Then let's make the whole definition of perseverance clear first, and then look at what important elements perseverance contains. First, determined people should establish a positive relationship with others, which can have a positive impact on others. If a person's perseverance is based on hurting the people around him, or he is bent on his own way, does not cooperate with others at all, and runs counter to the whole society, then we know that many antisocial personalities really have such unshakable goals, and he insists on doing a terrible thing, which is not perseverance. So the first characteristic: being able to establish a positive relationship with others. I hope everyone will reflect on themselves.
The second kind is called hope. Optimism and open-mindedness means that you persist in this matter, not because of pain, not because of gnashing your teeth, not because I suffered this injury when I was a child, so I must prove it to others, but because you have hope, you are happy and optimistic.
The third is humility. Buffett said something two days ago, which I think is particularly right. Buffett talked about modesty when answering questions from shareholders. He said that no matter how much money you earn, you should be modest. Why? Look at the white cross of the World War II Monument. You can never say that your achievements are your own, because those people made sacrifices for you, and you will have today. Just like when we passed the Monument to the People's Heroes, why should we build a monument there? You know, the good life we can get is all bought by blood and sacrifice. So if you keep this humble attitude, you can become more determined. There is a connection between the two, because you will gain more strength.
The fourth characteristic is self-confidence. You know some things are beyond your control, but you should try to do the part that you can control. This is the fourth characteristic. The fifth is that you give, not take. What a determined person does is to contribute to the whole society, not just for his own welfare. Seeking benefits for yourself is called greed, that is, you are constantly greedy. You say, "This house is not full, you need to put some more money in it." In this process, you may have made long-term efforts, and you are constantly insisting on doing so, but that is not persistence. It also includes moderate concentration. Why do you say moderate concentration? It was Confucius who said, "I am different and omnipotent." Confucius is a flexible man. You can't be paranoid about not moving towards your goal. This is called moderate concentration. Your concentration is related to your overall goal and the overall social environment, so be moderate. The seventh characteristic is tenacity. You can get up after falling like the immortal Xiao Qiang, and then learn from your failures. We talked about the book "Lifelong Growth", which is about this quality, and we constantly learn from failure. The last one is sincerity. These nine characteristics constitute real perseverance.
The godfather of positive psychology is Martin seligman. He said that the five elements of happiness are called PERMA, P-E-R-M-A. What do these five elements include? The first is positive emotion, and the second is devotion, which is "flow". Everyone has heard of the book flow, and you will know that the only reason why you are not interested in this matter is because you have not invested enough. You should put enough energy into this matter, even frying an egg is fun. This is what we talked about in the book Flow. So the second element is the input. The third is interpersonal relationship. Happiness should be supported by good interpersonal relationship. The fourth is meaning, that is, you should give meaning to what you do. The fifth is called achievement. You see, when we understand happiness, we often choose one of these five. We believe that happiness is meaning and happiness is interpersonal relationship. In fact, these five are very important. Positive emotion, devotion, interpersonal relationship, meaning and achievement, these five things together, you can get real happiness. So in this part, I hope you can refer to the two books "Flow" and "The Method of Happiness", and we will know how to cultivate our own happiness ability, that is, to ignite your perseverance with happiness.
What do you mean? How does happiness ignite perseverance? Happiness works on perseverance in three ways. The first aspect is called improving tolerance. Happiness can improve tolerance, that is, if a person has happiness, then his tolerance for pain will be much higher. When interrogating a prisoner, both sides have a very common trick, that is, telling the prisoner that your family abandoned you and showed you pictures of your family. Your wife is married to someone else, and your child is with someone else. As long as you show this thing to the person being interrogated, he will often collapse. He has no support and no happiness. Therefore, when a person has happiness, hope and vision for the future, he can endure great pain. If not, even this endurance will be reduced. So happiness can help us to improve our tolerance for pain, which is a process of igniting our perseverance.
