Two months after my retirement, when my little grandson was born, I shut him down, and because the company gave retirees an opportunity to travel for reimbursement, I took a trip before the baby was born, for a total of 45 days, and then moved to my daughter's house a week earlier. Before that, her in-laws were taking care of their lives.
Because women are sensitive and delicate when giving birth to children, sometimes they love to be melodramatic and emotional. I am afraid that my mother-in-law will be difficult to do, afraid that her mother-in-law will be embarrassed, afraid that there will be conflicts between her mother-in-law and her daughter-in-law, and because there is only one daughter, I take the initiative to take care of my daughter's confinement. My parents-in-law are of course happy and even say thank you for your hard work. But for the next month, my in-laws bought all the chicken, duck, fish and eggs and delivered them once every three or four days. I smiled and said that you are a logistics depot, haha. ...
Later, after the baby was born, my daughter and I worked with her for almost half a year. I also take it with me, and I can't bear to part with my little grandson. I didn't change it until I took my three-year-old baby to kindergarten.
During the three or four years when I got along with my only daughter's family, although I was at my daughter's house, all kinds of ups and downs were really mixed.
I am glad that I am not a mother-in-law. If it is me, there will be countless grievances and resentments in my heart, and there will be countless unknown contradictions in front of me. Fortunately, she is her own daughter, who speaks louder than others, quarrels and scolds, and rolls her eyes for a long time. She knows what virtue to raise and how to deal with it.
Daughter's in-laws often say that it is love to be grandparents and help children with their children, and it is their duty not to bring them. You should know how grateful you are. Now they are taking care of their little grandson at their daughter's house.
I have frequent contact with my daughter, and what I have taught her most is that I am also a son-in-law and will be a grandmother in the future. I want to treat my mother-in-law as a mother, and don't embarrass my in-laws who have contributed and contributed. Your emotions are the eyes of your family. If you are happy, your family will be happy and you will be grateful. ...
In-laws are honest people, get along well with their daughters, and their small families are harmonious and happy. Fortunately, they are not nosy, so I feel at ease outside.
My girl has lived in Shenzhen for 15 years and has two grandchildren. I retired on 20 10. After retirement, either the girl goes back to Hubei with her family every year, or we take time to stay in Shenzhen for ten and a half months. The longest time was last year's Spring Festival. Because of special reasons, I lived with a girl's family of four for nearly four months. I will talk about this as a parent.
First of all, introduce some basic information about me and my children. Our old couple's income after retirement is similar to that of ordinary working class. They have a monthly pension of about 7000 yuan. At present, they are in good health. As long as they are interested, we scramble to cook and do housework at home. The old man also likes his two little grandchildren very much. When he is happy, he often shouts at his little nephew with his bearded old face. The son-in-law is from Shenyang, Northeast China, and works as a foreign company executive in Shenzhen. Usually, I go out early and come back late. In addition to having a house in the urban area, I also bought two houses in Huizhou and Chang 'an, which is half an hour away from the urban area, so that the elderly on both sides can have a place to live in Shenzhen. Of course, what girls and son-in-law want most is that we can live with them for a long time and take care of both sides. For so many years, we would rather run at both ends occasionally than live with them, mainly because of the following reasons and ideas.
The generation gap and values make the life of two generations together feel very depressed.
/kloc-left his parents to live independently when he was 0/6 years old. I yearned for an independent space since I was a child. In my mind, many behaviors and concepts of the older generation are incompatible with those of young people. When children grow up, I often put myself in others' shoes. Maybe it's genetic. Children's behaviors and ideas are very different from our generation in many ways. First, their hobbies are completely different. Get along with children for a long time, and more is to give in to each other. Parents and children have their own labels of the times, and it is difficult to integrate in one space through mutual understanding. Let's take cooking as an example At first, when we had dinner together, I thought the children were still young and the food should be cooked harder. In fact, we are not old enough, and we usually cook like this, just in sync with the children, but the children don't think so. They think it's normal and healthier for us to eat soft food at this age, so let's cook soft food and say that their family likes to eat soft glutinous rice. When you know the child's good intentions, just like the legend, the old couple ate egg yolk and protein that they didn't like all their lives, this kind of repression can't be expressed.
In my opinion, there is no essential difference between two yuan a catty of rice and ten yuan a catty of rice. Vegetables in the vegetable market cost three yuan a catty, but they are only conceptually different from the organic vegetables delivered. It is a pity to throw away many outdated items and clothes at home. Eating a meal in a restaurant for no reason will make us spend an extra week at home, and so on. Just like my parents didn't like me. Talking too much makes it even worse.
