When you are faced with failure or decline, don't panic and break into a furious rage. Try to focus on positive thoughts such as "Even if you fail, at least you have learned something", which will magically relieve tension and help you make correct judgments and reactions. ■ Admitting that you are wrong, listening to other people's views and opinions, and bravely facing your own mistakes are definitely a big step forward in the EQ index. ■ Don't be easily bought. Whenever you face the temptation of life, you should learn to be observant. Because Xiaohui may have to pay a great price behind it. A safer response is to say something nice, such as "Thank you for your proposal, I will think it over carefully" and "This offer is attractive and worth considering", and then change the subject to let the other person know that you really need time to think about it. This will enable you to regain control instead of making a decision that you will regret later. ■ Learning is clearer and more decisive. Try to express your views and ideas in the most concise and clear words. Don't talk nonsense, which may not only drive the other person crazy, but also upset you. ■ A common mistake people make is that they often don't distinguish between people. In the face of criticism, they intuitively think that others can't get along with you. They don't take it for granted, and they don't overreact. Instead, they weep and heal themselves, and even lose confidence. At this point, we should learn to be rational and practical. ■ Communication, then communication. Don't be a "shrinking turtle" who runs away whenever something happens. Face difficulties frankly and communicate tirelessly. After the rain clears, you will definitely learn and grow. ■ Learn to judge priorities. There are many facts to deal with in life, and some unimportant things may as well relax; Focus on urgent and influential tasks, you know, trivial things are usually the most tiring. If you don't learn to give up the light, you will always feel like an active volcano, which may erupt at any time. ■ Be fully prepared. For example, before making a big plan, you must be fully prepared and concentrate on the key points of the activity at the critical moment when the countdown begins. If you feel nervous, try to imagine that the activity will be over soon. It will calm you down a little, you can focus on the details of the process, and the chances of successfully completing the task are relatively improved. ■ Speak frankly about your needs If you expect others to read minds and know your needs accurately, I'm afraid you will always live in disappointment. ■ Don't be impetuous. If you have grievances in your heart, just find a friend to complain. Remember, people with high emotional intelligence don't bury their depression in their hearts. People often say, "Impulse is the devil". In daily life, many people will do things that they regret when they are emotional. Therefore, learning to manage and control your emotions effectively is a sign of a person's maturity and an important foundation for success in the workplace. There are obvious differences in "emotional control ability" between employees with excellent performance and employees with average performance, and psychological characteristics even play a decisive role in whether they are qualified for a certain position. In recent two years, American psychologists have also been conducting related research on "emotional management". Research shows that being able to control emotions is the basic requirement of most jobs, especially in management and service industries. Similarly, in China, a society that pays attention to "friendship between gentlemen" since ancient times, learning self-regulation is an important condition for maintaining good interpersonal relationships and achieving success. Huangdi Neijing says that people have secular desires, like sadness, anger hurts the liver and worries about the lungs, spleen and kidney. It can be seen that emotional reaction is an aspect of normal behavior, but excessive use of emotions will harm the body. Few people are born to control their emotions, but in daily life, people should learn to adapt. First of all, in the face of strong emotional stimulation, we should take a "delaying tactic", force ourselves to calm down, quickly analyze the cause and effect of things, and then take action to try not to let ourselves fall into an impulsive, reckless and simple passive situation. For example, when being ridiculed by others, if you get angry and refute immediately, it is likely to cause disputes between the two sides and hurt harmony. However, if silence is used as a weapon of protest at this time, or only a few words are used to express their injuries positively, the other party will feel embarrassed. Furthermore, it is best to read more books on China traditional culture, which contain many methods to guide interpersonal communication and personal cultivation. You can also carry out some targeted training to cultivate your patience, such as practicing calligraphy and painting. ▲ Ways to control emotions

When depressed, sing loudly;

Laugh when you are sad;

When you are sick, double your work;

When you are afraid, go forward bravely;

When you feel inferior, put on new clothes;

Raise your voice when you are upset;

When you are down and out, imagine the future wealth;

When you are at a loss, look back at past successes;

When you laugh at yourself, think about your goals;

When arrogant, pursue the memory of failure;

When enjoying yourself, remember the days of starvation;

When you are complacent, don't forget the moment of humiliation;

When you are self-righteous, see if you can stop the wind;

When you have money, think about those who don't have enough to eat;

When you are complacent, think about your cowardice;

