1.

When I updated Article 146, I finally wrote in the comment area at the bottom of the article: The day shift is suspended and the return date is undecided.

When I was chatting with the goddess, her words made me think for a long time. She said: we are not writers, but we have forced ourselves to do this, and our tired half-life is almost gone.

That's true.

At first, we just regarded writing as a hobby. We don't know when it started, but we just regarded it as a part-time job.

My daily life has become heavier and heavier from the previous light and pleasant. The purpose is too strong, and I am out of breath.

In order to get to work on time, I need to get up at six in the morning, prepare lessons at school at half past seven, read early and attend classes. I need to finish the day shift in my spare time, go to the gym after work, and think about reviewing the manuscript on my way back.

During that time, I went home to live, but when I got home at night, I sat down and said no more than ten sentences to my parents. I hate sitting in front of them and playing with my mobile phone, but during that time, I had to chat with them at night and review the manuscript quickly.

2.

Multitasking, lack of sleep, and staying up late for a long time finally made my tight string unable to support. My skin condition began to deteriorate. I began to get irritable and angry with my family and students. I started looking through my mobile phone, waiting for useful and useless information. I started to feel at a loss when I went to the gym.

I began to rethink whether it is useful to be so busy.

I admit that enrichment is the state I want, but such busyness is eroding me step by step and consuming my enthusiasm.

I remember, I haven't sat down to read and take notes for a long time. I haven't seen you for months, so I relaxed and brushed two episodes of American TV. I didn't chat with my family and friends in depth to understand each other's recent situation. I always feel busy, which is an explanation for myself and also reassuring the people I love.

However, life has never left such a purpose. Tracing back to the source, life is our destination, not a means, and the balance of state is also in ourselves.

3.

I deliberately emptied myself and suspended many useless things, which seemed important to me before.

I imagined that I would be like in a TV series. Empty, divorced from life, thanks to the expert's advice, epiphany, and then rose to a higher level.

The reality is that the world is still busy and everyone has their own life. In fact, I long for them to stop, stay and talk. However, it seems that few people want to stop.

Then I can interpret this positive as that everything is fine with them.

My life is still plain. Go to work, get off work, and punch in. I still feel headache when I face naughty children every day. I will spit out the unpalatable food in the canteen, and occasionally send a message to friends in my circle of friends who show love and say that I am very happy. I will slowly sink my heart, go to school, write an article in a notebook with a pen, feel the power of different words, watch TV dramas with my favorite actors in my spare time, go to bed early slowly, and cook a few meals for myself without getting angry.

At first, I felt very miserable, because it was a waste of time, but after deliberately slowing down, what I could feel was relaxation and strength, which made me very useful.

The extremes meet, and I'm talking about people like me. If you don't understand life, you are talking about people like me.

4.

I don't want to sum up what I learned and gained during my deliberate off-duty days. After all, no matter what kind of life, it was my original choice. Right or wrong, only in yourself.

What we can do is to stop once in a while and think about whether such a day is what we originally wanted and whether such a state has brought me to the best.

My friend once told me that you should make your life your own, not what others say.

My teacher said: lovely, I still appreciate you two years ago, so naive and full of pride.

Sister Ai Luo said: Maturity and growth are the precipitation of Qian Fan's afterlife. Some experiences must be experienced in person. Work hard and try the road you have never taken in your life.

Mom and Dad said: As long as you are safe, healthy and have a good life, we will be satisfied.

Writing here, I suddenly feel that my life is so rich and lucky. There will always be some people who give me just the right guidance in my life. This made me understand that although I sometimes deviate, my initial heart has never changed.

5.

I once fell into deep self-doubt, afraid of failure, afraid of strangers breaking into my world, and fear and insecurity invaded my whole body, which made me more cautious and treading on thin ice.

I also feel that happiness has abandoned me, which makes me feel uneasy and makes me desperately want to fill myself up.

The reality is just like what Shen Jiayi once said: Many things in life are in vain.

In vain, for too many people, that's not what they want. But for me at this moment, I need such futility.

I need to be in a daze in front of the mirror. I don't know what I did for a long time. I need to be in a daze. I need to be nervous occasionally. I need to put down the rigid rules and regulations, day after day.

6.

Life is incomplete, and she is mixed with futility and half the effort. And my past, those imperfections, is the only way to present myself completely.

Only by coming to the present can we rush to the future.

We may not be anyone, but we cannot forget who we are and what we want to be.

The sunshine outside the window is just right. Why not stretch lazily, sit down and flip through that beloved book or call someone to drink the most delicious tea in twos and threes?