1. Parents' incorrect education
As mentioned above, timidity is a natural behavior for children to protect themselves. With the growth of age, the number of contacts with the outside world increases, and timidity will become less and less. However, some parents don't understand this and regard their children's timidity as a big shortcoming, and they are eager to correct it, but in an improper way. People often remind their children that some people force them to show themselves in front of strangers. Children refuse to show themselves, saying that they are timid and shy in front of others, in order to give themselves a step down. This will not only not correct the child's timidity, but will aggravate the child's inner experience and make the child more timid.
Case 1: 4-year-old Feifei is a timid child. One day she went out with her mother and met a friend of her mother. Mother began to chat with friends, and Feifei timidly hid behind her mother and bowed her head and sucked her thumb. Mother said, "Feifei, this is Aunt Ding. Say hello to Aunt Ding. " Feifei just looked up at her aunt, then lowered her head and continued to suck her fingers. Mother coaxed Feifei to come over, and Feifei just shook her head. Mom was embarrassed, but she couldn't get angry in front of her friends, so she had to apologize to her friends and said, "Feifei is a timid child." I think she is embarrassed. " (Excerpted from "Parents' World")
Mom's words undoubtedly strengthened Feifei's timidity.
Some parents often intimidate their children in order to keep them quiet and obedient. Some use the police to scare children and say to them, "If you don't obey, let the police take you away!" Some even tell stories of monsters to scare children, threatening them to say, "disobedient old goblins will come to arrest you!" " "Such a long time will also cause children to be timid, afraid of light, darkness, loneliness, strangers, excitement and small animals.
In these cases, parents should learn a lesson and get rid of the bad habit of telling their children's shortcomings in front of others and scaring them. For those who have caused mental injury, try to tell their children some positive information to eliminate negative effects. Explain things to children as they really are, let them know things in many ways and eliminate their fears. You can also tell children heroic stories and encourage them to face everything bravely and actively explore the unknown. Moreover, in life, let children avoid some aggressive animals and terrible things such as strong winds and thunder, and don't let children walk alone at night. For some inevitable things, the initial contact should be attended by adults, and it should be gradual, from far to near, from the outside to the inside.
Generally speaking, through the above measures, children will become more and more bold. It is not advisable for some parents to force their children to touch terrible things to exercise their courage, which will only make them more timid.
2. Little contact with the outside world in infancy.
Some timid and shy children we meet are mostly brought up by grandparents in infancy, are unfamiliar with strangers and often play with children. We also see that children who generally grow up on campus are bolder and more open-minded. Therefore, the best way to correct such children's timidity is to let them get in touch with outsiders more, let them see the world more, let them play with children more, participate in group activities more, and let them perform their own tricks in front of everyone.
3. Children's inferiority complex
Some children often lack confidence in themselves, have a low evaluation of their ability in learning and so on, and are cautious in doing things. They develop from cognitive bias to inferiority, showing timidity, shyness, loneliness and reticence.
In this case, parents should try their best to discover their children's strengths and bright spots, pretend to be unintentional, and actually praise their children intentionally (note that if you praise them directly, the children will think that you are intentionally cultivating them, but they will be on guard, and even aggravate his timidity), so that the children can experience the joy of success and eliminate their inferiority. When the child's inferiority complex is eliminated, he will naturally overcome his timidity and become bold and cheerful.
Parents or teachers are too strict with their children. What if the child is shy?