It is difficult to take care of children of different generations. Our education method is completely different from ours.
It is common in many families, and so is our family. This runs in the family, and enjoying family happiness is our original intention to accompany our children. At the same time, I also hope that I can provide some help when my children are rushing for their careers. If you use the mode of raising your daughter by yourself, it would be a big mistake. My own five sisters, in layman's terms, grew up in a free range when they were young. My brother fought with his friends and came back with blood all over his face. My father just wiped him with a basin of cold water. I used to take that girl with me and often locked her at home at night. It's my turn to look after my grandson. Here are two little things that make me laugh and cry.
Grandson is twelve years old and in grade five. He loves playing football. His parents never ask about his studies and homework, and they are very strict with their children's time management. Children also live up to expectations, and their academic performance has always remained in the top five of the class. Last year, they joined the city youth football team. From this perspective, I still admire their educational methods. But Xiong Haizi always practices playing football at home, and the flowerpots, mirrors and walls at home are often unrecognizable. His parents would rather spend half a day cleaning the room than stop when the children are having fun. At this time, I can only watch and feel bad about those damaged objects. Children and grandchildren are far from it, and no one is willing to offend.
The second is not a fuel-efficient lamp. This guy is only over one year old this year. Every time I don't eat well, my mother immediately breaks the tableware. At night, he was so hungry that he cried and said that my heart ached. One day, this guy took a watercolor pen and scribbled on the wall, making a mess of wall covering. I was about to come forward to stop it when his mother pulled me and said not to interrupt the child's creative association, preferring to find a decorator to fix it the next day. If I take good care of the children, there will be less such fat beatings.
Children live with women, and when young couples quarrel, it is the most embarrassing time for parents.
I believe that as long as parents and children have lived together, they will inevitably face small frictions between them. In my opinion, this kind of quarrel between husband and wife is normal. What is abnormal is that the elders are in an awkward position. Whenever you stay out of this time, there is no right or wrong between the two sides. Maybe when you are away, they can release all their grievances. The only thing I can say is that if you make any more noise, you will drive me away.
Summary and suggestions:
Children have their own circle of friends, so it is inconvenient to live with them for a long time. It is human nature that people are eager to enjoy family happiness when they are old, but this kind of happiness will be greatly reduced because of the generation gap and different values. So, I have lived with my children for more than ten years and come to the conclusion:
1, distance produces beauty. Even your own children should keep a proper distance. When parents have not lost their ability to take care of themselves, leave enough space for their children as much as possible, don't get involved in their lives too early, and giving them less trouble is their greatest support.
When children need help, try to help them with housework. It is their bounden duty to take care of their children, but they should not rely on it. Enough is enough. After all, every generation has its responsibilities and obligations.
It is not advisable to leave your familiar living environment after retirement, and it is even more undesirable to get involved in children's lives for a long time. Let's talk about it when life can't take care of itself. Really caring parents would rather live in a nursing home than add any burden to their children. I really think so.
Do you feel the same way when you see your friends here? Please share your opinion in the comments section?
I think I can answer whether my parents should live with their only child in other places after retirement.
When we got married, my in-laws had just retired. At that time, the distance between the two houses was 100 kilometers. In-laws grow flowers at home, go shopping, and finally enjoy their leisure time. We will go back when we are free on weekends to see where my husband grew up and get familiar with his in-laws. Later, when the child was born, my in-laws took the initiative to give up their leisure days to help me take care of the child. Although we got along very well before, we suddenly lived together, and there were still many places to run in. We had a fight, but life is over. It is said that mother-in-law and daughter-in-law are difficult to get along with, but the heart of daughter-in-law is also fleshy I have always appreciated their contribution to our younger generation and helped me take care of my children and cook. The children were not completely liberated until they graduated from primary school. Now we live in adjacent buildings in the same community, so we can take care of each other and not disturb each other. They started planting flowers and grass again. When they are old, I will take on my responsibilities, just as they took care of me at the beginning.
So retired, if the children need your help, or live with them! Although it will be uncomfortable at first, as long as we respect and support each other, we will get along well. It is better for a family to enjoy family happiness with their children than for the old couple to grow old alone.
My cousin lives in a small town. She has only one daughter. Her daughter worked in a big city after graduating from college. She said to my cousin, "You must follow me in the future. Now you make a down payment, I borrow money to buy a house and you live. "
Mom said, "What about you?"
