Choose breastfeeding or breast milk? Do you choose to kick your husband out of the bedroom or take turns on the night shift? Choose to return to the family or stick to the workplace? Choose to throw the baby to the elderly or bear it yourself?
Choose more toys or more companies? Choose to reject all the parties or take the baby?
Choose to go to the mother group to complain or take the baby as a "pit"? Do (working mothers) choose to say "please be a mother's understanding and forgiveness" or "don't worry about my work, I will do it well"? Choose to have another child or "don't mention the second child, I am in a hurry with you"?
......
And the most important choice: choose to give it all to Eva's life, or continue to have yourself?
If you are a mother, you must understand.
For me, looking back many years later, countless choices, large and small, have mostly become trivial things I have experienced, and this last question is a life experience that has accompanied me for more than seven years-you can also say that it is also a problem that many women still flinch from "becoming a mother":
This is also the question that the documentary director threw at our six mothers.
Single mother, painter's mother, entrepreneur's mother, beautician's mother, editor-in-chief's mother, and six female friends gave their own answers because of their mother's identity.
Their stories are different, but they all voted for the multiple-choice question "Is there a self?" .
They played the game Who's Undercover in a live broadcast room made of a huge engine and Junlebao milk powder. For busy mothers, it is three hours to forget their children temporarily, and it is three hours for six mothers to really give themselves to the camera.
Yes, being a mother helped me find my true self.
If I travel back to the spring of 20 14 and the pregnancy test reminds me that "you won the lottery", I will choose to say to myself at that time: thank you for making this decision and becoming a mother.
On the way to becoming a mother, there are tears and distress, despair and collapse, and even women's life skills have improved and they have a deeper understanding of themselves.
Being a mother, let me put more and more buff on my body-
For example, I used to be impatient, because I had to take care of others, and I realized like looking in the mirror that "urgency" would hurt people and myself when it was serious. I learned to observe and wait, and my mind was stable;
For example, adjusting living habits and eating vegetarian coarse grains with my children's elders gave me a better stomach than when I was a child, and also gave my children a healthy body;
When I get along with my son, I will hone my mind, enlarge my gentle and tolerant side, and let me learn how to change from "mutual love" to "complementarity" with my teammates.
Miraculously, I have the ability to talk to ta with the mentality that children can grow old when they grow up. ......
Unexpectedly, these trainings also benefited me a lot in the workplace environment. You see, two new lives have inspired me to be a better woman. What is more important than settling down?
Yang Xuan, the protagonist of the documentary "It's Mom, It's Yourself", the editor-in-chief of Titanium Media and the second child mother.
At the recording scene of Aha video documentary, in my opening remarks, I not only introduced "I am the mother of two children", but also touched the producer "I realized countless times that I am going to grow up again". Thank the director for choosing this sentence to represent me.
The other five mothers on the same stage with me are not only "so-and-so mothers", but also themselves.
Jojo, born in 1980s, is a mother of two children like me. In this game of showing personality, I was deeply moved by her calm and decisive breath. This beautiful story is her understanding of the nature of female growth.
After becoming the mother of the second child, Jojo faced the beginning of her first entrepreneurial project. She used to be an executive of an Internet company, and was repeatedly advised by her family to "return to the family", so she "resisted" for many years and stuck to the workplace-until she gave birth to Bauer, she began to loosen up slowly.
Do you want to press the pause button and go back to the role of mother to take Bauer?
"I thought I would come back to accompany Bauer for three years. After three years, I will go to kindergarten. I will consider whether to go out to work again. As a result, when I was struggling, I caught up with the COVID-19 epidemic in 2020-that is to say, I experienced an unprecedented situation-I really didn't have a job and no company to support me; I am a social person and can't stay at home, so I can't stay at home full-time for two months ... I must find something for myself to do and let me feel my value. "
The heroine of "It's Mom, It's Yourself" is quite beautiful, a 38-year-old entrepreneur and a second-child mother.
Jojo believes that the most critical indicator of women's independence is a kind of "optional ability", especially after becoming a wife, mother, daughter, business partner and entrepreneur.