When I am arrogant, let me look up at the stars! ! ! The effective way to control emotions is to learn to be tolerant. Every time I meet someone who makes me angry, if it is my family, I will use my family to resolve it and hurt the people I love. In the end, I will be hurt by myself. If you are a friend, you should understand with a broad mind, and you will not come back without your friend's friendship; If you are colleagues, forgive them generously and you will win respect; If you are a passer-by, you should laugh it off, because it reflects your noble character and personality charm. If you are wrong, just admit it directly, so that you can make more progress. In terms of physical methods, whenever you encounter the above things, you can touch your head, pat your forehead, rub your mouth, roll your eyes, take deep breaths several times in a row, then smile and leave in moderation. In this way, your anger will be relieved a lot. If you are still breathing, exercise until you sweat. If you are too angry, go to the hospital for a check-up, listen to the doctor's advice and take some conditioning medicine. It is not easy to control your emotions, and don't expect it to happen overnight. This is the result of long-term persistence and gradual control in primary school. Consciousness regulation

People's consciousness can regulate the occurrence and intensity of emotions. Generally speaking, a clear understanding of the root causes of one's emotional fluctuations can regulate one's emotions more effectively.

Language adjustment

Language is a powerful tool to influence people's emotional experience and performance, and emotional response can be stimulated or suppressed through language. For example, Lin Zexu hangs a banner with the words "Control Anger" on the wall, which is an example of using language to control and adjust emotions.

Attention shift

Turning attention from negative emotions to other aspects, Russian writer Turgenev suggested that those who are headstrong and quarrelsome should turn their tongues in their mouths ten times before speaking.

Action transfer

This method is to turn emotions into motivation for action, that is, to turn anger into motivation for science, culture, study, work, art and sports.

Release method

Let angry people say unfair and indignant things frankly to dispel their anger, or punch them in sandbags and heads to relax their nervous function.

Self - control

People can also control their emotions through self-regulation. That is to say, according to a set of specific procedures, some random reactions of the body are used to improve other involuntary reactions of the body, and psychological processes are used to influence physiological processes, so as to achieve a relaxing and quiet effect, so as to alleviate bad emotions such as tension and anxiety.

Abnormal emotions will not only have a negative impact on a person's behavior, damage his mental health, but also make the human body suffer from diseases. Learning to adjust and control one's emotions is conducive to physical and mental health. Here are some ways to adjust your mood. Learn to relax: When you feel too nervous, worried or scared, you can take a deep breath to relax yourself, that is, breathe in deeply and exhale slowly to relax your body and mind. You can also use self-suggestion methods, such as repeating: "I am very relaxed now, and my whole body is in a state of natural relaxation." You can also encourage yourself by recalling past successful experiences.