Some parents or teachers are too strict with their children. Over time, children are afraid of their parents and teachers and sensitive to others' evaluation of themselves. They attach great importance to their words and deeds, lest they make mistakes, which will lead them to behave unnaturally and shyly in dealing with people. ......& gt& gt
Question 2: What should I do if my child is shy? Answer: A large number of research results on shyness show that whether children will become shy people in the future mainly depends on two factors-parents' educational methods and their social and cultural environment. However, scientists believe that there is a third important factor that cannot be ignored: physiological factors. Some experts point out that shyness, like other human personality characteristics, is partly influenced by genetic factors. Research shows that the brains of shy people and confident people operate differently in social situations. When in a strange environment, the "shy brain" has more brain wave activity on the right side of the first half of the brain, indicating that the brain owner is afraid. At the same time, he will also have physiological phenomena such as accelerated heartbeat and muscle tension. In addition, shy people often contain the "shy gene"-a gene related to stress sensitivity. This gene is responsible for controlling the secretion of serotonin, which is related to people's mood, appetite and aggression. It is important for parents to guide us, but shyness is not entirely determined by genes. A large number of research results show that shy children can overcome the influence of genes and make them bold and confident as long as they are given proper teaching. Children educated by confident parents are often more confident than those educated by shy parents. Nathan, head of the Children's Growth Laboratory at the University of Maryland, USA? Professor Fox said that parents' behavior will determine whether the "shy gene" is further stimulated or inhibited: "If you have this" shy gene "but your mother is confident and generous, then you are not more shy than your peers. However, if you start to feel stressed, the role of genes will begin to have a great influence on your behavior. Therefore, if you have this gene and grow up in a stressful environment, then you are likely to become a timid, anxious and depressed person. " Professor Fox also said that people suddenly become shy in adulthood, which often has little to do with genes. Bullying, overprotective parents, divorce or lovelorn blows can all make people timid. Shyness is a public health problem? Bernardo, director of the Indiana Shyness Institute? Calduch believes that about one fifth of babies are born with "introverted temperament", and they are more likely to kick their hands and feet and cry when they are suddenly frightened. There is evidence that these babies' senses are particularly sensitive. How common is shyness? Philip, two top American psychologists? Dr. Simbadu and Lynn? According to a survey conducted by Dr. Henderson, from 1970s to 2000, the number of Americans who thought they were inherently shy rose from 40% to 50%. In addition, 40% people said they were shy before; 15% of people said they would be shy on some occasions (such as dating). Simbadu said shyness and introversion are different. Introverts are not afraid to communicate with others, they just prefer to be alone. Simbadu also suggested using shyness as a 10 skill to overcome shyness. Adjust your breathing and relax your muscles. You can try to clench your fist and then let it go, and repeat it many times. Don't rely on alcohol or drugs to relax, this relaxing effect will gradually disappear. In daily life, such as shopping, learn to try to have a short conversation with strangers. In order to keep the conversation going, you must have a topic. Try to read widely, care about news reports, and try to ask some open-ended questions, such as "What do you think of someone?" 5. Preview the topics that may be discussed. Practice in front of the mirror at home first. 6. Small acts of kindness, such as helping people get drinks at parties, will make your social life more successful. 7. Remember: the world is not staring at you, and everyone tends to pay attention to themselves. 8. If someone ends the conversation, don't think it's because he thinks you are bored. 9. Don't take others' rejection as your personal problem. You don't have to get along with everyone. 10. Find your own "comfort zone": going to art classes may be happier than going to nightclubs * * * Health problems, because shy men are more likely to go whoring; Eight out of ten killers are stressed and shy people.
Question 3: What should children do if they are shy outside? 1, shy baby who lacks social interaction
Strategy 1: Provide communication opportunities.
For this kind of baby, it is very important for parents to encourage more and criticize less, and to provide children with opportunities to communicate with others as much as possible. For example: encourage children to play with children; Participate in activities with children and encourage them to play with other children.
Strategy 2: Respect children's opinions.
Parents should pay attention to respect their children's opinions and improve their self-confidence while providing them with opportunities for communication. Parents should be good at finding the bright spots in their children in time and praising their advantages, so that their shyness will be improved.
2. Self-suppressed shy baby
Strategy 1: Let children do what they can.
If parents always do everything for their children, they are afraid that their children will not do well. In this way, they will suppress the development of children's autonomy, make children doubt their abilities, and form a timid psychology. So parents should encourage their children to do some simple things. If the child does something right, it should be affirmed and praised. If they don't do well, they should be encouraged to do well next time and enhance their enthusiasm for developing autonomy.
Strategy 2: Participate in various group activities.
