1.

In the street, a little boy clamored for cotton candy.

Mom pointed to the sugar man in her hand and said, "Didn't you eat the monkey king you just bought?" What do you want? "

The little boy didn't listen, stayed where he was and insisted on buying marshmallows.

Mother had no choice but to agree.

The little boy finally got the cotton candy and said happily to the little sugar man, "Look, Dasheng, your somersault cloud is coming!" " " .

The Great Villain-Zangbiao

2.

A couple were playing in the park when they accidentally found an old man with disheveled clothes behind them.

The girl took her boyfriend and said, "Let's go, there is a beggar behind."

The old man followed closely.

The girl thought, "Oh, my God! It's so hard! "

So he stopped and said coldly to the old man, "No money!"

The old man smiled: "I know you have no money. You just dropped your wallet. I have it here."

Via- north steet

3.

The dust in front of the Buddha statue was swept and covered again, and the chanting stopped and came again.

He whispered the Buddha, and his heart was quiet.

"Master, look at my Pojun."

"....."

"Master, let me get a big fan to dance for you!"

"....."

"I am more familiar with the Shaolin road than Xiufang!"

"....."

"Master ..."

"hmm? ....."

When she looked up, she was as red as fire and as bright as peach blossom.

"I'm getting married."

"....."

Somehow, the beads were scattered all over the floor.

Buddhism and Taoism Exhibition (Kenzo)

4.

Laughed at at school as an adopted son, he went home to hide and secretly cried.

When his mother knew it, she said to him, "Do you know that adoption means that the child does not come out of his mother's stomach, but from his mother's heart?" .

Via- the northern tide is silent

5.

A chameleon fell in love with a girl and followed her secretly every day to protect her from going home.

One night, the chameleon followed the girl as usual. The girl suddenly turned around and walked to the wall that was already the same color as the wall: "Hey, can you talk to me when you want to take me home in the future?"

The chameleon was surprised: "Why can you see me?"

The girl smiled: "Idiot, have you ever seen the wall blush?"

Boring person _

6.

The school arranged a home visit that day, and he came to my home for the first time as a class teacher.

The point is that he is a fool and brought a bag of fruit. He kept asking me all the way: "Do you think I should be called aunt, aunt or mother?"

"....."

"Should I dress formally?"

"......"

"I'm so nervous. I want to meet my future mother-in-law. Am I so handsome? "

"If you don't talk again, I'll tell your mother your final grade!"

"Shuai Shuai handsome! ! ! "

Let's go and see Bahai.

7.

Maybe in ten years, we will meet at a certain intersection. You take your daughter and I take my son.

I smiled helplessly: "What a coincidence ~"

You also smiled: "Yes, what a coincidence. I didn't expect to meet you here. Do you also pick up your children from school? "

Then your daughter poked my son's waist with her elbow and said, "Look, brother, mom and dad are sour again ~ ~"

Via- Source not found (intrusion and deletion)

8.

The female ticket asked the male ticket: "Your mother and I fell into the water at the same time. Who will you save first? "

The male ticket said, "You try."

"Give it a try!" Female ticket drum mouth to say ~

Say that finish, the female ticket plopped into the water. But the mother of the male ticket didn't jump, so they discussed on the shore: "Do you want such a stupid daughter-in-law?"

"After all, IQ is hereditary ..."

Via- e

9.

Once I brought a female ticket home for dinner, my mother kept picking up food for her and said, "Let my son take you back after eating."

The female ticket may have misunderstood my mother's meaning. She put down her chopsticks and said with a look of grievance, "Aunt, don't kick me out. I really like him and I can eat less in the future. "

Encountered confusion

10.

Once I broke my finger and went to orthopedics.

Doctor: "How did you break your finger?"

I said timidly, "I have obsessive-compulsive disorder!" " "

"What is the relationship between your finger amputation and obsessive-compulsive disorder?" The doctor said with a question mark on his face

Then I raised my eyebrows and said, "Martin! Nine of my ten fingers are snapping! No sound! ! "

"....."

Via- Xiaobaida

1 1.

A conversation between a father and his 8-year-old son

Dad: "Do you think dad is strong?"

Son: "Hmm."

Dad: "Do you think Shaolin Kung Fu is great?"

Son: "Awesome!"

Dad: "If I shave my head, can I practice Shaolin Kung Fu?"

The son clapped his hands and said, "Great!"

The next day, the son saw the bald father and said happily, "Dad, come on! Be a master! "

It was my father's first day of cancer chemotherapy.

By seduction

12.

During the Spring and Autumn Period, there was a young man named in Qufu, Lu. He was a fellow villager with the sage Confucius. Weisheng is honest, helpful and trustworthy when communicating with friends, and has been widely praised by neighbors.

Once, one of his relatives ran out of vinegar, so he borrowed vinegar from Weisheng. It happened that Wei Sheng's family didn't have vinegar, but he didn't refuse. He said, "Wait a minute, I'm still in the back room. I will go in and get it. " Weisheng quietly went out the back door and immediately borrowed an altar of vinegar from his neighbor, saying it was his own and gave it to his relatives.