The second is that when you feel difficult, you can close your eyes and take a time trip. Time travel is not just staring at the immediate difficulties, but thinking about what it will be like after a period of time and sketching out the scene. Have you seen a movie called bodyguards and assassins? In this film, the person who plays Wang Xueyin's son is the child who made a body double for Sun Yat-sen and then died. The child smiled before he died, and then said to Ah Si, Nicholas Tse's role, Ah Si, you know, every morning when I open my eyes, I see a new China, just as you love that girl. I love a new China, and I hope China can be different. It was with such a dream that he went to do this revolutionary cause, so in the end, he even walked past happily with a smile. This is the way we talk about time travel.
The other is the fun of finding help. When you can do a good thing every day, you do something for others, and you take out your time, money or energy to create some benefits for others and share them with others, you will be very happy at this time. We have demonstrated this in many books, and it can be demonstrated and can be used to do psychological experiments. The most famous experiment they did was to let a group of people give up their seats on the bus and let a group of people not give up their seats. Then you measured your state after getting off the bus and found that the state of giving up your seat was better. I gave up my seat and stood all the way. As a result, I am in a particularly good state and full of energy. People who don't let their seats sit there, as a result, the day is very unhappy and their energy is not strong. The reason is that your inner evaluation is lowered, and you don't secrete enough exciting things in your body, so helping others will bring pleasure.
Next, the third seasoning is the target. There are many books about management by objectives, such as smart principles and OKR management methods, which are all related to objectives. The point to be emphasized here is the goal of internal drive. There is a famous person in the community where the author lives. This celebrity used to be a swimmer on the American swimming team, but when the child swam as a child, no one thought that the child would become an Olympic swimmer because his parents didn't pay attention to it. Every time I go to training, my parents help me carry my backpack, take my children to swim, and the children swim there. My parents have been watching, cheering and encouraging me-you know American families like their parents to participate in their children's activities-only this child has never been accompanied at home, and every time he carries his bag alone, then he jumps in, swims silently, and then goes ashore, unknown, and no one thinks. As a result, the child became a swimming champion and represented the United States in swimming competitions.
Why? That is, all his motivation is not from external drive at all, not from the glory of his parents, nor from the reward of the school. He wants to enroll in a university, but no, he just wants to swim by himself, and he has been swimming there. So we have to think about it, the goal that can bring us real effective perseverance must come from the heart, that is, I want to do such a thing from the heart. You are like I want to talk about books, whether I make money or not, because it is interesting and fun; I like to watch movies and things like that, and I want to watch movies if I spend money. That is to say, you have the internal driving force and motivation to do this kind of thing, and you don't need someone to reward you or exchange with you. This is the most important thing in a person's life, that is, to find the internal driving force for setting goals.
Another way is to write down your goals, maybe more than one, when you feel that your goals are not enough to bring motivation. I once saw a teacher ask us to take out a piece of paper and give you fifteen minutes to write 100 goals. I'm so stupid. I said, where is the goal of 100? "There are always 100 targets, write!" Then I started writing 100 goals. At that time, when I wrote about buying a car and a house, I began to scribble, starting with this small goal that is the easiest to think of, and then where to travel. As a result, you later found yourself unable to stop and kept writing and writing. Then when you really wrote for 15 minutes, you found that 100 goals were not finished, and you probably wrote dozens of goals. A whole piece of paper is full of various goals.
At this time, the teacher asked him how he felt when he finished writing. Everyone began to share, full of motivation, I want to do something, I want to do something now. Right? Because you suddenly sorted out that you have so many things you want to achieve. This is a very interesting method. Maybe some people will do it on New Year's Day, that is, on New Year's Day or 1, and write down New Year's goals, not just one. Sometimes writing too much can be very powerful. This is what we say, and writing down goals is also a way. If anyone wants to know more about this part, they can listen to us talk about the working law of OKR, which is a very effective book and can help us manage our goals. This is the third seasoning, which is to set goals.
The fourth is self-discipline. Self-regulation is related to willpower, which can be exercised. This first comes from the marshmallow experiment-let the children refrain from eating that marshmallow, some children refrain, and some children don't, and then follow these children for 30 years to see their performance. It turns out that those children who hold back have much higher grades than those who don't hold back and ask for sugar. This is what we call the expression of willpower. So willpower is a self-regulating process.
