Orange sister is from Hangzhou, and she is very introverted. She is a few years older than me and still single. Although exposed as a matchmaker, they often end up dead. Because they are all of the same age, they sometimes eat and go shopping together on weekends.
Naturally, we will talk about each other's emotional stories. But I didn't have any stories at that time, so most of the time she said I was listening. Occasionally, I will express my opinion. Maybe she thinks I'm a very competent listener. After that, whenever I encounter emotional entanglements and feel depressed, she will call me. As usual, we listened to her talk about her loved one while eating.
Every time I eat, I consciously can't let her pay the bill, so we imperceptibly formed a pattern of taking turns to pay the bill. To tell the truth, at that time, the salary was so poor that I couldn't bear to eat a meat dish for a month. I never thought that I would have to pay several bills a month after getting to know her. Of course I can't bear to part with it, but I can't say anything when I see her sad.
To tell the truth, I have been called many times, and there are some puzzling. Sometimes the temperature in summer is ridiculously high. I have to go there directly after work when she calls. Sometimes the winter wind is biting, so she flashes on QQ and lets me pass. Then, we had another unhappy dinner and listened to her talk about a sad experience. Many times I don't talk, but when it comes to sadness, she still cries. Only a few words of comfort at the right time. Besides, there is nothing I can do.
I wonder why she always meets so many bad things. Either the person who has a secret crush suddenly gets married and has children, or the boy she likes is not handsome enough, or she doesn't like her boy, or the person who has been together for several months suddenly cheats, or the parents who are satisfied with both sides get in the way, and so on.
Sister orange looks sweet, about 1.7 meters. She said that she must choose her partner according to her own standards and never compromise. Because of this, her road to love is bumpy. In love and marriage, I believe in fate, and I often enlighten her. You're looking for someone who will spend the rest of his life. He should know the cold and the hot, be sincere, kind and diligent, and his appearance and height are second. At least these are not as affordable as the daily necessities in fireworks life.
She refused, saying that it would be very embarrassing to find someone shorter than her to go out with, that finding someone who is not handsome in the sun will be very embarrassing in front of relatives and classmates, and that finding someone younger than him will be childish. I have nothing to say, I can only eat sullenly. She went on complaining to herself.
Later, I went to chat with an old friend of a flower shop. My friend is a man who has seen the world and has a mature mind. Talking about this orange girl, my friend suddenly said to me seriously, "Do you know? Do you think she really cares about you? You are just her emotional trash can! "
I woke up from a rude awakening and thought about it carefully. It seems that this is really the case.
When orange sister is always sad and depressed, I am always on call. It's not that I have nothing to do every time, but that I don't want her to refuse her help when she is depressed. I can understand very well that under such circumstances, a person really needs a friend to open his heart to, and this friend will often be a person who is very close to her. At that time, I thought that if I refused her, I would betray her trust.
As we all know, when my friend pointed out the root of the problem so sharply, I realized that Sister Orange needed an exit and I knew that I would definitely be willing to accompany her, so she asked me out many times. In fact, my relationship with orange sister is just an ordinary friend, not to the point of heart-to-heart. Moreover, there is no word "gratitude" in her concept. She never felt anything wrong because she took up a lot of my time and affected my mood. Everything seems natural, so I can't go back on my word.
Zhao Geyu pointed out in the article "Stay away from those who consume you and get close to those who nourish you", "People who consume you usually consume your time, money, energy, feelings and resources. In the end, you either get nothing, or you get bad emotions and bad feelings. "
Yes, every time I chat with orange sister, I get nothing. Sister orange wiped her tears and said easily, "Hey, after telling you, I don't feel so bad." In fact, I didn't say a few words, and most of them kept the role of an audience. Even if I give my opinion, she will still be immersed in her own "miserable world" and cry for what happened to her. Naturally, I have nothing but complaints.
People are emotional animals, and emotions, joys and sorrows, laughing and cursing are all normal external reactions of emotions, but this needs reasonable adjustment, guidance and venting. Adults should have this ability, and can't just pass on others and treat others as their own "emotional trash can". At the same time, it is also a very selfish performance. Sister orange poured out the negative emotions on the road of love. I not only wasted a lot of time, but also ruined my mood.
Zhao Geyu suggested getting close to people who can nourish us. "The so-called nourishment means thinking for you, paying for you, nourishing your body and mind, and making you stronger and better." I am convinced. This is exactly what the old saying goes, "If you are near Zhu Zhechi, you will be black, if you are near Mexico". You can make friends with positive people, and you are not much different yourself.
Later, when something similar happened again, I began to say "no" and stopped being the only listener so enthusiastically. She obviously realized my estrangement and gradually stopped complaining to me.
Later, I was no longer her "emotional trash can".