Devil: "You can scream at your throat ... no one will come to save you ..." "
Princess: "Broken throat ... broken throat ..."
No one: "Princess ... I'm coming to save you ..."
Devil: "Speak of the devil and he will come ..."
Cao Cao: "Devil .. Why did you call me ..."
Demon: "Wow ... seeing a ghost"
Ghost: "Shit! Was discovered .. "
Shit: "Ghost, can you see me ..."
Devil: "Oh, my God! 」
God: "Who called me? 」
Who: "Nobody called you ..."
Nobody said, "Where am I? Play dumb! 」
Garlic: "Who is pretending to be me? 」
Who: "It's me again? Are you looking for trouble? 」
Trouble: "which one is looking for me?" 」
Which one: "Looking for you? I didn't ... Gee, there are so many people here. 」
Many people: "I just arrived … who are you?" ? 」
Which one: "I'm not who. 」
Who: "He's not me. 」
Princess: "Is everyone here to save me? 」
Everyone: "I'm not here to save you, I'm here to watch the fun." 」
Lively: "What do I have to see? 」
God: "It's none of my business. I'll go first. " 」
Devil: "You answer a question before you go. Why do so many people save the princess? " ? How can I play this demon king? 」
Go down: "You good devil won't do it, what shall I do?" 」
Princess: "if no one hits the devil, I can go." 」
No one: "If I play the devil, how can I let you go ..."
How come: "I won't let the princess go, I want to watch the excitement." 」
Lively: "What are you looking at me for? 」
What: "You want to fuck me? Rogue! 」
How dare you: "I didn't? 」
Me: "What does it have to do with me?" 」
Devil: "Shit! I'm going crazy ... "
Shit: "What am I doing? ...」
Madman: "What do you want me to do? 」
You want me to say, "I don't know anything! 」
I don't know anything: "I don't know! 」
I don't know: "I'm here! Is someone calling me? 」
Someone said, "I didn't call you! 」
I didn't say, "Who called him? 」
Who: "Wrong ... I didn't ..."
I didn't say, "I haven't wronged you ..."
You: "I dare you. 」
I dare you: "Who says I dare not! ? 」
Who: "please ... I didn't say anything."
I have nothing: "What do you want me to say? 」
I am nothing: "... you ... aren't you my long-lost brother?" ”」
My long-lost brother: "Kao ... my name is very long ... and I will be called."
Ah ... "
Who: "I want to leave this troublesome place quickly."
True or false: "So this is my place."
I am nothing &; No: "Don't make any noise. We are talking. "
Don't argue with Allah: "I'm not talking ..."
I didn't: "I didn't speak! ...」
I am nothing: "-_-\ \" ... Let's go ... Let's talk outside ... "
Go: "I'm sorry ... (wriggle)"
I have nothing: "It's none of your business ... Go away ..." (Two brothers go out angrily)
It's none of your business: "Whoops ... why did you kick me out ..."
Why: "I don't want to kick you out ... listen ... don't cry."
I didn't say, "Oh ... What does it have to do with me?"
None of my business: "What? Did anyone call me? 」
Someone said, "Who wants to call you ..."
Who: "I really have to go ... T.T." "
Go: "I'm really embarrassed ... * v.v *" (\ \" Who \ \ "collapsed)
None of your business: "... aren't you my cousin?" ”」
It's none of my business: "... cousins of the same age (or cousins) ... long time no see ..."
For a long time: "I'm not here ..."
Devil: "Are you finished? 」
Endless: "He doesn't have me."
You: "I don't have him."
I just said, "Who said that? 」
Who: "What do you want me to do? 」
Do you want to fuck me? 」
You: "I won't fuck him."
I said, "Who said I wouldn't? 」
Who: "Wrong! I didn't say ... "
He said, "What should I do? 」
? "You two are shameless! 」
You two: "I want it! I want it! 」
Face: "Who wants me? 」
Who: "I don't want it."
Devil: "Hurry up, or I'll kick people out."
Man: "Kick me out? Looking for k "
K: "Who wants to see me? 」
Who: "aaaaaaa! Don't mention my name, mention me again! 」
He said, "Don't trust me."
