I refused that woman to come into my life.

At the age of ten, my mother was pushed into a cold room. I don't know how long it took, but it turned out to be a small box. At that time, I didn't know what life and death meant, but I knew that no one would answer me if I called my mother.

Lao Yang was so drunk that he usually fell asleep when he was drunk, but he sat staring at the news channel with his box in his arms all night. I went to school the next morning. His eyes are red. He put twenty dollars into my hand and said hoarsely, study hard, dad is here.

what can I say? My relationship with Lao Yang has always been lukewarm. As far as I can remember, he was always busy. Every day I don't get up, he goes out, and he comes back when I fall asleep at night. At school, children will bring toys to school to play, and everyone will gather together and say: my remote control car was bought by my father, my pistol was bought by my father, and so on.

When it was my turn, I turned my head away from everyone's eyes. I seldom see my father, so where can I find the toys my father bought? It was the first time I felt other people's strange eyes.

Actually, Lao Yang didn't buy me anything. Once he stayed away for half a year and came back to buy me shoes. I ran cheerfully and tried it, but I couldn't fit half my heel in. I was very sad at that time. All my emotions broke out together. I yelled at Lao Yang: Do you have a father like you? Everyone has a father to pick me up, and everyone has toys he bought except me. You don't care about me at all.

I was crying, my mother hugged me tightly, and Lao Yang touched the back of his head and bowed his head, his eyes slightly red.

Lao Yang had never appeared in school before, which made the teachers think that I was a child of a single-parent family. Later, I really became a single-parent family.

In order to take care of me, Lao Yang quit his old job to sell fruit. It turns out that the rice cooker doesn't even eat rice. He got up early every morning to make breakfast for me for three years, even though it was still terrible. I went to junior high school and his business is getting better and better. The second fruit shop opened and Zhang Xiaohong appeared.

Today, I still hate the head teacher in junior high school. When I entered the school, Lao Yang told her that I only had my father at home, hoping that she could help me take care of me. That's good. The class teacher doesn't know if there is a problem with understanding. On the first day of school, he said at the class meeting: Yang Qingyu is very poor. He has no mother. We should all help him and let him feel the warmth of this big family.

At the age of thirteen, when I was bursting with self-esteem, I really couldn't accept forty or fifty people around me with pathetic eyes, but I didn't dare to resist. I can't wait to get into the desk with my head down. I already know that feeling is called inferiority complex.

Next, as you can imagine, I don't have any friends. If I want to find one, I am the coward who sits by the trash can at the back door and is often teased by my classmates, but doesn't even dare to look at others.

Unlike those inspirational stories, I don't have the beautiful result that blinds everyone. I was seventh from the bottom in the first mid-term exam, but only I was called a parent.

It's my turn to be on duty. When sweeping the floor, a boy deliberately stepped on the broom in my hand. He put his hands in his waist and looked at me contemptuously: a child without a mother like you will only be a sweeper in the future. Everyone around me echoed the laughter. I don't know where I got the courage to drag the broom hard. He stumbled to the ground. I stared at him with a broom. I saw the frightened eyes of my classmates around me. I found a sense of dignity in this school for the first time.

The dean rushed from nowhere and pushed me away. He lifted the boy up, dragged me to the office and forced the class teacher to call Lao Yang. By the way, the dean is the boy's father. It's almost time to finish school. Zhang Xiaohong is here. After listening to the director's angry remarks such as "violent tendencies" and "bad teenagers", she bowed her head and even apologized. After the director was exhausted, he followed me home.

I didn't let Zhang Xiaohong speak first. Your father bought goods today. If you can't come back, I'll take a look at it for you. I ignored her and kept a distance of two meters from her. I think she humiliated me too much. If my mother were here, she would be on my side ... if my mother were here.

Zhang Xiaohong opened a noodle restaurant next to a fruit shop in Lao Yang. Over time, the two became acquainted. She helps Lao Yang sell fruits, and Lao Yang helps her collect plates and chopsticks. Lao Yang didn't tell me why she had never been married, and I wasn't interested.

Before my senior high school, there was no clear relationship between Lao Yang and Zhang Xiaohong, mainly because of me. Lao Yang always pretends to talk casually about the need for a woman to take care of his family. It's hard for him to be alone. Hearing this, I was silent. I really can't accept another woman to replace my mother. I don't want to call her mom or even my aunt.

I know Zhang Xiaohong is trying to be nice to me. She cooked me half a bowl of noodles with meat. She spent half a month earning money from the noodle restaurant to buy me a pair of basketball shoes, but I still haven't given her a good look. I said that noodles are terrible, shoes have never been worn, and she and I are always separated by two meters. Mom has nowhere to go. I'm afraid she'll be sad when she comes back.

One Sunday, I went to school and found that I forgot something, so I went home. When I entered the room, I found Zhang Xiaohong scrubbing the clothes I changed last week in the bathroom. When I saw her, she froze for a moment and then smiled awkwardly. Your father can't wash it clean, so I thought I'd wash it for you casually.

I took her clothes like crazy. Who let you into my house and who allowed you to touch my clothes? I don't need you to wash my dirty clothes every day. Go out and leave.

