Outside the window is the bustling traffic, and the window is full of books.
Hu Yinmeng, with short hair and casual clothes, came to me. She is so clean, sitting quietly opposite me, thin but full of peace.
After making a pot of fragrant tea, we started our spiritual journey in the music filled with faint sadness.
In Hu Yinmeng's autobiography "The Incredibility of Life" published last year, she wrote down all kinds of experiences that troubled and violated her physical and mental health in her life with very calm brushstrokes:
My mother and I had a fierce opposition since childhood. When I was eight or nine years old, I was chased into the bamboo forest by my mother at night because I refused to accept her punching and kicking.
As an adult, because of the influence of negative emotions with my mother for many years, my physical condition went from bad to worse, and we didn't open our hearts until my mother died.
In love, her shocking marriage with Li Ao hurt her a lot. Until many years later, you can still feel Li See ao's relentless attack on her.
When she met the most important man in her life-Jason, the father of an only child, at the age of 4 1, she gave birth to this sudden little life as a third party in someone else's marriage.
Then she suffered from severe postpartum depression and found a huge "ovarian teratoma". In the three years after delivery, she completely experienced a nirvana from birth to death and then to rebirth after death.
Perhaps it is these unimaginable hardships that make Hu Yinmeng realize the strength and wisdom of life, and make the dust-free girl who smiles like a child in front of us today.
"Exploring the body and mind is the most fundamental thing, but I don't know how many laps to come back."
Question: Now the pace of life is getting faster and faster, and people have more and more choices. Why is it more and more difficult to bring happiness to people who have success, money and status in the traditional sense?
Hu Yinmeng: Traditionally, pursuing success means "reversing dreams". Not completely, living in an illusion. We think that external things can bring us what we want, but in fact, all external things are not the channels for us to experience the world. We experience the world through our bodies, but our experiences, thoughts and emotions are all reflected through our bodies, because these things are all information.
Information is transmitted to our internal organs through meridians. If people's thoughts and emotions are negative, most people who pursue so-called achievement status are pursuing with anxiety, and those things will hurt their health.
When you have money, but your body has accumulated too much anxiety and pressure, your money has reached an index or goal, but we are still unhappy because of physical and mental disorders. This is called reversing dreams, putting the cart before the horse.
Others don't pursue these things, maybe they pursue emotions, which is also unreliable and beyond people's control. In the end, the mood will change, and there is no such person who can fully meet our needs and requirements. So we are bound to experience some disappointment or disappointment.
Money, status and love only give us some satisfaction, which will undergo many changes. Putting the cart before the horse means ignoring the existence conditions of the subject. These people who strive to pursue outward will certainly consume too much energy after reaching a certain level, either suffering from depression or having many endocrine problems.
She will find that she is still unhappy because her physical and mental conditions are not good enough. So at this time, she will want to find a deeper answer. Exploring the body and mind is the most fundamental, but I don't know how many times I have to go around to come back.
"This requires you to let go. You should let go of all the memories, knowledge, prejudices and conclusions accumulated in your mind, just like seeing him for the first time. "
Question: There is a sentence in the book "Knowing Love": "Addicted lovers are particularly obsessed with their own love concept, rather than being intimate with the other party who thinks they love deeply. They are trapped in their own romantic thoughts, which hinders their ability to really be with each other; I feel distressed in a strong desire, but I mistakenly think it is love or being together. " How to understand this sentence? What is true coexistence?
Hu Yinmeng: Actually, this involves the training of "no self" in religion. Most of us don't really feel the world. Most of us look at the world with a conclusion, a presupposition and a projected mentality. In other words, everyone looks at it with colored glasses.
Few people can completely empty their hearts and truly experience the world and others. For example, when you came to me, did you draw any conclusions about my history? If there is a cognition and conclusion, you will definitely see me through that cognition, then you will not see me now.
What is the truth about me now? That's the real point. Men and women get along in the same way. I've been with this man for ten years, and I'm sure I have some conclusions and prejudices about him. I can't get to know different people now.
Every present him is actually different from yesterday and the day before yesterday. We must get along with others with that conclusion, and this conclusion itself will become an iron wall, and there will be no way for people to communicate freely. ?
Question: How can we break through this iron wall?
Hu Yinmeng: This requires you to "let go". You should let go of all the memories, knowledge, prejudices and conclusions accumulated in your mind, just like seeing him for the first time. Like some western stage actors, he plays a play all his life and every night. How can he impress the audience every night?
He can never say that I have performed 100 performances, 10 years, and then put everything in my head and spit it out mechanically, so you must throw all these things away, and you still have to make your performance fresh. It is necessary to return to zero at any time. Zeroing itself is a kind of freedom, a kind of liberation.
"Each of us has an inner child, how to comfort her, give her support and meet her needs. This is a very important treatment. "
Problem: Many women are expected to play a "kind" and "decent" person at a very young age, but when she is with her close lover, it is often difficult to express her true wishes. Will this affect the relationship with your partner?
Hu Yinmeng: Such a person has been deprived of her childhood happiness, and her mind has a helpful quality. Of course, such people are brave in giving, full of sacrifice and dedication, but it is easy to lose themselves.
It is easy to ignore who you really are, what your needs are, and what your position is. One day, people around you don't need you, you will be at a loss, and you don't know where your value lies.
