1, Father: Son, you actually got 90 ~ 0 in the exam this time. Did you write it? Child: No ~ Dad! I wrote 9?

2. I gave the coach a red envelope! Say to the coach, it's a little something, no respect, you can take it and smoke it ~ The coach said angrily, "We have regulations here that we can't accept red envelopes!" " "Then he gave me the red envelope and left the money?

3. A handsome guy near 3.qq greeted me and talked for a few minutes. I found it embarrassing! I said to add me as a friend, and he said that even qq members could not be my friends, so I simply charged him an annual fee, and he blacked me out the next day.

I was tired from walking in the street, so I sat on the bench in the street to have a rest. Suddenly a man with glasses greeted me as if he knew me well. I said, who are you? He said you look like my girlfriend, but she is already? Is it gone? At this time, I saw him in pain. By the way, is she terminally ill? He said it was an accident, and one day we had a good time! She suddenly exploded ~

Husband, can I ask you a question? I looked down: you go. Wife: When you first got married, you took my hand to sleep every day. Why don't you do it now? I stubbed out the cigarette butt in my hand and said, that's because the bride price I gave you when I first got married was 500 thousand, and I was afraid you would go to sleep hand in hand.

6. My girlfriend and I went to the zoo to see tigers. When I was feeding the tiger, my girlfriend accidentally fell down. This scene is really terrible. Two tigers were killed on the spot, and one quickly fled back to the hole shivering.

7. "An Englishman, who lost everything, braved hardships and waded through mountains and rivers, finally found the Dragon Ball and summoned it. The dragon said, "I can grant you one wish, so you can say it!" At this moment, the Englishman said, "CanyouspeakEnglish?" Dragon: "Yes, I can. "Then the dragon disappeared? Disappeared "

When I was in high school, the head teacher was my uncle. I am afraid of him, so I dare not expect anything! But because of youth and ignorance, it is inevitable that you will have a good impression on beautiful women! So I fell in love with a girl behind my uncle's back! A night study, the two of us took drugs and were late? My heart was in my throat, okay? My uncle gave us a look and said, why are you two late? Stand in the corner and reflect, while other students study by themselves! Gave me a firm look when I went out?

9. A rich man is walking his dog. A masked man came up and killed the dog with a bang. Why do rich people ask? The masked man said he was ordered to take your dog's life. Holding a masked hand, the rich man said excitedly, who is your Chinese teacher? I gave it to him, 500 yuan.

10, the teacher asked Xiaoming, "There is a pit five meters deep in front of you, and there is no water in it. How do you get out when you jump in? " Xiao Ming: "It's not easy. If you let water come out of your head, it will float. " Teacher: "Is there so much water in your head?" Little Ming Dow: "I don't have that much water in my head. Why do I jump?"

1 1. A woman who just came to work slapped me, "Why did you hit me!" "Bah, don't you know what you did in my dream last night?" Me. . .

12, teacher: "The White Snake and Xu Xian were married, and then the White Snake was crushed by Fahai under the Leifeng Tower. What does this story tell us? " Xiao Ming: "Don't mess with single dog, especially the elderly!" "

13. On the bus, an old man fell asleep and leaned on the back of a young man behind him. The young man acts as a "human cushion" and stands for 20 minutes until the old man gets off the bus. The college student said in an interview: "I didn't think too much at that time, so I thought it was a girl behind."

14, one day, the goddess came home, and her father said to her: Don't always let men pay outside! Because after they bought a single order, they don't know how many instant noodles they will chew in the dormitory next! After hearing this, the goddess thought it was very reasonable and sent it to Weibo. Then. . . Then I blacked out all the boys I liked. . .

15, you can stare at the boss as soon as you walk into the office and say, "You pervert! That's it, goodbye! " Then take off the Bluetooth headset and let them think you are on the phone.

16, true story. Yesterday, a friend asked me whose funeral he most wanted to attend. I thought about it and said: Your ex-girlfriend? He: no me: hit your class teacher? He: Not really. Me: Then who? He: Aoi sora. Me: Why? He: Because today's stars will play his (her) masterpiece at the funeral after death! Me:?

Zhen Xuan: Today, I woke up with pain all over and felt very tired. I think it may be because I had so much fun the other day. I think, if I continue to rest for these three days, smelling the flowers and bathing in the sunshine, I will be in a good mood, which is bound to be excellent for my work. Huafei: Bitch is melodramatic. If you don't want to go to work tomorrow, just say so. I hate the way you flatter!

18, a father-son conversation, son: "My mother still loves me, and you always hit me with a broom." Father: "Does your mother love you? I hit you with a broom. Your mother used to hit you with Yuting! If I hadn't secretly changed it for you, you wouldn't know where to line up? "

19, I told a joke I saw the other day to my second-rate boyfriend, probably saying that I don't wear TT when I go abroad. I accidentally turned over other people's used things on the ground. As a result, my daughter-in-law was pregnant and the child was not her own. Idiot boyfriend smiled and said: this idiot just saved the dying child.