Me: "Who wants me? 」
Who: "I finally caught one. Kill it. "
One: "Don't arrest me."
Me: "I've had enough, too. Whoever mentions my name again will never let you go! 」
Who said, "Look at my eighteen dragon palms! 」
Me: "Look at my nine yin bones and claws! 」
Eighteen palms of dragon descending: "What am I to see? 」
Jiuyin Bones Claw: "What am I to see? 」
What's there to see: "Brother, I finally found you! 」
What is there to see? "Brother, let's go out and talk. 」
Devil: "Shit ... this is an engagement meeting ..."
From then on, the devil really got schizophrenia …
What cartoon characters like to help others
A: Doraemon
Reason: I like to stretch a circle (lend a helping hand)
Which anime characters have a dark world?
A: Doraemon
Reason: I can't see my fingers.
architect
She said her bed would shake whenever the train passed by.
"This is nonsense. The architect of 1 replied, "Let me see. "
After the architect arrived, his wife suggested that he lie on the bed and experience the feeling when the train passed by.
Hardly had the architect gone to bed when his wife's husband came back. Seeing this, he snapped, "What are you doing in my wife's bed?"
The architect replied trembling, "I said I was waiting for the train." Would you believe it? "
Suddenly realized
Some words are true, but they sound false; Some words are false, but there is no doubt.
Step 2 seduce
An English gentleman and a French lady share a box. The woman tried to seduce the Englishman. After she took off her clothes and lay down, she complained that she was cold. Mr. Wang gave her his quilt, but she kept saying it was cold.
"How else can I help you?" Mr. Wang asked in dismay.
"When I was a child, my mother always used her body to keep me warm."
"Young lady, I can't help you. I can't jump off the train to find your mother, can I? "
Suddenly realized
A man who knows amorous feelings is a good man, and a man who doesn't know amorous feelings is a good man.
ladle
Mike went into the restaurant and ordered a soup. The waiter brought it to him right away.
As soon as the waiter walked away, Mike shouted, "Sorry, I can't drink this soup."
The waiter brought him another soup, but he still said, "Sorry, I can't drink this soup."
The waiter had to call the manager.
The manager nodded respectfully to Mike and said, "Sir, this dish is our specialty and is very popular with customers. Don't you ... "
"I mean, where is the spoon?"
Suddenly realized
Correcting mistakes is of course a good thing. But we often remove the right ones and leave the wrong ones, and the result is wrong and wrong.
Step 4 wear it wrong
In the restaurant, an extremely humble person timidly touched another customer wearing a coat.
"Excuse me, are you Mr. Pierre?"
"No, I'm not." The man replied.
"Ah," he breathed a sigh of relief, "then I'm not mistaken. I am him. You are wearing his coat. "
Suddenly realized
It proved not easy. People who are straightforward tend to feel inferior; And unreasonable people, heroes are like cattle.
Step 5 take it back
A Scotsman went to London to visit an old friend, but he forgot the address, so he sent a telegram to my father: "Do you know Thomas' address?" Quick report 1
On the same day, he received an urgent call back: "I know."
Suddenly realized
When we finally found the most correct answer, we found it was the most useless.
6. Sad stories
Three people went to new york for a holiday. They booked a suite on the 45th floor of a high-rise hotel.
One night, the elevator in the building broke down and the waiter arranged for them to spend the night in the lobby.
After discussion, they decided to walk back to their rooms and agreed to tell jokes, sing songs and tell stories in turn to reduce the fatigue of going upstairs.
After telling jokes and singing songs, we finally climbed to the 34th floor, and everyone felt exhausted.
"All right, Peter, tell a humorous story."
Peter said, "The story is not long, but it is extremely sad: I left my room key in the hall."
Suddenly realized
We are miserable, so we are humorous; We are humorous, so we are happy.
Step 7 sell books
A famous writer is coming to visit the bookstore. The bookstore owner was flattered and quickly removed all the books and replaced them with writers' books. When the writer came to the bookstore, he was very happy to ask, "Does your store only sell my books?"