In China's family culture, many times, this ability needs to be won by oneself-Jojo said in an interview that once her family feels that she doesn't need to make money, it is best to go home and take care of her baby. "I feel that I have been resisting (the wishes of my family) for several years."
The difficulty of being a mother really doesn't lie in having children to occupy your life. The difficulty is not external, but whether you can face the challenge of yourself: how do you become yourself?
Jojo's "resistance" is actually based on his own understanding; However, more mothers, after becoming mothers, still don't know themselves enough. What are your "needs" and "wants"? Sometimes, this may be a more important question than "what do children want".
How can a motsheng answer this question to finally guide his life?
If the pretty story touches people's hearts because of her persistence, what kind of life and "mother life" will those mothers who give up their careers experience more widely?
By my side, there are also girlfriends who have encountered the same self-worth confusion as "full-time mothers". I remembered the story of Xiaoyu.
Once in the traditional culture class, I met a lovely girl, Xiao Yu, who had just been a novice mother for more than a year, and chose to study traditional culture in confusion.
After years of higher education, she successfully worked in an international school after graduation ... Xiaoyu is a typical woman with excellent family background and academic qualifications. But unlike Jojo in the documentary, when she was about to become a mother, Xiaoyu made her own choice: to leave the workplace and be a full-time mother.
After becoming a full-time mother, she experienced the pressure of identity change, family complaints and dissatisfaction, as well as the troubles and losses caused by daily chores, thus falling into self-doubt about her own value identity. At that time, she said one of the most touching words to me:
"My hands are born to play the piano. Are they just used to do these (housework) all day? "
After she finished the story, I couldn't help walking over to get to know her. "I really just want to hug you." I really hugged her.
Because this represents the dilemma faced by many young mothers in China: What kind of marriage and family do I want? What kind of person do I want to be? How can I find myself?
No matter how you choose, having children or not, stay-at-home mothers or working mothers will face the same growing confusion. This hurdle can only be crossed by yourself.
(Excerpted from Xiao Yu's oral article)
I sang a lot with Bonnie, another mother in the film.
Bonnie and her husband raised a boy, and the whole family once faced the challenge of child stunting. No one can imagine the hardships she experienced, but as a mother, she fully accepted her children with love and made great patience and efforts. At present, the 9-year-old boy is warm and firm, and his state is particularly good.
"Children are teammates who join this family." Realizing this, Tutu spent a lot of time and took many detours. She once wished that she was a "superman", that everything was perfect, and that her children could grow up like normal children. It is in this desire that the rabbit ignores himself.
She has a persistent hope to turn her child into a "normal" boy, just like everyone else. She took the child to play with toys, but the child didn't want to, and kept making strange expressions and shouting "Mom" to show her refusal.
At this moment, she suddenly realized that in fact, in this process, she was bound by the framework of "good mother".
"I am too swayed by considerations of gain and loss, hoping to be affirmed by others, but I haven't found my true inner self yet, and I forgot to understand my child's feelings." Cloth rabbit said in the documentary.
Tutu, the protagonist of Mom, Be More Yourself, is a 4 1 year-old painter.
Later, she not only accepted the child, but also accepted herself. After opening the shackles of "perfection", Tutu discovered that there are all kinds of possibilities in this world. In this process, every family member began to reorganize themselves and found a way to get along with their children, and every family became calm and stable.
This home is so sweet.
"Fall in love with the joy of growth and fall in love with better choices." The lyrics of the documentary ending song "Falling in Love with Jade" perfectly explain the touching stories and outlook on life of mothers.
Still my sentence: whether you are a mother or not, you have to grow up. I remember a generation of screenwriter Xu Haofeng once said, "Most women in China will wake up at some point and realize their mission and responsibility."
Women in the new era are fulfilling their mission by being mothers and discovering their inner strength. Being a mother will not lose yourself, but will help you become your own door. (This article is the first official account of WeChat WeChat "Post-Slow Support"; Thanks to Aha video for providing interview materials)