In the past, people always thought that "it is difficult for honest officials to break housework", and it is not convenient for outsiders to intervene when couples quarrel. Under the protection of this old concept, the problem of domestic violence is becoming more and more serious. Twenty years ago, the TV series "Don't Talk to Strangers" became an instant hit, making domestic violence a public topic overnight. This drama has made a positive contribution to the popularization of domestic violence legal issues. Since then, more and more people in China have begun to face up to the phenomenon of domestic violence. It is found that domestic violence is not only a family problem, but also involves social and legal aspects. It may lead to litigation.
In America, there are also works of art that reflect domestic violence. The novel Lily's Choice is the masterpiece of this theme. It tells how domestic violence has profoundly affected the fate of an ordinary mother and daughter for decades.
Colleen Hoover is the author of this book. Born in 1979, she is a best-selling author in The New York Times and a popular writer in the United States. Although she is young, she has a lot of works. He has published 1 1 novels, including After Leaving Sorrow and When Retreating. In Lily's Choice, some contents are Colleen's own childhood experiences. This book is called her "cone heart" work, which shows how much effort has been spent. There is always a reward for giving. This book won the "Reader's Choice Award" in the United States, with more than 65,438+million comments. On Amazon alone, there are nearly 4000 comments.
Lily, the protagonist of the novel, has grown from a little girl of 15 to a young woman of 23 years old. She has gone through two love periods, one is the unforgettable first love, and the other is the unpredictable love. Both men loved her deeply and gave her two different love experiences. This made her begin to reflect on the impact of domestic violence on herself and what true love is like. The novel adopts the form of interweaving reality and memory, with two emotional lines side by side, connecting the emotional life of Lily's mother and daughter in series.
Love of ice and fire VS long-term love
At the beginning of the book, Lily, who graduated from college, went to Boston to work alone. She felt both excited and lonely. In the evening, she came to the rooftop of the apartment building to see the scenery. At this moment, a young man who claimed to be Lyle Kincaid came up to strike up a conversation. He is a neurosurgeon. Lyle and Lily talked about life, feelings and eight things. To tell the truth, they talked quite deeply. Finally, he said bluntly that he wanted to have a one-night stand with Lily.
It is said that men are not bad and women don't love them. No, Lily was deeply attracted by Lyle's dissolute appearance and straightforward words. She is not a casual person, but she can't resist Lyle's male charm. Just when she almost nodded yes, the mobile phone rang and the phone called Lyle back to the operating room. Before leaving, the two were reluctant to part.
After working in a marketing company in Boston for several months, Lily decided to quit her job and start a business. She opened a flower shop, and Lyle came on the first day. I have to say, this guy is a master of love. Under his fierce attack, Lily became his girlfriend. The relationship between the two is getting closer and closer, and it has reached the stage of talking about marriage. At this time, a "missile" came at Lily without warning and caught her off guard.
One day, while using the microwave oven, Lyle burned his hand on a hot plate. Lily smiled when she saw his clumsy appearance. Unexpectedly, angry Lyle suddenly raised her elbow, and Lily fell to the ground with her eyes broken. Lyle did it on purpose. Afterwards, he sincerely apologized to Lily, and Lily accepted it, but warned him that if he dared to hit anyone again, he would break up with him. However, Lily doesn't know that hitting people is a habit, which doesn't mean that it can be changed. Then two small things happened one after another. Lyle took advantage of the topic and gave Lily a good beating. When he finally clenched his fist, Lily's love for him disappeared with the clenched fist. She can't love this man anymore. How did Ren Lyle apologize? Lily never looked back. She knows very well that the thinking mode of "domestic violence-apology-domestic violence-apology again" has been engraved in men's bones. Dogs can't change eating shit, and Lyle can't change punching.
Just when Lily was most confused and helpless, another man appeared in her life. This man's name is Atlas, and he is the owner of an upscale restaurant. Actually, Lily and Atlas go way back. Nine years ago, when Lily 15 years old, she met Atlas, who was still a waif. Atlas had just turned 18 years old at that time. Lily sympathizes with what happened to Atlas. She often secretly takes Atlas home, gives him food and drinks, and plays with him. Atlas is very grateful to Lily. Soon, Atlas went to his uncle's house (my uncle lives in Boston), then joined the Marine Corps and retired to Boston. He and Lily haven't contacted for nine years, and they meet again, which is very affectionate.