Parents should let their children participate in various group activities. In the group, the child will find his own role model and then imitate his behavior. In this way, children's dependence on their parents is relatively reduced. Expressing yourself in groups can also enhance children's self-confidence and promote the development of children's independent ability.
3. Too many shy babies are criticized.
Strategy 1: Parents should blame their babies less.
Parents should dialectically analyze the reasons when their children do something wrong, pay more attention to motivation and less attention to results, and can't just blame them. For example, some children tried to help clean the table and accidentally broke something. If parents just blame their children without affirming their positive side first, it is easy for them to doubt their abilities and become shy and timid. At the same time, parents should not ridicule and abuse at will, otherwise it will hurt children's self-confidence and self-esteem.
Strategy (2): democratic and equal education.
Parents should adopt a democratic and equal approach when educating their children, so that children can easily form good communication, cooperation and independence. If the autocratic way is adopted, then children are more likely to be emotionally unstable, dependent and shy when meeting strangers.
(From West Point Military Academy to help raise children)
Question 4: What should children do if they are always shy and timid? The house is like a little tiger running wildly, and when it goes out, it becomes a timid kitten. Some parents often say that their children are "bullies behind the door" and have a headache for their children's performance of "not getting their hands". Yao Xinli, the director of a kindergarten, told young parents that encouraging education is the most important thing, and revealed three principles to change the baby's behavior. DD, don't spoil children too much at home. Yao Xinli said that such "timid" children are not uncommon. They can express themselves confidently in a familiar environment, and dare to say and do things. Even if they make mistakes, they are not confined to Nuo Nuo. But once you are in a relatively unfamiliar environment or face strangers, you will completely "lose" your intelligence and dexterity, lack self-confidence, dare not express yourself, and are particularly afraid of failure. Compared with "timid", "phenotypic" children are particularly afraid of life. The more people, the bigger the scene, the more wonderful their words and deeds will be. "The difference in courage is not only influenced by natural personality factors, but also related to family education and school education." According to Yao Xinli's observation, children with serious timidity are often spoiled and indulged at home, and lack of contact with society will inevitably produce an unknown fear of public places and collective activities. Yao Xinli suggested that at home, parents should not let their children be too headstrong or do everything for them, but let them go at the right time and let them go to the society to see more. Encourage the child to be bold. Some children are not good at getting along with others. When they meet their parents' acquaintances, they are always reluctant to take the initiative to say hello. They either lowered their heads, turned their faces to one side, blushed and said nothing, or simply hid behind their parents. Some parents "explained" to others: "This child is shy, not very talkative, and it is always awkward to meet guests." Yao Xinli warned that parents should never label their children as "useless" or "coward", and blindly accusing them will only hurt him or her who has already felt inferior. When the child's performance is not ideal, parents should patiently comfort and encourage him: "Everyone will be nervous when they meet for the first time, and you will definitely speak better when you get familiar with your aunt." "It doesn't matter if it's not finished this time! Next time we continue to work hard, mom believes you can do it! " Give the child a warm and firm look at the awkward moment, and his (her) self-confidence will grow slowly until he (she) forgets the excessive shyness. It is also important to create a "stress-free" environment. "Parents and teachers should not rush to make timid children' go forward'." When children don't want to get along with more other children, parents can't force them to play with them, because shy children prefer one-on-one communication; When children are unwilling to address other elders, parents should not be reluctant, because this may increase their fear; Parents should not intimidate children when they don't want to behave in front of guests, because doing so will aggravate their nervousness, and they will respond with more silence and rejection in the future, which will escalate their shyness. At the same time, parents can also gently "push" with teachers to guide their children to participate in social activities and collective actions of their peers and cultivate their communication skills and skills. Give priority to encouragement, supplemented by promotion, and let children change from "two-faced" to "confident".
Question 5: What if the child is timid and shy? In fact, when I was young, I was afraid to answer questions. This reason is because children are afraid that their answers will not be affirmed, and there will be a fear in their hearts. Therefore, parents should be more sure of their children's opinions, even if their answers are wrong, don't blame them. They should guide her gently and lead her to find the right answer.
