Here, I offer you a learning model, but we can't copy it, because every child has his own personality and specialty, and the way of education should be suitable for everyone.
Li is an ordinary mother. She has four children. Today, these four children have become doctors and postdoctoral fellows in MIT, Cambridge University, Hopkins University and Tsinghua University, China. This family was called the first "family doctor group" in China by the media, and Li was called "the most successful mother in China". So how does she educate her children? What is the educational philosophy of successful mothers?
She said five things when she answered the question:
1, to create a warm, harmonious and happy family environment for children;
2. Let children develop good study habits;
3. Cultivate children's strong physique and independent spirit;
4. Tap children's bright spots and build self-confidence;
5. The child made a mistake and talked alone in the "heart-to-heart cabin", not criticizing the child at the dinner table, not criticizing the child in front of the guests, not criticizing the child in front of the whole family, and not criticizing the child when the child is in a bad mood.
The core connotation of Li's educational art is summarized as: care, environment, awakening and generation.
Caring-We know that every child's good life genetic elements, such as creative curiosity and problem consciousness, are all born. It should be said that every child has it, but it is very fragile. Just like a seed, the first thing we need is to protect it from mildew and festering, so as to ensure that it can germinate normally. The double-edged sword effect of education, while cultivating and developing people, sometimes kills people, often killing creativity. Therefore, to educate children, we must first learn to care.
Environment-as a human being, there are mechanisms of socialization or human cultural growth at first, but these will not grow purely naturally or the efficiency of natural growth is not high. Teaching, training and training are also very important. Here, good soil, suitable air and sunshine and scientific cultivation are conducive to the growth of life. Therefore, it is particularly important to create a warm, harmonious and happy family environment for children.
Awakening-the inherent subjectivity of human beings is often asleep and needs to be awakened. As Steward said, the art of education lies not in imparting knowledge, but in awakening, encouraging and inspiring. Human subjectivity includes autonomy, initiative and creativity. The activation of these factors is to realize the awakening of the subject spirit. Therefore, Li pays special attention to tapping children's bright spots and building self-confidence.
Dai-Li pays special attention to the self-generation and self-development of children's subjects, whether it is the self-construction of knowledge and skills learning or the self-education of personality development. As Suhomlinski said, the truly successful education is to realize students' self-education. In addition, this generation is historic, dynamic and sustainable.
It can be seen that the whole process of care, environment, awakening and generation is accompanied by the growth of life. These factor layers are both gradual and parallel. Li created an environment suitable for children's life growth: relaxed atmosphere, harmonious relationship, free mind, dialogue and cooperation ... In such a family, the child's subject can be highlighted, and it is easy to understand if he can become a doctor's family. Dear parents, can you be another Li? I think so!
How to be a good mother? It is definitely a big topic, and it is also worth discussing by many parents. First of all, the title of mother is a social role, especially as the mother of children. We must first know the social responsibility that this social role needs to bear. Secondly, after knowing the responsibilities of this role, you should fulfill your responsibilities in a suitable and acceptable way for children. Many times, we all know that the process is more important than the result. For example, if you do something for your child, but he doesn't accept the way you express it, and then everyone is unhappy in the whole process, then even if the result is good for him, it will lose its meaning. It takes skill to learn proper expressions. It is helpful to read more books on family education. It is particularly important to note that a child's childhood is an important period for the formation of personality psychology, and many of his views are formed from this time, and then become his character, thus affecting his life. The foundation of his views and values basically comes from the elders around him, especially his parents. So your choice when making a decision may also be his future choice direction. Because they are already learning your way silently. Therefore, we must set an example, educate and guide children, and develop in a good and positive direction. On the other hand, many parents like to say one thing and do another. On the surface, they tell their children not to lie, but they often tell "white lies" and often tell their children to be diligent, but they are lazy in doing things themselves. I often ask many children, but I can't do it myself. This practice will make children very embarrassed. They will be confused and don't know how to face these contradictions. Of course, in the end, they will learn what they see, not what they hear, that is, they will learn what their parents did badly. Every parent should pay attention to this problem! If you love your children, remember to set an example!
What kind of mother is a good mother who understands children, can communicate with children patiently and can guide children correctly?