But willpower will be consumed, which is very interesting. On that day, we had a member company of "65438+100000+"to ask me. He cooked durian honey and baked durian. He told me, Teacher Fan, where do you think we should open the store? I said it goes without saying that it must be on my way to work. Find a passage that people who leave work must take, and open it there, not on the way to work. It's no use opening it on the way to work. He said, why? How can you be so sure? I said that because people are self-disciplined on the way to work, he is energetic and self-disciplined today, so he will never eat sweets. When he sees candy walking around, he can't buy them. But when I get off work, I am very tired. As long as I smell this fragrance, I will spend money to buy it. This is also the reason why a large number of dessert shops must be opened on the way to work, because people have a relaxed willpower after work and have no such self-adjustment ability.
So when your self-regulation ability begins to decline, your willpower begins to weaken. Here is an interesting case. She said that Obama never cared what clothes he wore. He wears it when others show it to him, and never chooses it. Zuckerberg just wore a T-shirt, which was changed in various colors or words. Anyway, he wears a T-shirt all the time, so he doesn't have to choose. Why? When you can delegate many decisions to others, you save a lot of decision-making energy. Decision making is a very tiring thing. What do you think you did today if the decorator wanted to choose the furniture city to carry the lights? I didn't do anything, and I was half tired. Why? Constantly comparing and making decisions is a very energy-consuming thing. So if you can be like Obama, you can live a simpler life, don't worry about what you don't worry about, and focus on the most important things to make decisions. Now everyone understands why I always wear this dress? It's too easy. Where to go, just a work suit. This is the first one, that is, learn to empower others and preserve your self-regulation ability. Willpower is slowly cultivated through such a series of methods. But now we understand that willpower is a part of perseverance, perseverance is a bigger concept, and willpower is a part of it.
At the same time, we should learn to refuse many things in life, because only when you refuse bad things can you make room for good things. If we don't make choices in life, we feel that all opportunities need to be seized. If we don't make choices, then you will find that your energy will soon run out. This is the fourth formula we talked about. Learn to adjust yourself with willpower.
The fifth is adventure. Life always needs to take some risks. If you don't want to take any risks, it may not be perseverance to stay in your comfort zone all day. So how to cultivate a little adventurous spirit? Learning this method is to turn "why" into "why not". We often ask why we should do it, why I should do it and why you want me to do it. You change it to: Why not do it? When you change it to why not do it, the reasons for doing it gradually come out. Therefore, the change of the way of asking questions can bring about the change of our way of thinking. Then I started taking some small risks. You know it's very risky for my dad to spend 10 thousand yuan on stocks, so everyone's risk is different. Then we can all try to challenge ourselves, give ourselves some chances to take risks, or start a business with others. Let's make tens of thousands of dollars together. Let's try a small crowdfunding activity. This is a process of starting an adventure.
Also, when you need to make a decision, don't discuss anything with negative people. Negative people discuss problems with you, and everything will hit you. There are many such people in life. If you find that every time you discuss a problem with this person, you feel that you can't do it, then you can discuss it with another person in the future and try not to always discuss the problem with such a person. This is a process of optimizing your circle of friends, so this is the fifth formula, called adventure.
The sixth is called patience. It is important to cultivate patience. The way to cultivate patience is straightforward. She said that if you try to play chess, just play chess and leave. This is the way to cultivate patience. There are also things like tidying up the garden, cleaning the pool and washing dishes, which is also a process that brings you patience. At this time, you will find that your patience is gradually improving. There is also a queue. You see, Japanese people especially like to line up. Whenever the Japanese see the captain, they will stand back for half an hour and wait for an eel dinner. Waiting in line all the time is an effective process to cultivate patience. And delay decision-making. There are many things that you don't need to make a decision at once. Consider for a period of time, delay decision-making and cultivate your patience.
