Every girl should grow up to be what she dreams of.

Whose youth has no secrets?

Little MM takes you,

Understand the growth in different stories,

Let your face glow.

"Youth Comes ②: Backlight Solo" Meggie/The Book

0 1

Xia Mo nominally has a good friend named lujun.

They spend a lot of time together. They are very good friends of others. But only Xia Mo knows that she doesn't like lujun, and she has never told her anything about herself. She just needs a companion so that she won't appear lonely and strange.

But not being lonely doesn't mean not being lonely.

Sixteen-year-old Xia Mo felt more and more lonely, even if she walked hand in hand? She doesn't feel the slightest warmth. She felt that she had been standing alone in the corner of the backlight, silently watching the noise around her and smiling coldly.

I chose to be friends with Lu Jun because Xia Mo thought their family environment led to the same goal. After Lu Jun's mother died, her father left her in the care of her elderly grandparents, and then went to work in other places. Xia Mo knew that her father's job was very humble and he didn't earn much money, but every time lujun mentioned his father, he said in vain that he was on a business trip abroad! I like the kind of professional manager who flies around all day.

Lu Jun said that her father had always asked her to study abroad, but she felt that there was nothing good abroad, and her English was the worst. Isn't going abroad illiterate?

Although Lu Jun is laughing at herself, she is actually showing off that she has a father who loves her very much and can go to another country in minutes. Xia Mo is sneer at 1 in the heart, because she knows that Lu Jun's father hasn't come home for many years.

Xia Mo met lujun's grandmother at the parent-teacher conference, an old man in plain clothes. Under the pressure of life, she looks old and tired, and her eyes are not very good, so Lu Jun has to take her grandmother to find her own classroom.

When she met Xia Mo, lujun dodged. Xia Mo noticed sensitively that she didn't want others to see her elderly grandmother, so she quickly turned and walked to the other side.

She knows Lu Jun's mood, because she is like this every day-she doesn't want others to see her parents.

She could feel the malice in others' eyes when she was very young. When her mother came to pick her up, her kindergarten classmates walked in front of her and limped like her mother. They laughed at her for having a lame mother. If the school sports meeting is a parent-child activity, she always asks for "sick leave". Because her mother can't outrun other parents.

In primary school, she took her father's hand for a walk. When his father took off his sunglasses to wipe his sweat, she saw shock and sympathy from other people's eyes-his eyes were only white, which ordinary people would feel terrible when they saw them, so he always wore dark sunglasses. After that, Xia Mo never wanted to walk with his father again.

From the first grade of primary school, she went to school by herself, went to the vegetable market to buy food, and went to the bank to pay water and electricity bills. She stood on the bench and cooked fried rice with eggs for herself. After finishing her homework, she climbed into the small bed to sleep.

Parents are always away from home. They opened a small massage shop in this old street. Those two massage beds are the source of their family's life. Father can't see, so he can't read. He has only this skill, but it is also a chore to give people a massage. At the end of the day, he often has backache. My mother learned some acupuncture and cupping, and also helped collect money.

This massage shop bears all the hopes of their family for life and the future-their family is poor and poor, without entertainment and enjoyment, struggling at the bottom of society and living humbly.

However, now this only hope is gone.

Xia Mo sometimes wondered why they had to have a child. Obviously, they can't even take care of themselves and have no ability to take care of others.

02

After the massage parlor closed, their family's life became more difficult. On weekdays, there are some meat dishes. Now there are vegetables, radishes and some pickles every day. Occasionally, my mother cooks two eggs, and only one is given to my father and Xia Mo. A few days ago, my mother said that she found a job to look after children, but because the child was too naughty, her mother was inconvenient to walk and almost lost him because she couldn't catch up with the child, so she was dismissed after only staying for a few days.

Xia Mo took on more housework while his mother was away. She didn't feel wronged. She was worried that the massage parlor could not reopen and her mother's work was not smooth. How does their family make a living?

Every day, Xia Mo is worried.

When school was over that day, Xia Mo was snatched from behind by a motorcyclist at the school gate.

Xia Mo didn't react at the moment. When she wanted to shout, there were many classmates around. Everyone stared at her, or looked at her with curiosity or fear, wondering what had happened.

The motorcycle stopped not far ahead, and the man took off his helmet to show his face. Xia Mo recognized that it was Su Kun. Uncle Su's youngest son, with long hair, earrings and black pants, proudly ran to his schoolbag.

When Xia Mochao passed him, three motorcycles rumbled behind him. They trapped Xia Mo in the middle and circled quickly. The peripheral Su Kun waited for Xia Mo to be as scared, panicked, crying and begging for mercy as watching the fun. ...

But none of this happened. Xia Mo stood there quietly, watching them quietly.