Don't you cry when you criticize? Or because of the child's inner timidity, you should ask the child why he is crying first? Are you crying because you did something wrong or just because your parents and teachers criticized you? Then talk to the child according to the actual situation and cheer her up. You can make a deal with her. For example, criticizing her for not crying or taking the initiative to speak can give her a certain reward and enhance her self-confidence through encouragement.
Learning taekwondo also depends on the child's wishes. Ask her first if she wants to learn, and then tell her the benefits of learning. If she still doesn't want to learn, you can ask her why. If the answer is that she doesn't want to learn, it proves that there is still a fear factor in her heart, that is, she is afraid that she will not be affirmed and that she will not learn well. Therefore, we should persuade her more, or encourage her and cheer her up: you will definitely learn well! Or you can ask her: What do you want to learn? Do you think you can learn how to change your bad personality now? Before asking this question, you must tell her that she has a bad personality now, which people don't like to accept. Then, it may be better for your daughter to ask her that question after she understands this and let her answer it herself.
If you have any questions, please come again next time.
Question 6: How to be shy When a child is shy, it is usually considered as a bad character, but psychologists at Harvard University and Yale University in the United States have found that shy people have a naturally developed nervous system and a high IQ. In social interaction, shy people will become more sensitive and alert because of their strong self-awareness. When I meet a stranger, my heart beats faster, my face is red and my ears are hot, and I am at a loss. According to statistics, about 1/5 children are naturally shy. Therefore, it is normal for a baby to be shy.
Of course, if the baby is too shy, it may indeed have an impact on future interpersonal communication. "Shy babies usually have a strong sense of inferiority and have no confidence to solve the pressure or conflict in life." Therefore, experts remind: in the critical period of baby's personality formation, mom and dad should still take the right method to encourage the baby to cross the "shy" obstacle. As long as children are guided to actively participate in social interaction and make friends, the negative side can be gradually alleviated or disappeared, and parents need not worry about it.
Parents should do their homework well.
Give your baby time to face strangers: Many parents want their baby to greet friends and colleagues warmly, but this is actually very difficult for children. "When a baby doesn't want to call a stranger, parents shouldn't force him, let alone intimidate him." Experts remind parents to hold the baby in their arms first, talk to adults first, give the baby enough time to observe and get familiar with others, and then let strangers approach him after his fear disappears.
Create social opportunities for your baby: Parents should consciously increase your baby's chances of contact with the outside world, such as visiting relatives and friends, going to parks, supermarkets and other crowded places, and often arrange for your baby to participate in group games, outings and other activities. However, in this process, we should pay attention to choosing good objects to avoid the baby's bad psychological experience such as fright and frustration during the activity.
Enhance self-confidence and use more positive comments: shy babies need encouragement and self-confidence especially. Parents should "avoid the heavy and be light" and try their best to help their babies find their own specialties. Never label your baby as shy. This will deepen the baby's fear of others. "This is more harmful than shyness itself.
-(Youer School)
Question 7: What should I do if my 6-year-old baby is shy? Some children always like to grab their parents' skirts, hide behind their parents, or lie on their parents and don't want to come down. They always stay away from the crowd. This is a very normal and common situation for toddlers. Parents don't have to worry too much, thinking that this will become a big obstacle to their children's future interpersonal relationships. In fact, this is also a way for children to observe the environment. When they are ready, they will climb down from you, walk to the front from your time, and then communicate generously with others.
Therefore, in the acquired environment, parents should correctly guide and care for shy children, otherwise it will easily have an impact on their young and sensitive hearts and aggravate their fear of strangers and the environment.
Of course, children should be taught not to rush into things, but to take their time. It takes a long time for children to cultivate strange environments and people, things and things. For unfamiliar things, adults also need to be familiar with the environment and determine their sense of security before they can rest assured, not to mention children. Therefore, don't forcibly hold the child, or answer generously; Don't even think that children are timid and force them to touch dogs; When children think they can, they will naturally be willing to get close and pay time and patience!
