Waiting for your concern until I close my heart.

It is inevitable to blame the hand of time and write love as love.

4: The world is so beautiful, but you are so grumpy. Not good, not good.

God said there should be light, and I said I opposed it, so the world was dark.

6: What are you unhappy about? Say it to make everyone happy.

7. The difference between people and pigs is that pigs have always been pigs, but people are sometimes not people!

8: Other people's money and wealth are things other than me.

9: How far is forever? Get out, boy!

10: a first-class man has a home outside his home; There are flowers outside the second-class men's house; Third-class men find a home in flowers; Fourth-class family members go home from work; The wife of a fifth-class man is not at home; A sixth-class man has no wife and no home.

1 1: No one is born afraid of death, and no one is born afraid of death, so no one should pretend to be tm.

12: Everything is going up, but people are getting cheaper.

13: I face the cruelty of the world with the joy of pulling eggs.

14: Men are Pentium at the age of twenty, Microsoft at the age of thirty, Panasonic at the age of forty, and Lenovo at the age of fifty.

15: I think "sorry" is more terrible than "uneasy".

16: They said the internet was fake, and I laughed as if the reality was true.

17: Someone actually wears blue eye shadow, which is an insult to my dark circles!

18: Sleep is an art, and no one can stop me from pursuing art!

19: god saw that you were thirsty and created water;

20: What is the biggest difference between Jesus and Sakyamuni? They have big curly hair and small curly hair.

2 1: Go to the pizza shop to buy pizza! The waiter asked me whether to cut it into pieces or pieces. I thought about it and said, have a piece! Can't eat all the pieces!

22: I am not a superman, because I wear pants outside my underwear.

Protect yourself, love others, please don't come out in the middle of the night to scare people.

24: How can you be so calm when you secretly love me?

25. China has the largest legal profiteering association, Deyun Society.

26: The day after tomorrow, how many tomorrows! Since there are so many, we might as well postpone it again.

27: Men are most afraid of empty guns. Save more bullets for the enemy.

28: You are the sun in the sky, and I am the mountain on the earth; You are the moon in the sky, and I am the ocean on the ground; You are a crow flying in the sky, and I am a local dog chasing behind.

All men in the world are liars. Beautiful or not, women will be cheated. The difference is that the lucky woman found a big liar and cheated her all her life. The unfortunate woman found a little liar and cheated her.

Time is for wandering, body is for loving, life is for forgetting, and soul is for singing.

3 1: the soft wind caresses the willow branches, and the bees gather flowers diligently. If you want to write a farewell poem, wait until no frogs croak.

32: Never mention it, not because of forgetting, but because of remembering.

There are not many ladies in the world, but many pretenders.

34: When will there be a bright moon? Look up by yourself.

No one has stepped on my head since I turned into shit.

36: Your age has been written on your reproductive organs.

Take off my clothes, I am an animal. Put on my clothes, I am the devil wears Prada!

38: Lost happiness is your chrysanthemum, and it is often thought to be particularly brilliant only when you have diarrhea.

There is no doubt that I am the poor man in your dream.

40: My advantage is that I have no shortcomings. My shortcoming is of course that I have no advantages ~

4 1: It feels special. I have watched the Journey to the West edition for many years. I always thought, one more episode, at least one episode. As a result, I want to watch it today, only one episode. When I was a child, I always felt that I couldn't finish reading. Do you think Journey to the West is very long?

42: Ming Sao is easy to hide and hard to prevent.

I don't tidy my room. I am a beauty in a messy room. It's all in the Woods

44: Why go when there is no way out? Just take the bus

You are the wind, I am the sand, you are toothpaste, I am a brush, you are Hami, I am a melon, you don't love me, I commit suicide.

46: Tongue is longer than teeth, and software is longer than hardware.

Life is really interesting, because life is always playing with me.

48: Life is like a super girl, and those who persist in the end are pure men.

49: Tongue is longer than teeth, and software is longer than hardware.

50: I tried to turn the salted fish upside down during the exam. Shit, I didn't expect it to stick.

5 1: If this is not love, then I'd rather sell cabbage.

52: Don't talk to me about feelings. Talking about feelings hurts money.

I'm sorry to ask you to speak Mandarin, but I can't understand Cantonese.

54: The most useless thing in the world is to get the pay slip in time, look angry and wipe your ass too carefully.

55: A good horse doesn't eat grass, so a good horse always goes hungry.

56: Some people treat you as garbage when you are polite to him.

57: Who are you making that face with? . I owe you an overdue loan or something.