"pa!" Old Yang Wensheng came running from the living room, and a loud slap fell on my face. Zhang Xiaohong stood up quickly, gave Lao Yang a push and said, What are you doing? Qingyu is just a child. I stared at Lao Yang. You hit me today for a strange woman. Can you live up to my dead mother? You don't deserve to be my father.

It was the first time that Lao Yang hit me, and I still remember the burning pain in my heart.

I rushed out of the house and kept running. The cemetery is not far from home. At that time, Lao Yang said that she could visit her mother often, so that she wouldn't be lonely.

I sat in front of my mother's tombstone for a long time, tears kept falling, and the familiar footsteps behind me were far away and near. I knew Lao Yang would come. Xiaoyu, I admit that I am not a good father. I haven't taken good care of you since you were a child, but you can't doubt that I still love your mother.

Don't say that. Lao Yang has never said such sensational words, which made me a little slow at the moment. I walk behind Lao Yang. When did he turn gray when he was only in his forties?

When I got home, Zhang Xiaohong had already left. I took my things and left in a hurry. After returning to school, I vowed to study hard and stay as far away from Lao Yang as possible.

I was lucky enough to be admitted to two ordinary books. Despite Lao Yang's objection, I reported to Harbin School without authorization. The night before school started, Lao Yang left a cigarette butt full of ashtrays in the living room. I am very satisfied from Guangzhou to Harbin.

Lao Yang stubbornly wanted to see me off, but of course I refused. He gave in and said that he would take me to the railway station. When I asked him to go back when he checked in, he suddenly took out a platform ticket from his pocket and gave me a hey hey, really speechless.

Lao Yang said, you have to go by yourself in the future. It's a journey for me to accompany you.

Just about to put the suitcase on the shelf, Lao Yang grabbed his hand and said, I'll come, you can't reach it. I said, I am half a head taller than you. Lao Yang took the box and said nothing.

As the train started, Lao Yang's lonely figure became smaller and smaller. For an instant, I was so sad that I wanted to cry.

The greatest advantage of going to college in other places is freedom. I'm crazy outside all day, staying up all night, and I don't need to order food, but once the novelty is over, I'm lonely. In fact, Lao Yang's dark cooking is not bad.

Zhang Xiaohong added my WeChat, and sent me news about the use of various food safety drugs and health preservation. Every time I said that my dad sent it to me when he saw it. On my birthday, Lao Yang called me and heard a voice reminding me in a low voice. How's the weather? I should wear more clothes in the morning and evening. Do my classmates get along well? Can I get used to eating? ...

The next day, I received a package, a pair of new Nike sneakers and a birthday card. I asked Zhang Xiaohong, and she said it was from my father. I know, how can Lao Yang's clumsy hands write such correct handwriting?

Freshman year passed quickly. Only when I was at home during the winter and summer vacations, I naturally avoided many contradictions with Lao Yang. As for Zhang Xiaohong, Lao Yang never mentioned it after the high school incident, and I didn't ask.

Later, Lao Yang told me that Zhang Xiaohong didn't protect me in junior high school because I was afraid that I would be bullied more at school. Later, Lao Yang told me that in order to buy shoes for me, Zhang Xiaohong sprinkled a layer of powder on the ground and measured my shoe prints. Later, Lao Yang told me that he hit someone with his car and almost all his savings were gone. He couldn't bear to tell me that Zhang Xiaohong forbade him to sell fruit shops, so he secretly gave out the noodle restaurant and paid my tuition for the second year. Lao Yang also said that Zhang Xiaohong told him not to tell me this.

I didn't intend to go back during my sophomore winter vacation, but I decided to buy a ticket temporarily after my roommate left. I arrived on New Year's Eve, but I didn't tell Lao Yang that I went to the cemetery first. I saw Lao Yang in the distance. After a long time, he got rid of it. I walked over and there was a smell of wine on the ground, next to my mother's favorite mung bean cake and favorite lily.

Lao Yang's back is far away. At that moment, I seemed to see all his loneliness in recent years. Lao Yang is no longer young. Lao Yang also needs someone to accompany him.

Because I didn't report in advance, Lao Yang lay half-squinting on the sofa and sat up after seeing me. Dad, I'm home. Lao Yang, come and pat me on the shoulder, you son of a bitch. Come back.

Zhang Xiaohong came out of the kitchen in an apron. When she saw me, she stood there. Her mouth twitched twice and she rubbed her hands nervously and said, Xiaoyu is back. Well, it's not Chinese New Year. I'm-I'm just here to make dinner for your father. Well, then I'll go first.

She immediately turned around and took off her apron. Aunt, I want to eat jiaozi, stuffed with pork and cabbage. Zhang Xiaohong looked back with an incredible expression. Old Yang said happily, Come on, Xiaoyu is going to eat jiaozi.

Zhang Xiaohong nodded, good, good, aunt to package jiaozi. I saw the sparkle in her eyes.

Lao Yang said softly, good boy, grow up.

what can I say? After my mother left, I thought my world had collapsed. I told myself that I was the most pitiful child. Lao Yang said that at first I made friends with Zhang Xiaohong, just to let me have a hot meal. You all know what happened next.

I still don't understand the meaning of life, but I finally understand that life is not necessarily complete, but it will be complete in the end. If you open your arms, you will be full of sunshine.