The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is an eternal topic. The author read the latest issue of Psychological Interview, and was moved by the interviews of psychological experts Lei Ming and Gong Xueping. He recorded the essence of this conversation, hoping to help the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law in the world deal with the contradiction between them. The two experts believe that only by doing the following can the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law be effectively avoided and resolved. First, pay attention to role transformation and positioning. Each of us has a variety of roles, including managers, engineers and other workplace roles; There are father (mother), husband (wife) and children in the family. When we step into marriage, as wives (husbands), we should consciously complete the role transformation and role positioning and be a competent husband or wife; In the family, he is still a filial son or daughter. The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is natural for those who can't complete the role transformation and role positioning in time. For example, in "it runs in the family", when the second generation father educates his son, sometimes it is inevitable to punish the child. Grandpa loves his grandson and wants to intervene in his son's education. At this time, what does the second generation father position his role? Who has more father-son roles? Being responsible for the third generation, I'm afraid that the second generation of fathers should position their father's role above 90% and stick to their own educational methods in order to be a successful father. Otherwise, it is obviously unfavorable and irresponsible for Grandpa to intervene in the education of the third generation. Similarly, the two women as mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are also faced with such role transformation and positioning. Insist on doing your role well, and conflicts will be reduced. Second, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law should conduct a set of behavior patterns with two sets of concepts. Many women who are daughters-in-law always think that as long as I treat my mother-in-law as my mother, there will be no contradiction between them. In fact, mother-in-law and mother-in-law are two completely different relationships. The contradiction between mother and daughter will not create barriers and affect the relationship, because there are years of accumulation of mother-child affection between them, which means that the daughter is a member of her family, and the mother will not care about her words and deeds. There is no such accumulation of affection between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. If a daughter-in-law naively thinks that her mother-in-law is her own mother and her words are as bitter as her daughter's mother, she is heartless and has offended her mother-in-law without knowing it. My mother-in-law will definitely have complaints and concerns. These complaints and concerns will accumulate too much and will break out one day. The correct way is that the daughter-in-law knows clearly that her mother-in-law is her mother-in-law and her mother is her mother. But she should treat her mother-in-law like a mother, implement a standard model, honor her mother-in-law, care for her mother-in-law, and buy her a dress, regardless of each other. Similarly, a mother-in-law should do the same to her daughter-in-law. The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will naturally be greatly reduced. 3. Husband should be a high-quality "filter" and "amplifier". On weekdays, mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along well. In front of her son, my mother-in-law said 10, and three of them were negative. The son should actively filter out those three negative words in front of his wife, only say those seven positive words, exaggerate those seven positive words, and cultivate the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Similarly, when a wife talks about her mother-in-law in front of her husband, her husband should also be a high-quality "filter" and "amplifier" in front of her mother, actively filtering out negative language, amplifying and strengthening positive language, so as to cultivate her mother-in-law's benign feelings for her wife. On weekdays, in the dribs and drabs of life, a man who is a son and a husband must be a high-quality "filter" and "amplifier" between his mother and his wife. A harmonious relationship between two women. Fourth, before the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law correct their differences, the husband should avoid being a "judge". When there is a contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, when the mother-in-law seeks justice in front of her son, or when the wife seeks justice in front of her husband, a smart husband should avoid being a "judge" and just moan and play dumb. Then, pull the wife into the room, close the door, and talk about her mother-in-law's kindness to her daughter-in-law on weekdays. All the benign emotions accumulated in her mother-in-law will be triggered, and the temporary negative emotions in her body will be countered by benign emotions; By the same token, the son also pulled his mother into the room, and the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law melted. Of course, with the accumulation of kung fu in peacetime, it is impossible for a man as a husband and son to effectively resolve the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law without doing a good job of "filter" and "amplifier" on weekdays. 5. Mother-in-law should not forget her husband (father-in-law). Mother-in-law should take care of her husband while taking care of her son, especially after her son gets married. Otherwise, she will still focus on taking care of her son as before. If the mother-child relationship is too deep, the daughter-in-law will have no chance to play the role of wife, which will lead to many complaints. On the contrary, the mother-in-law focuses most of her energy on her husband, but does not interfere too much with her son's life. When the couple are young, there is a quiet sky, let them live their own happy world, and the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will naturally disappear. Different people have different views on the contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The accumulation of life and the precipitation of wisdom are our magic weapons to resolve this contradiction.