I. Cases
Xiaoya and Zhang Xu met at a friend's party. Zhang Xu fell in love with Xiaoya at first sight, and then launched the "Pursuit of Raiders", buying breakfast, inviting you to dinner, and taking up work to create surprises. Under Zhang Xu's passionate and romantic offensive, Xiaoya soon fell in love and began a sweet and sweet cohabitation. At first, Zhang Xu took care of Xiaoya and cared for her, and took Xiaoya out in different ways every weekend. Xiaoya also enjoyed all this and showed what a little girl should look like. She is very small, cute and clingy, and sometimes she wants something as a gift. As long as she took Zhang Xu's arm, and a jiao, Zhang Xu will try to satisfy her.
In short, everything is so beautiful that Xiaoya is full of incomparable expectations for the future. However, all this changed last year ... When she first fell in love, Zhang Xu had been working as a human resource in the company and spent more time taking care of Xiaoya. But after the Dragon Boat Festival last year, he was transferred to a management position to be responsible for sales. Despite the promotion and salary increase, the pressure of work is increasing, overtime and social interaction are increasing, and the time spent with Xiaoya is decreasing, which makes Xiaoya always worried.
On one occasion, Xiaoya accidentally caught a cold when changing seasons. In fact, she is not very ill, just want to take this opportunity to let Zhang Xu care more about herself. But that day, Zhang Xu happened to have a customer in the company to receive, so there was no way out. He had to ask Xiaoya for a day off. Later, I heard that he was criticized by the leader for this matter. Although this matter has passed, I don't know why. From then on, Xiaoya felt that the distance between him and Zhang Xu was obviously alienated: in the past, two people always had endless topics together, but now they can't say three words even if they face each other. More often, they play their own mobile phones without any communication with each other; In the past, even though he was busy at work, he would reply to the message sent by Xiaoya every second, but now? Either you don't reply, or you respond with "well" and "yes", and you don't feel the slightest enthusiasm;
What worries Xiaoya even more is that he always sends messages to people with his mobile phone, and occasionally giggles at the screen and asks him. He says it's contact business; Look at his cell phone. He won't let me. Sometimes, Xiaoya really doubts that he has moved on! This situation lasted until April this year, which happened to be Zhang Xu's birthday. Xiaoya carefully cooked a table of dishes, hoping to cheer Zhang Xu up and bring them closer. However, I didn't expect him to work overtime at work to catch the project book, and Xiaoya waited until 12: 30 in the morning. After Zhang Xu returned home, Xiaoya couldn't hold back any longer. He spoke out his grievances, called him love rat, ignored himself, and failed to live up to his kindness.
Zhang Xu also felt sorry at first, so she kept apologizing to Xiaoya. But who knows that Xiaoya's anger can't be suppressed at all? All the discontent broke out for so many days, and her emotions became more and more out of control and her words became more and more fierce. Finally, she threw all the gifts that Zhang Xu had given herself on the ground: "Break up if you don't love me!" This makes Zhang Xu unbearable, shout at top of voice "outrageous", turn around and make a dash for the door! Watching Zhang Xu disappear into the night, Xiaoya's heartache is hard to see!
In the first few days of breaking up, Xiaoya stubbornly refused to bow his head. But every time I come home from work and lie in bed, the sweet picture of her and Zhang Xu will automatically play in my mind, which is uncontrollable and can't stop. After a few days of suffering, Xiaoya couldn't bear to miss Zhang Xu, and at the same time realized that he was really impulsive, so he contacted him on WeChat, but he was silent for a long time before replying: "We may be really unsuitable, and we are too tired to be with you. Now that you have broken up, don't contact again! "
Of course, Xiaoya disagreed, and began to call and send messages to Zhang Xu, but he kept resisting and finally deleted all the contact information of Xiaoya. Later, Xiaoya went to Zhang Xu to find him. However, no matter how Xiaoya explained, how he stayed, and how he pleaded, he still refused Xiaoya with cold words ... Xiaoya was completely desperate, unable to sleep all night, unable to eat, and even unwilling to work. Many meetings were criticized by leaders. Xiaoya's pain can only be understood by people who have really experienced it-drinking when awake, crying when drunk, crying until you fall asleep, and drinking after waking up. ...
