Folklore, the goddess the Goddess Chang'e flying to the moon (multi-person role-playing, storytelling, stage, confession, falsehood, positive energy)

Ancient prose in Song Dynasty, Ailian said (a short essay suitable for single reading)

These are ready-made masterpieces, which are easily accepted regardless of age. Their themes are popular, and they are brave Sao years! Go and work miracles! Work hard towards the goal ♂! You are welcome!

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The story of the fisherman and the devil

There was a fisherman who was afraid of his wife. Pick corn for her every day when she comes back from fishing.

On this day, his wife said, "Go and get me a whale at once. I want to rinse whale meat hotpot! " "

Fisherman: "sweets, no, it's as big as a whale." What a big pot! " "

The wife thought for a moment and said, "well, it's not bad for you to get a kangaroo by the sea!" " "

Fisherman: "Beauty is really creative! I support it. However, I am a fisherman. I've never seen a kangaroo. Going hunting rashly will inevitably hit a nail and dampen my young self-esteem. "

Before the words were finished, the old woman grabbed a locomotive and threw it at the fisherman. The fisherman was quick and clever, and he was hit.

Old woman: "Did you hear that? Be sure to see kangaroos when you come back at night, or this locomotive will be your end! " "Just then, a spiral plum blossom sat and smashed the locomotive.

The fisherman clapped his hands and praised: "Good hip strength! Ok, I'm leaving now, don't worry! "

The fisherman sailed his boat Muzimei to the sea. On the calm sea, the wind and cloud suddenly changed, and the strong winds came one after another, followed by huge waves. The fisherman sang, "Don't blow hard, I will earn money to send you flowers when I grow up!" " "Ignore the wind and waves and continue to commit iniquity. At this time, the fisherman remembered Gorky's composition "Haiyan" and suddenly ran naked in his chest. He roared against the wind and waves, "let the storm drift a little more!" "Ha throat throat-"

The storm came to an abrupt end.

The fisherman smiled and said, "You are really naughty in this storm ... OK, stop that now, I'm going to start fishing!" " "

He cast a fourth net. (hey? How to start with the fourth net? Is the stupid author lazy and didn't write the first three nets? Author: The old fisherman didn't tell me, because he couldn't catch anything in the first three nets every time, so he always tried to start with the fourth net.

When I pulled it up, I saw that there were no fish in the net, but there was a closed washing machine! There is a seal on the washing machine that says "Mommy, Mommy, coax".

The fisherman said to himself, "What the hell is this?"

Washing machine: "What are you looking at? Never seen a beautiful washing machine? ! "*************************23

The fisherman was startled and asked, "What is a washing machine? Is it better than kangaroo meat? "

Washing machine: "Shit! There's no drainage in your brain! Washing machine, washing machine, of course, washing machine! "

Fisherman: "The washing machine?" Machines ... machines? "

Washing machine: "please be so slutty when you are old, or I will put you in my dryer!" " "

The fisherman pointed to the seal on it and asked, "Hey? This seal seems familiar! Let me see ... Oh, great! This note is posted on the Five Elements Mountain where the monkey was crushed! "

Washing machine: "You old hairtail are really smart, so let me ask you, what does this' Mommy Mommy Coax' mean?"

The fisherman smiled and said, "Mommy's coaxing has no specific meaning, just like' Oh, yeah' and' Wow', it's just spoken language, but it's spoken language of Buddha. This sentence is so popular now, it is also printed on my underwear, don't believe you! "

Washing machine: "Yes! Yes! Don't look He's still a big yellow flower washing machine, so you show him underwear? Hum! Ignore you! "

Fisherman: "Haha, sorry! Who sealed you with a seal? What's in it? "

Washing machine: "it was sealed by the Buddhist industrial and commercial office in the west. I don't know what was sealed inside."

Fisherman: "May I open it?" Maybe it's a kangaroo inside! "

Washing machine: "Shit! Kangaroo is your father! Kangaroos will shut up. Drive if you want. Anyway, you have fished it out, so you can pee. "

Fisherman: "then I'll open it!" " "Say, to open the seal.

Washing machine: "Ah-"

Fisherman: "ded! Scared me, what's your name? "

Washing machine: "How cool! ! "

Fisherman: "color-love!" "

He opened the lid of the washing machine.

Suddenly, there was a burst of white smoke from the washing machine. A few big characters can be faintly seen in the white smoke: "Please pay attention, the protagonist is going to play!"

The fisherman took two steps back in fear and said, "What a big scene!" "

The white smoke dispersed and a terrible monster appeared in front of the fisherman.

The genie said, "I can't figure it out! This wicked bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi bodhi.

