The reason why China doesn't get along with his mother is an implicit expression since ancient times, which may lead to problems in parent-child communication. Many people always feel that they can't get along with their parents, and they can quarrel by saying something casually. So what are the reasons for not getting along well with their mother?

The reason why you can't get along with your mother 1 is too strong.

There are always strong people and weak people in life, and it is no exception in a family. As the saying goes, "One mountain does not allow two tigers." Two people who are too strong, living under the same roof, always have conflicts. If a mother always likes her son's private life or work, his son must listen to her. Moreover, my son is very opinionated and doesn't like others to ask questions. So there is a conflict.

Similar character

People with similar personalities are prone to conflict. Communication is also easy to be emotional, and both are straightforward. For example, a mother and her son do morning exercises together. My son met an acquaintance and went home after chatting. My mother said that his lazy clothes were not wet. Does mother think her son is lazy no matter what he says?

Mom loves to nag.

Mother thinks that most of her sons are nagging children. My son doesn't like listening and can't stand nagging. This is a conflict. Our mother-in-law always says that if her son is fat, he should eat less and nothing. If you eat it, you will nag many others. Besides, can your son get along?

Too self-righteous

People who are too self-righteous are always annoying. For example, my mother always likes to watch the health home, and often forces us to watch it together, saying that it is wrong for us to eat. What you eat won't lead to cerebral thrombosis, hypertension, etc. Arrogant enough to think that he is half a doctor in China.

Too face-saving

Everyone loves face, but it depends. You can't hit the fat man in the face. For example, when a menstrual daughter gets married as a bride price, her son obviously doesn't agree, and he will say that he promised to send a red envelope of 2000 yuan. Force my son to jump.

Can't stand a little injustice

A mother always thinks that her son should be filial and listen to himself. But my son has his own ideas when he is an adult. If you don't agree with something, you feel wronged and always nag about going back to your hometown. There is no peace at home.

The reason why I can't get along with my mother is 2. Understand the root of the contradiction.

There must be a reason for the bad relationship with my mother. Calm down and think about what caused the bad relationship with my mother. Only by finding the root of the problem can we solve it.

Reflect on yourself

We should reflect on whether the cause of the problem is mother or ourselves. We should have an objective and clear self-understanding, and we can't blame all the faults on our mothers.

Face up to the problem

Don't escape the fact that the relationship is not good, face it positively and communicate with your mother more.

Transposition consideration

There must be a reason and a reason for what my mother did. You should learn to put yourself in her shoes and think more about her situation. You can't always ask your mother to understand you, but you have to pay more.

Refuse to confront

The direct manifestation of bad relations is confrontation, which should be avoided. Communicate well if you have any questions, and communicate well if you have any questions. Confrontation cannot solve the problem.

Change communication mode

Usually, you should interact with your mother more and do something beneficial to your relationship, such as cooking and doing housework together and watching TV programs together. And we shouldn't communicate our emotions in a violent way, so the relationship will only get worse and worse.

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I believe that mothers love their children, and a bad relationship is just a matter of communication. If you want to improve your relationship with your mother, you must be patient. After all, your mother is the closest person, and there is no contradiction between you and your mother.

Reasons for disagreement with mother 3 1, love deprivation

Mother's care refers to the warm concern for children and the expression of physical feelings. In families that prefer sons to daughters or have many children, children are likely to experience love deprivation because of their limited attitude and energy.

This will make children prone to somatization problems. Because the body is our earliest expression. When we can't express it in words, the body will express it instinctively.

Therefore, adult somatoform disorder is probably related to the emotion caused by caring deprivation.

Lily, a girl who grew up in a patriarchal family, is always dizzy after marriage. After repeated inspections in the hospital, no abnormalities were found. Later diagnosed as: somatoform disorder.

After long-term psychological counseling, Lily found that she was not valued by her family since she was a child and was often ignored because she was a woman. In order to get her husband's attention after marriage, she will let her husband take care of himself through a headache.

2, * * * emotional deprivation

* * * Love means that someone can understand your inner feelings, identify with your emotional feelings and respond.

The child's hand is marked with a toy. The child frightened by the pain calls his mother to come over and comforts himself by crying.

A loving mother will lean forward, gently comfort the child and pat the child on the back, so that the child's mood will gradually settle down.

A mother who has no affection for * * * will impatiently scold her children not to be upset, and even when she hears the child's call, she is too lazy to show up.

Then children who experience emotional deprivation will be mentally damaged, have a low sense of self-worth and are very eager to be recognized.

Such people will be very rational. Will be called "straight man" in love.

Girlfriend: My fever is 39 degrees. Tell your boyfriend that you want care and comfort.

Boyfriend: "So high? ! Awesome! "

Girlfriend: "I want you to comfort me!" Fool! "

Boyfriend: "Drink more hot water. Then if you are not feeling well today, we won't meet. I am going to play a game. "

It is difficult for children deprived of sexual behavior in their early years to develop good sexual behavior.

3. Protective deprivation.

"Protective" refers to being able to provide strength and guidance for children and face difficulties with them.

Parents themselves are weak, easily overlooked in their own family, and their self-strength is weak. When children need their parents' help, parents will show helplessness.

This kind of parents often let their children hide when they are bullied on campus, or ask their children, "Why do those people bully you and not others?"

