Q: I have been dating my girlfriend for several years, and now I am planning our future. She wants to get married as soon as possible, but I'm not sure. I still have some doubts and worries about our marriage. I suggested that we live together first, but she was worried that living together might destroy something. What do you think of cohabitation before marriage? A: In the past decades, millions of couples of all ages have chosen to live together: either in the form of premarital cohabitation or simply by cohabitation instead of marriage. Please note: if you have your own views on cohabitation because of your religious or moral beliefs, you can choose to ignore this issue, because I only look at cohabitation from a purely spiritual point of view, please forgive me. I think it's important to fully understand the good and bad aspects of living with the people you love. Support cohabitation: I have seen too many failed and irreconcilable marriages over the years, so some part of me tells me that all couples should live together before marriage. Even if two people can try to live together for 24 hours, that is, all day, I don't know how many unhappy marriages will be avoided; If they can try to live together for 24 hours, they may find many problems face to face, which are often deliberately avoided by the other party when they meet on weekends or some nights every week. Here are some benefits of cohabitation: 1, you can find all aspects of each other's personality, which you can't do without cohabitation. Just seeing each other from time to time, it is impossible to fully understand a person like living together. When you live under the same roof day after day, it is difficult for a person to keep a good image all the time, but it is much easier within three hours of dating. When you live with your partner, you can find behaviors, habits and attitudes that you can't see when dating. Through cohabitation, you can also see him/her in the family life environment, the most natural him/her, so you can observe the true face of the other person's personality, which is often deliberately avoided by him/her in the outside world. Through cohabitation, you can also visit him/her when he/she is tired, sick, angry, worried or angry. Cohabitation requires that you must share rights and control together; Cohabitation also requires compromise and flexibility on both sides. Cohabitation will also expose you to all aspects of his/her emotional response. Many people marry their spouses, live together, and then find those unbearable places on each other. I've heard too many such nightmares. When this happens, marriage can't get worse. By living together, you can see whether the lifestyle in your is really harmonious. In romance, some men are great lovers, but when they get married, they become bad men; Some women may be dreamy when you are with her once in a while, but once you get married, she becomes a terrible full-time wife. When you love each other, you will enjoy it. Once you live together, you will hate him/her. Those qualities that make you fall in love with someone and make you happy when you see him/her may not be enough when you live together and need to live in harmony every day. You may find that the other person's lifestyle is incompatible with yours. There are some things that you will never know unless you live under the same roof with the other person for a long time. 3, through cohabitation, we can know whether the other party has the ability to become a partner. Cohabitation requires you to enjoy rights and control together. Cohabitation also requires compromise and flexibility, because if you want to live together, you have to combine two independent personality habits and needs. It is not until you promise to live together that you will find out whether the other person has the will and ability to be a real partner. Only by making decisions on finance, diet, family responsibilities and income can you really find out which kind of partner you belong to. Oppose cohabitation: 1, because you didn't realize in advance that your's relationship is still in the development stage, and you put too much expectation on cohabitation, which may ruin your's relationship. Although I personally think it is valuable to live with my partner at a certain stage of the relationship, I also think that immature cohabitation is all wet. I have consulted many couples who moved together for some wrong reasons: to save money, because the other spouse lives in a better place and can spend more time together, because one spouse is worried about losing the other spouse. Cohabitation can only accelerate the disintegration of your before the relationship between your reaches a certain significant level in loyalty, maturity and emotional stability. If you and your relationship are not ready to solve the pressure in cohabitation, the pressure brought by immature cohabitation will only make the relationship collapse. 