When Confucius learned of this, he criticized Weisheng as the boss of this village, saying that he was dishonest and a little fraudulent. Weisheng doesn't think so. He thinks it is right to help others. Although he lied, his starting point was right. Isn't it wonderful to lie?

Later, Weisheng moved to Liangdi (now south of Hancheng, Shaanxi). He met a beautiful young girl there. They fell in love at first sight, a man and a woman, and privately booked for life. However, the girl's parents don't like the poor family and are firmly opposed to this marriage. In pursuit of love and happiness, the girl decided to elope with her parents and return to her hometown in Qufu with Weisheng.

On that day, the two agreed to meet on a wooden bridge outside Hancheng, and both of them flew away. At dusk, Weisheng came to the bridge to wait in advance. Unexpectedly, all of a sudden, dark clouds were gathering, the wind roared, lightning flashed and thundered, and the rain poured down. Soon flash floods broke out, and the rolling river swept in with sediment, flooding the bridge deck and not reaching the knee.

On the bridge deck outside the city, be there or be square, I remembered the agreement with the girl; Looking around the vast water world, there is no sign of the girl. But he never left, grabbed the bridge column and drowned alive. Moreover, because the idea of eloping leaked, the girl was imprisoned at home by her parents and could not get away. Waiting for an opportunity to escape from home in the dead of night, I came to the bridge outside the city in the rain, and the flood has gradually receded. Seeing the girl clinging to the bridge column, the girl was heartbroken. She hugged her tail and cried.

Yin and yang are separated, and life and death are one. When you cry, you hug each other and throw yourself into the rolling river.

Via- Zhuangzi steals feet.

13.

I was a very naughty person when I was a child.

Once I was in the living room, I made my father angry!

He roared into the bedroom.

I thought he was looking for a stick to hit me, which made me want to run at once.

After a while, my mother came out with a smile and told me, "Your father has been saying in it that the biological ... follows me ..."

I ......

But now I can only say to the empty hall, "Come back! I will never make you angry again! "

Via- child record

14.

He likes Mayday, and she likes Eason Chan.

However, their concert collapsed the next year. She told him that she would accompany her to the May Day concert a year later, but she asked him to go to the concert in Eason Chan with her.

Since then, the two have often quarreled over this issue and finally broke up for various reasons.

A year later, at the concert in Eason Chan, he called her and he still liked her very much.

When the phone rang, they didn't speak, but they heard each other crying.

Because what he heard on the phone was "I miss you suddenly" and what she heard was "ten years".

Via- great

15.

She took her lover home to meet her parents. The young man was polite and diligent, and helped to cook together.

Mother talked about her childhood: "... my daughter was strange since she was a child, and she said she would marry a teddy bear when she grew up."

She echoed: "Yes, if you hadn't suddenly found out after moving, you could still meet your rival in love ~"

The young man smiled and listened, but quietly hid his fingers instead of cutting vegetables. Strangely, instead of bleeding, the wound showed a little white cotton wool. .....

Via- Source not found (intrusion and deletion)

16.

/kloc-Before the age of 0/8, my daughter always wanted to go out to play with friends, but her father persuaded or forced her to stop her.

Two days before 18' s birthday, my father took my daughter to a nightclub to drink, and she was very drunk until her daughter got drunk.

When my daughter got up the next day, she saw a cup of honey water and a note on the bedside.

It says, "You drank half a catty of low-alcohol wine, two cocktails and five bottles of beer yesterday. Remember that this is your limit. Dad can't take care of you forever, so you should behave yourself in the future. "

via-ohshit

17.

The ancient road and the thin horse, the general with the top covered by wind and frost stopped and asked the tea woman on the roadside, "Aunt, do you know where the girl selling tea snacks lives near here?"

Tea Niang smiled, her face weathered: "She married a good family and had no worries about food and clothing. I heard that she is doing well now. "

The general sighed and took out a handkerchief from his pocket. "Please give this back to her for me, and thank her for the tea and snacks." .

As the sun sets, the thin horse goes away.

Tea Niang carefully tied the handkerchief to her wrist, rested on her hips and shouted like a diner, "I am happy today, so tea is half price!" " " .

Via- Dongting county

18.

He is a temporary outpatient doctor. For the needs of the hospital, he eats and lives in the hospital.

Strangely, a beautiful young girl comes to see him every day.

"Madam, according to my diagnosis, there is nothing wrong with your body. One more thing, although it's hard to say, I always think you look like my girlfriend. "

"Are you? That's really decree by destiny, "the woman said with a gentle smile.

Brain department:

"Doctor, he just said he remembered me! He said he remembered me! " That woman cried like a pear in the brain clinic, without the gentle appearance before.

Via- dream song

19.

In primary school, there was an old scavenger who often picked up waste near the school.

Naughty, I wrapped a small piece of soap in candy paper: "I'll treat you to candy."

He put it away happily.

After the prank, I suddenly regretted it. I deliberately avoided him for many days.

Several classmates bullied me at the school gate that day. He suddenly rushed over and swung a stick to protect me. When all the classmates ran away, he said to me, "Nobody invited my old man to eat candy. I couldn't bear to eat for several days. When I wanted to eat, I found that I lost it, but my heart was very sweet. "

I haven't played a prank since then.

Via- heroic and charming

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