Second, analysis
After understanding the specific situation of Xiaoya, we used the "seven-layer emotional diagnosis model" to conduct a comprehensive emotional analysis of her, and the problems analyzed were very typical:
neglect
Also called "investment", it includes money, energy, time and so on. Usually, the more a man pays, the less likely he is to break up with a girl, but only if the girl knows how to reward and recognize him in time. In life, "care" for Xiaoya is an investment of time, while "tolerance and accommodation" for Xiaoya emotionally is an investment of emotion and energy.
While enjoying all this, Xiaoya not only failed to give her boyfriend timely returns and feedback, but always complained a lot to her boyfriend and turned a blind eye to his efforts, which undoubtedly hurt her boyfriend's feelings greatly. In the relationship between men and women, men also have their own work pressure. If they are pointed at or even "ordered" to do things other than stress, their psychology will become depressed, and they will feel bored with emotional overdraft, thus losing patience and confidence in this relationship.
"Love the brain" upper body, with a serious mentality.
Many girls are very rational when they don't fall in love, but once they fall in love, they become the upper body of the "love brain"-they always want to tie each other to their side, and they are always insecure, afraid that men will go out to flirt and fear that one day men will leave themselves. In serious cases, I even gave my joys and sorrows to men: "Since you are my partner, you should be responsible for everything for me ..." "I trust you completely, so I give you my happiness and happiness ..."
Under the influence of this "entrusted mentality", Xiaoya gradually lost himself, was content with the status quo, stopped thinking about learning and improving himself, and the gap with her boyfriend became wider and wider. At the same time, with the transfer of boyfriend's work, his work pressure also increases. At this time, he has to take care of Xiaoya, who relies on him for everything, which makes him feel physically and mentally exhausted and forced him to have the idea of escaping from this relationship.
Lack of effective communication affects emotional experience.
Many girls don't understand until they break up. Why on earth did he break up with himself? In the past, the feeling of "you love me" was gradually worn away by time, and it was replaced by "a big quarrel every three days and a small quarrel every two days". What's even more frightening is that you find that you can't see through the man in front of you ... In fact, most emotional problems can be solved through communication, but some girls are easy to get emotional when communicating with men, and like to strongly make men obey their wishes. If they don't obey, they just don't love themselves In this case, even if men "compromise" because they care about you, the problems between you still exist and they will quarrel over the same thing next time.
Because of her lack of emotional ability, Xiaoya lacked effective communication with her boyfriend for a long time and didn't know how to think from the other side's point of view, which affected the efficiency of resolving contradictions to a certain extent and changed her boyfriend's emotional experience from the initial "full of pleasure" to the present "extremely lack of comfort". For him, breaking up is not a rude departure, but an instinctive escape!
Emotional Salvation —— "Real Black Boy" Deleted by Lahei
After breaking up, women are easily controlled by negative emotions, and then make emotional reactions such as complaining, pestering, begging, promising and pleasing. Some girls even make some extreme behaviors because it is difficult to channel their inner emotions. In the case of breaking up, Xiaoya called her boyfriend in series, went to the company to find her boyfriend, and forced her boyfriend to make up with her. Even though Xiaoya thinks that she has used the most humble gesture to save her, in fact, her boyfriend is still in a passive state in her feelings. Continue to pester will inevitably cause his resistance, further worsen the relationship between the two, making Xiaoya's recovery more difficult. After breaking up, your boyfriend deleted you, blacked you out, and refused to reply to the message. These are his short-term emotional reactions, which does not mean that you really want to make a clean break;
Third, guide
Accept the reality, change roles and lower your guard.
Repair the impression, communicate efficiently, and warm up the relationship.