58: I laughed at the sky from the horizontal knife and went to bed after laughing!

59: There must be a road in front of the driveway. I can't stop it.

As a typical loser, you are really successful.

6 1: long points, long points; Drinking will drive you crazy. You will drink every glass of wine.

62: What is cruelty? For a man, I will break his three legs; For a male dog, I will break his five legs.

If I become an emperor, I will make you a prince!

64: Family affairs, state affairs and world affairs, no money to eat is a big deal!

I only trust two people in the world, one is me and the other is not you.

66: The customer is a fart, just let it go.

If my friends can sell them for $5 each, I can make a small fortune.

68: my waist flashed, and it was not youth that caused trouble, but stress.

69: How to pay taxes reasonably, the boss thinks about how to avoid taxes reasonably, and I think about how to sleep reasonably!

Summary of funny quotations in class

1: When I was at school, I was fixed in the first row seat because I was naughty. Once in geometry class, my deskmate was sleeping. The teacher quietly knocked on the blackboard for 20 minutes, all kinds of figures and explanations, and then I was ready to start talking. I whispered in my deskmate's ear that the teacher asked you to clean the blackboard, and my buddy stood up dizzy and rushed to the podium. It was a sword-like wipe. The teacher tried to stop it, but in a hurry, it became gorgeous.

2. The swimming teacher asked: All swimmers should go into the water today. A student complained, but I haven't learned to swim yet. The teacher glanced at him and said simply, anyone who doesn't enter the water will be called away on the sign-in book! The student replied piteously: I crossed out the household registration book when I got into the water. . .

3. Learn to organize a physical examination, check the stool, and send a toilet box to the students in advance. A classmate asked: Teacher, I am constipated. What if I can't pull it out? The teacher said: take a stick to get it. Another teacher is even more unique, saying: you prepare the toilet box, take it when you have it, then put it in the refrigerator and take it with you on the day of physical examination. .

4. once in a criminal law class, the teacher said: today we will talk about the principal offender, which can be cooked in a rice cooker or an iron pan. . . All right, stop it. What is the principal offender? The culprit is to put rice in the pot and then add some water. . . Hahaha ~ Then he went up the wall, leaving us in a mess. . .

5. A student's qq status: There is too much homework, so you can play cards with your homework. A pair of Chinese papers! Don't! I want it! Four English papers exploded! Sorry, keep walking. Three historical papers and one political paper. Or not. A pair of math papers have been submitted.

6. On the eve of graduation, a student with poor homework. She said to her English teacher, thank you, teacher. I'm extremely grateful to you. Although I graduated, you will always be my teacher. Please don't hesitate if you want me to do something. The teacher said, ok, please do one thing for me. You can't tell anyone that I taught you English.

7. In high school, the math teacher was awesome. He brought a deck of cards into the classroom for the first time and sent one to everyone to remind them of their cards. From then on, he took the deck of cards in class every day, shuffling cards on the podium while attending class! ! ! From time to time, I also threw out two cards, simply saying that J box 4 of clubs came up to do the problem. ......

8. Once the teacher was talking about the family genetic map, the teacher asked: If his daughter is sick, what is the probability that she will marry a normal man and have children? Qiqi replied: it may be zero! The teacher asked why! He: Don't forget that there is a disease in the world called infertility! Teacher: Get out! ! !

9: Today, I suddenly thought of going to primary school for self-study, where I had almost a class silently, ready to eat it all at once after class. As a result, our class teacher came in and directly arrested and swallowed the melon seeds I hid under the textbook. Yes, I did. I watched you peel it for a long time outside the window, just waiting for you to peel it a little more!

10: once the Chinese teacher left a half-opened composition entitled "I admire my mother the most". When commenting on the results, the teacher said helplessly, I know you think I admire my mother's diligence and hardship most, and I also want to innovate, but in any case, I can't write "I admire my mother's son most"!

1 1: During lunch break, a petite beauty in the class is cleaning the blackboard. Because he is not tall, he can't wipe a large area on tiptoe. The way she worked hard greatly aroused my desire for protection! Without saying anything, I went up to her and said kindly, let me help you. She was very moved and said, thank you. Then I put my arm around her waist and picked her up.

12: I was half asleep in English class. The teacher asked me: Are tomatoes fruits or vegetables? Oh, how should I know? I guess, um, fruit ... what is the teacher's voice eight degrees higher? Thanks to my cleverness, have it both ways is a vegetable, a vegetable! The teacher finally couldn't bear it: I asked you to translate this sentence!