The last trick, which I think is the most interesting, is called learning to look at art. Learning to look at art can bring great help to people's patience. There is a book called Insight, which I didn't talk about because it is too profound and has nothing to do with most people's lives. What does it say? In other words, art critics teach FBI agents and detectives to look at the Mona Lisa, Rembrandt and various paintings every day, and help them solve crimes while looking at this painting. If a person can carefully understand all the hidden things in the painting, then he will become very keen when he has an insight into life. This is an exercise method. So when we all look at the painting, the main purpose is to see if it is true, and then take a photo and leave, just take a photo with the painting and leave. We don't really appreciate the changes there.
You know there is an ancient painting in China called The Journey to the West. There are many secrets hidden in "Journey to the West Mountain", even the name of the painter, the text of the title and so on are hidden in the painting. One day, the president of the National Palace Museum in Taipei was reading the Western Hills Tourism Map with a box lunch. Their job is to look at these paintings all day, eat lunch boxes, and look at the Western Mountain Tourism Map. Suddenly found the name Fan Kuan hidden in the painting, hidden in the corner of the painting, this is a discovery in the history of art, all this comes from epiphany, and the cultivation of this epiphany can bring us great patience. Therefore, teaching children to learn some slow things, playing chess, watching artworks and visiting museums can all help us to improve our patience.
Then next, the next recipe is called humility. Modesty has very specific methods, and modesty can also be trained. Of course, you said, from a deep psychological level, it comes from the experience you suffered in your childhood. If you feel a lot of hurt and insecurity as a child, then you are likely to become very arrogant. Arrogance is a sign of insecurity. Then let's not talk about this in-depth principle, but talk about specific methods.
The author says that a method of cultivating humility is particularly useful. The first is to stop taking selfies. If you go to see your circle of friends, if you look back, you will find that they are all my selfies. I put a few photos every day, and I have revised them, right? Jiugongge this kind. Then there must be something wrong with you, so you must learn to stop taking selfies first. Maybe you can't help it. Just send one every three days. Then make a plan for yourself, not talking about yourself for one day and not talking about yourself for one day. When we often chat with others, others tell us what his experiences and stories are. I also met an event, and the experience was more abundant. You always impose yourself on others. Can you listen carefully to what others say and listen to what others say? So if we take a day off to do a spiritual task for ourselves and say that we don't talk about ourselves this day, it is a very effective way to cultivate modesty.
Another is to find criticism. Find a friend and ask them to give you advice and see what you can improve. The last way is for you to write a sincere thank-you letter. If you can sincerely write a thank-you letter to someone, thank him for his help, not pointing out criticism-pointing out shortcomings is a kind of help-but saying that he has really helped you a lot in your life. Not modest comes from not knowing how to be grateful, that is, we don't think what others do is very important to us. We feel that all this is mainly due to my efforts, mainly because I have talent, and I have done it. At this time, it is difficult for you to be modest. So if you can really thank you, these four methods are simple: stop taking selfies, stop talking about yourself for a day, then find criticism and write a thank-you letter, and your sense of humility will gradually emerge.
Why should that man be humble? A humble person, his life is full of gratitude, and he will improve his happiness. When a person feels that he is particularly awesome and everything is particularly great, everyone is not pleasing to the eye and feels that society has wronged me, so he can't be happy. This matter is for your consideration. It doesn't matter to us whether you are humble or not. Good-looking is good-looking It doesn't matter. But this thing is for your consideration. If you become humble, you will become happier because you are full of gratitude.
The second thing is that you should know that the whole society is actually mutual, that is, you have me, I have you, and even between us and such a table, we should be full of gratitude. Because you have to know how difficult it is to get this table, and it takes a lot of karma to get together and be used by you today. Here, bread contains other people's hard work and love for you. If you can find this feeling of mutual penetration, you will feel nothing to be proud of. You should feel that these people around you are people who have brought you great help. This is the concept of mutual access.
Lao Tzu also said, "share the dust with its light", that is, a person is really great. It doesn't mean that wherever he goes, others will think "this person is great, what a great person", but that others can't see you, and others will see you just like others. Harmony with light, "frustrating its spirit and resolving its disputes" is such a gentle state. So, when you are humble, you can give generously to others. Otherwise, you think it is the result of your efforts. Why give it to others? You should know that many people shed blood and sweat to create this environment, so you can have today, so giving others will also bring you happiness.
