For many parents, children usually suffer from various external factors during their growth. On the one hand, the world will reward children with endless opportunities to get the requirements of survival; On the other hand, the world is also demanding and needs each other to gradually integrate. Therefore, children will eventually encounter various obstacles while improving their own viability. Many times, children in different natural environments have unusual temperament. Especially for children whose daily life is not in a friendly natural environment, they often have an extreme impression on the world and their enemies because of such a natural environment, and children who are not tolerant of setbacks will fall into depression or even uncontrollable situations. At this time, mom and dad seem to be at a loss and in a dilemma. It is not clear how to grasp this balance to make children develop healthily.
What is a child's growth dilemma?
There was a time to pick up and drop off the school, and I was more or less in contact with his students. Besides, when children come home, they can't help talking about someone. In the long run, they will have a general understanding of them. Everyone always heard that a classmate in a class group is extroverted and loved by the public; Of course, there are also a few people who are disliked by others and have eccentric personalities. So I listened to the child's explanation with great interest, trying to get him to analyze the reason why the other person did it. Naturally, children at this stage do not have a perfect theoretical system and can only interpret it according to objective conditions. For example, college students bully petite and exquisite, and the other party is not worthy, becoming more introverted and eccentric; For another example, students with good family background usually satirize some students with poor material life, which leads to the weakening of the other party by the class collective circle.
In my opinion, this situation is a double dilemma. On the one hand, if mom and dad don't find this kind of personal behavior, or stalemate with each other doesn't change their situation and mentality, then the damage caused by this "bad personal behavior" is also two-way. And the bad influence of the predicament will cause irreversible harm to children's future growth education, leading to the continuity of personal behavior and incorrect language.
At this time, as parents, I want to protect them, but I am also afraid that their negligence at a certain stage of development will lead to a certain ability to work. Generally speaking, some typical dilemmas are worthy of parents' great attention.
The typicality of development dilemma
In the period when children's growth and development cycle is slow, the development dilemma comes from congenital obstacles, as we often hear the wise say, "the creator has closed the door for you", but most of them come from the layers of replication in the acquired growth stage, that is, the dilemma. Plus, every child is a critical period of each link, so it is not clear at which stage this obstacle will be set.
Congenital obstacles prevent children from getting along with their German neighbors all over the world.
One is a child with his own defects. For them, it is a big misfortune and dilemma on the road of life. It was originally the most basic standard in the history of human development to have a perfect and thoroughly grown body. Not knowing the incompleteness of human organs will lead children to be at a disadvantage in solving the problem of life path for a long time: for example, some children learn to walk and talk very late, some children have poor physical fitness, and some children have backward brain development, leading to mental depression. This kind of child is often hurt physically because of his dull and dull posture. They can't get more gentle care from this world, because the world itself is fair and just, and it doesn't take sides.
Therefore, children with congenital disorders are often entangled, so they split into two temperament. One is that in the growth stage, it has been filled with a certain psychological state, so that the injured heart can be cured. Of course, some of them will be full of extreme gas fields because of the economic downturn at home caused by medical investment. If it is long-term, external trials will be torn apart by their own trauma, and children will have a series of incorrect behaviors and wrong views. This kind of enemy's harm will be in a dilemma anytime and anywhere. Compared with children who are physically and mentally healthy, children with defects will look at the world with a completely different mentality, and most of the time they are full of enemy mentality. Therefore, we often see that some children with congenital disorders are very unstable and only care about themselves, regardless of others. Because they regard themselves as a disadvantage, they try to gain the respect of others by resisting.
External dilemma obstacle
The vast majority of children have crossed the copy of the first life path after birth, and they are physically and mentally healthy babies, but their perfect development will be hindered by thousands of difficulties. For example, as I have seen in recent years, the divorce rate of parents China is quite high among children's classmates, and family oppression will definitely have an impact on children's young psychological state. In addition, children at this stage can't understand what feelings are and what marriage is, so they can't understand the problems behind the word "divorce". They will unilaterally put the problem on themselves and think that it is "because they are not sensible, the husband and wife divorced". This causal relationship is extremely contrary to their behavior habits. But because I couldn't control the trend at home when I was young, I looked even more overwhelmed and fell into long-term depression.
Some smart parents realize that their personal actions will do harm to their children, so they can listen to good guidance and help their children get rid of the staged predicament. However, after divorce, some parents fight over who their children are with, and even unilaterally announce each other's shortcomings and defects, instilling hostility and boredom in their children, leading to temperament errors or extremes.
There are also some external dilemmas caused by the ups and downs of material life and psychological state. I still remember that a child came home to help me say that a classmate in her class had closed down. It turned out that this classmate used the best special tools whether he was eating, drinking or dressing up. However, because of the outstanding performance of parenting education, this child usually does not discriminate against classmates or bully others. Instead, I get along well with classmates with different family conditions. Later, due to the rapid economic development, the mentality was once depressed, and the academic performance was also placed at the end of the class. In fact, it was not money that caused his ups and downs, but the evaluation of people around him and the situation of his parents. To put it bluntly, his family is happy and his son is not the godfather. After the big trouble, his parents didn't have time to take care of his mentality and changes, and plunged into their own affairs. Long-term neglect has greatly changed his temperament.
Therefore, from this classic case, we can see that the causes of the dilemma are various, from home, parents, classmates and even passers-by. It's like a huge net covering a child. If you don't pay attention to it, or ignore it a little, it will lead to the child's temperament.
Look at difficulties objectively and help children grow up happily.
When children are not fully prepared, many difficulties have appeared in succession, forcing them to respond, so children often have various inaccurate situations. Generally speaking, children don't have enough time and their mental state is habitual. When they don't have perfect adaptability, they need to be diligent and keep in line with many difficult social developments. When children fall into the predicament of social development, they are very sensitive and often inadvertently show exaggerated mentality. Once their psychological state is not filled, their hostile attitude towards social development will continue to aggravate their plight. They can't get enough care and love from their parents, and they don't know how to explore the instinctive reaction of love. Their stubbornness continues to increase. Finally, they don't know what love is and how to love it. Children who lack social skills are the most pathetic.
Anti-excessive gentleness is like water
For contemporary parents, their scope of protection for the only-child generation is all-round. A family of six surrounds the child and holds the child, unwilling to bear all the harm. I regard all external difficulties as wolves and tigers and leopards. How I wish I could not stand in front of him and clear all obstacles for him. This kind of children's working ability is reduced because there are too many excellent natural environments. They should have prepared for their future, but they didn't have the opportunity to do it. They don't know how to keep in touch with those who want to be close, and they don't know how to associate with those whose development is blocked and their interpersonal skills are low.
Moreover, this spoiled child is very eager for tenderness, and generally does not want to be separated from people who miss him, which will lead to misunderstanding. My parents will be forced to bear him by my love for you, that is to say, they always think: no matter what, everyone has to bear it for me, you know I love you. This psychological state is actually the reverse projection of parents' personal behavior, and it is also the key reason why children can't recognize the difficulties and remove obstacles. In other words, raw eggs can't create life unless they get rid of the shackles of their own development from the inside.
Anti-extreme debugging
There is also a "tiger mother" training method, which pushes the child into various difficulties, so that he can exercise his strong working ability by letting go and educate the child. Understand that/kloc-under 0/8 years old is the reserve stage. A tree is still in its infancy, which makes it depressed every day. Such extreme difficulties accumulate, and the tree may not die or flourish. With the opening up of the "second child policy", this extreme way will lead to the ups and downs of children's psychological state. Once parents can't control this free-range scale, they will pay a little attention to everything, causing the frustrated party to put pressure on their compatriots and contain their mentality.