The daughter said, "Find a boyfriend with a house and get married in the future."
My cousin paid a down payment and bought a house. Her daughter pays the mortgage every month. Cousin is going to sell the house she lives in now and live with her daughter in the city where she and her wife live.
To be fair, parents of the only child still want to live closer to their children. After all, there is only one child. But they don't want to live with children. Parents like independence as much as children. Here comes the problem.
If you don't want to live with children, you need two houses. One-child family. Like my cousin, I don't have to bear the pressure of buying a house for my daughter. I just need to pay the down payment to solve my housing problem. Find a boyfriend with a house in the future, and the daughter's house will be borne by her boyfriend and his parents. Two houses have been solved.
What about families with only children? How much money can parents earn in their lifetime? It is also good to pay a down payment for my son to buy a house, and the loan will be repaid by my son. I have no money to buy a suite for myself, and there is no down payment for the second house. My son already has a mortgage to pay for the first suite, but he can't afford the mortgage for the second suite.
Therefore, it is not a question of whether the parents of the only child should live with their children in other places, but whether they can.
Generally speaking, for the working class, families with only children, parents and children are more likely to go abroad.
Parents of only children who don't want to live together and can't afford a second apartment can't follow their children to other places.
Let me talk about my experience and my future pension plan. I am born after 50, and I have a son who is currently working in Shanghai.
My wife and I have been in Shanghai for the seventh year. Last year, my wife went back to her hometown to work (mainly to earn more money to support the elderly). I have a granddaughter who is in the first grade this year.
At present, my family has three suites, one in Shanghai and the other in my hometown. There are still some mortgages in Shanghai, but don't worry if your children can afford them.
We also discussed whether to have a second child. We declare that you want a second child, and our second child has no energy to take care of you. Then we canceled the idea of having a second child.
Because of in-laws' distance and economic conditions, we are mainly responsible for our son to buy a house in Shanghai and take care of his granddaughter.
Our pension plan is:
1. When we are old, we can't live with our sons and daughters-in-law, and they have no time and energy to take care of us. Living together for a long time is bound to have contradictions. When contradictions break out, there is no way out.
When my granddaughter is in the second grade, I am ready to go back to my hometown and start our own life. By then, we will be 65 years old and in good health. It is estimated that there are still ten years of activities. I go out once or twice a year and can travel everywhere at any time. I have a car with a price of 1.5 thousand, and I can drive it for another ten years or so. Come to Shanghai if you want your granddaughter (my hometown is 0/00km away from Shanghai/KLOC-).
3. From 75 to 85 years old, I call it weak activity period. If your body permits, you can walk around and have a look. It depends on your own nature.
It's dusk since the age of 85, and there are too many unpredictable things, so I won't elaborate here.
In order to realize our plan, we made some preparations. First, determine the way of providing for the aged. Our current pensions are generally with children; Go to a nursing home for the elderly; Home care for the elderly, etc. After repeated consideration, we choose to live at home for the aged.
Secondly, you have to have a home to support the elderly at home, so three years ago, I changed the room on the sixth floor of my hometown 107 flat into an elevator room with 120 flat, and posted 500,000 yuan. The renovation started this year, and it is estimated that it will cost about 400,000 yuan to ensure a warm home.
Third, prepare a pension. At present, our husband and wife's retirement salary is about100000 a year, and the savings plus a suite will become about1500000 now, which can guarantee the life after 85 years old.
These are some of my thoughts. I wonder if it is possible? Welcome everyone to discuss together.
This theme contains two elements:
1. After retirement;
Second, the only child.
The one-child phenomenon is a specific social phenomenon formed by China's national policy in a specific era. It is said that there have been more than 65.438+0.7 billion only children since the birth control program was not started in 1970s. Later, the only-child generation saw the distribution of college students and the reform of state-owned enterprises, and more than 40 million workers were laid off, which meant that all ages had to find their own way, so there was a great change in the times of "peacocks flying southeast" and "laid-off and reemployment". Now at that time, when the only child reaches middle age, it should be a connecting link at home and above the society! Moreover, most people, old and young, live in two places, so the developed coastal areas, especially the Pearl River Delta and the Yangtze River Delta, have a household registration policy for retired parents to take refuge in their children in different places.