When children are two or three years old, they begin to make friends. Usually two or three fixed playmates. Parents can find opportunities for their children to get together with the children of neighbors or relatives and friends, so that children can get familiar with each other in the game; However, children usually need a sense of security, so they will feel more at ease with their parents around. Such a small social activity is a good opportunity for children to make new friends and learn how to get along with others.
It is said that children should not be forced, but they should also create emotions and atmosphere for children to know people, things and things outside. There is no need to rush to label children shy, and slowly bring them into the crowd, so that they will know how to get in touch with the outside world. You can teach your child some greeting methods and do exercises on friends and relatives, which will reduce your child's panic when facing the crowd. In addition, many parents have the habit of comparing their children with others, and often say "Why don't you say hello when you see someone else's sister?" Such comparison will hurt their young self-esteem, so don't compare easily, believe that your baby is the best.
Children's personalities are naturally divided into introversion and extroversion. Please conform to your child's nature, observe the environment with him and make friends with the environment! Perhaps, some children will need more time, but it is such children who need to interact with friends more. Give your child a little strength, see the outside world with him and walk more! A baby's personality is formed in a subtle way. Some babies are shy when they are young, and they are very shameful in front of others. When I grow up, I am lively, smart and good at expressing. What are the reasons why the baby is shy? How can parents improve their baby's shyness? There are many reasons for shyness, besides congenital factors, there are also the following reasons: 1. Self-awareness began to develop, fearing that others would not respect themselves and be unfriendly to themselves; 2. Low self-evaluation, afraid of others saying that they are poor in ability, try to avoid it; 3. There are strangers who are anxious. Generally speaking, children aged five to six months to one and a half years are more serious, but some children will appear late or last for a long time, and they will still show up after two years old; 4. There may be "foresight", being bullied when playing with children, unwilling to play with them, showing retreat, etc. (Source: Panorama Network) Parents can improve their baby's shyness by doing the following six things. 1. Don't criticize, don't threaten, don't force him to call someone, don't force him to play with children, relax, accept his personality or tolerate his performance at this stage. Don't take shyness as a wrong behavior and express dissatisfaction with it, even because it implies that he doesn't like him. On the contrary, we should treat him with a normal heart and let him know that it is not a big problem not to say hello to adults or play with children for the time being. Often after the age of 3, he will get better automatically. Don't label him in front of him, saying he is a shy child. You know, the logo will be deeply embedded in his heart, and he will think that he is like this. Maybe he will use this logo to escape people he doesn't like in the future (this is conscious ... >>
Question 8: What should children do if they are shy and timid? In the face of children's shyness, the teacher's suggestion in the sports hall is:
▲ Accept children and encourage them. The personality of a shy child is not immutable, but it depends on the attitude of parents first. Parents should admit the fact that their children are shy, and don't make a fuss or rush for success. Some parents pay too much attention to their children's shyness and timidity, and are harsh on their children, which leads them to retreat. If parents love their children, they should accept their characteristics. You know, shyness is not a disease, but a lack of social skills. Parents can choose some simple activities for their children to do. When one's children have made achievements, they will praise them in time and gradually establish their self-confidence.
▲ Care for children and motivate them. If children feel insecure, they will have no confidence in themselves. For them, participating in social activities is a frightening thing. Parents should pay more attention to their children. When children are upset, hug them so that they are not afraid. When a child encounters setbacks, he should also comfort him first and analyze the reasons for the failure with him. Try to create a safe and relaxed living environment for children. When children face unfamiliar environments and interpersonal relationships, don't force them to be generous at once, help them cope carefully and help them build up their self-confidence step by step. Never scold your child with words such as "coward" and "waste" frequently, nor point at your child often, or criticize your child sarcastically often, so as not to dampen your self-confidence. Parents should also encourage and praise every progress made by their children.
▲ Understand children and guide them. Children are shy for different reasons. Parents should get to know their children deeply, realize the real reason for their shyness and give targeted help. Let children participate in social activities more, and gradually be influenced and change their personality in the process of interacting with peers. Parents can usually listen to their children's worries and worries, provide them with useful information as much as possible, guide them to explain and understand things, and calmly cope with the new life they are about to face.