One day you will encounter this bottleneck, and then you will wake up and find yourself. A person with such a personality pattern may have to do his homework like this. Some people are completely selfish and can't give it at all. These people also have their bottlenecks and problems they have to face.
Question: How does such a woman learn to share herself?
Hu Yinmeng: I always pay attention to the needs of others, but my own needs are basically not fully met. If childhood is already such a form of giving, there will inevitably be many primitive desires that cannot be satisfied.
So many workshops are to help those who are deprived of childhood fun prematurely and re-treat the children in her body. Each of us has an inner child, how to comfort her, give her support and meet her needs. This is a very important treatment.
"2 1 century men have to learn how to get close to people and how to contact them; Women must learn to be independent. "
Question: The question that many women often ask men is "Do you love me?" ? Especially when women make major decisions such as getting married, buying a house or getting pregnant, this sentence is asked more frequently than ever. Does this represent an anxiety about intimacy?
Hu Yinmeng: Let's look at this problem in reverse. Do men often ask women such questions? Very few. Therefore, men's training is to cultivate his independence as soon as possible, and how women's training connects with others is easy to produce dependence. This is the internal anxiety and neurotic demand caused by dependence.
Of course, women's communication ability and communication skills are certainly better than men's, but women's independence is far less than men's. Western transpersonal psychologists have been saying that the lesson given to men in the 2 1 century is how to get close to others and how to contact them.
To be a new good man, a new good man is feminine, and the emotional interaction with others should be developed. 2 1 century women will learn to be independent, which is a common phenomenon.
Question: Do you need proper care and attention when you get along with your lover? How can we master this degree without becoming a control?
Hu Yinmeng: It needs female consciousness. In your communication, words and deeds, do you show your own needs or the needs of the other party? It seems that we are sacrificing dedication, but we are in control through sacrifice and dedication.
This is a very subtle control method. For example, many mothers seem to be making sacrifices for the whole family. In fact, she controls the whole family. If I sacrifice for you, you have to rely on my services. If I don't serve you, won't you lose anything? You rely on my sacrifice and dedication to control you.
Therefore, we must have a deep self-knowledge so as not to fall into these traps. ?
"There must be fear behind your face."
Question: Brad Pitt once said, "One must find someone who can get along with his true self." How do women get along with men's true selves? Understand how the other party gives the other party a chance to fully show their true side.
Hu Yinmeng: In fact, what men yearn for is still affirmation, which is a constraint, because men are taught to achieve it. Women do not have this restriction. Women care about being recognized by the people they love. The restrictions on women must be at the emotional level.
Women must get rid of the problem of "face" if they want men to show their true selves in front of them. Because men's achievements need to be recognized, men have a very serious "face" problem. But there must be fear behind the face, deep fear. You should use your wisdom and skills to make him lose face without being threatened.
The threat is that a woman and a man in * * *, most will project the woman as a second mother. The second mother must have an unconscious sense of authority, because mother is a person who controls and demands us from an early age. The wife will soon become such a role. A lover becomes a wife in a few days, and a wife becomes a mother in a few days. Once you become such a role, it is a threat to men.
Everything you say sounds like a request, a denial and a criticism to him. When he entered this trap, his "face" problem began to work. You have to turn that authoritative expression, or the expression of demands, into a word that won't make him feel threatened.
Actually, this change is very difficult. In your family of origin, you will treat your husband like this, and people will hardly be different from your parents. So first of all, we should be aware of our parents' communication mode, and then you can get rid of that mode. And then develop into a non-threatening model.
Information from dreams:
Now 70% to 80% people feel depressed. In fact, depression is not just a state of mind. Depression is closely related to blockage of meridian system. As long as there is too much turbid gas in the stomach, you will be depressed. This is the upper, middle and lower triple energizer. Once the middle coke is blocked, the upper and lower coke will also be blocked. I get depressed if I can't get through.
So many of them are called physiological depression, but many people don't understand it. And if you don't have enough nutrients and neurotransmitters, it's also depression. My experience is that most people don't know, understand or know what to do about their bodies. So if a person knows how to keep in good health, how to observe his physical and mental relationship, and how to adjust himself, that's good. Far more important than understanding politics and economy.
Most of us are enslaved by our bodies. Don't eat when you should eat, don't rest when you should rest, and don't go to the bathroom when you should go to the bathroom. This is how it works. Why do you have to live like this? What's the point? Can you be happy like this? Can there be happiness? Can there still be love if the body and mind are unhealthy? There won't be.
Everything becomes negative thinking, either anxiety or fear, and there is no positive thinking. So we must be aware of these key points and don't put the cart before the horse. Work, but don't forget to eat and rest during work, take care of yourself and have a good rest. Keeping healthy is not just about diet, nutrition and exercise. Negative emotions are the most important source of all our diseases. If you suppress negative emotions for a long time, it is tumor or cancer. So you should always observe those negative emotions and don't let them continue or aggravate. Can observe and solve at any time.
Women just want to find the value of their own life subject, and always frame the value on their lovers, children and others. Women should cultivate the ability to practice creativity. Then it is necessary to cultivate independence. Finally, we should solve the problems of neurotic emotional reaction and so on. Moreover, most women have the problem of qi deficiency, so they should learn to take care of their bodies.