China is a country with 5000 years of traditional culture, so family ties are particularly important in the social structure. Isn't there a saying that children are still children in the eyes of parents! This shows that in China, parents always have an endless heart for their children. There is a public service advertisement that everyone may be familiar with: a mother looks at the running child and says, "I will be relieved when you grow up"; When the child grows up, the mother has white hair on her temples, but she repeats to her grandson, "I will be relieved when you grow up." It tells us that as long as parents are still alive, they will always devote themselves to the lives of their sons, grandchildren and great-grandchildren! Therefore, most only-child parents will choose to move closer to the place where their children work and live.
Of course, when our children need someone to take care of the next generation when they are still in good health, we can "act as intimate nannies" or "free part-time workers" ... but we should be based on the starting point of keeping the country busy. After all, we and our children have different growth environments, different education, different ways of thinking and different problems to consider ... too many differences are doomed to the second generation. Therefore, we must put ourselves in a correct position and clearly realize that children have grown up, have independent personalities, have their own ideas, and have their own ways of dealing with people ... The second generation is the biggest taboo. Don't be unhappy because they think they are wishful thinking for their own good!
I think it is necessary for parents who are only children to move closer to their children after retirement! Because at this time, we left our jobs at a young age, and our children have to face the pressure of work, housing, feeding the next generation and so on. It is when we are still healthy that we can help them to lighten their burdens and enjoy family happiness! However, being close to each other does not mean "relying on". If possible, buy your own house near them to ensure that they have their own independent space to prevent the occurrence of "tongue-and-teeth" bites. Besides, as time goes on, we get old day by day, and one day we will need help. Who can we rely on besides children?
Finally, I wish everyone a family reunion and happiness.
Tell you two things I experienced personally!
Whether parents live with their children after retirement, this information contains two points, one is to live together after retirement!
So under these two premises, let me express my personal views:
Case ①:
I am a retired worker during my menstrual period, and my sister is the only girl in my family. My uncle died when my sister was 4 years old. After she got married, she gave birth to a child, and her mother helped her take care of the child. Now the boss is in the sixth grade, and the second is in the small class! They still live together now, and it's actually quite good to pick up the children and help with housework in the morning and evening! Let's go out for a short trip at the weekend. It was fun! As a teacher, I enjoy family happiness. As a young man, my parents are around, and I don't have to hang the old man's body. I live together and everything is very secure!
So I think parents should still live with their children after retirement!
Case 2:
Because I am a rural child, my parents are migrant workers! They have been working outside the home since I was very young. Every year, only during the Spring Festival can the family get together. After years of efforts by my parents, my family conditions have improved a lot, and my brother and I have grown up!
Married on October 20 1 16 10, pregnant at the end of February, and the baby was born on September 30, 20 18.
My mother came to my house at the end of August to take care of me, accompany me to live in the unit and take care of my daily life! When the baby is full moon, my father will also take care of Bao Xiao! The good life began.
When Bao Xiao was 4 months old, my father was born sick-esophageal cancer! Like a bolt from the blue, everyone fell into grief! Then we began a long road to seek medical treatment, even moving between our hometown and the hospital-radiotherapy and chemotherapy-surgery! The wound did not heal after the operation. My brother and I spent all our savings to see our father. God finally saw our filial piety and moved God. The wound healed 2 months after operation! I can finally go home to recuperate!
Now that I'm at work, everything is back to normal! Because of the epidemic, my parents were separated from their hometown in Hubei and could not go out of the province. Recently, the epidemic has eased, and it feels very happy to bring my parents to live together!
Parents have worked hard for us for the first half of their lives, and they should enjoy the life of "filial piety to their parents, children and grandchildren" in the second half! Old people are not our burden, not our "nanny" when we need help, and not the object to be abandoned after use!
I am the first generation of left-behind children in China, and my heart has always been missing-I lacked the company of my parents in my childhood! Therefore, I can understand that the elderly are old and want to have children to accompany them!
If you can treat your children with care and give half to your parents, then your parents will be very happy in their later years!
This is my personal experience, purely personal opinion, I don't like it!
My point is: there is only one child, so you must go with the child. But try not to live under the same roof. You can't live together without touching your teeth. His son and daughter don't care too much about what they say, but after all, there are daughter-in-law and son-in-law
I have been babysitting my daughter for several years, and the place where my daughter works is quite far from our home. I'm going to leave my family and go to her house to take care of the children. I find that cohabitation still has many disadvantages. For example, different living habits. I like going to bed early and getting up early. I feel sleepy around 8 pm, and I don't feel sleepy at 4 or 5 am. As for my daughter and son-in-law, I like to stay up late. Especially some work in the unit, sometimes I have to take it back to finish. I often wake up at eleven o'clock and people are still typing. In the morning, I cooked the meal and people were still sleeping. Sometimes the food is cold and I don't get up. I'm also afraid of disturbing others. I have to cook quietly in the morning for fear of making noise.