Full-time mother VS working mother, which is a good mother? A good mother should not be measured by full-time work, but by family commitment, responsibility, care for her husband and upbringing of her children.
Why is a mother of 60 points a good mother? Deep psychology tells you that a mother with 60 points is a good mother.
In the psychotherapy room, the tall and powerful man said nothing. Suddenly, he grabbed the doctor and pushed him to the window to throw him down. The doctor stared at his eyes calmly and said word for word: I didn't beat your father when I was a child, I was a doctor. The man paused and hesitated. He slowly let go of the doctor and sat back in his position ... this was the first time they met. The relationship pattern in the treatment room is a representation of the past and can be found in childhood.
Last week, Zeng Qifeng, a famous psychoanalyst, gave a lecture on deep psychology at Runben Psychological Counseling Center in Hangzhou. This paper expounds the theoretical essence of depth psychology (that is, psychoanalysis) with practical cases, and introduces the basic operating techniques and processes of depth psychotherapy with practical cases.
We have refined the relatively easy-to-understand knowledge in the field of deep psychology that Zeng Qifeng explained this time and presented it to readers. As he said, everyone, especially parents, should know some deep psychological knowledge in order to know what kind of parent-child relationship is healthy and how to cultivate people with healthy personality. This is the missing part of our growth, and every adult has to make up lessons.
Psychoanalysis (that is, depth psychology) theory is a psychotherapy system founded by Austrian psychiatrist Freud. The core theory of psychoanalysis is that a person's real interpersonal relationship is the result of the outward projection of his inner world. And his (her) inner world was formed in the relationship with his parents when he was young. In other words, how you treat your partner, friends and even people around you now is a reproduction of your childhood relationship with your parents or caregivers.
Everyone has formulated a set of measures to protect themselves during their growth. This is a human psychological defense mechanism. These mechanisms can be mature and powerful, or immature and fragile. The purpose of understanding psychoanalysis or psychotherapy is to help people mature and firm these measures.
You should know how to educate children.
A mother with 60 points is a good mother. A child couldn't get off the table by himself and began to cry. If he cries himself hoarse and his mother doesn't come, this is bad mother. If you cry until you are anxious, but not at the peak, your mother will come and hold him down. This is 60 Minutes Mom. If the child cries, the mother will hold him down, and that is the "perfect mother". There are many perfect mothers in life, who will always monitor their children and have a high degree of control over their every move. The perfect mother can't stand the child getting dirty or accidentally wrestling, not allowing the child to make mistakes, and can't stand the child's imperfection.
From the perspective of depth psychology, in the subconscious of the perfect mother, the imperfection of the child will lead to the frustration of the mother's omnipotence and anxiety. Such a mother's control behavior will lead to the child's incompetence and even psychological and personality disorders.
Parents should "gently push away" their children. In the psychological sense, the growth of mind means that children are far away from their parents. The better a child's personality grows, the more capable he is to fly high and achieve something. However, many parents confuse these two kinds of separation and do things that hinder children's psychological growth.
In deep psychology, there is a saying called "gentle push", which means that in the process of children's growth, parents should consciously "gently drive their children away from them" to make their children grow better. Every child has a psychological conflict of independence and dependence. Parents should give more support to their children's growth, because the direction of independence is the direction of growth.
The quality of separation is directly related to a person's achievements and happiness in his life. A child who grows up healthily is a child who successfully leaves his family. The characteristics and external manifestations of this kind of child are: inner harmony, good interpersonal relationship, good tendency to develop their own potential, creativity, independence, enjoyment of life and high practical achievements.
The so-called "internet addiction" is the result of children's aggression being suppressed in reality, so they turn to the virtual world. Children lack freedom and autonomy in the family, and their inner attacks are suppressed inward, which eventually leads to behavior, self-control and emotions out of control. Therefore, the focus of psychological doctor's intervention on children with excessive internet access is not children, but family relations.
Spoiling is not love, but controlling parents and children in the name of love to meet the inner needs of children. For example, if a child climbs forward and wants to get a toy, his mother will bring it to him immediately and hand it to him. In fact, it is subconsciously telling children that you have no ability, you can only rely on me and you can never leave me. I was raised like this. When I grow up, the child's subconscious will be that I am incapable and always need to rely on others.