Atlas and Lily have a lot in common, for example, both have been abused by domestic violence, both have serious childhood shadows, both love to watch Ellen Show, and both are full of hope for life. The experience of street children is the lowest point in Atlas's life, and Lily's selflessness helped him tide over the difficulties. Nine years later, when Lily was at a loss, he did not hesitate to step forward and help her out of trouble. Their love reminds people of the story of little Forrest Gump and little Jenny in Forrest Gump. I still remember little Jenny dragging little Forrest Gump into the cornfield, and little Jenny knelt on the ground and begged God for mercy. That scene deeply touched the audience and earned enough tears.
Contrary to Laermann's seduction routine, Atlas's love for Lily is deep and reserved, and he never shows off. More often, he chooses to guard Lily silently. Once Lily is in danger, he will not hesitate to rush to protect her. For Lily's happiness, he is willing to hide his love. After leaving Lyle, Lily decided to spend the rest of her life with Atlas after careful consideration. At this time, Atlas had already got rid of the inferiority complex when he was young, and now he has a successful career and good looks. He embraced Lily with open arms, knowing that Lily was the love of his life.
Did you find it? Lyle's love is ice and fire, and Atlas's love is endless. So, what is true love like? American psychologist Robert Robert Jeffrey Sternberg believes that the foundation of true love is intimacy and commitment. This coincides with the love between Lily and Atlas. They are not only sympathetic, but tolerant, encouraging each other and making progress together. Looking at Lyle's love for Lily, it is more intimate and passionate. Romance is romance, which is superficial after all. This kind of love can't last long.
Childhood shadows tirelessly "destroy" people.
The three protagonists in the novel are actually victims.
Let's start with Lily. Lily comes from an unhappy family. Her father is very violent and often hits people. Lily witnessed her father beating several times, including her mother and Atlas. Lily was so shocked that she was even sent to the hospital because of excessive panic. Because of this, Lily hates her father's guts. After his death, she felt relieved instead of sad. Many years later, Lyle was rough with Lily, which evoked painful memories of Lily's childhood. She suddenly returned to 15 from the age of 23 and became that helpless little girl again. As a victim of domestic violence, Lily hates domestic violence more than anyone else. So after giving Lyle two chances, when Lyle did it for the third time, Lily broke up without hesitation, cleanly and thoroughly.
Look at Atlas again. He grew up with his mother and never met his father. Later, his mother remarried, his stepfather beat and scolded him, and he was driven out of the house and lived on the streets. At that time, but for Lily's help, he would have committed suicide. It was Lily who gave him the courage to live and let him stand up again until he finally realized the counterattack of life. It can be said that Atlas is a model of self-improvement. From him, people see the meaning of struggle. It doesn't matter whether a person was born in a bad place or in a bad environment. As long as he doesn't give up and is willing to struggle, he will eventually have a chance to realize his dream.
Of the three people, Lyle is the most pitiful. He has never suffered from domestic violence, but his childhood shadow is heavier than the first two. At the age of six, he mistakenly used a pistol as a toy and killed his younger brother (I admire the author's brain hole here, and it is time for the United States to control guns). He lived in deep guilt for the rest of his life. Seeing death since childhood made him experience extreme pain, and then refused to give the truth easily. He became a bohemian, who only loved one-night stands and refused any emotional input. Lily is the only woman who makes him really want to get married. At the end of the story, Lyle's ending is not explained, but it is conceivable that if he does not make a deep reflection, the tragedy is likely to be staged on him again.
Freud, a famous psychologist, believes that childhood experiences have a far-reaching impact on a person. According to him, we can almost infer that Lily's father was probably the victim of domestic violence when he was a child. They are all poor people.
A marriage without dignity is worthless.
The protagonist of this story is Lily, but two other people are also important, that is, Lily's parents.