After the monster finished singing, he said to the fisherman, "poor old man, in the first Millennium when I was locked up, I swore that if someone saved me, I would let him be the ceo of the website!" " As a result, no one came to save me; In the second Millennium of my imprisonment, I vowed that if someone saved me, I would let him be the editor-in-chief of the campus edition of youth literature! And no one came! ! "

The fisherman interjected, "I'm helping you out now, and I don't ask for anything else." Help me get a kangaroo! "

The genie went on to say, "I'm desperate, I'm angry, I'm broken!" " I feel the indifference of human feelings and the coldness of the world! I swear: whoever saves me again, I will eat! "

The fisherman was startled: "you ... damn it!" You are a dead shemale. I saved you, but you want to eat me. tmmd！ What bad luck recently! I got off the net and hit a bottle the day before yesterday. At this time, I remembered that the old people said that there was a devil in the bottle fished out of the sea, so I didn't believe it. As a result, I opened the bottle cap and saw that it was really the devil! Although a little disappointed, considering that people have been stuffed in such a small bottle for so long, it's time to come out for exercise, so I let him go with the love of protecting and caring for animals. Yesterday, I got off the net, but I didn't catch any fish. There is a rice cooker in the net. Open the lid. Shit, another dead devil! I am very angry. But then I thought: Who hasn't had a hard experience? Forget it. So I also let him go; Today, almost desperate and crazy, I swore a poison oath before casting my net: if I hit the monster again today, I will put him in the hut and listen to the CCTV version of "The Condor" for a month ... I finally met you. Give my regards to your mother: if there are many children, get a big wardrobe and put it together. Why let me fish one by one! " After that, the fisherman read "Mommy Mommy Coax" once, and the demon was put into the washing machine with a "Ah". Soon the seal was put back.

The washing machine was dumbfounded and trembled and said, "Grandpa, I knew from the beginning that you were not a small role. You see, I guessed right. " You will be my boss from now on. "

Fisherman: "alas-kangaroo didn't get it, but she got a washing machine back." I don't know how the old woman scolded me! " "

Washing machine: "No way, are you still afraid of your wife?"

Fisherman: "None of your business?" I'd love to. Alas! The washing machine can't eat. "

Washing machine: "but I can help you wash clothes!" " "

Fisherman: "Your laundry bucket is blocked by the devil now, so why bother!" " "

Washing machine: "I have a dryer here!" " You can use it to pickle pickles. "

Fisherman: "Yes, that's a good idea. Not only can you pickle pickles, but you can also store some stinky tofu. "

Washing machine: "No!"

In this way, the fisherman took the devil back to listen to the condor! I sympathize with the devil now! Poor thing, good kawaii!

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The Goddess Chang's fly to the moon

"Kunlun Mountain, across Tibet and Qinghai. With an average elevation of 4500 meters, it is a veritable mountain. It takes 4500 days to climb one meter a day and 450 days to climb ten meters a day. Climbing 100 meters every day is too tiring. Sit down and listen to my story. There are many myths and legends on Kunlun Mountain. In other words, since Hou Yi shot nine suns on Kunlun Mountain, he felt that climbing the mountain was a good exercise. So he climbed every day, year after year, and finally became Spider-Man! "

Hou yi: "commentator, you are too wide of the mark." Spider-Man was bitten by a spider before she changed. Crawling around all day can only be a gecko. "

The Jade Emperor: "Oh! Everything has a way, like a dream bubble, like a water moon mirror flower, like fog electricity. "

Hou Yi: "The poem read by this eldest brother is good!" " "

Jade Emperor: "Big Brother? I have been a big brother for many years. Do you know who I am? "

Hou Yi: "So drag, are you the heavenly king Lao Zi?"

Jade Emperor: "That's right! I am the heavenly king Lao Zi, whose scientific name is Jade Emperor! Are you Hou Yi? "

Hou Yi: "It turned out to be the Jade Emperor. Why didn't you show up last time I got married? "

The Jade Emperor: "What? You already have a wife? You are a good boy! Hahaha! When did you get married, and you didn't invite your buddies for drinks? You are so boring! How's it going? How is your newly married life? UH huh? Hahahaha! "

Hou Yi: "Your Majesty, please be solemn!"

