I have read before that children always make decisions based on their own understanding of life experiences and form beliefs about themselves, others and the world around them. Children live in a small circle and compare themselves with their brothers and sisters. If some of them do well in one aspect, then their only "survival" choice can only be one of these four:
Develop your abilities in a completely different way.
Competing and trying to do better than other children in the family.
Rebellion or revenge
Give up because you believe you can't win.
In a family, each child may have a different role. We may ask, "Why are the same parents, the same family and the same neighbors so different?" (Of course, there will be exceptions.) The reason why children are different is mainly because each child has made a different explanation of the environment he feels.
Children have good perception, but poor explanatory ability. Children born in the same order usually make similar explanations for themselves and have the same understanding of what actions they need to take to find a sense of belonging and value.
1, the oldest child
The similarity of the oldest child in the family is the easiest to predict because there are few variables. Think about the bosses around me. They are generally responsible and can take care of their younger brothers and sisters. They are usually independent and can dress and eat by themselves; They may follow the rules, after all, sometimes their parents don't necessarily bring them up; They may be overbearing and competitive, after all, they are the first children in the family.
2. The youngest child
The youngest children are usually taken care of by their parents, brothers and sisters. They may even feel that life is unfair because their demands are not met or they are not taken care of by others.
Since family members can serve them at home, teachers should also study for them at school.
Although we think it is absurd to think so, in fact, children in many families are really spoiled. For example, are there any parents who continue to dress their children over 3 years old?
Many of us actually know that this is wrong, but why should we continue to do it?
Parents think this is the best way for them to show their love for their children.
This will happen naturally. There is no need to study hard. He can't dress well now, and his parents have to go through it twice.
It was when I was a child that I needed your help. When he grows up, he may still find you annoying.
Children will have enough time to adapt to the harsh world in the future. Why not let them spend as long as possible relaxed and happy?
It is easy to spoil children and satisfy their feeling of being needed by children. But in the long run, this is not good. Inadvertently deprived the child of the opportunity to develop health skills, and later found that the child was older, but did not have many necessary life skills, complaining that the child was so stupid, but others would not.
So Drexel said, "Never do what a child can do for himself".
3. Only child
An only child may be like the oldest or the youngest. But for the only child, uniqueness may be more important than the first one. You see, all the first astronauts were either bosses, psychological bosses or only children. Is it particularly interesting?
Of course, there will be exceptions to many factors. One of them is gender, and the other is that the entity boss can't play a role.
My grandmother has seven children, and my father is the third, but he has formed the characteristics of the eldest. The reason is that my uncle has a physical defect, while my aunt ranks second. So my father became the boss of the family, and he would unconsciously take care of his younger brothers and sisters.
There is another interesting phenomenon. If a family has seven children, their ages are 19, 17, 15, 9, 7, 3, 1 respectively. Although there is only one actual boss, 9-year-old and 3-year-old children will also be psychological bosses, because they are 4 years older than the children in front of them. There is also a child who is the youngest in reality and two who are the youngest in psychology-15 and 7 years old-because they have been the youngest for more than four years before the children behind them were born.
When a child has the opportunity to live in the same position for more than four years, he has formed a good view of life, self, and how to gain a sense of belonging and value.
The third exception is that children change their ranking positions at will. The second child may become an "Elvis Presley child"-try your best to catch up with the boss. At this time, the boss may give up his typical characteristics as the first child in the family. If the younger son becomes a "catch-up", his coquetry status will naturally be vacant. Then the youngest child in front may fill this vacancy, thus forming the smallest unique personality.
The fourth factor that affects children's sequential personality characteristics is family atmosphere. In families with strong competitive atmosphere, the differences between children will increase. On the contrary, in a family that advocates cooperation and creates a cooperative atmosphere, the differences between children will be reduced.
The content behind is a bit interesting.
1, in learning. The youngest may indicate that they use their learning difficulties to get more special care. For example, because of overindulgence, children have never experienced a sense of responsibility, so they don't want to do anything for themselves (including study).
How many of us hate it when our parents tell us that we can do better as long as we work hard? The attitude behind this sentence is often preaching or disappointment, which hurts people. "I obviously work hard. How do you know I don't work hard? "
2. Marriage. The largest and smallest are usually more attractive to each other. One side likes to be taken care of, and the other side is willing to take care of others. This combination looks like a perfect match. When two bosses get married, it is usually because they appreciate the same characteristics of each other and are proud of themselves. Two young people usually get married because they find that they will be happy together.
Of course, problems usually arise in these areas. Being the boss is boring, because I always take all the responsibilities and feel that no one takes care of me. When two people can't agree on who has the final say and whose way is the best; The trouble began when two people complained that the other party didn't take good care of themselves.
In fact, as long as there is mutual understanding, respect, cooperation and a sense of humor, any combination between people may succeed.