Mom asked Jerry to tell what had happened, but realized that Jerry needed time to calm down. Enlightening questions, waiting for a calmer moment. )

2. Give Rui a comforting hug. Establish emotional connection first, and then correct behavior. )

Mom recognized Jerry's feelings instead of telling him that he shouldn't have them.

Mom's feelings are not important, but his behavior is not always right. Don't hurt yourself or damage the table. )

Mom first asked Jerry if there was any way to solve this problem. When he couldn't figure out a way, his mother asked her if she would like to hear her thoughts. (enlightening questions. )

6. Mom continued to involve Jerry in solving problems, asking him some questions that could make him think and let him express his thoughts.

7. Mom is teaching Jerry to comfort himself. Active suspension is a completely different method of self-consolation from punitive suspension. The purpose of active suspension is to help the child "feel" better (calm down) so that he can "do" better. Punitive suspension will make children feel worse. Where do we get a crazy idea-in order to make children do better, we must first make them feel worse?

8. Mom knows how important it is for Jerry to participate in establishing his own positive pause angle, which can make him feel that this place is "his own" and help him feel that he is very capable.

9. Mom helps Jerry understand his feelings and body signals.

10. Mom didn't take Jerry to take the initiative to stop the corner, but he went by himself, because she has helped him learn self-control and self-discipline-an important step to help him form a belief in his ability.

1 1. This story illustrates the importance of "establishing emotional connection before correcting behavior" and "focusing on solving problems".

12. Active pause need not always be so complicated. Most parents don't want to paint their walls black. However, it is important to involve children in establishing their own positive pause angle. This can be as simple as putting some cushions, filling animal toys, or even playing a piece of light music-anything a child chooses.

13. It is very important for children to give this special place a name, which can make them feel that this place is "their own". Some children call it "Cool Corner", "Special Zone", "Good Place", "Hawaii" and even "Spark".

14. Don't forget to set an example for your child and make a positive pause when necessary. "I feel very angry and need to stay in my special place for a while until I feel better."