After breaking up, Xiaoya was too excited and was buried by negative emotions, which seriously affected his judgment and subsequent operation. So, in the following days, practical theoretical courses such as male psychological probing, emotional warming and soul mate training were developed for Xiaoya, and she was promoted while doing practical exercises. At the same time, according to Xiaoya's situation, a "female charm enhancement plan" is tailored for her, which helps Xiaoya to show her high-value side, repair her damaged positive impression and let her boyfriend see Xiaoya's change through "direct channels" and "indirect channels".
Because Xiaoya rationalized her role as a "friend" before, she was able to keep in touch and interact with her boyfriend naturally. In this process, the tutor has been accompanying her, helping Xiaoya solve unexpected problems in interaction many times, and teaching Xiaoya how to communicate with her with high quality step by step. After more than a week of guided learning and effective display, the other party not only began to chat with the students actively, but also often appeared interactive expression packs and various relaxed teasing on the chat content.
Pre-selection operation, intensify emotions, open the window.
After the first two stages of preparation, her boyfriend has shown a strong desire to "get back together", but to be on the safe side, the tutor used a very classic "withdrawal test" to help Xiaoya test her boyfriend's attention. Boyfriend's anxiety during the exam fully shows that Xiaoya's position in his heart is extremely important, and he can make use of his "rebellious psychology" and "possessiveness" to conduct a very critical pre-selection operation. Next, the tutor helped Xiaoya create some "pre-selection illusions" through exhibitions such as "Two pairs of chopsticks at dinner", "The opposite sex around at the party" and "A message from an unknown netizen in Weibo", which made her boyfriend feel a sense of crisis immediately and wanted to go back to Xiaoya immediately.
In fact, on the second day of the pre-selection, her boyfriend asked Xiaoya about her current emotional situation. Xiaoya clarified in time that she was a "single aristocrat"-she had to keep hope for each other while creating a crisis. "Pre-selection operation" needs to grasp the opportunity and scale. If you blindly stimulate men to be jealous, sometimes it will be counterproductive, and the previous efforts will be in vain.
Seize the opportunity, keep the appointment romantically, and save it in one fell swoop
On the sixth day of the pre-selection operation, her boyfriend formally invited her to meet in Xiaoya, but for the sake of Xiaoya's framework, the tutor suggested that Xiaoya postpone the appointment until two days later. During this period, the tutor emphasized to Xiaoya the matters needing attention after meeting, and told her not to have intimate relationship too early after meeting, so as not to lower her framework. On the day of the appointment, the tutor asked Xiaoya to dress up, which exudes the brilliance of women from top to bottom. Her boyfriend is also a rare formal suit, so he waited at the appointed place in advance, which shows that he also attaches great importance to this appointment.
When we first started talking after meeting, we were still cautious. After talking for twenty minutes, they never broke their emotional "addiction". At this time, the tutor began to implement the next plan, constantly calling Xiaoya's mobile phone, exerting psychological pressure on her boyfriend, and at the same time making Xiaoya pretend to have something to leave. This "belated" effect made her boyfriend's mood tense, hesitant, and finally revealed her feelings, apologized for the previous breakup, and sincerely requested Xiaoya's forgiveness and reunion. Xiaoya couldn't hold back her feelings any longer and hugged her boyfriend hard ... After such a long effort, she finally got a happy ending. Congratulations to Xiaoya and save your success!
Four. conclusion
What is the template for saving ice-breaking messages? It is not terrible to use the wrong method when saving. The terrible thing is that you dare not face your feelings again and lose the courage to save them. Again, love is not possession or loss of self, and nothing is greater than loving yourself. The more live high you live a wonderful life, the more he will take the initiative to approach you. You know, making trouble, begging, pestering and waiting can never save a man's heart. If you want to successfully counterattack a heartless man, you must take action and save it immediately from now on, and work hard! Please believe that no matter what difficulties you encounter on the emotional road, I will be your unparalleled solid backing, help you and support you!