Mother's subconscious A girl lacks love since she was a child, because her mother is very busy at work and often has no time to visit her at school. When a girl grows up and becomes a mother, she also puts her children at her grandmother's house, often only once a week. From the perspective of deep psychology, we can see the deep reason why this girl does this, because all mothers subconsciously want their children to be the people who know themselves best.
Asthma is caused by mother. The relationship between children and their mothers is too close, and it is easy to get asthma. This is because the mother's care for the child makes the child feel "suffocated" subconsciously and unable to breathe. Such children are easy to form dependent personality, so many children with asthma need psychotherapy.
Rebellious period According to deep psychology, the statement of children's rebellious period is wrong. In fact, when children enter adolescence, parents still want to discipline their children in the old way. Subconsciously, they don't expect their children to grow up and are afraid that they will leave themselves when they grow up. If the child does not resist and shows rebellion, it is a bad thing.
Parents' anxiety Parents strictly discipline their children's study, in fact, parents pass on their anxiety and uncertainty about the future to their children. Only when you see your child studying can you ease your anxiety. And a child who does nothing but study will often be afraid of the opposite sex and dare not pursue girls when he grows up. Love is suppressed in the subconscious, but on the conscious level, it is manifested as hatred and alienation.
Expert business card-Zeng Qifeng, founder of Wuhan Sino-German Psychological Hospital and the first president of Wuhan Sino-German Psychological Hospital; Member of German-Chinese Psychotherapy Hospital and Chinese Standing Committee; Deputy Head of Psychoanalysis Group of China Mental Health Association, Member of China Health Professional and Technical Qualification Examination Committee, Secretary General of Psychoanalysis Group of Psychotherapy and Counseling Committee of China Mental Health Association, and Chief Psychological Supervisor of Hangzhou Runben Psychological Culture Group.
Know yourself and others with deep psychology.
Love and hate are two sides of the same coin. You hate someone because you love him. You like a person because he has something you don't have; You hate a person because he has what you have; You often criticize a person in front of others, but subconsciously you want to get close to him.
● If you think that the world is full of love and life is beautiful, it is because your heart is full of love and beauty. If someone tells you that everyone around him is not nice to him, it is because he is hostile to others. Through the psychological defense mechanism of "makeup", it is projected that others hate him and attack him. This kind of person's inner "self-evaluation" is low, so the self-defense mechanism is too strong, which affects the normal interpersonal relationship.
When you think of someone, there is only one feeling of joy, and that is not love. Because when you fall in love with someone and miss him without him, you will have a repressed inner experience.
Many times, our present is polluted by memory or fantasy. If a person is accustomed to a high degree of control over his partner and the people around him, this kind of person often grows up in a tense environment under the high control of his parents. Subconsciously, he should remain loyal to the past and not "betray" the past. When he conveys this state to others, it will make him and the people around him lack happiness, which is the "pollution" of the past to the present.
● Some people can talk and laugh in the crowd and infect everyone with happiness and pleasure, which makes people feel very interesting, indicating that his subconscious mind has not suppressed himself. If he is a boring and reserved person, he probably grew up in a depressed environment.
● Children who grow up in an environment without religious traditions suddenly believe in religion when they grow up, which is a delayed response to early trauma. On the contrary, if children grow up in a family with religious traditions, they will be physically and mentally healthy, purer and more comfortable than other children.
● All memories will seek expression, even if they are buried and suppressed. Those who love will seek to love again, those who hate will seek to hate again, and those who are abused will seek to be abused again. If the depression is too deep, the human body will show itself in the form of disease. Psychogenic diseases, such as gastric ulcer, neurodermatitis, oral ulcer and all kinds of pain for no reason, may be caused by psychological factors.
Perfectionists can't tolerate their own shortcomings and project the bad parts on others, so they can blame others.
Everyone is only sensitive to what is in his heart. People who are stingy with money will be sensitive to other people's "stingy".
● Our attitudes, opinions, emotions and behaviors towards a person are partly "taught" by this person. If a person always thinks that he is unlucky, which is manifested in his behavior and attitude, others will think that he is unlucky. Then how can a teacher be taught by a student who thinks he is poor? Teachers should firmly believe that he is a good boy and has an excellent side, which can help him improve. Otherwise, the teacher becomes a "taught" student.