Lily's father was already dead as soon as he appeared. In the whole story, he is a hidden line and plays an important role in the lingering ghost. As the saying goes, a gentleman talks but doesn't do it. And this father, however, likes to do it. If he doesn't agree with a word, he will fight to see who is unhappy. His occupation is not written in the book, but judging from the few words he revealed when he beat his wife, he should be a coolie. It is because he has not been respected by outsiders all the year round that he poured his grievances on his relatives. His wife and daughter are his punching bag. The more resentful he is, the harder it is to do it. Lily's father punished himself and his relatives with other people's mistakes. It's really sad
Lily's mother is weak, and in the face of domestic violence, she forbeares all the year round and dares not resist. Not only did she not resist herself, but after being beaten by her father in Sayuri, she made Sayuri endure it and lied to the doctor that she had beaten herself. Lily's mother loves face so much that she would rather be wronged than expose her dirty laundry. The result of doing this is to use your great youth as a sandbag for others to practice. Although the marriage failed, in order to save face, Lily's mother didn't choose to divorce, but gnashed her teeth, swallowed the humiliation and dragged out an ignoble existence. When Lily took Lyle to see her, she was really happy that her daughter had found a good family. Unexpectedly, this man is another Lily's father. Later, when Lily told her about her decision to break up with Lyle, she also understood very well and stood firmly on her daughter's side, sincerely thanking her daughter for her hard work.
At the beginning of the novel, the relationship between mother and daughter is not good. Since childhood, Lily has always regarded her mother as a negative example, always reminding herself not to follow her mother's old path (for fear of being resisted by domestic violence). With the change of Lily's feelings, the mother and daughter got closer and closer, and finally the two sides cleared up their differences and really became a family. Maybe even Lily herself didn't expect that she not only saved herself, but also saved her mother and gave her a new life.
Lily's two love trips can give us a lot of enlightenment: what is true love: flowers? A ring? Gourmet? Promise? ..... no, those are foreign bodies. True love must be mutual respect and love based on respect. Without respect, giving a golden mountain is also a cage. This kind of "love" is too cheap!
O 'Connor, an American writer, has a novel called Saving Others is Saving Yourself. After reading Lily's choice, I can't help but think of the mantra of these seven words: save, people, just, yes, save, self, self. In the process of finding love, Lily has grown from an ignorant girl to a strong woman. She finally understood that true love is not a dry fire, but an understanding and tolerance between two souls. Finally, she not only found true love, but also saved her mother. Both mother and daughter have achieved self-esteem and self-improvement and have a brand-new life.
Lily's English name is It ends with us, which means it's over between us. Yes, sometimes the end is the beginning of a better life.
The topic of domestic violence seems endless. Both the hitter and the victim in domestic violence are losers. A few years ago, Li Yang, the founder of Crazy English, was notorious for his wife's domestic violence. Domestic violence has seriously affected Li Yang's career development. Since then, "Crazy English" has been raging all the way on the mountain road. How many people still remember him today?
Some people may say: I am a man and can't be abused. It's too early to say this. In our country, there are other ways besides husbands beating their wives. There have been media reports that after the husband was beaten by his wife, there was no way to sue and he had to turn to the local women's Federation for protection. Look, domestic violence is domestic violence. Neither man nor woman will suffer, but everyone will suffer. Fortunately, on March 20 16 1, China officially promulgated the Domestic Violence Law of People's Republic of China (PRC). With legal protection, I believe that domestic violence will gradually decrease in the future.
Of course, in domestic violence, the person who is most to blame is the hitter, but there are always two sides to everything. Suppose one day you are abused/humiliated, can you blame each other? Not necessarily. There is a concept in psychology called "metacognition", which is to deduce the reasons from the results. If you are insulted/humiliated, you should not only bow your head and wipe your tears, but also reflect: Why should the other person insult/humiliate you? Did you give the other party such an opportunity first, and let Ta dare to treat you unscrupulously? What can you do next time to avoid being treated like this? After this profound reflection, you will get great spiritual growth like a lily.
In life, everyone has the right to choose. In the face of suffering, some people bite their teeth and forbear, some people give up on themselves, some people habitually take it out on others ... and some people constantly reflect and strive for self-improvement, and finally overcome suffering with a strong heart and usher in the spring of life.
Now, have you decided what kind of person you want to be?
PS: praise the other highlights of this book: a cover: dignified and atmospheric, with texture (like this cover design); Second translation: lively, interesting and grounded (amused by this translation several times).
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