Su Kun whistled, three motorcycles stopped, and then drove angrily to Su Kun.

"Hey, go back and tell your mother that if 200,000 yuan is not ready, I will come to your school every day!" Su Kun said slowly.

Xia Mo went to him and reached for his schoolbag. When Su Kun raised his hand, Xia Mo caught an empty one.

Su Kun playfully lowered her schoolbag a little. When she reached for it, he lifted it again and repeated it several times. All her companions laughed.

"Don't think that I can't help you because your family is old, weak and sick!" Su Kun gave a diabolical smile. "My dad is still lying in the hospital. If he can't wake up, you will all be buried with him! "

Xia Mo suddenly made a determined effort, grabbed Su Kun's hand and bit his arm. Su Kun let out a cry of pain and pushed Xia Mo hard, only to find that her strength was amazing. Several other people rushed to help and pulled Xia Mo's hair, but she just bit his arm desperately.

Help men lift kick to Xia Mo's back, she was a heavy blow, a shuddering fell to the ground, back a * * * hot pain.

"You're crazy! Just like your mother! " Su Kun looked at his bitten bloody hand, and I was so angry that I wanted to slap Xia Mo.

"Stop it! What do you do? " Several security guards rushed out of the school gate, batons in their hands, and shouted sharply.

"I have already called the police!" Another young voice sounded.

Su Kun hesitated, withdrew his hand and looked at Xia Mo who fell to the ground: "I won't let you go!" "

Then he winked at his partner and ran away.

Xia Mo! Lujun then ran to Xia Mo's side to help her, and his eyes asked evasively, "Are you okay?"

Actually, lujun had seen Xia Mo, and she was standing not far behind her, but in that case, she was afraid to go forward.

But Xia Mo was not angry at all. Can she accuse lujun of cowardice? She has never really regarded her as a friend. How can she be asked to treat her sincerely?

Xia Mo stood up and said simply, "Nothing."

The security guard also came over: "classmate, are you okay?" Do you know them? What happened? Do you want to call the police? "

"Nothing." Xia Mo waved and pointed to the platform. "Here comes my car."

"Hey ..."

Despite their dissuasion, Xia Mo quickly ran on the bus, leaving Lu Jun's concern and nagging security guard behind. Who knows, some students in the car witnessed the incident just now. They pointed to Xia Mo sitting in the back of the bus and whispered to each other. Xia Mo felt that the whole world was collapsing and all pretentious forces were about to collapse. She got off the bus after only one stop and looked for a place to live in the street-a warm, quiet and safe place.

03

She walked forward casually, bustling crowd, limp body, increasingly blurred vision. She bumped into a roadside telephone booth and leaned against the wall and softened. Her fist broke out in a cold sweat, her hands kept shaking, and tears streamed down her face.

She was terrified.

She knows that she can't show timidity and fragility, because that will only be bullied more severely by the other party!

Do they have compassion? If there were, they wouldn't blackmail them. They were poor.

She is not strong, but has no choice.

This is Xia Mo's adolescence, but she has the feeling of getting old overnight.

It was already dark, and Xia Mo's mood slowly recovered after crying. She tried to stand up, but found that her legs were numb and her whole back hurt when she moved.

Worst of all, she lost her schoolbag.

She struggled to stand up against the wall, then adjusted her hair and took a deep breath.

As soon as she opened the door of the telephone booth, she froze in amazement-a man was separated from her by a wall, and he also leaned against the telephone booth with a book in his hand.

I recognized him as Lin, a new transfer student in their class this semester.

Her face turned pale-then he witnessed the whole process, and she pretended to be strong and fragile.

"You followed me?" She got angry and took the initiative.

Lin stood up, took out a bottle of safflower oil from her schoolbag, as if afraid of being rejected by her, quickly stuffed it into her hand, and then stepped back: "I won't tell anyone."

After saying this, he turned and ran away quickly, his schoolbag patting behind him, which looked a bit funny.

Xia Mo stupefied at the extra safflower oil in his hand-he has been waiting here to give her this. She remembered just saying that the sound of her calling the police was Lin's.

Although she is cold, she can tell good from bad.

She knew Lin meant no harm, but she was still embarrassed to see herself like this.

In fact, Xia Mo had noticed him before, and her sensitivity made her feel that he was as lonely as she was.

But the difference is that she is always quiet at school, while Lin is very active. In class, he will answer questions enthusiastically, participate in class activities enthusiastically and strive for various evaluations, but he is not close to any classmates.

He is always alone, which is in sharp contrast to his performance in class.

Everyone has two sides. What you show others is what you want others to think. For example, Xia Mo wants others to think that she is quiet, introverted and ordinary. What Lin wants to show people is his liveliness and cheerfulness. But he, like her, will not open his heart to anyone easily. This is a closed and hidden world.