In terms of food, our habits are even more different. I like to buy food, fry it myself at home and stew it myself. I feel that eating like this is healthy and saves money. Daughters and sons-in-law often like to order takeout and go to restaurants. I don't like it. At first, I told them it was not good. Eating too much takeout will affect your health. That thing outside is delicious, but it is all heavy salt and heavy oil when it is processed. But people basically don't listen. I won't talk about it. I know that even if people don't say anything, they may be annoyed.
Living together has another disadvantage. In front of daughter-in-law, wife and daughter-in-law. Pay attention to your clothes. It feels casual. It's as hot as hell in summer. If you are in your own home, you can wear cold clothes and take a shower at any time. At the daughter's son's house?
If we have to look after the children, we can only make do with it. I don't care about children, but I still hope I can have a nest. It is best to be close to them and take care of each other. If you can take care of yourself, don't live under the same roof with them.
The joys and sorrows in the world are beyond our control. How much helplessness and helplessness are hidden outside the appearance of the scenery!
Whether parents should live with their children after retirement is determined by many factors, not by themselves or by their sons (or daughters).
Hunan's son, a teacher in the same unit, married a Hui daughter-in-law in Ningxia and worked in neighboring Guangxi. When he came home for the first time, his in-laws bought a cooker for his daughter-in-law to cook Hui meals alone. However, the daughter-in-law is not satisfied. She went back to work the day before New Year's Eve and never came again. Miraculously, the grandson kept his grandparents away. This National Day, the teacher and his wife went to Guizhou to play by car. 10 2 had a cerebral infarction, so they had to ask their colleagues to take it back. Now he is lying in the hospital and refuses to come back to see his son.
Neighbors' sons and daughters-in-law all graduated from prestigious schools and all have glamorous careers in Chengdu. Before marriage, I bought my own house, and after marriage, my son raised funds for welfare housing. Although the daughter-in-law is from the northeast, she is also an only child. As both sides are career-crazy, one daughter takes care of each other separately. On the first, second and third nights, her father accompanied her, and on the fourth, fifth and sixth nights, she came by turns on Sundays. Playing with grandparents during the day is completely different from buying food and cooking on a monthly basis, and no one is cheap. Every time I go back to Hunan, when I talk about the current situation of life, my female neighbors are full of tears, but my male neighbors are silent.
My wife has retired, and I still have three years. Generally speaking, the daughter-in-law is considerate, and her grandson, who is under one year old, is cute and cute, and she was taken to her parents in Changsha, the provincial capital. During the holiday, I spent a lot of time in my hometown, and I am going to decorate my house in my hometown in the country when I retire, which is two hours' drive from my son. Now I am their buyer and transportation captain, and local fresh fruits such as chicken, duck, meat and eggs are supplied on time. But one thing, I just want to be healthy and make my own decisions after retirement. When the housing price in Changsha was low a few years ago, I bought my own house, not far from my son's current residence. Once I can't help it, I will arrange it with them.
Our daughter and I have lived in Shanghai for nearly eight years. In these eight years, my grandson has been taken care of by my husband and wife from birth to the first grade of primary school. Although we worked hard, we also gained a lot of happiness. In recent years, we have also visited many cities and villages in China and traveled to many countries. Our in-laws are from Shanghai and our son-in-law is from Shanghai. We have a two-month holiday every year. The first half of the year is from May 1 day to June 1 day. The second half of the year is from October 1st to November 1st. During the holidays, my in-laws will take care of these dolls. We have been traveling for the past two months, writing many travel articles about One Happy and Fifty and shooting hundreds of travel videos. The life and health of the whole family have been well guaranteed. We bought a new house of 100 square meter in the suburbs. We all stay at home during holidays. We usually live in our daughter's house with dolls. We take more care of them in life, and the children work with peace of mind. Although we didn't work outside, it lightened the burden of children's family work. This one is good. Every weekend, my in-laws get together with us, and the dolls are taken to class by my husband and mother. Our elder is in charge of Chinese food and two families. In a word, we are still very satisfied.