1. After I met you, every stupid thing I did was because of you.

2. Confucius said: Sleepless at noon, collapse at noon. Laozi said: Confucius is right.

3. You don't lose powder without laughing.

The vibration of mobile phone is almost inaudible at home, but it is especially like an earthquake at school.

Never lose weight, and now you have to use ugliness as an excuse.

6. "How to prevent my wife from cheating." "Don't let her wash her hair, don't let her make up, teach her to play games, let her indulge in a hopeless dead house, smoke and drink beer, take out food, make instant noodles, eat snacks, and treat her ups and downs, which makes her miserable." "That TM I cheated! ! ! "

The goddess said she was bored and asked me if I wanted to have dinner together. I said disheartened, "Forget it, I know you don't really like me." The goddess immediately retorted excitedly: "Who said that?" My heart is full of joy: "So you like me? ! ""No, I just want to know who told you the secret. "

8. In art class, the teacher said, Tell me what you want and the teacher will draw it for you. A: Apple. B: The house. C: White rabbit. Xiao Ming:

QR code. Teacher: Get out.

9. When I was poor, my parents spent hundreds of dollars a month. At that time, I thought, find a monthly salary when I grow up.

It would be nice to have more than 2000 jobs, and my wish has come true. 10. I wanted to read this mid-term exam, but I didn't expect it to stick to the pot again. 1 1. One month before the exam, a classmate's QQ signature was "Everything depends on human effort"; The week before the exam was changed to "everything goes with fate"; After the exam, the signature is "Focus on participation".

12. Actually, I am an angel. The reason why I stay on the earth is because of my weight.

13. I watched Animal World with my brother that day. My brother suddenly pointed to the pig and said to me, "Hey! Isn't this you? ! "I once said," It's your sister! "

14.

The 5-year-old daughter asked her father to do something for her. Dad: "Dad is very tired. Give me a compliment, and I will be refreshed again. " Daughter: "Lao Zheng!" Dad: "Hey!" Daughter: "Your Niu Niu is really beautiful ..."

15. The fish said to the water: It's my biggest regret that I can't go out to see the outside world all my life. Water said: It is my greatest failure that I can't dispel your thoughts all my life.

16. I went to the roadside stall to eat noodles two days ago. I saw a beautiful woman eating noodles across the street, so I took two bites and left. I thought about how this person is wasting so much now, so I poured her face on the side of the road and fed it to the dog. I was returning to my seat to see her back. She had mineral water in her hand and a puzzled expression on her face. At that moment, I just wanted to be a passerby who bowed his head and ate noodles …

17. I met a girl at dinner with my friends the other day. She is beautiful, and I can talk to her. After exchanging phone numbers, she called me every day. I know her heart, but in view of my own conditions, I have to refuse her, because I really have no extra money to buy the insurance she sells. ...

18. On the bus, an old man fell asleep and leaned on the back of a young man behind him. The young man is a "human cushion" and has been standing.

There are still 20 minutes before the old man gets off. The college student said in an interview: "I didn't think too much at that time, so I thought it was a girl behind."

19. I am a woman. Once back to school, I had a good chat with a big brother on the train. After getting off the train, I went back to school in his car and his son came to pick me up. I went back to the dormitory and called my mother about the dormitory. I came back by free car. Mother said, "Daughter, don't dare to do anything just because you are ugly!" " "A bolt from the blue is this your own mother? How ugly am I?

20. I saw a fat girl walking slowly on the treadmill in the gym. I used to remind her: "Sister, you have to speed up, or you won't lose weight." Sister listened to the wronged answer: "I adjusted it quickly, but it was slow when I stepped on it!" " "