04

Xia Mo's intuition was right. Lin actually hates it here.

Agreeing to transfer to Dalian is my grandfather's constant request. He doesn't even talk to Lin. Every day I look calm and sulk with him. Lin was afraid that his grandfather would get sick, so he had to agree to live with his parents. But he feels that his heart has stayed in his hometown and he thinks about his grandparents in Chengdu every day.

He was very young when his parents gave birth to him. He just graduated and has many plans and plans for his future and life. Lin's sudden arrival upset their plans. After giving birth to Lin, they left him in the care of their grandparents. When he was a child, he didn't even drink a mouthful of breast milk and rarely saw his parents.

Grandparents love him very much. For him, grandma, a teacher in a middle school, retired early to take care of him at home. Grandpa holds a high position in a state-owned enterprise. Although Lin has a good family, she is particularly modest and sensible under the education of her grandparents.

In his mind, grandparents are the most important people.

His parents later went to graduate school, took the exam, and went abroad for postdoctoral studies. It took many years to return to China to settle down. At this time, Lin has been in junior high school. They want to live with their son, but Lin doesn't agree. He doesn't want to change, especially away from his grandparents.

Grandpa said, wait until Sugiyama graduated from junior high school.

When Lin graduated from junior high school, he still resolutely refused to go until he was a sophomore. Grandpa had to use cruel tactics to force him to leave, although he was reluctant to leave-but he was already a sophomore, so he should change to a better high school.

Lin took the second best to talk to his parents, hoping that his grandparents could live with them. I didn't expect their parents to disagree, and neither did their grandparents. Parents have been abroad for many years, and feel that children should live separately from their parents when they grow up, and each has its own living habits. There will inevitably be contradictions and frictions together. However, Lin thinks that parents are unwilling to take their grandparents away because of selfishness. They only consider their own feelings. Why can't they accommodate their elderly grandparents and take care of their old age?

Although Lin finally compromised for his grandparents, he had great opinions and grievances against his parents.

When I first came to Dalian, Lin's lame "Trump" was laughed at by my classmates for a long time. When they laugh at him, Lin will laugh at himself even more. His casual manner made fewer people laugh at him.

Grandpa said, "Sang-woo, you should be polite and restrained ..."

He tried to do as grandpa asked, pretending that he was comfortable in his new school-the teacher would tell his parents about his performance at school, and then they would tell grandpa.

He just wanted to reassure grandpa that he was as lively, cheerful and optimistic as before-in fact, he performed all this. He wanted to blend in with this class, but rejected them from the heart. He hates everything here, even the air. He doesn't feel as clear as his hometown. He thought, if he accepted here so quickly and insisted on not changing his friends in his hometown, would it be a betrayal?

Father said, "Sun-woo, have you made any new friends?"

He replied, "There are many."

So, he began to "answer the phone" at home, chat with them to discuss various problems, or make an appointment with them to play football and games at the weekend to celebrate his birthday! His life in the new school is lively and rich. He is very popular and adaptable-but all this is just a performance.

He set alarm clocks for those phones. He picked up the phone to chat, but he was talking to himself. On weekends, he was in a daze by the river.

In others' eyes, he didn't rebel against adolescence at all. He looks so sunny and cheerful, but his heart is full of lies and loneliness.

Before today, he didn't pay attention to Xia Mo. She is his classmate, A, B, C, D. He can't even see her face clearly. But he was shocked when she stood so coldly in front of a group of gangsters.

She is wearing a goose yellow sweater and looks a little pale, but her big black eyes are shining with perseverance-she is so different from other girls of the same age around her. She is like a quietly growing plant, which poses no threat to anyone, but when others get close to her, she will spit out venom, which makes people unprepared.

She severely bit the wrist of the leader, and the hatred was magnified in her eyes-Lin rushed to the school gate to find the security guard, and then shouted, I have called the police.

He looked at Xia Mo and stood up from the ground. He was kicked hard, but he smiled and said nothing. That faint smile makes people stay away from it.

Lin followed on the bus. He peeped at her through the wall. Her face became paler and her lips were tight, but there was nothing unusual. Then she got off in a hurry after only one stop. Then she hid in a public phone booth.

She buried her head between her knees and did not look up for a long time. Although he couldn't see her face, he knew she was crying.

Silent images of sadness echoed in the air and surrounded him.

At that moment, he felt that he suddenly understood what Xia Mo meant-if you can't tell anyone about your sadness, then you can only rely on yourself. At that moment, he felt his inner position, very sad, very sad.

05

Xia Mo stood at home for a long time before he had the courage to open the door.

"Xia Mo, why are you back now?" Mother frowned. "Go and help your father!" She put cupping in Xia Mo's hand and didn't notice her pale and weak face at all.