The Jade Emperor: "Yes! Hmm! Hmm! What is wrong with me? The purpose of my coming to Kunlun Mountain this time is to visit a predestined friend and give him the elixir of life. This bag of elixir in my hand is the elixir of immortality! Eat one and you will live forever and become immortal. Eat two and you will live forever, ascend to heaven and become immortal, eat three and you will live forever and ascend to heaven and become immortal. "

Hou Yi: "I understand! In other words, no matter how much you eat, the result is the same? "

Jade Emperor: "Clever! I was right about you! I have heard your story, too. Shooting down nine suns is really extraordinary. Even the magic of Jiuyang is no match for you. I heard that you also opened an archery research institute in Houyi, recruiting apprentices and teaching peerless archery. The mind of this generation of masters is exactly what we want to praise. Therefore, I will send you three fairy pills, and you can accompany your lover, bring a pet, feather, and become immortal together, and feel at ease. "

Hou Yi: "Thank you, Your Majesty, but the name Shenxian Dan sounds like the name of a bad medicine."

The Jade Emperor: "Oh? Really? Then switch to ecstasy! "

Hou Yi: "Thank you, Your Majesty the Jade Emperor, for giving me the elixir of life! I have one more thing to do! Please leave first! "

Jade Emperor: "Go! Ha ha! Really a newlywed couple! "

Hou Yi hurried down the mountain to go home, ready to share the elixir of life with Chang 'e, and the jade emperor who stayed on the mountain could not help feeling ignorant.

Jade Emperor: "Am I doing this right or wrong? Always give the immortal elixir accumulated in Tianfu, which is about to expire, to mortals-but it also stays. Last time it was for a man named Peng Zu. As a result, he lived to be 500 years old and his face was longer than his face. Hey! "

Hou Yi: "Ouch! Why is there only one of the three Dan medicines left? It's all my fault. I was in a hurry. Forget it, anyway, I am happy in the world and become a grandmaster. I don't want to eat ecstasy. I can take it home as an ornament. "

Chang 'e: "Husband! You're back! ! Look what I have done for you! "

Hou Yi: "Don't look. Judging from the strong smell in your mouth, you should have made cold leeks, garlic miscellaneous sauce noodles, scrambled eggs with onions and fried stinky tofu. "

Chang 'e: "Oh, dear, you are so smart!" " "

Hou Yi: "It only needs a little sense of smell. However, can you please have a glass of milk to gargle next time? "

Chang 'e: "People are anxious to come out and find you! Honey, where did you go this morning? How can you have such long hair? "

Hou Yi: "Oh, this is the beard of the Jade Emperor. I went to the top of Kunlun Mountain for exercise this morning and met the Jade Emperor. He gave me an elixir, called Xiaoshun Shengtian Pill, which can become immortal after eating. "

Chang 'e: "Dear, can you find a good excuse next time?" What wife in the world would believe such an excuse? "

Hou Yi: "Although it sounds incredible to ordinary people, since this is a fairy tale, you should be surprised!" "

Chang 'e: "Then-I will believe you."

Hou Yi: "This is my good wife! By the way, who is that sneaky guy hiding in the corner? "

Chang 'e: "He will join your Houyi Archery Academy. His name is Feng Meng. Husband, this person is acting strangely, and often hides in the corner to eat Lamian Noodles alone. I don't think he is right. "

Later generations: "Chang 'e, you can't change this suspicion. Maybe he is shy! Hey, that young man over there! Feng Meng, right? You want to learn from me? "

Feng Meng: "The disciple kowtowed to the teacher! Disciples have long admired the teacher's reputation when they were in their hometown, just like the moon in the sky, the stars can't compete with it; This is like spring breeze and rain, which spread all over the world. Monks, Taoists, laity, and even cats, dogs and animals all praised the teacher's tuba. Therefore, the disciple came to learn archery this time, but I hope the teacher will not abandon the disciple and take care of him! "

Hou Yi: "Comfortable! How comfortable! Apprentice has never been so comfortable! Ok, you are my big disciple, ranking first among 800 disciples! "

Chang 'e: "Husband, I ... I still think this person has ulterior motives."

Hou Yi: "Shut up! What do women know! Feng Meng, you should study archery well in the future, and you will definitely become an archer in the future! "

Feng Meng: "Thank you, master! Master, you are not only superb in archery, but also very handsome! "

Descendants: "Ah! How cool! It's good to be on earth. Why should I live forever? Throw away this vanishing pill! No, I still don't throw it. At least it's a gift from the Jade Emperor. Chang 'e, you can wrap it up as a family heirloom! "

Chang 'e: "Yes!"

In this way, Feng Meng became a great disciple of Hou Yi. He studied archery all day, seemingly working hard, but in fact, as Chang 'e said, this man is a malicious person. Ever since he saw Hou Yi give the elixir to Chang 'e for safekeeping, he has been very concerned about this matter and wants it to become immortal, so he has been looking for opportunities. In this way, Houyi will suffer a big loss. Really don't listen to women and suffer in front of me!