"Of course not." The bookstore owner replied, "Other books are selling well, and they are all sold out."
Suddenly realized
"Flattery" is a strange word: you seem to flatter and insult him.
Step 8 help
In the lobby of the post office, an old lady walked up to a middle-aged man and said politely, "Sir, would you please write the address on the postcard for me?"
"Of course." The middle-aged man did as the old man asked.
The old lady said, "write me another short paragraph, will you?" Thank you! "
"all right." After writing according to the old lady's words, the middle-aged man smiled and asked, "Is there anything else I can do for you?"
"Well, there's one little thing." The old lady looked at the postcard and said, "Please help me add another sentence below: I'm sorry for the scrawl."
Suddenly realized
If you refuse help, people will hate you for a week; If the help is not perfect, it is best. ...
After 30 days of drinking, a dish came up: "Stewed tortoise!"
Everyone was happy, but they didn't forget the rules. Someone dialed the king with chopsticks and said, "lead, lead!" "
The leader looked at the tortoise's flustered head and was unhappy. He doesn't want to reconcile the ending of this statement, and he doesn't want to go against the public.
People were very happy, so they tasted the soup with a spoon and said, "OK, OK! Please feel free. "
Someone said, "Yes-a turtle should have soup!" " The leader almost spat with anger.
After a while, the soup was almost finished, and a round thing surfaced and asked, "Miss, what is this?"
The young lady quickly replied, "It's an asshole." Everyone was surprised and happy: "Leaders eat first, leaders eat first!"
The leader was happy not to hear the words of "bad luck". He called the young lady: "Give it to everyone!"
For a long time, the young lady didn't move, and the leader asked angrily, "Why, is this unclear?"
The young lady said awkwardly, "How to divide seven people and six bastards?"
Everyone looked at each other, full of delicious food, hard to swallow.
Once upon a time, a man named Shuang died. On the day of the funeral, his family shouted his name: "Shuang Shuang ... Shuang Shuang ... Shuang Shuang ..." Then a passerby saw this scene and asked, "What are you happy about?"
The cool family suddenly burst into tears: "It's so cool!"
A beautiful woman decided to spend a lot of money to lose weight. Spent hundreds of thousands, she felt very satisfied!
On the way home, at the newsstand, she bought a newspaper and asked her boss, "Excuse me, how old do you think I am?"
The boss said: 32.
She is so happy: 47!
Then she went to work as a laborer's salesman and asked the lady at the counter the same question.
Miss said, I guess 29.
She is so happy: no, 47!
In high spirits, she went to Uni-President Supermarket on the corner and bought a pack of chewing gum. She couldn't help asking the counter lady there. The lady said, well, I guess 30.
She is so proud: 47, thank you!
While waiting for the bus, she asked the old man next to her.
The old man said: I am 78 years old and my eyes are not good. I do not see any at all. However, there is one way to be sure when you are young. If you let me put my hand in your bra, I'll definitely know.
Your age!
After a long silence, in the empty street, she finally couldn't help thinking: OK! You have a try.
The old man reached into her shirt, then into her bra and began to grope slowly and carefully.
A few minutes later, she said, guess how old I am?
The old man squeezed the last one and pulled out his hand. Ma 'am, you are 47 years old.
The beauty was surprised and asked in surprise: awesome! How did you know?
"Promise not to get angry?"
"Don't be angry!"
The old man's answer let beauty passed out:
The old man said, I was standing behind you when McDonald's stood in line.
A man saw a store having a big sale and went in. "What do you want?" "I want to buy dog food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a dog." "Where is such a rule?" "This is the case with goods on sale." The man has been grinding with the salesman for a long time, but the salesman still refuses to sell it to him. No way, the man had to go home and bring the dog before buying dog food. A few days later, the man went to this store to buy cat food. "Give me two boxes of cat food." "We have a rule that you must prove that you have a cat." It was the same shop assistant, and the man dawdled with her for a long time. As a result, he still has to go home and take the cat to buy cat food. A few days later, the man came to the shop with a big cardboard box with a hole and found the salesman. "What do you want?" "Just put your hand in and you'll know." The salesman put his hand in: "What is it? Very sticky. " "I want to buy two rolls of toilet paper."