Walking into the living room, I saw my father massaging his neighbor Grandpa Sun in the dim light. There is a smell of traditional Chinese medicine in the air, which is very turbid.

"Master Xia, you should call the police. There is no reason for that kind of person! " Grandpa Sun said on the massage table.

Father smiled without a word, raised his hand and handed over a burnt glass jar. Father quickly buckled it on Grandpa Sun's back, and then took another glass bottle handed over. ...

Grandpa Sun is still nagging: "You are just too honest. Alas, they just dare to bully you ..."

Xia Mo bit her lip when she heard "you"-in others' eyes, their family is a vulnerable group, that is, they can be trampled at will, and even asking for a massage at home seems to be a great favor to their families! What makes them self-righteous?

Xia Mo was ashamed, but his father still smiled and listened to others' gossip patiently. He only received half the money, but the massage time was longer than usual, and he also said a lot of grateful words when he sent Grandpa Sun out.

Xia Mo's head was buzzing, and his blood was running in his veins, as if it were going to explode.

At this moment, my mother turned on the TV and saw that the screen was full of Xue Huadian. She slapped it hard and the TV screen jumped out. After she finished a program, she took a pen and paper and said to Xia Mo, "Write down the phone number of the column group quickly."

Xia Mo's TV is the oldest, which her mother bought from the second-hand electrical appliance market. Not only the TV, but also the furniture and appliances at home are bought from the second-hand market. There used to be a room of more than 50 square meters, and her mother separated the living room. Xia Mo used to live in a cubicle connected to the balcony. The living room was always dark without windows, and her mother refused to turn on the light. When Xia Mo was in high school, they gave the master bedroom to Xia Mo, and the two of them squeezed into the original small room in Xia Mo.

My mother was beside me indignant: "I don't believe there is no reason!" " Using gutter oil is not afraid of being poked in the spine! "

Xia Mo didn't understand until he asked carefully. My mother's new job is as a cleaner in a fast food chain. She told the manager when she found that the store recycled waste oil. Unexpectedly, she was fired on the same day, and she didn't get paid these days because of "meddling". She went to the industrial and commercial bureau, who said she needed proof. My mother wants to find a TV station. She wants to expose it.

"hurry and remember!" Mother urged.

Xia Mo lowered his eyes, silently put the pen and notebook on the table, and urged with difficulty, "Mom, can you stop it?"

"Do you have to talk like this? Am I in trouble? Someone has to take care of them! " Mother screamed.

"Then who will take care of us?" Xia Mo in the mind a desolate, tone became sharp, "you are so pushy, so nosy? What's going on at home now? Can't you do a good job when you finally find a job? "

"This is pushy? If I don't expose it, many people will eat waste oil food and may die! "

"No one else said, why don't you like it? Mind your own business first! "

"Be nice, you ..." My father was playing the piano in a hurry.

Mother interrupted him and said angrily, "Do you still have a conscience? There was not enough milk when you were born, and your father couldn't see it. How hard it is. If these neighbors hadn't taken care of you, you would have starved to death ... people have to repay us, and everyone is so kind to us. Do you want to see them eat gutter oil? "

Xia Mo sneered: "Good for us? Who is good to us? They give us some old and leftover, just as they pity us. They look for dad because he charges low! It's none of my business whether they eat gutter oil or not ... "

With a bang, mother raised her hand, slapped Xia Mo in the face and shouted, "Did your conscience get eaten by the dog?"

Xia Mo felt that her brain had exploded, but she was numb because it was too painful. She grabbed the bowl on the table and fell to the ground. All grievances, panic, weakness, fragility and humbleness have been broken.

Liang Tao grabbed her daughter's hand and hit her on the head. Her husband hurried to pull her, but she tripped over something on the ground. She let go of her daughter and hurried to help her husband. As a result, her legs and feet were unstable and both of them fell.

"How did I give birth to a daughter like you? You know, you are so heartless, you should have let yourself die long ago! " Liang Tao sat on the ground, angrily saying malicious words.

"Stop talking!" Yang Xia gripped his wife's hand tightly and whispered, "Don't hurt the child."

"Are you used to her? See what she has become now? " Liang Tao was very angry. "Now grown up, wings hard ..."

Xia Mo went back to the bedroom and closed the door. She covered her ears tightly to stop her mother from talking. She was sore all over, and the most painful thing was her heart. Sharp sadness dug a hole there, and blood flowed silently.

This is not the life she wants at all, the home and parents she wants!

The moonlight shone on the curled-up girl through the glass, but it didn't bring her a trace of peace. She felt that she had fallen into endless darkness, and she didn't even want to look for an exit. Maybe she should die like her mother said.