20. One day I was chatting with my wife, and I told her: My aunt's dog fell into the river and drowned because of chasing a chicken. The wife said flatly: what a suck! Those who play with chickens come to no good end.

Humorous jokes are popular articles.

1, I am a male, wandering in the street at night, and suddenly a handsome guy came forward and asked: Dude, are you gay? I am stupefied: Fuck you, I have a normal sexual orientation. Believe it or not, I slapped you. The handsome boy suddenly replied: no, big brother, it's really a chicken. After he finished speaking, a girl got out of the tree next to him. Theo, can't you solicit yourself?

I saw a chicken in my sister's hand: Big Brother, what should I do? Ten yuan each?

2. A sexy beauty walks naked from the bathroom of the nightclub to the bar. Sit down defiantly Give the bartender the middle finger. The bartender rushed over and the beauty asked, is your manager there? Bartender: No, he's out. The beauty put her hand into the bartender's mouth and the bartender sucked ten fingers one by one. The beauty looked at the bartender with satisfaction and said to the bartender, tell your manager that there is no paper in the bathroom.

An old brother has nothing to say. The younger brother said: Brother. My girlfriend was humiliated by me last night. It's like handing out leaflets there. Fill it up and leave. Now the eldest brother is talking. Just be content. Your sister-in-law also said that I looked like a milkman, so I left at the door! ! ! ! ! !

It was only at night, and the moonlight was just right. My girlfriend and I are walking on the lawn. I suddenly saw a very beautiful flower and wanted to pick it and give it to her.

5. "Teacher, how to do this problem?" "Think for yourself." "I thought for a long time, but I still have no idea. Can you guide me? " "Get out." "How can you say that? Isn't it natural for teachers to teach students to do problems? " "Little bastard, if you say one more word, you will be disqualified."

6. Teacher: Xiao Ming, tell me why the dog sticks its head out of the window when sitting in the car.

Xiaoming: SB, if you are put in a car full of dogs, you will stick your head out of the window.

Teacher: ... you

Xiaoming: I'll get off myself.

7. My wife likes to sleep late. I slept in a daze this weekend, and finally I couldn't help shaking her out of her sleep angrily: "You didn't eat breakfast or cook lunch?" If you don't go shopping, there will be no food in the market! "She seemed to know that she was wrong, rubbed her eyes and said softly," Okay, I know, you go to my bag and get 10 yuan, and come back immediately after you buy the food! "Only 10 pieces are allowed. If you dare to take more, your leg will be broken! " I immediately said happily, "Good!"

8. Leave a message on the disease consultation website:

Q: Doctor, I haven't been able to sleep recently. I am so depressed that I can't eat. What is wrong with me?

Doctor: How old are you this year?

A: 15

Doctor: You haven't finished writing winter vacation homework, have you?

9. A: "My neighbor can burn a lot of money. His wife just passed away. He advertised for marriage on TV last night and boasted about how rich he was? "

B: "Is it effective? ! "

A: "Effective, the effect is great. Today, my son was kidnapped on his way to school. "

10, Dad: Here! This is 300 yuan!

Hey! Why is dad so generous today? Dad, you are the best!

Dad: Your mother has been checking very closely these two days. Pay me back in a couple of days!

? Me?

Humorous jokes and simple articles

1, the big one is called the tube, and yours is called the lottery at most.

2. What do you mean by ambiguity?

B: Friend: Ambiguity is the object of love. . .

3. Tang Priest: "Buddha said: All beings are equal, Wukong, you can't discriminate against Koreans."

Wukong: "Master, I didn't. Listen, I put a stick in my ear. Putting it in my chrysanthemum is really discrimination. "

4. Good friends are like your underwear, including your ups and downs! Better friends are like TT, everything is for your safety! A best friend is like Viagra. He will give you strength when you can't lift your head!

5. Go to my girlfriend's hometown to propose marriage. My girlfriend arranged for me to stay in a hotel. Suddenly I heard a knock at the door at night: handsome boy, do you need special service?

I refused at once. Then I received a phone call from my girlfriend: You are honest and passed the test of my family.

I paused and asked, who was that man just now?

Girlfriend said: That's my brother.

6. The man sneaked into a rich family in the middle of the night and knocked the man out with a wooden stick; And then carried out a crazy sweep. . .

I was about to leave when I suddenly heard "I'm ready, come in!" from the bathroom. "

So the man moved evil thoughts and rushed into the bathroom. . .

A man will never forget his wife's surprised expression when she saw him in the bathroom. . .