My brother doesn't like my mother's cooking very much, but he likes instant noodles. One day, my mother didn't cook, and my brother wanted to eat instant noodles. My mother scolded him: "You won't go out to buy lunch without your mother cooking, will you?" Eating instant noodles is not nutritious! ! "
My brother said, "I just like eating. How's it going? ! "
"Alas ... mom told you that instant noodles are really not a good thing. Your father once had a young lady in the company. In order to save money and send it home, he eats instant noodles at noon and night in the morning. Eating instant noodles every day, she died three months later! "
(stunned): "Really?"
"How could mom lie to you?"
"Really, how did she die?"
Well, something happened when I bought instant noodles. ....
A young man received a present on his birthday. That's a talking parrot. But it was soon discovered that the parrot was foul-mouthed, very rude and had no manners at all. He is determined to change parrots. Say polite words to it every day, teach it elegant vocabulary and play soft music, but it's no use. This parrot is still full of foul language.
He shouted at the parrot angrily, and the parrot shouted at him even louder. Once, he was so angry that he threw the parrot into the refrigerator. A few seconds later, he heard the parrot flapping its wings, shouting and cursing inside. Suddenly, it was quiet and there was no sound at all. Half a minute passed, but there was still no sound. He was worried that the parrot would be frozen, so he immediately opened the refrigerator.
The parrot came out calmly, stood obediently on his arm and said in a very sincere tone, "I'm sorry to make you angry." I made a mistake before, so I decided to turn over a new leaf and stop swearing. Please forgive me. "
Young people are surprised at the change of parrots. Before he could say anything, the parrot went on to say, "Can I ask what the chicken inside did wrong?"
Topic: Prosperity-a metaphor for beautiful growth.
The child wrote: My brother is thriving.
Teacher's comment: Son, is your brother a vegetable? ...
There is also a blind man. ...
Children write: bustling confession.
Teacher's comment: Don't watch too many soap operas ~ ~
One day, when the teacher came into the classroom, the students stood up and shouted, "Good morning, teacher!" " "
The teacher said angrily, "Good morning? What shall I do in the afternoon? Not good? "
So the students shouted together: "Good afternoon, teacher!" "
The teacher said angrily, "What about my evening?"
The students shouted together again: "Good evening, teacher!" "
The teacher nodded and said, "That's it. Now shout it again! " "
The students shouted: "Good morning, teacher, good afternoon and good evening!" "
The teacher said, "Sit down! Today we are going to review antonyms. Let's practice like this. When I say something, you say the antonym loudly. Start now. "
Teacher: "The weather is fine today."
Student: "The weather is terrible today."
Teacher: "There is sunshine everywhere."
Student: "There are clouds everywhere."
Teacher: "The road is crowded with people."
Student: "There is no one on the road."
Teacher: "Young."
Student: "Old."
Teacher: "Stand."
Student: "Lie down"
Teacher: "There is a young man standing on the road."
Student: "There is an old man lying on the road."
Teacher: "I found a dollar."
Student: "I lost a dollar."
Teacher: "I found a dollar and gave it to the teacher."
Student: "I stole a teacher and lost a dollar."
Teacher: "No, you can't say that!" " "
Student: "Correct, you should say so!" " "
Teacher: "Wrong."
Student: "Correct."
Teacher: "that won't do, it's illegal!" " "
Student: "This is ok, this is a legal act!" " "
Teacher: "I was wrong."
Student: "We are right."
Teacher: "Listen to the teacher, what the teacher said is right!" " "
Student: "Listen to us, everything the teacher said is wrong!" " "
Teacher: "You are so stupid."
Student: "We are very smart."
Teacher: "Stop!"
Student: "Go on!"
Teacher: "You stop now! Stop it! "
Student: "Go on now! Say it! "
Teacher: "You stupid pigs, I said stop!" " "
Student: "We are all geniuses, we say go on!" " "
Teacher: "You listen to the teacher!" " "
Student: "The teacher listens to us!" " "
Teacher: "all students have to listen to the teacher!" " "
Student: "The teacher should listen to the students!" " "
Teacher: "now you stop practicing!" " "
Student: "Now let's continue to practice!" "
Teacher: "Are you endless?"