Then the last point to be made is that modesty should not slip into inferiority. If you are humble to the end and find that I am nothing, nothing and nothing, then I will become inferior and inferior. In fact, the most appropriate statement is that people are equal, and everyone is not much better than others in any way, but it is not completely inferior to others. That is, people are equal and their values are the same. At this time, you can be honest with yourself and others, thank others and know your value. This is a state of self-confidence and modesty.
The next element is persistence. That is, when you learn all the above things, the last thing you need to do is to stick to it. Some people say that I just can't persist, and I find it difficult to persist. It doesn't matter, there are methods in this book. What is its method? I appeal to everyone to do so. It is that you record three difficult things you did today every day. I often see a lot of people who feel that they have done nothing difficult at the end of the day, but that everything is simple, fun and comfortable, and thus gradually become a person who has always been like that. But if you can pick three difficult things to do every day, that is, I don't want to do it and feel pressured, but I did it today and I wrote it down.
For example, I did three difficult things yesterday. The first thing, running, is that I need to run according to the coach's requirements. Running is very challenging for me. As a result, I ran the record of 5 kilometers per hour yesterday. This is my personal record. I can write it down: I finished an arduous task today-running, running 5.6 kilometers. Then the second difficult thing, I prepared three books, that is, preparing such books into brain maps, which is a very difficult thing. It takes brains and pressure, and then I finished preparing these three books. Then the third thing, I have a person in charge of the company from Shanghai to Beijing to have a meeting with me and sort out the development of the whole company. The third thing: combing the veins. Then, besides that, you don't have to remember who you had coffee with, who you talked to, and what dinner you attended, because that's normal and won't bring you challenges. If you can record three difficult things for yourself every day and stick to it, your perseverance will be greatly exercised. So this is what I think I like about this book. It has many methods, and I'll tell you this method. Get used to it when you go home, and just remember it slowly.
Another way is to collect some persistent stories to tell others and yourself. Collecting perseverance stories is a way to greatly improve perseverance. Another trick is to gamble with yourself, set a goal for yourself, and then gamble with yourself. You don't need to prove it to others, but you can make a small bet with yourself.
Another interesting thing is to pretend to be a character. In the NBA, a player will do a strange action after playing the ball, and then the commentator doesn't know what he is doing or why he is doing it. Then the reporter went to ask him what you were doing. He said I imagined myself as Iron Man. I told myself before I played today that I played Iron Man today. So he's playing Iron Man. He always thought he was an iron man, so when pitching or dunking, he posed as an iron man. This is one way, that is, you find yourself a role. He suggested that you learn from Gladiator, Hulk and the Monkey King. Even if you set yourself a pretend role, your state will be different.
And find a partner. I feel the same way about it. When I am in fitness, every time I go to the gym, it is iron. It is because I have two partners who let me go together every day when I arrive that I can persist in such a painful job. Since they graduated from two universities, I have stayed to study as a graduate student, and then I stopped practicing. You really can't work so hard alone, and your other half is gone. So if we can find a partner, we have a chance to help us stick to it.
The last way is to take the initiative to make friends with determined people. In life, if you want to find a persevering person, you should get closer to others and make more friends with them. This is called "Peng Sheng Ma Zhong, involuntarily straight". Pengcao is soft, but if the hemp around you grows hard, you will be straight there. So you find your own environment, find people who can bring you positive energy and perseverance, and make friends with them. The influence between them will directly bring you to the platform of perseverance. That's the way we talk about sticking to it.
You need to have enthusiasm, pursue happiness, have goals, learn to adjust yourself with willpower, take risks, be humble and patient, and then stick to it. This is a deep understanding of perseverance. I hope this book will help you understand that "my children and I need perseverance." Therefore, perseverance is actually a very important good quality of the Chinese nation. You see, in our cultural tradition in China, there are myths such as "Gong Yu is one mountain", "Jingwei fills the sea" and "Kuafu pursues the sun", all of which represent our indomitable tradition and quality. Otherwise, it is impossible for us to gradually develop such a great Chinese civilization in the middle and lower reaches of the Yellow River.