13: The Chinese teacher told Li Qingzhao in class that it was lonely and sad to say this sentence. Who else can write such a good reduplication now? I smiled: read silently, learn to sleep, wake up and do a lot. It is the hardest to fall asleep when reviewing before the exam. Three cups and two bowls of coffee, how can you beat it and roll all over the sky? It's sad to fail the exam, but it's also frustrating.

14: When I was a sophomore, I went to the school branch to do some comprehensive practice, all of which were on campus. One day, the school leaders lectured on discipline: once there are boys in the girls' dormitory, the school will deal with them seriously. Someone asked below: What about the girl? The leader said brightly: Girls, if you find girls entering the boys' dormitory, you will be at your own risk.

15: When I was in primary school, I buried myself in playing with a freshly picked gourd. The teacher hit hard and said, So-and-so, stand up and tell me what you just said. As a result, I didn't know which tendon I was pulling, so I lifted the gourd directly and said to the teacher, I'll call your name, do you dare to promise? Then my parents came to school and took me away.

16: My daughter is a sophomore and has a big personality. She escaped from the experimental class this afternoon and asked her roommate to hand in the note for her. There are less than 20 people in a laboratory. The teacher read the note and said, Oh, that's the fat girl. No wonder I feel a few people are missing.

17: A sister paper is having an English class in New Oriental. One day, the English teacher asked the students: What do you want to do after graduating from college? Sister paper was so excited when she heard this, knowing that her answer was definitely different, she blurted out: I want to be a chef. After that, a brother sitting next to her sighed, patted her on the shoulder and said lightly, Sister, you have the wrong New Oriental.

18: The male classmate stood on my left, the female classmate stood on my right, and everyone else stood still, so he didn't move.

19: One day, it was raining heavily outside. The teacher came into the classroom with a full face of rain. He doesn't know what he is looking for on the table. After searching for a while, he asked his classmates in the front row: where is my face that wiped the paper?

20: Line A is half of Line B, so what is Line B? (The whole class is quiet, waiting for a high opinion, after a long time) Line B is two halves of Line A, (halo)

2 1: In junior high school, a math teacher talked about equation transformation, rolled up his sleeves on the podium and shouted: Attention, students! I'm going to change!

22: a classmate is making trouble below, and our teacher says, stand on the blackboard for me! ! This is very difficult.

23: My junior high school teacher likes to get into the topic. My base radius is CM, and my height is CM, so some people below me say that the whole class is laughing.

24. The junior middle school English teacher is bald. One day in class, he asked a classmate: What day is it today? My head is bald? ) The classmate thought for a moment and answered: Yes.

A boy asked, Teacher, there is no pencil for drawing. Do you want to borrow one or use a pen? Teacher (elderly woman) A: Go ahead and relieve yourself.

26. High school algebra teacher: Don't make any noise when you speak.

27. A chemistry teacher and provost in high school made mistakes on purpose, and then asked a classmate to find out the mistakes. After the students' difficult answers, the teacher said approvingly and seriously: Very well, you saw the teacher's failure. Everyone was stunned. After class, the teacher just went out and the whole class burst into laughter.

28: One day, when our senior high school math teacher told us about the periodic table of functions, he excitedly walked off the platform when he talked about the word period and said to the whole class, you don't know the period yet. It is true that pigs are smarter than you. Then he pointed to a girl in the first row and said, do you know what a cycle is? You explain to them. The whole class fainted.

When we were in junior high school, it was stipulated that we should wear school uniforms when raising the national flag. As a result, there are always some people who don't wear school uniforms or just wear pants or clothes. Then every time before the flag was raised, the headmaster said with a megaphone that some students didn't wear clothes, some students didn't wear pants, and some simply didn't wear clothes or pants.

30: The Chinese teacher taught the text of Chibi, talking about Cao Bing trampling on each other in Huarong Road, and said with emotion: The flow of people is terrible.

3 1: One day, I happened to see a green leaf on our math teacher's teeth (the teacher estimated it was a jiaozi who ate leek stuffing at noon). After a while, I found that the leaf had disappeared and appeared on the neck of a girl in our class after class.

32: The female Chinese teacher in junior high school has just graduated from Normal University, and everything is fine, except that she likes to take her classmates to the blackboard and write down the noun explanation in a surprise way. The method is that teachers dictate a word and students write and explain it silently. I remember once, I drew a boy who didn't want to hear it. The teacher repeated this sentence over and over again. The boy stayed in front of the blackboard for a few minutes and suddenly wrote: Bitch: dirty, not a good thing. The whole class burst into laughter and the female teacher was so angry that she couldn't say a word.