On this day, Hou Yi took his disciples hunting in the mountains, and Feng Meng stayed for an excuse. After Hou Yi left, he came to Chang 'e.

Feng Meng: "Jenny! Where are you? Jenny. Come out! ! ! "

Chang 'e: "Feng Meng, are you not ill? How can you have the strength to make a hullabaloo about here? "

Feng Meng: "Jenny, I ask you, can the elixir really become immortal after eating it!" " "

Chang 'e: "I don't know!" "

Feng Meng: "Where did you put the elixir?"

Chang 'e: "..."

Feng Meng: "Say it quickly! Why don't you say something? "

Chang 'e: "Idiot, I won't give it to you!" "

Feng Meng: "Cut the crap! Say it! Where did you put the elixir? "

Chang 'e: "Do you think I will be afraid of you? I knew what you were planning! I won't pay for it if I die! "

Feng Meng: "It seems that we can only outsmart them! Chang 'e! I didn't expect you to have a beautiful appearance, but you are just a vase. "

Chang 'e: "What makes you say that!"

Feng Meng: "You must have forgotten where you put the elixir, so you can't hand it in. Hey, I knew a beautiful woman like you is usually brainless. "

Chang 'e: "I'm so angry, I tell you!" " I remember it clearly, but I put it in the box on the dresser! I won't give it to you! "

Feng Meng: "If you don't give it to me, won't I take it myself?"? Aha hahaha! "

Chang 'e: "Ah? I ..... I was cheated! No, I'll take it first! "

Feng Meng: "I caught it!" "

Chang 'e: "I jump!"

Feng Meng: "I'll grab it again!"

Chang 'e: "You can't grab it! Well, now I have the elixir of life. Don't you come here! I swallowed it when I came over! "

Feng Meng: "You'd better hand it over, or I'll put the caterpillar in your collar!" "

Chang 'e: "Ah! That's disgusting! I warn you not to push me! "

Feng Meng: "What if I force you?" ? Huh? Huh? "

Chang 'e: "I swallow! ! ! "

Feng Meng: "Ah! ! ! Don't! "

Narrator: "Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen! If you just turned on the washing machine, you heard the launch of Chang 'e-1, which was broadcast live by the famous mouth Mala Tang. Now there is white smoke around Chang 'e ... Her feet are off the ground, yes, her feet are off the ground. And her whole body is glowing, and there is a halo behind her head. I guess she will be a fairy!

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Let's see the audience's reaction. Feng Meng, the only audience at the scene, opened his mouth wide and was obviously curious about this phenomenon. There are still some tears in his eyes, which seems to be both sorry and uncomfortable.

Let's pay attention to Chang 'e again. Chang 'e's position was already in mid-air, and suddenly two things left her. We know that people are different from rockets, and there is no fuel tank, so what is falling? It turned out to be two shoes. We know Chang 'e has two legs, so she has two shoes. Then one Chang 'e has two legs, two Chang 'e have four legs, and three Chang 'e have six legs ... Interested listeners can learn by themselves.

Now it is reported from outer space that Chang 'e has landed safely on the moon. The Jade Emperor personally wrote the word "Guanghan Palace" for her palace. It seems that Chang 'e has started her immortal life. This is the end of our broadcast. Thank you. "

Chang 'e: "It turns out that immortals are so boring. Living alone in such a big house is boring to death. Hey, who is cutting down trees? "

WU GANG: "It's me, big sister!"

Chang 'e: "There is only one tree on the moon. Why cut it? "

WU GANG: "Elder sister, I'm from the mountain, but I can't cut down trees. My name is WU GANG. I was chopping wood in Kunlun Mountain that day. When I am tired, I lie under the tree and sleep for a while. I don't know who dropped a meatball in my snoring mouth, so I went to heaven with an axe! There is nothing to do here, so I cut down trees all day. This laurel tree is getting longer and longer. If only the trees in my hometown were like this! "

Chang 'e: "So that's it, huh? There's a white rabbit here? How cute! How did you get up here? "

White Rabbit: "..."

Chang 'e: "Go ahead! Why don't you talk? Even a word is good! Say it! You are not dumb! "

White rabbit: "Idiot! I am so angry! I am a white rabbit, how can I speak human words! You can't understand what I said. "

Chang 'e: "Then how can you speak human words now?"

White rabbit: "I will bite if I am forced." Nothing to talk about! ! ! I am so wronged! Eating grass in Kunlun Mountain and eating a meatball drifted to this place. "

In this way, after Chang 'e lived in the Moon Palace, many people felt the benefits of the previous couple and often took some candy and cakes to thank Chang 'e. This is the origin of Yue Bai custom. As for how the moon cakes came from, that's another story.

