My opinion on my favorite book

"Why do we live under such great pressure?"

How many people in the world can be so clear about the nature of society? What about the unity of knowledge and action?

Some time ago, I brushed a master Tik Tok's signature "Lingling Peter and Four Cats" on Tik Tok. I browsed her previous videos, which are full of energy and brilliance, and shine with clear and transparent light in this world.

Her video works mainly focus on the underlying logic of "women's economic and spiritual independence", and discuss hot and controversial topics such as "bride price", "fertility problem", "dink", "man far from mental poverty", "family background" and "female reproductive value".

We know from the video that the book Grassroots Women was published by Wang in March last year. He is a self-taught "wild sociologist" who didn't even get into high school. This book is easy to read, with no obscure terms and no twists and turns. It's simple. I guess it has something to do with the audience defined by the author: "grassroots women"!

The author was born in a rural family in Anhui Province. In addition to being treated unfairly in life, he is often beaten by violence. 19 years old, went to Shanghai to work alone, from street vendor to waiter, to office clerk, and then met Peter to start a business. And take root in Shanghai, cross the class and truly realize yourself. In her book, she told all women (especially grassroots women) that if they want to get rid of the harm of being born in a family, they should first live independently, learn skills, improve themselves and gradually achieve economic independence, and then read more books, go out for a walk, experience different lives, experience growth and become a spiritually independent individual. Use all ways to open or broaden your horizons to improve your cognition. Simply put, to sum up, it is to tell women to break through obstacles and achieve independence-spiritual and economic independence, and let women be themselves.

The logical structure of this book is very clear and divided into three parts.

The first part is the family background, which emphasizes that women should draw a clear line with families with poor backgrounds and wean their souls.

Families from poor backgrounds do exist in China, especially in remote, poor and backward areas where sons are preferred to daughters. The main problems of families of origin are as follows:

1. Sex discrimination: The elders in the family seriously prefer boys to girls, and treat "sons" and "daughters" differently with the naked eye, which has long caused psychological harm to girls in the family.

For example, the author was born in rural Anhui and has two younger brothers at home. From an early age, she had to take care of her younger brothers, do housework and earn money to help them study. Parents think this is what she should do naturally. Besides, her mother told her herself that you eat and drink like your brother, but you have 10, so I will only give your two brothers five yuan each.

2. Domestic violence: Violence here refers not only to physical violence, but also to verbal, emotional and atmospheric violence.

For example, the author wrote that his mother almost hit one eye with a stone; When I was 7 years old, I was beaten by my mother hanging from the beam; Parents also quarrel and fight at both ends every three days.

3. Excessive demand: Parents have children with the mentality of investment and harvest. In this state of mind, every effort of parents is increasing costs in their eyes. The higher the cost, the higher the expectation.

For example, the author wrote 19 years old to 29 years old 10 years old, all the money earned was basically given to the family, helping two younger brothers to study, and then they all settled in Shanghai. My parents gave my brother hundreds of thousands of down payment to buy a house without blinking an eye. She and Peter had a hard time at the beginning of their business, and their parents only gave 20 thousand, and they all had to pay it back in the end.

4. Overcontrol: Parents frequently and excessively intervene, kidnap and control their children's emotions and lives in the name of being good to their children.

Here, the author mentioned her mother again, and she called her, either complaining that her daughter had no children and made her ashamed, or complaining that someone had told her about her daughter and made her ashamed in the village. . . This emotional "poison gas" makes the author depressed every time.

Judging from my own life experience and the experiences of my relatives, friends, classmates and colleagues around me, most ordinary families in China are still happy and passable. There must be contradictions and some complaints, but the basic background color is still warm. There is no 100% empathy in this world. Trying to "empathize" rationally only scratches the surface. Who is acupuncture, who really knows the taste and pain of that kind of pain.

The second part is self-growth, emphasizing that women must be economically independent and spiritually independent. Don't rely on men.

The author suggests that "grassroots women" should not rush into marriage, prosper their spiritual world, rely on themselves, not be kidnapped by mainstream values, reject shame culture, overcome mental poverty, get rid of appearance anxiety and so on.

Give yourself a better chance to grow up before becoming a better woman, a better wife and a better mother.

Don't live in the anxiety of "older women", rush into the family, get married and have children. If you meet the wrong person, whether in love or marriage, leave bravely and end a bad relationship bravely. The wrong relationship will only consume your mind, overdraw your life, and make you spend all the time you could have spent studying, working and improving your quality of life on creating pain and mutual torture.

My feeling: If you want to change the class through marriage and marry an excellent person, there is only one way, and that is to get rid of poverty spiritually. I realize that I can only rely on myself in this life, give up my attachment to men, accumulate self-help capital in a down-to-earth way, promote myself to a higher level of mate selection market, and give myself more choices.

To get rid of mental poverty, the first point is to realize your limitations and ignorance and remain humble. Reading more books is the lowest cost and highest return investment behavior in the world. Second, in life, we should learn to drag ourselves out of negative, subjective and fixed thinking and turn them into positive, objective and enterprising thinking.

The third part discusses that the essence of gender relations is "creating value and sharing benefits"

At present, there should be a new understanding of "being suitable for each other": not two people have the same family background and education level, but have the same farming techniques and consistent farming concepts, and both have the ability to create value in the field of marriage.

The author analyzes why the patriarchal society overwhelmingly praises the role of mother. It is not necessary to emphasize that childbearing is a woman's right. Be careful to be a housewife.

There is a more advanced concept: "Love, marriage and having children are three different things, similar to bundling." I don't know when it started. Many people regard love, marriage and having children as "washing, cutting and blowing a car". Taking these three things as one thing is actually the inertia thinking of the public. Getting married and having children is not a cause and effect, not because I want to have children because I am married, but because I am married and happy, so I decided to bring a little life to my life one day.

The author expounds in depth the contradiction of the moral kidnapping between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, which is itself an extension of the sticky parent-child relationship between a man and his family, and his wife is only an incidental victim. As the saying goes, there is an incompetent son behind the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in many "Ma Baonan" families is particularly prominent, and there is no clear boundary between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. As a new participant, daughter-in-law is still under pressure, her husband is strong, and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is easy to say.

The author deeply analyzes the essence of bride price. No amount of bride price is a reason to get married. Grass-roots marriage and love market is irresistible and risky, while grass-roots women's ability to correct life mistakes is very low. Therefore, don't enter marriage easily because of the bride price. Asking for a bride price from grassroots men is actually a means for women to reduce the risks that grassroots marriage needs to bear. The bride price of grassroots marriage is essentially a birth risk fund.

There is another inspiration that I have never thought of before: "In the traditional marriage mode, all adaptation, adjustment and integration are women's business. These are the costs that women pay in the traditional marriage mode. "

I think no matter how shocking and outrageous the statement is, as long as it is reasonable and self-contained, it is worth understanding and thinking about.

"The Courage of Refusal" said: "Life is everyone's own theme. If you go with the flow and rely on others to make decisions, no matter how old you are, you are not mature. Maturity means: "I make my own decisions about my topic, I am responsible for my life, and I accept my choices." "

The real sense of security is the technology you live by, the knowledge in your brain, and your confidence in the future. Even if one day your land is flooded, you still have the courage and confidence to come back at any time.

If a female friend only reads one book in her life, take this one!