Summary of Song Xiaobao's Classic Funny Quotations

1. Haiyan! You can grow up!

2. Looking at the big sister scared, a tingle! 3. Smelly shameless! 4. Do I owe you money? 5. Life is like making a phone call. Either you hang up first, or I hang up first. 6. Oh, I'll go. 7. (To Er Ya) We are good sisters! 8. Wife! Fill it up! 9. Wear glasses, as if you have a diploma! 10. (Holding the tree and calling Dad) Dad! Dad! I haven't seen you for such a long time, and you are cracked (Wen Si Sheng)! 1 1. What would I like to eat if I could swipe my card? 12. (tell the big one) You can see the pulse clearly: infertility ~ infertility 13. Those three lines poke our nostrils with 14. Last year I believed in the constellation, and this year I believe in the five elements. Just say yes! 15. (Speaking of yourself) You are born beautiful, like a beggar. 16. You just don't grow up. 17. Come and kiss! 18. I do! 19. Alas! Defective mouth and fangs fall off, turn your hooves and polish your palms! 20. What's the name of the fool? Mom, call me baby! 2 1. Believe it or not, I will kill you. 22. All your skills will not succeed. 23. I think, is this the end of my life? How about going back? Can we go back? 24. Don't pretend to be a beggar, I'll pretend to be a third grandson! 25. Is the red rabbit a horse? I thought it was a rabbit! 26. Oh, I went to see you fade. 27. Where is it small? Apart from small, where is small? Where are the shoes small? 28. My hunger is a bit special. 29. No pain, yes! 30. It's heartless to say so! 3 1. Don't make so much noise! 32. Chicken feet! 33. Roll the calf system! 34. You gave me money, and your money is inlaid with gold. 35. Did I send it? 36. In the vast sea! Blue sky, convolution, dark clouds! Between the dark clouds and the sea, there is a petrel, which comes to fix us up, let us meet here and have a romantic relationship. Do you think it's funny? 37. Stop. ! ! 38. I am destined, you are destined, big brother, you gave birth to me! 39. Oh, mom scared me to death! 40. What about Haiyan? You can have snacks, right? 4 1. It makes me anxious and spits milk! 42. Heaven is complete, the ground is Fiona Fang, and the eyes are foreskin! 43.what are you doing? 44. Is it me? 45. I am not a little old man, I am a little hanging spring! 46. Almost hung me on the wall as a mural. . 47. See you fade ~ (three times) 48. Director! Find me one! 49. Why did you give me the whole cover? Funny quotations from classical philosophy-funny quotations

When will there be a bright moon? Ask your roommate about the wine. I wonder if the handsome guy next door has a girlfriend?

Although I am not very handsome, when I was a child, someone praised my left nostril as an idol.

Mom's suggestion: Daughter, you should eat a little properly to lose weight!

Spring is a period of high incidence of colds and feelings. Some people accidentally caught a cold, and some people accidentally fell in love. I belong to the former.

I am also an infatuated seed. It rained and drowned.

Money is not everything, sometimes it is needed.

I allow you to come into my world, but I will never allow you to walk around in my world.

God, did you let summer and winter live together? ! This kind of weather!

When the bird is big, there are all kinds of Woods!

Not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

Summer is not good. When I was poor, I didn't even have to drink the northwest wind. ...

Do whatever you want!

Don't call me if you have nothing to do, and don't call me if you have anything to do.

Do you think I'll watch you die? I close my eyes.

Angels can fly because they look down on themselves. ...

I want to puppy love, but it's too late. ...

Please don't speak English in front of me in the future, ok?

I hope that one day I can double-click my wallet with my mouse, then select a hundred-dollar bill, press "CTRLC" and keep "CTRLV" all the time.

I am a lonely tree, standing on the roadside for thousands of years, waiting alone, just because one day you pass me, I will fall for you, even if I don't smash you, I will live in vain.

Please raise your hand if you love me, and stand on your head if you don't love me.

Never hang yourself from a tree. You can try it several times in the surrounding trees.

Don't set the bank card password as your girlfriend's birthday, or you will always change it.

The happiest thing: sleep until you wake up naturally. Count the money and count the cramps in your hands. The saddest thing: sleep until your hand cramps, and count the money until you wake up naturally.

Money can buy a house, but not a home; Marriage, but not love; Clock, but can't buy time. Money is not everything, but it is the root of pain.

Everyone wants to be different from others, and everyone is the same as a result.

