Someone once asked: When is the hardest time after lovelorn?
The answer that touched me most was: the moment when I went to bed at night and the moment when I got up in the morning.
Perhaps the hardest thing is not to drink with friends, to get drunk while crying, or to feel depressed and miss for a long time.
This is the most difficult moment:
In the morning, I habitually picked up my mobile phone and found that there was no good morning message; I want to send something interesting to each other, but I think that we are no longer so close;
It's hard to get drunk and throw up, but the hardest thing is to throw up until you wake up and know that you have lost each other.
If you want to come back, but you have tried hard, and you don't know how to give up, you can get out of your life again. Then the following can help you.
1. Cut off all contact with him: this is the premise of everything. If you haven't done it yet, please act now, because from the moment you finish this work, he will really start to leave your life completely. "Goodbye is also a friend?" Can you still be friends after breaking up? If you can really achieve this state from the heart, you are not interested in seeing the answer to this question at all. So, from now on, please face your heart.
He won't change his mind and accept the fact that he doesn't care about you, so he left you, so from that moment on, he will only care less about you, and your feelings will be sent to the garbage station as garbage. Few people will go to the garbage station to get the garbage thrown back. Even if there is, they will always resent it from the bottom of their hearts and will not cherish it: after all, they have already thrown it once, and there is basically no psychological burden of throwing it again. So don't stand at the garbage station and wait for that person to come back and look for garbage.
3. Don't lose to your own fantasy: You may fantasize that he suddenly changed his mind from time to time. This is a psychological compensation mechanism. This is the primitive mechanism of the brain. He will appear when human reason is weak, which is a primitive "beast" of human beings. If you lose to this fantasy, your reason will soon be defeated, and you will do something that you always regret.
4. How to fight against your fantasies and delusions: When you find yourself in a fantasy, when the terrible voice of your brain appears, you should realize and summon your own reason in time and organize to appease unrealistic delusions. For example, you can think about 10 with him, or you can not accept being with him. When you think of the fifth question, you will probably think: "I need to spend red wine to celebrate, thank you for not being with him."
5. Write down all the things you don't like about him: Writing it can make the motor nerve and visual system cooperate with you to forget him, let the cerebellum participate, and weaken the emotional system's control over your thoughts.
6. List all the things you didn't do because of him: write them out, too, without keeping a diary, because you don't need an emotional system to participate in this, just simply take out a pen and paper and type on your mobile phone or computer to see how many beautiful people and interesting things you missed because of him.
7. List all the boys you meet in your life who are smarter, more mature and better than him. Complete the list of the above three items, so you see, he is really not your only Mr. Right.
8. Start the "100-day self-improvement" plan: when lovelorn, the disadvantaged party often falls into a self-denial mood, similar to self-blame, which often contains some sadness and anger, making people fidgety. You need to get rid of this bad state at once and make yourself better. For example, you can go to the gym and make yourself a plan of 100 days. Go to the gym every day and get 1% progress every time. 100 days means 100%. If you don't go one day, you can ask for leave 1%, but remember to make up. Take photos every weekend and record your progress. Of course, you can also try some other new hobbies, you don't have to exercise, you can also read 30 books, run, 50 movies and so on. But you should follow the 100 day rule.
9. Appreciate the love around you: When your current job leaves you, you may feel that no one in the world loves you/that you don't deserve to be loved. I tell you it's not true, but he doesn't deserve your love, and you still have a lot of people's love. So at this time, you need to feel the love of not fade away around you, for example, call your parents and call one every day, because you may feel that you have lost love now, but you don't realize that there are people who love you unconditionally and are willing to do anything for you.
10. Get your friends involved: Tell your friends directly that you need help, but don't talk about any emotional details. Tell them it's important to you. Explain clearly to them how to help you: for example, accompany you to the gym, become part of your 100 day plan, become better with you, and help you not miss any day. They also have a task: when you mention your predecessor, stop you immediately, yes, don't say any nonsense. If your friend broke up, you can forward this article to him. )
1 1. Free venting: When you feel sad and painful, free venting: stay in a comfortable place and keep your mobile phone away from you as far as possible, because your mind was down at that time, and you might call that person. Cry if you want. Tears are a good thing, which will make you feel much better and be good for your health.
12. Don't listen to love songs: Don't listen to any love songs and don't be influenced by these off-site factors. Listen to more healing songs, and think the internationale is very nice (laughs).
13. Don't talk about your ex: if you meet someone, telling your tragic love story is actually a switch to restart your bad mood. And they will only sympathize with you for a while, and then leave with an embarrassed and polite smile. But you will still be the one who thinks about him all day and suffers.
