Two days ago, Alan, a colleague from other departments, saw me scanning files repeatedly. Allen waited "deliberately" after work and asked me if I wanted to go to the company for training. He also claimed that my leader said it in their office.
At that time, a "hahaha" in my heart passed. ...
I remember when I first entered the company, someone told me that Allen was particularly fond of gossiping about others and kindly reminded me to stay away from her. I was holding the escape mentality of "I am safe when I come".
I never thought such a thing would happen to me. I rolled my eyes and answered him honestly.
The honest answer is that it is a fact to train, and Allen can't change anything. Also, Allen left a gossip impression in the eyes of his colleagues. Even if he says something, no one will believe him.
And very tactfully expressed my disgust at this matter: "Allen, your observation ability is really meticulous." As they work hard all day, they have no leisure to care about other people's affairs. It seems that your work ability is still quite strong. Ha ha ha ~ ~ "
Allen saw me say this, but didn't answer the words again and left passively.
These two days, I reflected on this matter. Major search media (Baidu Q&A, Douban, Zhihu, etc. ) I have searched them all. For similar things, people generally have two extreme attitudes: one is to be close to a gentleman and far from a villain. The other is to go straight back. The former is a little weak, while the latter is brave. (The data shows that there are more people who choose to stay away, indicating that there are still more good people. )
Speaking of courage, I think of Xiang Yu, a famous family, who played a good hand, so let's take it as a lesson. I am not that kind of coward. This answer doesn't seem to completely solve my mystery. What I want is how to get along with such people. So I read the systematic academic theory before I became enlightened. Work habits are very important. )
0 1
What is privacy?
Privacy refers to personal secrets and private affairs that people are unwilling to disclose and do not want outsiders to know or inquire about out of personal dignity and other considerations. "Don't want to tell people" and "don't want to make public" naturally have his reasons. There is no contradiction between keeping privacy and honesty, just as there is no contradiction between white lies and euphemistic honesty.
Compared with people in China, residents in western countries pay more attention to protecting privacy. For example, westerners talk about weather, travel and other unimportant things. People in China greet each other with food, age, weight, family, and even income and house. Faced with such a question, Westerners generally answer rudely: "It's not for you."
In retrospect, I think how much privacy I leaked in the chat. Don't do to others what you want them to do to you in the future.
02
Why do some people like to pry into other people's privacy?
Freud believed that people's snooping on privacy originated from childhood and curiosity about things.
There was a time when children were interested in everything and asked why. In real life, not only children but also adults have the desire to explore the depths of things.
Many scientists were full of illusions about natural science in their childhood until they made stupid explorations. This is the use of curiosity by scientists in their work.
Bored people, instead of studying work, are only interested in studying others. People who don't know generally don't gossip. These people usually get information through their own observation and mutual verification. They know that there is no basis and it is usually easy to wear out.
Another reason is the catharsis of personal desires.
There are very few people who satisfy a twisted and perverted original desire by prying into other people's privacy process. Typical is a deviant psychological disorder.
People with this psychological disorder are keen on collecting and prying into other people's privacy. They pay attention to the details of things, and even polish events to make private plots concrete and detailed. They describe other people's privacy as if they had experienced it. In real life, such people become moral guardians and often accuse others of gossiping.
In the TV series "Ode to Joy", Qu Xiaoyu succeeded in "seducing" her so-called boyfriend, producer Bai, with her own strength. And euphemistically called himself the white director of Qiu Yingying. Finally, tell Qiu Yingying: Men are all for money. Qu Xiaoyu finally became the least favored among the five beauties, and even Mei Sheng, a fan, was wary of Qu Xiaoyu.
In fact, Qu Xiaoyu's point of view comes from his condemnation and anger. Qu Xiaoyu lacked love since childhood and was full of fantasy and expectation for love. On the other hand, there is a strict defensive psychology in character. These two very different forces will continue to struggle.
When she was full of fantasy and expectation for love, Kong chased Dr. Zhao desperately. When the defensive mentality prevailed, she did something to "win" the love of Director Bai.
As long as the personality is immature, people will still be keen to pry into other people's privacy. As long as there are people whose desires are deeply suppressed, there are still people who try their best to expose the privacy of others and vent their desires through privacy.
03
How to treat others and ask for privacy?
1. When it is determined that it is unsafe, you can keep your mouth shut and try to keep your mouth shut.
The psychology teacher once told me this sentence: "The first person who betrays you will always be yourself." Many things, if you don't testify, others can't talk about it. Just like if you don't tell me where you live, how will others know?
There are several guarantees to ensure safety:
A person's determination-usually a stranger or someone who has never been close.
Determination of interests-when colleagues get along, there will inevitably be competition for interests or resources.
The decision of the environment-in public, ask about other people's privacy, who dares to tell him?
For example, I can say to Allen: "In fact, it's nothing to train or not, as long as people are happy." After all, Allen doesn't know whether I will go or not. Listen to my voice, it doesn't feel like it's done, but it has. (I am not teaching you to cheat ~)
2. Tell the other person gently-this matter is "none of his business."
The specific communication skill is the sandwich method-praise+content (criticism)+praise. This is the form I used to reply to Allen in reality.
Tell each other stories-you hurt me. (lever)
In some cases, our best response is to make the other person feel empathy by analogy.
On the same day, I can also reply to Allen like this: "A friend asked about privacy all day that day, and you said that he was so lenient, which really made me wonder if he was in love with me." Allen, you are not in love with me, are you? "(it is best to use between the same sex. Heterosexual jokes will make people suspect sexual harassment)
I believe that the next "hahaha" sound will continue.
Summary:
Neither cowardice nor courage can fundamentally solve the problem when you meet others prying into your privacy. Finally, learn to get along with such people: 1. 2. Sandwich newsletter 3. Give play to your advantages.
Finally, end the article with a catchword: "May your kindness have some edge."
References:
1. Research on some privacy issues, from Journal of Software, 2006,17 (8):1764-1774.
2. Don't look indecent-how to overcome the psychology of peeping into other people's privacy
3. Privacy Peeping, the Invisible Ghost of Urban "Medical Frontier", 2006( 1)
Why does she like to pry into other people's privacy? Old people in Shanxi, 2008(5):55-55.
5. Why does he always like to pry into privacy? Popular Science World (Information Edition) 20 1 1(7):5-5.
6. Why do some people like to pry into other people's privacy? Scientific health preservation, 2004(4): 16- 18
7. What is the psychological problem of liking to "peek" at privacy? Jiangsu medical care, 2015 (23): 51-51.
8. Peeping at others is actually peeking at yourself. Jianghuai Rule of Law, 20 15( 12):62-63.