To my two daughters:

To my two daughters:

This day will come so fast that your father and I will have to accept the fact that you will date and finally settle down. When that moment comes, we hope you choose a romantic partner (man or woman, it doesn't matter to us) who makes you happy-a kind, honest and respectful person (there are more, but we will talk about this soon). Interestingly, when you choose that partner, you know very little about what it really means to spend the rest of your life with someone. In some ways, the old saying is true: this is a leap of faith.

We know that one day, your father and I will finally accept the reality, you will go out and date boys, and finally start your own family. When that day comes, we sincerely hope that you can choose a romantic life partner. It doesn't matter to us whether it is a man or a woman. The important thing is that he (she) can make you happy, kind, honest and worthy of respect (of course, there are some qualities, but don't worry, we will talk about them next). Interestingly, often when you choose that partner, you may not know that you will spend the rest of your life with it. To some extent, the old saying is right: this step is a miracle of heaven. Although the future is unknown, I have gone out with strong confidence.

As a culture, we spend a lot of time developing academic knowledge, strengthening our physique, and deciding where to go to college or learn financial knowledge. But we spend little time, if any, teaching young people how to make the most important decisions in their lives. Because that's the truth-your choice of life partner will have a very, very big impact on your quality of life, far beyond where you go to college, what you do for a living or where you settle down.

As a culture, we spend a lot of time studying academic knowledge, keeping fit, and deciding which university to study or studying financial management. However, we hardly spend time or even teach the younger generation how to make the most important decisions in life. Yes, it's true. The life partner you choose will greatly affect the quality of your life, which is far greater than where you go to study, what you do for a living and where you build your home.

Grandma and Dad (my parents) celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this year, and two groups of aunts and uncles are celebrating their 20th and 30th anniversaries. Your father and I are not 12 years old, but our marriage is very happy, and those relatives will tell you so. Although in all fairness, they will tell you this, even if they are not, many people will, which will only increase the lack of education on this subject. So when it comes to choosing a life partner and staying together, I like to think that there are some excellent examples around us.

Grandparents just celebrated their 40th wedding anniversary this year, and two other uncles and aunts just celebrated their 20th and 30th wedding anniversary this year. In comparison, your father and I are not that long, only twelve years, but our marriage is very happy for each other, and those relatives will tell you so. Although some people may not be like this, they will still tell you this. When it comes to choosing a partner and spending time together, I think there are some good examples around me.

I am not an expert in love or relationships; I only know what I know through experience, because I have seen the success or failure of the partnership around me. With this knowledge, I hope you will consider the following eight things when choosing a life partner.

I am not an expert in love or intimacy; I just learn what I know through examples of successful or failed partners around me. Based on this knowledge, I hope you can consider the following eight points when choosing.

1. has something in common. When it comes to having children, do you have the same wish? At least two of your relatives are divorced because the answer to this question is no. Do you have a similar attitude towards religion or spirit? Do you agree with the general personal financial behavior-paying off debts, saving, and shopping spree? Finally, don't underestimate the importance of this point, because it has a great influence on your parents' marriage: when it comes to spending time with each other's families (holidays, vacations) and taking care of their elderly parents, have you reached an agreement on what is reasonable?

1. There are * * * similarities in big aspects. Do you have the same needs on whether to raise children? Among your relatives, at least two couples divorced because of this problem. Their answer is no. Do you have the same attitude towards religion or spirituality? Do you have the same attitude towards personal finance-paying off debts, saving money or buying big things? Finally, don't underestimate this point, because at least in your parents' marriage, it has a great influence. The question is: Do you have any knowledge about how much time you spend with your partner's family during the holiday and how to take care of your elderly parents?

2. find the yin of the yang. These commonalities are important, but it makes sense to have a strong person in your fragile place. It creates a good balance and a natural division of responsibilities. For example, I hate dealing with companies-cable TV companies, banks, power companies. But your father doesn't mind, and he is better at dealing with people than I am, so he made those calls. At the same time, he can't survive only by sleeping for a few hours, but I can, so I'm the one who gets up with you two and your pet at night and weekend morning, so that he can have a rest. Some people may say that this scene represents stereotyped gender roles, but we all work full-time and have responsibilities at home, so it seems fair to me. )

2. Find the "feminine" qualities in him or her to complement your "masculine" qualities. The above similarities are really important, but we also hope that people around you will be strong and reliable when you are vulnerable and helpless. There is a good balance and natural division of labor. For example, I hate dealing with all kinds of institutional companies-cable TV companies, banks, power companies. But your father doesn't mind, and he is better at negotiating with them than I am, so he is often responsible for making those calls. On the other hand, if your dad doesn't get enough sleep, it's like killing him, and I can even sleep for a few hours, so I usually wake you up on weekend mornings and take the dog out for a walk so that he can have a good sleep. Some people may think it's a bit like the traditional division of labor between men and women, but we all have full-time jobs and division of labor at home, so it's fair to me.

You will soon find common weaknesses. For example, when your father and I bought our two-story building and a small but expensive yard in 2008, we were ecstatic. However, we soon realized that none of us had any desire to take care of the yard. He grew up in a high-rise apartment without a yard. I grew up in a home where my father did these things, so I couldn't even start the lawn mower. As a result, our yard is overgrown with weeds, and our neighbors politely but consistently ask if they can help us clean it up. Every autumn, I find someone to clean up all the leaves on Craigslist. Oh, okay.

Of course, you will soon find that you have some common weaknesses. For example, in 2008, your father and I bought a two-story villa with a small and chic yard. We were all excited at first. Then we soon realized that we were not in the mood to take care of the yard. Your father has been living in a tall building, while my father has been doing those things in our house. As a result, our yard is always full of weeds, and every autumn I will find someone to pick up those fallen leaves on craigslist. Oh, okay.