When we were young, we often made faces in the mirror. When we are old, the mirror is flat.

A scholar dies as a confidant, and a woman is a lover of herself.

If being rich is also a mistake, I'd rather repeat it.

People are afraid of famous pigs and strong, men are afraid of having no money and women are afraid of being fat.

The effect of contraception: if you don't succeed, you will become a' person'.

Asking how sad you can be is like a group of eunuchs going to a brothel.

Sleep is an art-no one can stop me from pursuing art.

If marriage is the grave of love, then I expect someone to bury me.

I am not a casual person. I'm not a person when I get up casually

To be a man, you must be a person who wanders between cow A and cow C.

You can go as far as you want.

Lie down where you fell.

Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

Lovers form families.

Your ugliness has nothing to do with your face …

A tree will die if it is not skinned; People are shameless and invincible in the world.

I will have a son named "handsome" in the future, so everyone will say "handsome dad" when they see me.

Work, take a step back, fall in love, take a step back, and people are empty.

The highest level of work is to watch others go to work and get their wages.

Money is not the problem, the problem is no money!

I was drunk and nobody obeyed, so I held the wall.

I am like a fly lying on the glass, with a bright future, but I can't find a way out.

You know what, big brother? Second brother's meat is now more expensive than master's.

If eating more fish can nourish the brain and make people smarter, then you should eat at least a pair of whales. ...

Clear water means no fish, while lowly people are invincible.

Youth is like toilet paper. It looks a lot, but it's not enough.

Friends around you, get famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well.

A female classmate is darker and her boyfriend is whiter. One day, the poison queen in the dormitory suddenly said to her, "You can't do this, you will have zebras."

I always treat handsome guys and money like dirt, and they always treat me like this.

Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compete with you.

God said, let there be light, and I said I opposed it, so the world was dark.

My name is God, my nickname is Jesus, my English name is God, and my dharma name is Tathagata …

The farmer's three punches hurt a little.

In fact, I have always been very popular: I was loved by everyone when I was a child, and now I am loved by a bitch.

Not afraid of enemies like tigers, but afraid of teammates like pigs.

Go your own way and let others take a taxi.

Rats are looking for cats all over the street with knives.

As long as you work hard, shit is serious.

Who runs fastest? It's Cao Cao (not Liu Xiang). Because speaking of the devil.

Only when there is a long queue at the railway station can we truly realize that we are "descendants of the dragon".

When spring comes, a flock of geese fly north, forming a B-shape for a while and a T-shape for a while.

Tigers don't show off. You think I'm HELLOKITTY!

Donkey, yes, read it backwards and follow it.

The highest state of self-help: help the wall in, help the wall out.

No money, no power, no matter how good it is for you, can you come with me?

Take a newspaper to the toilet. I am a scholar.

Go to Google and Baidu to see.

Women must be kind to themselves. Once you are exhausted, other women will spend your money, live in your room, sleep with your husband and beat your baby!

Grandpa comes from his grandson. ...

You can go as far as you want!

No one has blown cowhide so fresh and refined for a long time!

Boss, is money really that important to you? You talked for more than three hours and didn't leave a penny behind?

When I woke up, it was dark.

If I become a personnel manager, the first thing I will do is to promote myself to the boss.

I am losing weight except eating every day. You say I have no perseverance?

I won't tell you if I kill you.

Any problem that money can solve is not a problem.

After studying for more than ten years, I think it's better to mix kindergartens!

Even believe in advertisements. Are you stupid in your studies?

How to lose weight if you don't have enough food?

The early bird catches the worm, and the early worm is eaten by the bird.

God, my clothes have lost weight again!

Water can carry a boat and cook porridge.

Buying a computer without broadband is like becoming a monk without eating.

There is an old legend-people who can see beautiful women on XX campus will live forever.

Healthy and relaxed; Living is easy; Life is not easy.

My name in my girlfriend's mobile phone is "He". After breaking up, I became "it".

I am different from you because I am human.

I only drink pure water when drinking water and pure milk when drinking milk, so I am very simple.

God gave us youth and acne.

If something goes wrong, look for the reason from yourself first. Don't blame the earth for its lack of gravity when you are constipated.

Boys are poor, or don't know how to struggle, girls are rich, or they are coaxed away by a piece of cake.

Fate is responsible for shuffling cards, but it is ourselves who play cards!

Love is a kind of helplessness, being loved is a gesture, waiting for love is an expectation, and not loving is an ability.

The beauty of a woman lies in her unrepentant stupidity, and the beauty of a man lies in being a ghost every day.