Or when a child is sexually assaulted or molested and asks his parents for help, most parents don't believe what the child says or choose to ignore it.

If your mother is a narcissistic mother, it will also affect your relationship.

First of all, let's understand what unhealthy narcissism is.

Unhealthy narcissism refers to all-round narcissism like a baby.

This kind of person thinks in his heart that he is worthless, unlovable and unworthy of being loved, so he needs the evaluation of others to prove himself, and at the same time he is self-centered. They will naturally regard subjective imagination as reality, and the external performance is that they think they can do anything and pursue perfection in everything.

The famous saying of the entertainment circle in those days: "I don't want you to feel, I want me to feel" is a golden sentence full of narcissism.

Therefore, it is difficult for narcissists to tolerate other people's different views and opinions, and they will think that this is to belittle and deny themselves.

From the perspective of psychoanalysis, this is also a psychological defense mechanism for them. That is: project all the mistakes on others to avoid frustration.

Seemingly "domineering", I am afraid that I am not doing well enough.

Just like narcissistic leaders in the workplace, it is easy to make the following rules:

When sending a message in a group, subordinates must reply within 10 minutes.

Messages sent in a circle of friends must be praised and forwarded by subordinates.

Once subordinates don't do as required, narcissistic bosses will find fault. Because of the disobedience of subordinates, the boss will be very depressed, and will vaguely feel that he is unpopular or has poor social performance, and subordinates will not buy it.

So what about children being raised by narcissistic mothers?

Narcissistic mother-controlling tactics: moral kidnapping, everything I do is for your own good.

Because narcissistic mothers feel worthless and want to pursue perfection, they have high expectations and standards for their children. On the other hand, he constantly belittles children to prove that he is right.

One of the main reasons why mothers have such cognition and performance is the loss of early maternal love.

Judging from the neurodevelopment of babies, unwelcome children (unexpected pregnancy, etc. ) and the lack of emotional connection with the mother (caregiver) will affect the development of mirror neurons in the baby's brain. Mirror neurons are the physiological basis of understanding or feeling another person's emotional ability.

Therefore, narcissists can't empathize well and empathize with others. From the perspective of systematic family, this is a kind of intergenerational transmission.

The influence of narcissistic mother on her daughter: children will feel that they are bad, worthless and unworthy of being loved through their mother's attitude towards themselves. In order to please the mother, the child will develop a false self according to her emotional needs.

What is the result of false self-experience?

When children grow up, they will form a personality foundation to please others. She will be very sensitive to the needs of others. I think that only by satisfying others can I feel at ease. This also expresses the fear of childhood: if you can't please your mother, you may be abandoned by her.

A mother with a healthy personality will raise a "true self" child. Because mothers will respond to their children's desires and needs through understanding, children don't need to be overly sensitive to their mothers' emotions and give up their own needs to cater to their mothers and please their mothers. In this way, the child's inner true self can be developed.

Narcissistic mothers love their children only when they respond and meet their own needs.

Therefore, this kind of love that mothers give their children is a kind of conditional love.

Children who have developed a "false self" will feel that they are not good enough in essence. Because it takes a lot of effort to get mom's love, this kind of effort and powerlessness will make children feel that they are not good enough. When I grow up, this inner self-evaluation will be projected outward, and I often feel that people around me will feel that they are not good enough.

When interacting with people, such people often take the way of pleasing and self-suppression, which makes them feel fearful and afraid of saying something wrong and doing something wrong.

Since childhood, survival has been so difficult, and the relationship with my mother is naturally tangled.

In addition to narcissistic mothers, emotional mothers can also cause painful experiences for their children.

Because the mother's emotional confusion and instability will lead to children's fear, anxiety and uncertainty in the relationship.

A mother with stable emotions will be a safe haven for her children. Whenever a child needs emotional support, he will fly back to his mother's arms, and he will get her warm arms and full care.

For example, if a child falls in an amusement park, he will find his mother when he gets up. A mother will comfort her children.

However, mothers with emotional confusion sometimes patiently appease their children and let them feel the love from their mothers; Sometimes they push their children away impatiently and even scold them for getting themselves into trouble.

This will make the child feel confused, because he doesn't know when to run to his mother to get love or be scolded. Emotional mothers sometimes provide children with the function of a safe haven, and sometimes become a source of danger for their children. So children will form a chaotic attachment.

Such children are more likely to go astray, especially in adolescence. Because of the mother's emotional confusion, the child is in a state of vigilance for a long time, and the lack of comfort from the mother will make the child confused and aggressive.

At school, such children are easily rejected by classmates and criticized by teachers. If you make friends with unhealthy social youth at this time, children are prone to prejudice.

In fact, these seemingly brave teenagers seem to be indifferent to their own lives on the surface and lack basic security in their hearts. Their core emotional experience is basically fear and anxiety.

Therefore, when you are with a violent companion, that kind of "high spirits" will make others feel that they are avoiding each other, so as to guard against their inner fears and anxieties.

Naturally, at this time, the mother went crying and shouting "Looking for the child", trying to pull the child back from the edge of the cliff, but it was difficult for the child to turn back. At this point, parents, school teachers, community workers and psychological counselors need to work together.

Many bad relationships with my mother, the crux of which is formed in the early years. And some mothers don't realize it themselves, because their mothers are also the product of their own family.