2, cohabitation may make you lazy in emotional cultivation, mistakenly think that you have each other, too lazy to continue watering the flowers of feelings. If you take cohabitation with your partner as one of your goals and live together before you are ready, you may be at risk of "emotional laziness". In order to maintain the peace of cohabitation, you will choose to avoid conflicts, especially when you have not learned how to face conflicts. You may also ignore each other because the other person has always appeared in front of you, ignoring their appreciation, or showing little concern for your relationship in other ways. Immature marriages also have these problems. Living together may stop you from strengthening your commitment to each other. Why buy cows when you can get milk for free? I think you've all heard this sentence. Many mothers try to convince their daughters that "if we have sex with boys, they won't marry us because they have got what they want", so mothers often quote this sentence. About cohabitation, I have heard a similar saying-if a man lives with you and enjoys the benefits of family life, what reason does he have to propose to you? In some cases, I have to agree with this statement, which may be correct, especially when you haven't known each other long enough, but not in all cases. Some men/women who are afraid of commitment may choose to hide under the cloak of cohabitation, so that they can still experience the selfish cohabitation they desperately want and avoid making a commitment to marriage at last. I don't think refusing to live with someone is a plan unless you are engaged or married, unless you think it is suitable for you. If you are considering living with someone else and want to form a formal marriage at some point in the future, in order to avoid misunderstanding, you'd better clarify something with the other party before actually living together. You may want to propose a time node, such as 9 months or a year. When this time comes, you should reevaluate your relationship and see if both parties are ready to get married. A: In the past decades, millions of couples of all ages have chosen to live together, either as a prelude to marriage or as a substitute for marriage. (Note: If you have a strong judgment on cohabitation due to religious or moral beliefs, please understand that I look at this issue purely from a psychological point of view, and you can skip this issue if you like. I think it is important to understand the positive and negative consequences of living with the people you love. Reasons for cohabitation: After so many years of abnormal and disharmonious relationship, I have a feeling that all couples should live together before deciding to get married. I wonder how many unhealthy relationships will end if these two people try to be together 24 hours a day and therefore face the problems they avoid by meeting on weekends or several nights a week. Here are some benefits of living together. You will find some aspects of your partner's personality that you can't understand unless you live together. You can't get to know someone you meet occasionally like living together. It is much easier for a person to stay at his best for three hours on a date than for you to live under the same roof, and it is much easier for him to stay in this state day after day. When you live with someone, you will find habits, attitudes and behaviors that you have never seen before. You see him in his natural habitat, his home, and thus come into contact with all aspects of his personality. When he is in the outside world, he may hide it from you. You see him when he is tired, when he is sick, when he is angry, when he is frustrated, when he is grumpy. Living together requires sharing power and control; It requires compromise and flexibility on both sides. You will be exposed to all his emotional reactions. I have heard many nightmare stories. People get married and live together with their partners, only to find that some things about their partners are unacceptable. Marriage is hard enough without any unpleasant accidents. You will find out more about whether your lifestyle is really compatible. Some men are good lovers in romantic relationships, but they are bad husbands. Some women are excellent part-time partners, but they are terrible full-time wives. You may like to love someone, but you hate living with him. Those qualities that encourage you to fall in love with someone and spend quality time with them may not be enough to create daily harmony after you live together. You may find that your partner's lifestyle is different from yours, and you will never know unless you live in the same place for a long time. You will find how capable your partner is to be a real partner. Living together requires sharing power and control; This requires compromise and flexibility on both sides, because you combine the habits and desires of two different individuals. You may not find out how willing or capable your partner is to be a real partner until you promise to live together. Only when you have to decide finance, food, family responsibilities, purchases and so on together. Have you really found out what kind of team member your partner is? Reasons against cohabitation: 1. When the relationship is still developing, you will destroy it if you expect too much from it. Although I personally think that living with my partner is a valuable experience at a certain stage of the relationship, I also think it is a big mistake to live together too early. I have consulted too many couples who live together for the wrong reasons: in order to save money, because one party has a better place, so they can spend more time together, because one party is afraid of losing the other, and living together before your's relationship reaches an important level of commitment, maturity and emotional stability will actually accelerate the disintegration of the relationship. If your's relationship is not ready to deal with the pressure of cohabitation, it may break up under the pressure of premature cohabitation. 2. You will become emotionally lazy. If living with someone is a goal for you, and you live together before you are ready, then you may become lazy in this relationship. In order to keep peace, you may avoid conflicts, especially if you haven't learned to solve them together. You may give your partner less attention and appreciation, because he or she is always there, or neglects your relations in other ways. You can avoid deepening your commitment to each other. You may have heard the saying, "Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free?