● The best way to comfort a crying person is not to say "Don't cry", but to say "You must be in pain, cry if you want to" or "I will cry with you", which is "* * *". The highest level of human comfort is to understand the pain of others and accompany others.
Chief mother, what kind of mother is a good mother? But the mother's diet can pay attention to the children's healthy study and life, and I am also involved emotionally. It can provide a good living environment for children, let children develop good living habits, and cultivate children's independent thinking and positive learning attitude.
What is a good mother? First of all, you should love your children!
Then start from the dribs and drabs of life, understand what your child likes to eat and play, and teach him seriously, so that he can cultivate good living habits from an early age and understand that things are unreasonable!
Tell him more truth since childhood, try to be reasonable when he is willful, and don't spoil him too much!
At the same time, you should respect your child, don't think what you think is good or right, just let him go at your pace. If your child has any talent, don't bury him, try to cultivate him!
In a word, being a good mother is not so easy. When you really become a mother, you will gradually realize many things. We onlookers need not say more. I wish you a good mother! Come on!
How to be a good mother for working mothers? A crooked letter.
I want to have plastic surgery, find a boyfriend, live in a big house, and not go to work.
"I am eager to open it. At first sight, I collapsed. I almost fainted and complained that I didn't take good care of the children. "
Recently, Sang Zi received a letter from her daughter.
My daughter is only 8 years old and is in the second grade of primary school. She tore a page from her composition book and wrote a letter to her mother. This letter was written in pencil, with two spelling mistakes, a phrase written backwards and a punctuation mark at the back. Words that she couldn't understand were replaced by pinyin.
It's such a letter. When I opened it, the contents inside made Sang Zi get a fright-
"Dear Mom: I don't want to go to school. (,) Come on, Wang X, they said I was ugly and gave birth to a girl. They also said that I had no male classmates to buy food for me. They also said that I just need to check (wipe) my skin in the future. Mom, I want to be a star in a formal place, find a boyfriend to raise it, live in a big house and not go to work. Daughter: ×× "
Sang Zi received a letter from her daughter on Wednesday a few weeks ago. My husband was on a business trip that day, and my 8-year-old daughter was always with her grandparents. After work, Mulberry went to her grandparents' home for dinner. One is that she is too lazy to cook alone, and the other is that she comes to see her daughter.
Grandma gave this letter to Mulberry as soon as she entered the door. "I'm surprised. I thought little darling knew how to write letters. When she grows up, it must be that mom and dad are often away. She has a lot to tell us. I am curious and eager to open it. At first glance, I was about to collapse, almost fainted, and complained that I didn't take good care of my children. I really didn't expect the first letter to me. The content of the letter is like this. "
Portrait of working mothers
Is work really too busy to care about children?
"I left her with my grandparents from Monday to Friday and gave her various interest classes on weekends. There is little time to accompany her and help her establish a correct outlook on life. "
Sang Zi said that she didn't have a seizure at that time, and her brain was in a mess. She doesn't know what to say or how to react. After eating, she kissed her daughter and hurried home. On the way, she called her husband and told him about her daughter. As a result, her husband was angrier than her, complaining on the phone that she didn't take care of the children herself.
"That night, I didn't fall asleep. Am I just focusing on my busy work and ignoring the growth of my children? I leave her with my grandparents from Monday to Friday, and I leave her with various interest classes on weekends. I have little time to accompany her and help her establish a correct outlook on life ... but I am also very wronged. I work in a foreign trade company, and her father is an architect. Usually we are very busy. How can we have time to take care of these children? If you bring children, you must put in your work energy. " Sang Zi said that on the way to work the next day, she kept crying silently, and didn't know how to choose between taking care of her children and being busy with her work.
How to be a good mother is still difficult. Throughout the past or present, excellent women will not call themselves "good mothers". They not only need to know a lot of professional knowledge, but also have to work hard. In fact, it is great to be a mother with a clear conscience. Bless you
Seek adoption
What is a good mother? You are a good mother in his mind, which is what he thinks of you many years later, not your goal now. Over time, he will say hello when he recalls your kindness to him. Don't spoil him. He may say that you are a good mother now, just because you bought him boring things he wanted. Years later, he will say why you let him go in the first place. That's all.