3. Throw away the perfect idea. Don't make a list of qualities that your future partner must have-whether spiritual or otherwise. You can't summon your perfect partner to Target to buy that robot. If you have to make a list, make a list of people who break the deal: no smokers, no drug addicts, no violent felons. These are the boundaries of health.

3. Abandon the idea of "perfection". Don't try to list all the characteristics that your future partner should have. This is like saying that you can't imagine a perfect partner, and then go to Target's website to customize an identical robot. If you must write a list, please list those qualities that you can't accept: you can't smoke, you can't be an "addict" gentleman, and you can't be violent. These are boundaries that can be set.

4. Explore compatibility. Some people say that opposites attract, which may be true, just like Yin and Yang mentioned above. But sometimes you need someone who is born with you. Are you all foodies who like to cook or eat out? Do you both have wanderlust? Are you all TV fans? Do you both have a passion for learning? The similarity between activity level and ambition can create a pair of people who like to work together (and eventually become a family). Basically, are you happy together? I am happier with your father than anyone else. He always makes me laugh.

4. Explore your compatibility. Some people think that the opposite sides will attract each other. If the yin and yang are complementary as above, maybe so. But sometimes you need someone who is naturally compatible with you. Are you all "foodies" who like to cook or eat out? Do you all have some kind of hobby? Are you all TV fans? Do you all have a passion for learning? Similarity in activities or hobbies will make a couple often do things together. The key is, when you are together, do you feel happy? When I was with your father, I was happier than anyone. He always makes me laugh.

A recent study of more than 24,000 married couples shows that you may end up with someone similar to you-at least in terms of education level, height and weight, and even in terms of political preferences and mental illness. According to Science magazine, Australian researchers found that there is a strong statistical correlation between people's height genetic markers and their partners' actual height. They also found that the correlation between people's body mass index genes and their partners' actual body mass index is weak, but it is still statistically significant.

A recent survey of as many as 24,000 married couples shows that you will eventually be more willing to live with someone similar to you-whether it is educational background, height and weight, or even political orientation and psychological barriers. Australian researchers have found that there is a significant statistical correlation between the genetic factors that control people's height and their partners' height, and there is also a weak but still significant correlation between the genes that control people's weight and their partners' weight.

Don't expect people to change. If your future partner is a slob, don't expect them to be neat for you. Of course, something will change. Maybe a bad cook can become better, or a person who snores heavily can adjust his sleep habits to solve this problem. But ask yourself, if the qualities you don't like never change, will you still love this person and live with him?

Don't expect people to change. If your partner candidate is a slob now, don't expect this guy to become a clean and tidy bug because of you. Of course, some things will change. Maybe a person who can't cook will gradually improve his cooking skills, or a person who snores can improve his cooking skills by adjusting his rest time. But ask yourself, if you don't like these aspects, can you still love that person and continue living with him?

6. Being with them is as comfortable as being at home. Can you be yourself around this person? I mean, really, really yourself. Can you laugh and hum like your mother without feeling embarrassed? Can you express opinions that may be unpopular or contrary to them without feeling alienated? Can you admit that you don't know something without worrying about judgment?

When you get along with him (her), you feel as comfortable as at home. Can you be yourself when you are around this person? I mean, really, be yourself. Can you laugh regardless of the image, just like in front of your mother, without feeling embarrassed? Can you freely express opinions that may be unfamiliar or even relative to them without feeling excluded? Can you admit that you know little about something without worrying about being judged?

7. Don't just love them, like them. Life partner means the rest of your life. I hope it will be a long time. When you are middle-aged, exhausted and have no energy to party all night, will you enjoy a quiet night with only the two of you at home? Do you have a long conversation or dialogue that interests you about this person and what they have to say? Did they make you laugh? That's why some people say it's good to be friends first. If you really like them, I think you are more likely to continue to invest in this relationship and try to keep it going, even (especially? ) when it is difficult.

7. Don't just love them, but also like them. Life partner means the rest of your life, which will be a long time. When you reach middle age and can't party all night, do you enjoy staying at home quietly? Can you discuss for a long time what you find interesting or what the other party said? Can they make you laugh? This is why some people say it's a good idea to be friends first. If you really like them, I believe that you will naturally engage in this relationship and try to make it work normally even in difficult times.

8. In addition to chemistry, look for good partner qualities. Whether romantic, business or otherwise, these qualities contribute to a good partnership: empathy, integrity, honesty, reliability, stability and emotional availability. When you encounter difficulties on your way forward-you will encounter them, whether it is serious illness, family death or unemployment-a good life partner will show these qualities and help you tide over the difficulties. But nothing shows who is loyal to you and who is not loyal to you better than hard times. If life gives you a lemon and your partner abandons you emotionally, it's time to reconsider your choice.

8. In addition to chemical reactions, find someone with a good temperament. Whether it is business relationship, intimate relationship or others, these qualities are suitable for being a good partner: compassion, integrity, sincerity, reliability, stability and good emotional intelligence. When you are in trouble-whether it is illness, unemployment or the death of a loved one-a good life partner will show the above qualities and help you tide over the difficulties. There is no better time to show who is loyal to you and who is not like difficult times. When life is unhappy and your partner leaves you emotionally, it's time to reconsider your choice.

The decision to choose a life partner is yours and yours alone. This is what I learned from my own experience. I just want to share as much knowledge as possible to help you complete this process. No matter who you choose, your father and I will still love you more than anything in the world.

The decision to choose a life partner is yours, and only yours. I got this from my own personal experience. I try my best to share my knowledge with you to help you. No matter who you choose in the end, your father and I will always love you more than anything in the world.

Love,

Love you,

mother

mother