Jade Emperor: "Chang 'e! Are you used to living on the moon? "

Chang 'e: "Habit. Yes, I miss my husband very much! Also, I really want to eat garlic miscellaneous sauce noodles! I really want to! "

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Ailian said.

There are many aquatic and terrestrial plants in the world, such as pig excrement beans. Pig shit beans Grifola frondosa Wait ... these flowers and grass are very cute. How to be cute? You see, dog grass is like a dog's tail; Pig ears are like pig ears; Gray vegetables are like ashes ... and they sprout every spring and fall leaves in winter, which is not messy at all. Just like a well-behaved girl, can you not love her?

Tao Yuanming of Jin Dynasty only liked chrysanthemums, so I asked him, "Hi! Xiao Tao, why do you like chrysanthemums so much! " He said, "It's none of your business! Chrysanthemum is big! I like all the big ones! " I said, "Shit! You're a real country shopper ― you're a picky person! No wonder your wife has such a big face! "

Since the Tang Dynasty, people all over the world have loved peony very much. Why? With this question, I interviewed several people in the Tang Dynasty.

Me: Hello, I'm Lin Changzhi, a reporter from Congo TV. Why do you like peony flowers so much?

Tang Renyi: Because peony flowers are big!

Me: I didn't ask you! ..... Sister in a low bra, please answer.

Sister Tang Dynasty: Oh, this. Peony flowers are so beautiful! Look at it. It has a big head and a thick neck. It looks so rich. I heard that Emperor Wu Zetian likes peony flowers best! And expensive, it is a symbol of status. Most people can't afford it. Look, I bought more than 800 pots at once!

Me: Wow! Buy so many peony flowers, can you put them in the yard

Sister Tang Dynasty: I can't put it down. I can put it on the bed!

Me: So where do you sleep?

Sister Tang Dynasty: Our family set up a tent to sleep by the roadside!

……

Alas, it turns out that people like peonies to curry favor with wealth, which is pitiful. You may ask, what flowers do I like? I like lotus flowers. Lotus is lotus. Its leaves are big, like a footbath, which can be used as a small umbrella for a frog or a beggar chicken. Its stem buried in the mud will turn into lotus root, which is very brittle! Fried pork intestines with lotus root slices is my favorite! In addition, its red and white flowers are beautiful and can be used as medicine. Dry eating will cause a fire. Its fruit is even more powerful, that is, the legendary shower head, also called shower head! The seed is called lotus seed, which can be used as medicine and is an important raw material of eight-treasure porridge. In short, the lotus is full of treasures and can benefit mankind!

Lotus: Shit! Without humanity, he keeps saying that he likes me and eats my whole body, even my descendants. ...

Lotus grows out of the mud, but the flowers are spotless, thanks to the mud under the pond. If they put some glue on the lotus, the situation will be different ... Although the lotus floats on the rippling water like a fairy, it doesn't mean any frivolity ... Why? I guess it's because of strict family education.

Look at it, the middle of the stem is empty, and it can be so tall and straight, all because of calcium supplementation!

Look at it again, there are no branches at all, so it stands proudly. Is it because I'm too picky to find someone?

Smell it again, the fragrance is so fresh, and the farther away, the more pleasant it feels. This is body fragrance. You can come and smell it if you are interested.

It just stood defiantly in the water, like a fairy in a dream. It can only look at her from a distance and can't bear to contact and play with her. ...

Fairy: Touch? I dare you two!

I said chrysanthemum, you are a hermit among flowers; Peony is a rich man in flowers; Lotus is a gentleman in flowers!

Hey! (Please note that this "alas!" Are you greedy? People who like chrysanthemums have rarely heard of it since Tao Yuanming died, but Wang Lao, who lives next door to our house the day before yesterday, said that he also likes chrysanthemums! I asked him why. He said that he likes things that others don't like. This is fashion. He wants to lead fashion!

Does anyone like lotus flowers as much as I do? Lotus is really good. I suggest everyone come and like it. In order to express their love, I specially made a long poem for it! Please see:

Chant lotus flowers

Lotus is very big,

Lotus leaves are very wide.

Lotus should bloom on the lotus leaf,

Lotus leaf Don't let the lotus blossom on the lotus leaf.

Lotus must bloom on the lotus leaf.

Lotus leaves don't let lotus flowers bloom on them.

Good poem! Sometimes I really admire myself! Really, really. Peony likes more people, even the silly daughter of our village head. To what extent? I'm telling you, she even imitated peony flowers on her chin ... layer by layer

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