Learn to transfer: When the internal heat rises, consciously changing the subject or doing something else to divert attention can relieve the mood. Playing ball games, walking and listening to pop music also help to transfer unpleasant emotions. Learn to vent: when you encounter unpleasant things and grievances, don't bury them in your heart, but tell or cry to your intimate friends or relatives. This kind of venting can release the bad feelings of inner stagnation, which is conducive to maintaining physical and mental health, but the object, place, occasion and way of venting should be appropriate to avoid hurting others. Learn to comfort: when a person pursues a certain goal and fails to achieve it, in order to reduce his inner disappointment, he can find a reason to comfort himself, just as a fox says grapes are sour when he can't eat them. This is not self-deception, but it is very beneficial as a way to relieve emotions occasionally. Learn humor: Humor is a special emotional expression and a tool for people to adapt to the environment. Having a sense of humor can keep a positive and optimistic attitude towards life. Many seemingly annoying things, handled in a humorous way, can often make people's unpleasant emotions disappear and become relaxed immediately. People can't always be in a good mood. Since there are setbacks and troubles in life, there will be negative emotions. Psychologically mature people are not people without negative emotions, but people who are good at regulating their emotions. In the process of growing up, teenagers should also learn to adjust and control their emotions slowly. This is not to say that we should suppress our negative emotions. Psychological research shows that "depression" does not change negative emotions, but makes them deposit in the deep heart. When they accumulate to a certain extent, they often break out in a destructive way, causing harm to themselves and others. For example, we often see people who are "good-natured", and sometimes they suddenly get angry and do things that surprise or make them regret, which is often the result of repression at ordinary times. At the same time, depression can also cause deeper inner conflicts and lead to mental illness. We can divide bad emotions into acute and chronic. It can be said that it is an acute bad mood to get angry impulsively and make all kinds of irrational behaviors because of external stimuli. The common way to deal with this kind of bad mood is to give yourself hints and warnings in time. For example, when you feel anger is rising, say to yourself: restrain, then restrain! Or silently count from one to ten. It often takes only a few seconds or dozens of seconds to calm down your mind, and then you won't do anything you regret when you deal with the problem. Chronic bad mood is often caused by many unpleasant things in life. The reasons for being in a bad mood may not be eliminated at once, but being trapped in a bad mood for a long time can't change the status quo, and it often makes the situation worse. If we can adjust ourselves and get rid of the control of negative emotions, we will have the strength to face the unsatisfactory reality. When you feel depressed or depressed, you can change it by distracting yourself, such as going out for a walk, listening to music, playing ball games, or shopping; You can also cry to your bosom friends. Psychological research shows that crying has therapeutic effect. People usually feel much better after a good cry, so you don't have to be shy about crying. You can also keep a diary or call a psychological counseling hotline to let your bad emotions vent. In addition to venting, if you can do something to change your situation, or work hard with adversity as the driving force of life, it will better help you get rid of negative emotions, because on the one hand, the process of doing things needs to be focused, so that you have no time to feel sorry for yourself; On the other hand, in the process of improving your situation, your horizons will become broader, which may give you a new view of life. Impulsive emotions are actually the most powerless emotions and the most destructive emotions. Many people will do things they regret when they are impulsive. Therefore, some positive and effective measures should be taken to control their impulsive emotions. (1) First, mobilize your reason, control your emotions and calm yourself down. In the face of strong emotional stimulation, we should force ourselves to calm down, quickly analyze the cause and effect of things, and then adopt "delaying tactics" to express emotions or eliminate impulses, and try not to fall into an impulsive, reckless and simple passive situation. For example, when you are satirized and laughed at by others, if you are furious and retorted, it is likely to cause disputes between the two sides, and the anger is getting bigger and bigger, which naturally does not help. However, if you can remind yourself to calm down and take rational countermeasures at this time, such as using silence as a weapon of protest, or just expressing your hurt in a few words and accusing the other party of being bored, the other party will feel embarrassed. (2) Use hints to divert attention. Things that make you angry usually touch your dignity or vital interests, so it is difficult to calm down at once. Therefore, when you feel that you are very excited and can't control your emotions, you can relax yourself and encourage yourself to restrain your impulses by means of hints and distractions. Verbal hints, such as "don't be the victim of impulse", "deal with this later, it's no big deal", or change something simple, or go to a quiet and peaceful environment, are all effective. People's emotions often take only a few seconds or minutes to calm down. But if the bad mood can't be transferred in time, it will be more intense. For example, the more worried people think about their worries, the more they feel that they have many reasons to worry; The more angry people think about angry things, the more they think they should be angry. According to the research of modern physiology, when people encounter dissatisfaction, anger and sadness, they will transmit unpleasant information to the brain, and gradually form a temporary connection of the nervous system, forming a dominant center, which will be consolidated more and more. If you immediately shift, think about happy things, send happy information to your brain, and strive to build a happy excitement center, you will effectively resist and avoid bad emotions. (3) After calming down, think about whether there is a better solution. When encountering conflicts, contradictions, and unsatisfactory things, you can't just escape, but you must also learn how to deal with contradictions. Generally, the following steps are taken: ① What are the main reasons for the conflict? What is the key to the differences between the two sides? ② What are the possible ways to solve the problem? ③ What solutions are unacceptable to one party to the conflict? ④ Which solutions are acceptable to both parties to the conflict? ⑤ Find the best scheme, take action and gradually accumulate experience. For example, Xiao Ming is in a bad mood these days. It turned out that he and his father had a conflict because of playing football: his father asked him to give up his favorite football and concentrate on his studies; Xiaoming himself has a strong interest in football and is unwilling to give up galloping on the court. What are the solutions to the problem after the reasons for the differences are clarified? There are four schemes as follows: ① Give up football training and concentrate on study; (2) Give up football training and not concentrate on study; ③ Insist on football training, which affects learning; (4) Arrange the time reasonably, not only insist on football training, but also give consideration to study. Among them, the second and third schemes are unbearable for my father to witness, while the first and second schemes are unwilling to be accepted by Xiao Ming. Since the fourth scheme is acceptable to both sides, I might as well give it a try. (4) At ordinary times, you can carry out some targeted training to cultivate your patience. You can choose a few things that need meditation, care and patience according to your hobbies, such as practicing calligraphy, drawing and making exquisite handicrafts, which not only cultivates your temperament, but also enriches your spare time. Middle school students are young, enthusiastic, full of ideals and full of vigor. This is a period from naivety to maturity; This is a period when the inner world is not easily revealed; This is a period of coexistence of independence and dependence; This is also a period of simple thinking, little conservative thinking and enterprising spirit; At the same time, it is also a period of emotional coping style, which is easy to go to extremes and prone to mental illness. Learning to manage and control their emotions is an important foundation for middle school students to mature and succeed in life. How can we control our emotions and make every day full of happiness and joy? You must learn this eternal secret: the weak let thoughts control actions, while the strong let actions control thoughts. When people in the Song Dynasty wake up every morning, when you are surrounded by sadness, pity and failure, you fight it like this: when you are depressed, you sing loudly; When you are sad, you laugh; When you are sick, you work harder; When you are afraid, you go forward bravely; When you feel inferior, you put on new clothes; When you are upset, you raise your voice; When you are down and out, you imagine the future wealth; When you are at a loss, you recall past successes; When you belittle yourself, you focus on your own goals. You must understand that only an idiot would think that Jiang Lang was exhausted. Unless you make yourself an emotional person, you are not an imbecile. You must constantly fight against the forces that try to destroy you, especially the stubborn diseases hidden in your heart. As long as you understand the mystery of human emotional changes, you will no longer indulge your changeable personality. You already know that only by actively controlling your emotions can you control your own destiny. You control your emotions, you control your destiny, and you can become the greatest successful person in the world! Cheng * * * is related to the motto of life:' On the road to success, the biggest enemy is not lack of opportunities or junior qualifications, but lack of control over one's emotions. When you are angry, you can't control your anger and make your partners around you flinch; When you are depressed, indulge your depression and waste many fleeting opportunities. Optimism itself is a kind of success.