Student: "We finish what we started!" "
Teacher: "Then stop! Stupid pig! "
Student: "Then we should continue! Genius! "
..... Then the teacher walked out of the classroom angrily with a book in his arms.
Laugh your whole family to death
When the school began to call the roll, a class teacher was ingenious and said to the students, "I'll read the student number, so you can give your own names and get to know each other, okay?"
"No.0065438 +0!"
"Teacher, my name is Jiao and my name is Jiao Pei." The teacher was a little dizzy and asked, "Who gave this to you?"
"My dad." "What does your father do?"
"Open a pig farm!"
"No.002!"
A girl stood up and said, "Teacher, my name is Zhang and my name is Zhang Dekai."
"No.003!"
"Teacher, I am Zhang Dekai's twin brother. My name is Zhang. "Who gave you this name?"
"It's my dad. He sells pliers. " The teacher quickly took a sip of water.
"No.004!"
"Report teacher, my name is Qu (pronounced" ou "), and my name is Qu Ye (oh yeah). This is the name my mother gave me. She said that when she gave birth to me, a computer game exploded. " The teacher felt a little uncomfortable.
"No.005!"
"Report to the teacher, foster mother!" "How do you call names? ! "
"no! Teacher, I mean my last name is Gan, and my name is foster mother. My father makes wine. " The teacher took a pill.
006! "
"Teacher, my surname is Gou, and I am told to ignore it."
"Your dad is a steamed stuffed bun shop? ! "
"Teacher, you are so smart!" The teacher has been a little shaken.
"No.007!"
"My name is Kuai (read fast, send the third sound. ) This is called goods. "
"Don't tell me your father runs a warehouse."
"Teacher, you are too old-fashioned. My father is a pimp. " Blood oozed from the teacher's mouth.
"No.008!"
"Teacher, go to hell!" "What? what did you say ? /Excuse me? ! "
"I mean, my name is Ni, and I'm going to the temple. My mother is a Buddhist. Is my name interesting? "
"Interesting, interesting." The teacher is about to cry.
"No.009!"
"Teacher, let's talk about it next time." "Why do you want to say it next time, you say it now!"
"no! Teacher, my surname is Xia, and my name is Xia Huishuo. My father is a storyteller. " The teacher felt dizzy.
"0 10! "
"Teacher, my last name is Gao."
"My name is Mei, and my name is Mei Conscience."
"My name is Wu, and my name is Kate."
"My surname is Mao, and my name is Mao Rongrong." …………
The teacher turned to the sky and growled, "God, I met a group of students!" " "The teacher spurted blood and fell to the ground.
A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to make a report:
"Rabbit, shrimp, pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "
Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! )
After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!"
Now, please talk to the township head! )
The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" "
Comrades, that's enough for today. Let's make a big bowl! )
"Don't pickle, I pick up a shit to lick for you. . . "
Don't talk, I'll tell you a story. . . )
Taoyuan dialect is very strange and has a high ending. For example, "ju" is pronounced "pig".
Go to the propaganda department of the county party Committee first and contact the personnel bureau for an interview. The propaganda department called me to make an appointment and put me on speakerphone.
Propaganda Department: "Hello, are you a pig? (Personnel Bureau) "
The other party: "No, you are mistaken. I am not a person but a pig (Personnel Bureau), and my mother is a pig (Grain Bureau). "
I tried to hold back my laughter and my stomach hurt.
The next day, I attended the briefing of the county government. Roll call before the meeting.
Moderator: "Which units have arrived?"
So the participants signed up one by one:
"I am a wild boar (Public Security Bureau)."
"My name is Pig (Education Bureau)."
"I am a pig (post office)."
"I am a typical pig (telecommunications bureau)
Although the husband is old, he insists on working. One day I will be late for work. Take the medicine quickly, but the water is very hot. The wife said: There are cold and white things in the refrigerator!
What, why did you put 200 yuan in the refrigerator? !