For many mothers, such a scene is certainly not strange, but unfortunately few people can be so calm in the face of their children's crying.
Children crying and making trouble without reason will not only make their mothers exhausted, but also make their mothers anxious. Because parenting theory often tells us that it is unreasonable for children to cry, and rules must not be established.
For modern mothers, "setting rules for children as soon as possible" has become a new parenting creed. The experience of many treasure mothers also points out that the so-called three-year-old care for the elderly must set good rules for the children before they go to kindergarten at the age of three, otherwise they can't afford to go to kindergarten. If you don't want to discipline your children now, don't blame others for their discipline. In a modern society that pays attention to efficiency, "setting rules" for children is like letting children go to cram schools, and there is a unified timetable.
However, is it really better to set rules for children as soon as possible? With the intensification of social competition pressure, more and more wolf parents emerge. They believe that "loving mothers often fail their children" and that children must be managed from an early age and strictly managed. Are these really correct?
Parents who are also skeptical about this movie deserve a good look. It looks beautiful and is adapted from Wang Shuo's novel and directed by Bird. The social phenomena and problems about education, growth, freedom and independence reflected in this film, which was shot 0/5 years ago, are still worthy of our deep thinking.
"The rules of this world are very high, and the soul is free and unrestrained."
The whole play revolves around the protagonist Fang Qiangqiang, a 3-year-old boy, and Honghua, a kindergarten that rewards obedient children.
Fang Qiangqiang was wild inside, brought up by his grandmother, and his father worked in other places for a long time, with no rules. On the first day of kindergarten, he cried and didn't let his father keep him in kindergarten, nor did he let the teacher cut off his long braid, and he also angrily threw away the little red flower that the teacher "rewarded".
After all the resistance failed, he began to learn to adapt to kindergarten life. Kindergarten teachers adopt the little red flower reward system and do things according to the teacher's requirements every day. Only by doing well can they get the little red flowers. In order to be on an equal footing with other children and win more little red flowers, Fang Qiangqiang began to try to obey the rules. He never wets the bed, but he always poops. He tries to put on and take off his clothes.
However, due to the collision between children's nature and rules, all Fang Qiangqiang's efforts failed. Therefore, he decided to "break the jar and break the fall" and engage in liberalism, such as playing with himself, taking injections and taking medicine, and stringing beds in the middle of the night. He also dreamed that the teacher was a monster and spread everywhere. He also touched the children everywhere to see if they had long tails, which made the whole kindergarten panic.
Finally, when he found the little red flower that he was pursuing hard, because of the care of adults, the teacher "went through the back door" and let him get it easily. He completely lost interest in the little red flower. However, all the struggles ended in vain. After he was confined, he found that even if he was naughty, he was completely ignored by the collective.
Many people seem to see their childhood after reading it, and life in kindergarten is really not easy. Fang Qiangqiang angrily threw away the little red flower that the teacher "rewarded", followed the rules and sought to be on an equal footing with everyone, and then left the group rebelliously, all for the sake of the "little red flower" that could be praised, respected and cared for by peers, teachers and parents. But small red flowers are not necessarily suitable for children. Little red flower is just that we adults use our own consciousness to judge right and wrong.
From the perspective of children's psychological education, the method of "setting rules" for children in this film is naturally worse. The little red flower represents the way of making reward and punishment rules. I believe that not only the former kindergartens, but also many parents will do the same.
Many parents regard control as education, and think that the earlier the rules are made, the more conducive it is to the formation of children's behavior habits. Because when children have no ability to distinguish, it is often easier to solidify their behavior habits through discipline. However, just like the "little red flower" in the film, simple and rude methods will inhibit the development of children's personality and make them look like a mold.
Some parents believe in the theory of "establishing rules", which is a video widely forwarded by a famous psychologist and university professor in the circle of friends, emphasizing that children must establish rules at the age of 3-6. If you take care of the children at this time, you will get twice the result with half the effort in the future.
But looking back at the background of this expert, she has been engaged in the research of criminal psychology and adolescent psychological problems for a long time, and has been dealing with the problems of adolescents and juvenile criminals. A large number of cases show that many children commit crimes or have psychological problems in the process of growing up, which are related to their childhood growth experience. Therefore, the conclusion is that if children don't set good rules when they are young, they will easily have "problems" when they grow up, and it will be too late for parents to regret it.
Isn't this "making rules" to prevent children all over the world from becoming potential criminals? I really don't understand why it is still regarded as a standard by so many parents.
A psychologist said well that every child should have a pure and beautiful childhood, because it has mysterious potential and infinity. Therefore, if parents value and cherish their children's childhood, they should give priority to helping their children develop their own free will, instead of trying to "set rules."
In fact, the best education should be the most relaxed environment, the most relaxed care and the most selfless love. Educated and sensible children are not made by rules, but by parents who set an example. We "set rules" for children, but we just keep the boundaries well, so that children can freely expand themselves and explore the world within the boundaries, with fewer constraints and restrictions.
Just like Mr. Rihara's mother mentioned at the beginning, her crying attitude towards her children is actually the freedom and complete trust that her mother has always given her children, which makes Mr. Rihara grateful for life. Therefore, instead of rushing to "set rules" for children, it is better to trust children and believe in their consciousness and kindness. Only children who grow up in love and trust can have a healthy mind and a sound personality. I believe that a mentally healthy child will not do anything without a bottom line.
Therefore, parents are willing to "lose face" when their children are naughty, and they are not afraid of losing face, which is the best growth gift for their children.