What kind of existence is a full-time housewife? How can a confused full-time housewife save herself? Combined with my own actual situation and the observation of many full-time housewives, I made the following analysis.
The appearance of full-time housewives with children
There are two main reasons why stay-at-home housewives with children appear. First, for various reasons, there are really no elderly people at home who can help take care of the children, so women must sacrifice their careers to take care of the children at home. This is what we call passive choice.
The second is that even if there are elderly people who can help with the children, they can't get along with them because of their different living habits and educational concepts, so they choose to sacrifice their careers to take care of the children. This is what we call active choice.
Full-time housewives usually give the impression that.
The impression of a full-time housewife with a baby in the eyes of the public is generally that she is dressed "simply", very idle all day, very relaxed, and her husband is very capable.
Only those who have experienced it can understand the loneliness and helplessness of full-time housewives with children. They don't have a job, and they only revolve around their husbands and children all day, so they feel insecure.
The so-called people don't save themselves. Whether it is active choice or passive choice, how should we save ourselves since we are in such a confused situation?
Although everyone is criticizing externalism, everyone likes beautiful things. In fact, beauty does not require everyone to be as beautiful as a star, but a state, a state of mind and life of each of us, to present our best side to family and friends.
This kind of beauty is not compared with others, but with oneself in different periods. Beauty not only represents appearance, but also reflects everyone's living conditions. Only when a person loves life will he spend time and energy to pursue beauty.
This pursuit of beauty can bring good influence to children.
I remember when I was a child, most of the children around me were left behind, or my mother was a very simple person. Once at a parent-teacher conference, my mother put on her most beautiful clothes, painted a lipstick and brought her only pair of earrings to my parent-teacher conference.
Mother's dress is not exaggerated and simple, but in front of other mothers who don't pay attention to appearance, mother has undoubtedly become the most dazzling mother of the whole parent-teacher conference. After the parent-teacher conference, I passed by the teacher's office and overheard the teachers say, "xx's mother is really beautiful."
The happiness in my heart that day is still clearly remembered in my mind. Therefore, children also want to see a delicate and positive you, then you. Moreover, the mother is the best teacher for children, which also has a great influence on their future aesthetics.
I haven't lost weight since giving birth, from 90 kg to 130 kg. During that time, I was depressed and felt inferior, but my husband didn't say anything and didn't show the feeling of abandoning me.
I didn't make up my mind to lose weight until my child was weaned at the age of one and a half. So through exercise and diet control, I lost weight from 130 kg to 90 kg in three months. When I put on my original clothes again and showed off my weight loss achievements in front of my husband, he said, "I feel like a new wife."
This sentence surprised me. Although he didn't show his dislike for me before, his excitement when I lost weight proved his inner resistance to me.
I don't blame him either. When I gain weight, I don't even like myself, let alone wait for others.
Therefore, women, although life is hard, really can't give up on themselves, and always have a heart for beauty.
Many people think that the task of a stay-at-home housewife with a baby is to serve her husband well and educate her children well. Besides, she doesn't deserve to have ideals and hobbies.
But I think we can and must have our own ideals and hobbies on the basis of serving our husbands and educating our children.
We are not only full-time housewives with children, but also a woman who once had ideals and ambitions and won numerous honors and praises in school and workplace.
Although we are now bound by reality, we can't give up ourselves and our pursuit. Although the environment we are in now is very difficult, if so, we should face the difficulties.
Today, with the development of the Internet, there are many channels for us to study at home to make money. We should keep learning and enrich ourselves, so that we can feel safe and stop doubting our husbands every day. A sense of security can only be given to yourself.
I also felt anxious and sad for the full-time nanny who was about to give birth to a second child. I feel that after giving birth to two children, I have completely lost myself, lost control of my husband, and am afraid of divorce. Everything can only be slaughtered by him. After a long hesitation, I figured it out. I have my own plans and goals.
I started reading and writing. Gorky said: "Reading a book is like opening a window of life." This window illuminates me and dispels the gloom in my heart.
My heart is no longer sad, and I have many plans for the future. I will enrich myself by reading and writing. After giving birth, I will take time out to learn jazz dance, teach myself ps, teach myself to take pictures and so on.
If you are in full bloom, butterflies will come. If you are great, the days will be arranged by yourself. If you are wonderful, you must have no leisure time to worry about whether your husband wants to divorce. After all, at this time, you have to go to the hall, go to the kitchen, be able to coach the baby, and have a skill.
I worked in an educational institution for a long time before, and watched many stay-at-home mothers educate their children, which was very strict and demanding. One of the children is excellent in our eyes. It is true that the child's performance is much better than that of other children of the same age, but I can feel from the communication with her mother that her mother is still dissatisfied.
Every dance class, her mother always sits at the door with a bench. The teacher always pricks up his ears to hear clearly when he talks about the main points of action. If she can't hear clearly outside, she has to lean into the classroom to listen. Punching in every homework is always the most active and standard.
Once, because a teacher changed temporarily in class, the child cried and refused to go in. After several persuasion, the child's mother beat and cursed the child. We also tried to persuade him, from which we learned that the child began to learn dance at the age of two. Because the teachers in the previous dance institutions were very strict, which left a psychological shadow on the children, now the children have to cry for a long time every time they change teachers.
At that time, I felt very sorry for the child, who was as old as my daughter and over four years old. It was the time of innocence. I felt my mother's anxiety. I also feel the helplessness and anxiety of children.
These performances of that mother are also the characteristics that many stay-at-home mothers are easy to show. They always think that if you sacrifice your career, even your life, then you should be better than other children and get very good grades, which is worth my sacrifice.
However, no one thought that the child was innocent. He came to this world, came to your side, and didn't even have his own choice. On the way to education, when we encounter problems, our first thought should be to solve the problems, instead of blaming the children blindly.
Therefore, it is necessary to give children proper "tolerance", see their bright spots, accept their imperfections and accept their ordinary side.
Of course, this kind of "tolerance" is not to ignore children. But patiently looking for a solution. After all, education is a protracted war, and you can't know the outcome overnight.
These are my three suggestions to stay-at-home housewives, hoping to help you in adversity. I hope everyone can live a wonderful life.