Talking too much is often more annoying than talking too little. This is not only a summary of my life experience, but also a summary of my years of training and conference work.
My niece is going to run for monitor at the beginning of school. When I talked to her about her campaign speech strategy, I made three suggestions: "First, don't talk too much and control it within five minutes;" Second, don't speak too fast, and speak slowly if you are nervous; Third, leave at least five seconds of silence before saying the last sentence. "
My niece may not be able to operate these three suggestions well because she doesn't understand their essence. However, these three suggestions are really practical, and interviews, gossip and even quarrels are very useful.
First, there is an old saying: Don't talk too much, you will lose if you talk too much. Now there is a saying: explanation is cover-up. No explanation, just explanation.
Second, you can't talk in a hurry. Speaking too fast will give people a frivolous feeling, and it is difficult for listeners to grasp the key points. Although you talk too much, it's easy to be ignored.
Silence before the last sentence is very important. Silence before this most important sentence can not only condense the audience's distracted attention, but also create a feeling that "it was said after careful consideration" for the audience. What you say later is more likely to be taken seriously.
For example, the most common example in life is that when a husband and wife quarrel, the wife often blurts out "divorce", but when the husband is really silent for a while and says "then leave", the wife often gets angry. Just because what is blurted out is not so cautious, and the language after silence will give people a thoughtful feeling.
For example, Andy, a successful female representative in Ode to Joy. She gives the impression that she cherishes words like gold. Many times, she won't take the initiative to talk to anyone. In her previous life experience, there was probably no time for gossip. When a friend or colleague asks her a sentence, she often has to have a thinking action to answer. This time difference will give people a sense of seriousness, caution and importance-"think twice before you speak".
In the play, even if Xiao Guan asks Andy if he wants to take his brother's car back to Wuxi, she will seriously think about it, tell Xiao Guan according to her own experience that there should be no danger, and say to her, "If you are worried, you might as well refuse him."
This style of speaking will make people feel that although she doesn't talk much, she doesn't really talk much. It's just that she speaks slowly and calmly, and all she says is one sentence, without any nonsense, giving others this feeling.
The same is true of the songs in Ode to Joy. It seems that she is an anthomaniac and often talks to herself, but if we look closely at the language state of her communication with people, she is also a master of not talking nonsense. For example, after she sprained her ankle and went to work in the office, she smiled and said, "You don't have to show it to me when you eat. Just eat and do your job. I don't care what happens when you arrive late and leave early. I can support you when you do your work well, but if you don't do your work well, even if you work overtime until ten o'clock in the evening, our company will not keep idle people. "
Qu Qu's online celebrity quotation is: "We often compete with our peers and don't talk about the shortcomings of fools", so she doesn't care about offending people because of her unkind words. She will say that Xiao Guan is a white rabbit, little earthworm (Qiu Yingying) can't tell her head, and Fan Jie sells goods everywhere ... but she won't be stingy with the people who value her, such as handsome doctors, such as Andy.
By the way, some things are easier said than done. Qu Qu's attitude towards life is influenced by her family. Making friends is divided into "useful" and "useless" for her. From this point of view, the people in Room 2202 are useless to her, especially the silly Qiu Yingying, but she gradually has feelings for them, and can't help caring about them, even silently protecting them. No way, reason meets emotion, and it will probably turn over.
A few days ago, a friend I haven't contacted for a long time chatted on WeChat. She asked me if there were any changes in the past two years. I thought about it and said to her, "The biggest change is probably less words."
I admit that I used to be a grumpy person. Once, a classmate sent me a note with malicious intent in the self-study class: "You can reach 800 frogs by yourself". I hated her for a long time, but I was speechless.
When I fall in love with Brother Qiang, I intend to ask him something before every date. After meeting, I just talked and talked alone until I said goodbye.
When I get together with my friends, someone will say something. If I knew, I would say it at once. Even if others don't finish, I may grab words for fear that others won't know that I understand. For many years, I have been trying to overcome the habit of interrupting others. )
……
Talking nonstop is probably because of poor logical thinking ability, rather than being able to talk a lot.
Speaking quickly, often eager to show or explain, these are all to cover up their lack of confidence.
Interrupting others is a problem of family education.
You know, a lot of words in life really don't need to be said Some people even think that everyone has only ten useful words every day.
The famous Hong Lan experiment shows that men say about 7,000 words every day, while women say 20,000 words. Look how much nonsense we have every day.
You know, talking too much is not only a waste of time, but also harmful to your health. "More words and less gas." Traditional Chinese medicine has always believed that talking more hurts the qi and consumes energy, so people with physical weakness can't help talking less, especially those with insomnia, excessive phlegm, cough and weak qi. Supplementing qi and nourishing heart is the way to keep fit.
What's more, language is never the only way to communicate. Words are more accurate and attractive than language. Body language is sometimes more effective and easier to understand than direct language. And eye contact, soul communication and so on. Even silence is a way of communication.
For example, one of my criteria for girlfriends is a girlfriend who doesn't talk and feels embarrassed. It's too easy to gossip together. Silent warmth together requires the accumulation of friendship.
For example, the so-called quarrel at the end of the bed is not from verbal communication to physical communication. (Hey hey, simple children may not understand, are there simple children here? )
So, how do you think twice? What do you need to think twice? Tell me a short story:
More than 2000 years ago, one of Socrates' disciples came to Socrates in a hurry, panting and excitedly saying, "I want to tell you something you will never imagine ..."
"Wait a minute!" Socrates stopped him mercilessly. "Did you filter what you told me with three sieves?"
His students felt that the situation was not good and shook their heads in confusion.
Socrates continued: "When you want to tell a person something, you have to pass through at least three sieves!" " ! The first sieve is called truth. Is it true what you want to tell me? "
"I heard it from the street. That's what everyone says. I don't know if it's true. "
"Then you should use your second sieve to check. If it's not true, at least it should be kind. What you want to tell me is well-meaning? "
"No, just the opposite." His students hung their heads in shame.
Socrates continued without boredom: "Then let's check it with a third sieve. Is it important that you tell me in such a hurry? "
"Not very important ..."
Socrates interrupted him: "since the news is not important, it is not from good intentions, and I don't know whether it is true or not, why should I say it?" This will only bring trouble to both of us. "
Socrates once said, "Don't listen to gossip or slander, because he won't tell you in good faith. He will expose the privacy of others, and of course he will treat you equally. "
So when we say think twice before you act, and think about whether it is true, kind and important, it seems that there is no need to say so much. Do you agree?