coaching service, and old customers only needed 1200 yuan to upgrade and enjoy systematic exercise, so, ......

Now you understand. The so-called sunk cost means that when people choose something, they will not only see whether it is beneficial to them, but also whether they have invested in it in the past. Therefore, the "level upgrade theory" is to break the target into small pieces, then gradually establish a relationship with the other party, and finally dominate the overall situation.

3,

Ma Yun visited Wang Lin, the "Qigong Master".

Who is Wang Lin? Wang Lin, 1952, a native of Pingxiang, Jiangxi Province, claimed to have left home at the age of seven and studied Taoism in Emei Mountain. In the 1990s, Wang Lin became famous through Qigong, and then gradually interacted with many officials, stars and entrepreneurs. Wang Lin claimed to have achieved many unique skills by using the gas function, such as bringing snakes to an empty pot, reducing paper dust and bringing wine to an empty cup. He often treats senior officials at home and abroad.

In the early days, there were many voices questioning that Wang Lin was a liar. Although he claimed to be a master of Qigong, he never said what school of Qigong he practiced, and even had no evidence. Although Wang Lin was later exposed by the media for some reasons, exposing his true colors of cheating with "Qigong Master" and was arrested according to law on 20 15, we can still see that Wang Lin made a lot of money for himself through public influence in the past.

Why do so many top elites believe Wang Lin? Are they really stupid? There is a word here called "trust endorsement", which means that if you get a promise from an influential person or thing, then you can improve your credibility. For example, we see that many Taobao merchants will note "a star with the same paragraph" on the product name, or note a large number of customer praise on the details page, which is an act of seeking "trust endorsement".

Then, I'll post a few more pictures, and you'll understand why Wang Lin was so convincing at that time:

Many people say that Wang Lin's prosperity stems from his high-level role as a "personal intermediary". Aside from this topic, in reality we often adopt the routine of "credit endorsement".

For example, in an interview, you usually bring the work experience in your resume closer to a larger platform. Even if you only worked as an intern at BAT (Baidu/Tencent/Alibaba) for half a year, this aura is generally greater than your two years of hard work in a small startup.

So you see, why do many people often say that I have business cooperation with a Fortune 500 company? I am a perennial supplier of a state-owned enterprise. I come from Tsinghua and Peking University, and I have won prizes abroad ... because these "public symbols" will indeed weaken the other party's distrust of you to some extent.

4,

Is scarcity the most valuable thing?

Joe Wang said, "From the United States to China, as soon as my new product is released, there will be a long queue outside the Apple store overnight. 」

Hermes smiled: "The wife of a senior leader wanted Brechin, so she called our CEO. Hundreds of thousands of bags can be bought without money, and even leaders have to wait in line for next year. 」

The Ministry of Railways smiled: "In China, there is a shortage of tickets every time in Spring Festival travel rush. 12306 It's hard to get tickets online. It's useless for Ctrip to go anywhere. If you want to buy a ticket home, you must have a fast internet connection, or you are a scalper. 」

Finally, the real estate developers in Beijing couldn't help singing: "You don't want to buy a house in Beijing, just buy it if you want ~ whoa, whoa, whoa ..."

There is an old saying in China that scarcity is the most valuable thing. My brother looks very ordinary. He was admitted to normal university in the college entrance examination. As soon as he entered the school gate, he found himself the only boy in the department. Later, the school grass was promoted, and my girlfriend didn't know how many waves she changed. A college buddy comes from an ordinary family. After graduation, he became a village official and was assigned to a small village in Jiangxi. The old people in the village are scrambling to betrothed their daughters to him.

Double-spelling domain names like taobao.com or tudou.com can fetch hundreds of thousands or even millions. Why? An important reason is not that such resources are getting less and less. The more scarce things are, the more plundered they are, and the value is raised by the outside world.

So you see, in order to guide consumers to feel that their products are good, many merchants often say that their products are limited when selling, which is like telling the world that "after this village, there will be no such store." However, this description of "scarcity" selling point is often effective, because it greatly raises its own competition threshold.

5,

Concluding remarks

Risk transfer method, grade promotion method, trusting calligraphy, creating scarcity ... Having said so many skills to persuade others, the real big move is not these-but listening. We often meet some people and things in our life, hoping to convince others through our own language. But the more so, the more we should peel off the selfish thought of "self" and listen from the other side's position.

True persuasion means sharing feelings. What is needed is to give up your position and fully integrate into each other's world. Our "right" is not necessarily right in the eyes of others, and the "wrong" of the other party is not necessarily wrong in their eyes. The key is how to achieve a * * * knowledge through mutual communication, and then deliver the expected results on this basis. Therefore, really powerful persuasion is actually altruistic, and listening attentively is the key to everything.

Finally, I'll give you another powerful medicine:

Even if you can convince the whole world, you may not be able to convince yourself.

I met you in the vast sea of people, but I didn't want to lose you when I passed by.