Happy laughter is the reliability of mental health (symbol: Chekhov). Optimism is the only secret to staying healthy, while sadness and anger are often enough to make a healthy body weak and redundant. (essayist: Turgenev) Sorrow, anxiety and pessimism can make people sick; Positive, cheerful, strong will and optimistic mood can overcome diseases and make people stronger and live longer. (Physiologist: Pavlov)' Although pessimists are still alive, optimists will never get old. (Poet: Byron) Emotion and success emotion are the experience of people's attitude towards things. Happiness, anger and fear are all common emotional experiences. Emotion is a reflection of the relationship between objective things and human needs. This is a form of reflection with demand as the intermediary. Not all objective things can trigger people's emotions, only things related to people's needs can trigger people's emotions. Generally speaking, anything that meets people's needs will cause positive emotional experience (such as pleasure and satisfaction), while anything that doesn't meet people's needs will cause negative emotions (such as anger and fear). It is generally believed that happiness, anger, fear and sadness are the four most basic emotions. These emotions are related to people's copying needs, which can be done without learning, and usually have a high degree of tension. Long-term emotional stress and anxiety will reduce the body's ability to resist bacteria and other pathogenic factors. Especially anger and annoyance are the main causes of many psychosomatic diseases. The image of "laugh-laugh, worry for ten years, turn white" vividly illustrates the relationship between emotion and health. Learn the ten rules of transferring and regulating emotions. When the anger rises, consciously change the topic or do something else to distract your attention and let your emotions be relieved. Being a slave, you can relax your nervousness by watching movies, listening to music, playing chess, walking and other meaningful relaxation activities. Learn to vent. People will inevitably produce various inches in their lives; Good emotions, if not properly vented and regulated, will have a negative impact on both body and mind. So, if you have unpleasant things and grievances, don't keep them in your heart, but tell your intimate friends and relatives, or cry. This kind of venting can release the accumulated stagnation in the heart and benefit people's physical and mental development. Of course, the object, place, occasion and way of venting should be appropriate to avoid hurting others. Learn to masturbate. When a person can't get something, in order to reduce his inner disappointment, he often finds a high-sounding reason for failure to comfort himself, just like a fairy tale in which a fox says grapes are sour when he can't eat them. This is the so-called "sour grape psychology". Language restraint method: when you are excited, Bai Ji silently or gently warns you to be calm, don't be angry, and pay attention to your identity and influence to suppress your emotions; You can also write down banners such as "curse your anger" and "calm down" in advance, aiming at Bai Ji's weakness, or put them on your desk. Self-suggestion: it is estimated that you may be a little nervous in some cases. First, find some powerful reasons to stop yourself from feeling this way. The happy memory method recalls the happy things encountered in the past experience or the happy experiences when you achieved success, especially those related to the unpleasant experiences in front of you. Environmental transformation method: when in a state of intense emotion, temporarily leave the environment and related people that cause emotion. Humor solution: cultivate a sense of humor, express your emotions tactfully and skillfully with meaningful words, expressions or actions, and satirize. Inference and comparison method: dissect all aspects of difficulties, compare your own experience with others' experience, find the secret of success in comparison, strengthen your confidence in success and eliminate your fear of difficulties. Depression sublimation method: when you are not reused, in adversity, looked down upon by others, and feel depressed, you can devote your energy to the cause you are interested in, and change your situation and improve your mood through success.