14. Optimize your social circle: reconnect with friends you haven't seen for a long time and try to make new friends at the same time. Talk to colleagues more. Because they know nothing about your private life, they will talk about office politics, talk about the boss and even tell you some interesting stories. The key is to optimize the social circle, because people instinctively don't want more people to participate in their own lives. After a long time, people will easily live in self-deception that is out of touch with reality. So you need to cultivate your old social habits, get out of your comfort zone, optimize and build a better social circle, and make everything better.
15. Keep your energy: be active when you are alone. For example, you go to work by subway every day. Don't just sit there, because the most important thing in your mind is the recent tragedy. If you do nothing, it will soon be occupied by bad emotions. So, find something to do, such as reading or listening to audio books. Choose what you like best or what you are interested in. This will not only keep you busy, but also increase your knowledge and make you better.
16. Emotional self-consistency: This is very, very important. Every mature individual should realize and admit that a mature person does not need another person to make his life complete. Without him, you are still you, and your life can only be enriched and complete by yourself.
17. Lick celebrity handsome guys more: Look at those talented and moral celebrity handsome guys. Daniel Wu, Hugh, Chen Kun and Jin Mei, look at their profiles, fan them, look at their photos and appreciate their handsomeness. Because they are celebrities, your brain knows that what you like is not "love". Then why did you do it? Because in the past, you might think that he is the most handsome man in the world, which actually kidnapped your mind. So, in order to end all this, you should see that there are many other beautiful ways in this world. Look at different models, singers and actors, and try to go out and see the handsome guys in the street until you fully realize that there are too many beautiful people in this world. ? Your predecessor is just one of them. This will also help you get rid of your exclusive binding with him.
18. Travel: Travel within your own budget, as long as you are in a strange place, as long as you can leave now. Through travel, you will see a richer and more wonderful world. You will know that you can handle things by yourself. You don't need his help. You are very independent, which is exactly what you need. Your world once revolved around that person. You need to get rid of him, look at other people and things, and add some new luster to your life, which will make you better.
19. Stay away from him like a drug: I used to miss him every day and my mind was full of him. Now suddenly want to stop, people's brains will have all kinds of uncomfortable feelings. This feeling is that the brain is trying to cope with this unexpected change. You used to be used to his existence, just like drugs, so now he is suddenly gone, which will make the brain appear similar to withdrawal reaction.
20. Don't smoke or drink: If drinking can solve the problem, then the alcoholics all over the world are estimated to be billionaires, and few of them make themselves poor. And don't smoke, don't watch others fall in love, smoking will follow suit, which will make people look stupid. And it will ruin your appearance, your health, your energy, your lungs and heart and keep many people away from you. In a word, alcohol and tobacco are useless, and you are the most trustworthy person.
2 1. Stick to the first six steps: during this period, you may have some doubts about the practice in "25 steps", because you miss him too much, so it must be true love. Well, again, because you are addicted to him, your brain demands immediate satisfaction, so now your brain will not remind you of the unpleasant things between you and him, but only pay attention to the beautiful parts. This is a typical addictive behavior: when smokers quit smoking and have withdrawal reaction, the brain will give various reasons why they should smoke, and people with weak will will smoke again. So if you don't change your mind, you will never get rid of anything. Therefore, it is very important to stick to the first six steps and repeat them firmly.
22. Watch the drama: Because getting out of the last relationship is a gradual process, not an immediate switch, you must keep yourself busy. You can watch some healthy reality shows in your spare time, and never watch romantic movies, especially Korean dramas (you know). Comedy, animation, drama, crime, superhero, anything but romance. As long as you persist, you will get better soon and gradually forget the existence of your predecessor, which will make you know more about self-control and management while suffering the least.
23. Be patient: This may be the hardest step. Whenever you feel out of control or even start to panic, watch some comedies, take a nap and play with friends to keep yourself busy. Because no matter how dedicated you are and how powerful your heart is, people are always a combination of animals and beasts, and wild animals will always appear occasionally, which makes people feel uneasy and struggling occasionally. This will destroy your mental state and make you want to do something stupid that you will regret later. So be patient, stick to it, don't be defeated by your original animal nature, and realize that these are just inevitable psychological fluctuations, which will soon pass, and then everything will return to normal.
24. Five goals statement: Try to make yourself better and tell yourself that you must live better than him. Write down five goals in black and white, and write down five things that will surprise you and come true within one year, such as: I want to earn 500 thousand, I want to read 20 books, I want to master a new language, I want to learn to play musical instruments, I want to buy a new pink car, I want to travel to Italy and so on. Write down five statements full of hopes and challenges, hang them on the wall and promise to realize them at any cost.
25. You do these things to learn to love yourself: you do all these things for yourself, not for that person, not to show off, nor to punch him in the face. You will open a new chapter in your life, and your life will be better, more planned, wiser and more fulfilling. Everything is for your self-esteem and self-love.
Remember: the first six steps and five goal statements.